How I'm Spending My Tax Return

A couple of days ago I had my taxes done and found out just how much the federal government loves me.  I'm not going to say specifically what my federal tax return is, but it is more than what my usual paycheck is.  Since I found out how much the federal government loves me, I've been thinking of ways to spend my tax return.

I've contemplated buying a new iPad.  The only reason I have to buy a new iPad is that they now sell one with a storage capacity of 128 GB.  While I could spend my new found money on something completely frivolous, I don't want to go to that extreme.

A couple years ago I took a vacation to Las Vegas.  I didn't do anything really substantive, other than see a couple of shows and bet on the Red Sox.  I could go take another vacation, but, if I'm going to go on a vacation I'd rather go to Los Angeles and see Conan.

Oh yeah, that Project Buy A House thing.  Yeah, I guess I should be continuing to be a responsible adult and continue on my epically long quest to buy my own home.  I guess I should continue to go after what has been a long held goal of mine, because that's what real adults do.  After all, what other adult thing can I go after that will give me a level of satisfaction that only adults can understand.

The World's First 'Sexual Home Appliance' Will Haunt Your Dreams

That's it, I'm spending my tax return on a sex toy.  And, with the money I have left over, I can still buy a new iPad.  Oh joy!

Let's Go Exploring

I've pretty much spent the day staring at this poster for Stripped, a documentary about comic strip writers that was funded on Kickstarter.  The poster features art from Bill Watterson, and if you don't know who that is you are dead to me.  Stripped is currently available for pre-order on iTunes, but the documentary about the reclusive artist behind Calvin and Hobbes, Dear Mr. Watterson, is available now.  Go and enjoy.  Meanwhile, I'm going tobogganing.

Last Action Hero In Jail

Yesterday, John McTiernan, the director behind such film as Die Hard and Predator pictured above, was released from jail.  It was reported that Mr. McTiernan was in jail in relation to charges of misrepresentation and witness intimidation.  The case against John McTiernan is a long and convoluted one involving many appeals and lots of detail that are difficult to explain.  However, as it turns out, the complicated nature of the reported case against John McTiernan may be masking the real reason this man went to jail.  Sources inside the Justice Department have revealed to this publication that John McTiernan may have actually gone to jail for his involvement in the movie Last Action Hero.

Last Action Hero is an action movie made in 1993 starring Arnold Schwarzenegger.  The movie was went with near universal criticism, earning six Golden Raspberry nominations, including one for Worst Director for John McTiernan.  As it turns out that nomination may have had more wide ranging repercussions than just legitimizing public scorn.  According to a leaked document, which can be viewed at this link, John McTiernan was charged in US Federal court with the Reckless Production Of Subgrade Cinema.  This charge was kept secret due to concerns about such a charge would raise concerns over censorship by the Federal Government.  For thirteen years Mr. McTiernan fought the charges against him, but the evidence the federal prosecutors had, in the form of Last Action Hero, was too much.  When he was convicted, federal prosecutors had to create a reason why John McTiernan was being put in jail that, again, didn't arouse fears about censorship.  Hence the long and convoluted misrepresentation and witness tampering story.

John McTiernan, pictured above moments after his release, is expected to return to making movies soon.  After all, Schwarzenegger is working again.

How Scott Walker Eats With His Butt

There's a classic episode of South Park called "How To Eat With Your Butt".  This episode features two characters who suffer from a condition called "torsonic polarity syndrome" or "TPS".  The result of this condition is that these two characters appear to have buttocks where their heads should be.

The episode contains many sight and auditory gags that play into the absurd notion of a person having a butt where their heads should be, as well as the common everyday occurrences that might be complicated if a person suffered from such a condition.  While I am a big fan of South Park and think about various jokes, references, and statements made throughout the history of the show, I have been thinking about the episode featuring the people who have buttocks where their heads should be most especially in the past week.

Ever since Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker made his debut on the national stage in 2011, I have thought that Governor Walker might also suffer from the condition that the people in "How To Eat With Your Butt" suffer from.  I have thought, legitimately, that Scott Walker suffers from torsonic polarity syndrome.  I have thought that Scott Walker has buttocks where his head should be.  This is a thought that I've had about Scott Walker when I see pictures of him, read stories about his, and even when he makes appearances on television.  So, it's no surprise to me that these thoughts about Scott Walker have hit me especially hard as I read this story:

Wisconsin's Dumb Governor May Have Fired a Doctor for Modeling Thongs

Suggestions From PacSun

It has been reported that American Apparel has been having some financial problems as of late.  The retail chain recently sought restructuring advice from a prominent corporate law firm, the news of which sent American Apparel's stock tumbling.  Now, I'm not some sort of business expert, in fact, I failed the one and only business class I took in college, but I do have an idea about how to American Apparel's bottom line:  Piss off conservatives.

A story making the rounds last week was one of Judy Cox, who bought the entire stock of a certain line of t-shirts from one PacSun retail store, t-shirts that she thought was pornographic.  There have been many different reactions to this story.  My reaction was "I wanna buy some of this thing that other people think if not right for me."  I am not alone in this.  There are several cases of people who said on twitter that they had bought some of Van Styles's apparel, referencing the Judy Cox story as they did so.  Why can't American Apparel do the same?  It wouldn't take much for American Apparel to do it.

Have you never seen a merkin on a mannequin before?  American Apparel

Is that a 62 year old lingerie model?  American Apparel

Is that Eastern European pornography?  American Apparel

See, it's that easy.  Now to sit back and wait for another example of controversy creating cash.

St. Louis Cardinals 2014 Season Projections

With Spring Training beginning to ramp up, many baseball fans can feel the 2014 Major League Baseball season fast approaching.  There are many storylines coming into the new season: Will the Boston Red Sox be able to recreate the success of last year?  Will the moves made by the New York Yankess bring them back to the playoffs?  Will the addition of Robinson Cano lead the Seattle Mariners back to the top of the AL West?  And, will the grand experiment of infusing the payroll with a fuckton of cash finally pay off for the Los Angeles Dodgers.  While I will be following all of these storylines in a passive manner, my personal area of focus will be on the St. Louis Cardinals.

The venerated franchise, who over their history have won eleven World Series championships, went 97-65 last season, finishing first in the NL Central and losing to the Red Sox in the World Series.  While many franchises may see such a season as highly successful, such a season is seen as a disappointment to the Cardinals due to their two World Series championships since 2006.

Pitching has always been an area of focus for the St. Louis Cardinals, and, with the naming of Adam Wainwright as their opening day starter, the Cardinals look to have a solid rotation going into the season with the continues ascensions of Michael Wacha and Carlos Martinez.

With the front office actively working to make the entire organization better, and Matt Carpenter looking like he's returning to form, it looks like the St. Louis Cardinals are poised to make another run at a World Series championship.  If no major long term injuries plague this team, and they keep their focus, success is all but assured for this franchise.  Focus, however, may be a problem due to the Cardinals recent foray into social issues, specifically the contentious issue of how religions handle divorce.

Project Buy A Fashionable House

I've hit a few speed bumps in my pursuit of Project Buy A House due to some recent medical bills in connection to having a pair of teeth ripped out of my head.  I am still dedicated to buying my own home, and as such I am still looking for clues as to how to furnish, accessorize, and otherwise bedazzle my future home.  New York Fashion Week is going on.  Due to this I have seen read many articles on many various websites having to do with fashion, stylish ways of life, and other things that I would otherwise never encounter due to me living in a place where such things are seen as threats to the public.

One of these articles has to do with the New York apartment owned by Karlie Kloss, a Victoria's Secret model pictured above.  Hillary Crosley, a writer for Jezebel, recently posted an article about an article written for The Front Row View.  In the article about another article, Miss Crosley derides the style exhibited in the pictures of Miss Kloss's apartment, saying: 

"The only problem is — and no, I don’t know much about 21-year-old Karlie — but photos from this place look like the apartment belongs to a 40 year old.

There are pieces, like the gold circular fan wall fixture or the fur covered vanity stool, that look like they are extras from Dynasty. Even the living room looks like I should refer to it as the sitting room, what with the fur throw, glass table with gold legs and a chair that looks like it has wings?"

While it can be tough to say what exactly Miss Crosley is objecting to, due to the blog post she references having been taken down, I don't see a problem in the pictures provided in the article about the article.  Sure the accessories may be a little too garish for my taste, but I'm broke.  If I actually had money I'm sure I'd accessorize everything I had control of in a more garish fashion.  Besides, who's to say that this is actually an exhibition of Karlie Kloss's style.  This may be a case of an interior designer gone amok.  Besides, as Miss Kloss is quoted as saying:

"As models, we're dressed in everyone else's design, but this is my space. It's definitely an opportunity for me to learn who I am."

Yes, this is an experiment, she's still learning what kinds of things actually suit her.  She could junk this all tommorrow and leave old pizza boxes and leftover concert tickets strewn about as a kind of 24/7 performance art piece.

Uh oh.  I really don't have a ending or a summarizing statement for this piece.  Hey look, a kittie!

I Choose The Later

I'm not well acquainted with business tactics.  As a matter of fact, I failed the only business class I took in college.  I'm also not well acquainted with negotiating tactics, but I do know this: In order to be successful in any negotiation you need to provide a counteroffer that, while not completely what the other side is offering, is at least within the realm of what the other side might want.  That way the other side can counteroffer with something closer to what you want, then you go back and forth untill both sides reach a conclusion that is mutually acceptable.  You may not get exactly what you want, but, by going forward with this strategy, you can make progress toward that goal.

Mass Killer Threatens Hunger Strike for Bigger Gym, Newer Playstation

"In a letter sent to The Associated Press and other media, Breivik writes that the hunger strike would continue until his demands are met or he dies."

Okay, I choose the later.

Leporiphobia

As a person who openly admits to suffering from cynophobia, I can understand the plight of people who suffer from leporiphobia, the psychological term for fear of rabbits.  I know it's not a rational fear, but the fear is nonetheless arresting and all consuming.  Sure people may mock people who suffer from leporiphobia for fearing something soft and cute, but those are the kind of people who lack compassion for their fellow human beings.  Also, those people suck.  I stand by my brothers who also have illogical animal fears ad vow to never post anything on my blog that might set off someone's bunny based phobia.


Oops.

Now You Tell Me

Many of us have been in the situation where we've spent the entire weekend working on a paper in a library. You've spent a great deal of time researching, tracking down essays and articles, sifting through mountains of scholarly journals, wading through a seemingly endless supply of dust covered textbooks, thoroughly digging and digging and digging around for sources to prove your point.  Then, finally, you find the four or five good reliable sources that you were looking so hard for.  You write your paper, turn it in, and feel this overwhelming sense of accomplishment.  Then a couple of months or weeks or even days go by, and you happen upon an article that does more to prove your point than the sources in your paper do combined.  In that moment you, exasperated at what you just found, cry out, "WHERE THE FUCK WERE YOU WHEN I NEEDED YOU!!!"

I wonder if Miranda Barbour would say that after seeing the graphic posted above.

Today Is A Great Day

Today is a great day because...

De La Soul is running what they're calling a Valentine's Day Promo.  Today, and only today, all of De La Soul's music is available legitimately for free.  Just click this link, follow the instructions, and enjoy!

Here Are A Series Of Posed Photographs

There are certain assumptions that you can make when you see a photograph of someone.  Increasingly one of those assumptions you can make is that the photograph is not an accurate representation of reality.  Between photoshopping, airbrushing, and other artistic techniques, fiddling with photos, both before and after the photo is taken, has become as integral of a part of the photography process as film used to be.  One of these techniques of staging.

We've all seen photos where the entire family gathers around one or more older members of the family and flashes their biggest and brightest smiles while all looking in the same general direction.  Do any of us think that this happens naturally?  No!  Photos like this are entirely staged so that they look their best.  We all know this, but some people insist on reading more into these photos that that.  Perhaps it is the cynic in me, but I am not one of them.  Perhaps it is the cynic in me, but I always think photographs are staged in one way or another.

So why do I have such a big problem with this?  Yes these pictures are contrived, I knew that when I clicked on the story.  These series of pictures are entirely staged, the colour is entirely taken away, and even the clothing choices, or lack of clothing choices, are suspect.  So who do I have such a big problem with this?  I believe it is the setting.  To me, the bedroom is a place where I can escape to when I want to reach absolute solitude.  To me, the bedroom is not just a place where I can rest, it is a place where I can be alone, and for someone to invade that offends me.  I know not everyone feels this way, but this is an extension of how I approach the world.  If I feel that doing something is really messed up, it would be fucked up for me to do that same thing.  If I don't want someone to invade my personal private space, then I need to treat other people's personal private spaces the same way.  So, even though it is entirely staged and contrived, I don't feel right seeing pictures of celebrities in their bedrooms.

Also, who the fuck wears a leather jacket to bed?

Gaming While High

This morning I had another dental procedure.  This cleaning and extraction went considerably more smoothly than the wisdom tooth surgery I had back in November, but still I took the day off of work just in case.  I'm home now, my face is still numb, and I feel kind of giddy.  I've never really been high before, but if it's anything like this being high is awesome!

So now I'm home and I have nothing to do all day and I'm high.  I wonder if there's any games that are perfectly suited for just such a situation.

Great!  All I need now is a computer than can play awesome PC games, unfortunately all I have is this computer:

Darn.

Watching People Enjoying Themselves

As I stated earlier, I am not watching the Winter Olympics currently going on due to Russia's stance on homosexuality and their frequent statement equating homosexuality with pedophilia.  To this point I have kept up my vow and I do not think that there is anything that could sway me otherwise.

Okay, when are the luge events on?  Kate Hansen looks like she's having so much fun that I want to watch her enjoying herself.

This Is Why I Don't Trust Cute Things

I've made no secret of the fact that I have cynophobia, but this video takes it to a whole new level.  Corgis are the kind of dog that people think are insufferably cute, seeming bred to be so.  However, in this video we see these insufferably cute creatures attacking things for seemingly no purpose or reason.  This makes me rethink other things that people think are insufferably cute.

Behold, another potential threat.

Mark Prior Releases Statement About Minimum Wage

On Thursday, former major league pitcher Mark Prior, pictures above, released a statement criticizing President Obama's recent call to raise the federal minimum wage.  In article on Bloomberg Politics, Mr. Prior is quoted as saying:

“I know $10.10 still isn’t a whole lot of money, but I think it’s too much, too fast,” 

Wanting to get a more detailed statement on his viewpoints on the federal minimum wage and the impacts on the American economy, we reached out to Mark Prior's spokesman.  This is the response we got.

"Dear Mr. Red,
We have been over this many times.  Mark Prior is not a politician, he is a baseball player and is not currently engaged in politics.  What you are seeking is a statement from Mark Pryor, the currently sitting Senator from the great state of Arkansas who is not a baseball player.  Again, you are seeking a statement from the wrong Mark Prior.  If you continue in this kind of behavior, we will be reporting you to the police for harassment."

After contacting Mr. Prior's spokesman again for a clarification, I received a meeting with these gentlemen:

Look! BOOBS!!! Digital Ones!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Over the past week, I've been more busy than I usually am.  Not busy by an active person's standards, but busy in comparison to my ordinarily sedentary/lazy fuck lifestyle.  When I get to be busy like this, I just want to stare at something vaguely interesting.  There doesn't need to be any story or narrative or artistry or anything else my liberal doucebag brain tell me is interesting, just something that stokes my visual interest.  Something that pokes at the primitive part of my brain.

Dead or Alive 5 Ultimate “Tropical Sexy Costumes” Out This Week

Thank you.  Now all I need is excess income in order to afford the digital jiggletainment described in that article.  Oh damn.

WARNING: Training Day Spoilers

First of all, if you haven't seen Training Day, what the fuck is wrong with you?  Go see it, NOW!

There's a part in Training Day where a drug dealer named Roger gets busted.  Roger is a dealer who Alonzo, played by Denzel Washington, has been aware of for some time but has been waiting for Roger to retire so Alonzo, and several other members of the LAPD, can kill Roger and steal the large stash of cash hidden under the floor in Roger's kitchen.  The concept of a movie depicting a police officer knowing about a drug dealer's actions and waiting for some grand event to bust them makes me wonder how many situations like this exist?  How many police officers are waiting to bust someone potentially dealing lethal amounts of dangerous drugs?

Arrests Made In Possible Connection To Philip Seymour Hoffman's Death

Why couldn't these cops makes this arrest a week ago?

I Sincerely Apologize. Really

For years I have maintained a blog at various location on the internet, an internet that most anyone in the developed world can access at any time.  While I don't know precisely what kind of people do access my blog, I am aware that my blog is read primarily in the United States, Russia, and the Ukraine.  Why the Ukraine I don't know, but I do know that my blog can be accessed by many people of every age.  So, it is with a heavy heart that I feel the need to apologize for what I have done.

BBC Declares Red Lipstick Will Make Children Turn to Lives of Sin

I apologize for the high amount of red content on Redertainment.com.  I have recently become aware of the corrupting nature of the colour red, especially as it related to the uncorrupted children of the world.  It stands to reason that if red coloured lipstick is a serious corruptional threat to children, then a person with as much red hair as I have must thereby be a threat akin to a chemical weapon.  There's no good explanation for why I am as red as I am other than it being just what comes naturally to me.  It's not something I did maliciously, it's just just the way that I am.  I will be making strives to address my predilection toward certain corrupting colours in the future, but for now I ask you to bear with me.  I may have some slip-ups, but I will try to make progress each and every day.  I can only hope to correct some of the damage that I have already done.

I am Hunter Red, and approve this message.  Also, I may need to change my name