In a bar in Salt Lake City, just down the street from The Official Offices of The Redertainment Corporation Of America, Hunter Red is trying to chat up a girl at a bar, named Bridgette Pan.
Hunter Red- ...but the pacing in that film was so cool, especially in the first sequence.
Bridgette Pan- Which part was that?
Hunter Red- The first part where Ryan Gossling's character is the getaway driver trying to get away from the cops. In most car movies recently, that sequence would have been all action, all adrenaline, all fast fast fast fast.
Bridgette Pan- Yeah.
Hunter Red- But in Drive, that scene is paced in a way that result in this thick, rich tension being developed over time, and I truly enjoy that.
Bridgette Pan- I see.
Bridgette Pan is clearly not impressed by Hunter Red, but Hunter Red doesn't realize it.
Hunter Red- So, can I call you sometime? Perhaps get some coffee?
Bridgette Pan- Well, I don't drink coffee, but yeah, I'll give you my number.
Bridgette Pan gets out a piece of paper, writes down a number, and gives it to Hunter Red.
Bridgette Pan- There you go.
Hunter Red- Allright, I'll call you.
Bridgette Pan- Yeah, sure.
Bridgette Pan gets up off her barstool and walks away. As Hunter Red watches her leave, a guy sits down next to Hunter Red.
Unknown Guy- Crash and burn.
Hunter Red turns to talk to this guy.
Hunter Red- Excuse me?
Unknown Guy- You just blew your chance. That girl is never going to talk to you again.
Hunter Red- What makes you think you know anything about-
Unknown Guy- Call the number she just gave you.
Hunter Red- Won't calling her so soon make me seem-
Unknown Guy- Just call it.
Hunter Red takes out his cellphone and calls the number Bridgette Pan gave him. After a few moments, Hunter Red hangs up his phone and has a dejected look on his face.
Unknown Guy- Was it the girl you were just chatting up?
Hunter Red- No.
Unknown Guy- Who was it?
Hunter Red- The Department Of Sewage Treatment.
Unknown Guy- Ouch! That is a major slam.
Hunter Red gets a really dejected look on his face.
Unknown Guy- Hey, cheer up guy. I can help you out.
Hunter Red- Who are you?
Unknown Guy- Martin Summer. You might have heard of me.
Hunter Red- No, I can't say I have.
Martin Summer- Really? You must not read much. I'm kind of a big deal in the writing world.
Hunter Red- What do you, run a publishing house or something?
Martin Summer gets this offended look on his face.
Martin Summer- No, I'm a writer.
Hunter Red- Really? So am I.
Martin Summer- Pfft. I doubt it. If you were a writer, I'd have heard of you.
Hunter Red- I haven't heard of you. Also, I don't want myself to be famous, I want my work to be famous.
Martin Summer- Pfft. That's child's play. All good writers want to be a famous big deal, like I am.
Hunter Red- Sure you are.
Martin Summer- You don't believe me?
Hunter Red- No, I do not believe you.
Martin Summer- Check this out.
Martin Summer turns to a woman sitting on the barstool next to him, heretofore referred to as Nicole.
Martin Summer- Hello miss.
Nicole- Hi.
Martin Summer- I'm Martin Summer. Perhaps you've heard of me?
Nicole- Oh yeah.
Clearly, Nicole has not heard of Martin Summer nor is really listening to him. Not recognizing this, Martin Summer persists.
Martin Summer- So, perhaps we can meet up later. I can talk to you about writing theory, the creative process, and general deep philosophical concepts.
Nicole- Oh yeah, sure. (To someone away from the bar.) Hey, Angela!
Nicole gets up and walks away from the bar. Hunter Red takes note of this.
Hunter Red- That seemed to work well.
Martin Summer takes out his smartphone and points it at Nicole. After a couple of moments, he says-
Martin Summer- Yep, lesbian. I had no shot, my phone confirms that.
Hunter Red- Sure it does.
Martin Summer- Yeah, lines like that work all the time if the girl in question is receptive to it.
Hunter Red finishes his drink then speaks to Martin Summer again.
Hunter Red- Sure. Hey, I'm going to go over there, but I'll be right back to learn your technique.
Martin Summer- I'm looking forward to teaching you the technique that removed the panties off ladies nationwide.
Hunter Red-(Sarcastically) Sure it did.
Hunter Red walks away from the bar, wholly intending not to return. Martin Summer gets the attention of the bartender.
Martin Summer- Bartender, get me the manliest drink you have, which is, of course, a Stella Artois. The beer so manly Adrien Body does ads for it.
END SCENE
Written on my iPad while listening to my iPod Touch while drinking my iSoda. Thank you Mr. Jobs.
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