COSMO BOOM!

The Sounds Of Independence Day
by Hunter Red

The light pops of the legal fireworks
The big booms of the illegal fireworks
The oohs and aahs of the crowd watching the sponsored display
The faint squeals of the firetrucks and policecars as they tear through the neighborhoods

Then the time comes for my display
The fuse is light, it goes off...
Is that it?
Says the little girl holding the sparkler
Weak.
Says the apathetic teenager
I paid how much for that?
Says the guy who paid for the fireworks

The sounds of independence day go on
All throughout the night they go on
All throughout the night
Seriously, all night?
Come on, people
I'm trying to get to sleep!
Some of us do have to work in the morning!

A stream is coming from the device sitting next to my bed
A stream flowing through the mountains
A stream of water that never ends
Stream of water
Water
Damn, I have to pee
Wow, they're still setting them off
What a sight
Wow

The Cosmo Quiz

Questions taken from the issue of August 2012 Cosmopolitan Magazine.  The one with Ashley Greene on the cover.  Questions provided were originally answered by Ashley Greene.  Now, the same questions will be answered by Hunter Red.

Name: Hunter Red

My favorite part of my body is:

A.   My legs

B.   My butt

C.   My boobs

D.   My abs

E.   Other

Answer:  E, my hair.  It's what has come to define me and what people remember most about me.  Even if they don't remember me or my name, they remember my hair.

I feel most powerful when:

Answer:  I drive.  I LOVE Ruby, my big fucking SUV.

Three words I would use to describe my style are:

Answer:  Bad, Nonexistent, and Unapologetic

The best love advice I ever got was:

Answer:  Don't be afraid to lose, it happens to us all.

The upside to being in the tabloids is:

Answer:  Free plugs for my writing.

When no one is around, I tend to:

Answer:  Do whatever I was doing before.  If you don't feel confident doing it around people, why do it?

The person I would most be able to tolerate in a cramped, long-distance car ride is:

A.   Kellan Lutz

B.   Jennifer Garner

C.   Sebastian Stan

D.   Other

Answer:  It depends.  Who's driving?

I credit a lot of my success to:

Answer:  The work ethic my father instilled in me.

I'm totally addicted to:

A.   Chocolate

B.   Trashy TV

C.   Twitter

D.   Angry Birds

E.   Other

Answer:  B, Trashy TV.  I just love watching TV that revels in it's bad, raunchy, dirty fun.  While I actively avoid all reality shows, I do LOVE watching trashy British soaps, like Mistresses and Skins.

My secret to looking good is:

A.   Always eating healthy

B.   Going to the gym regularly

C.   Washing my face every night

D.   No secret, I'm really am a vampire who doesn't age

E.   Other

Answer:  E, other.  I don't have a secret to looking good, and it shows.

On a first date, I think a guy should always:

A.   Pay

B.   Pick the restaurant

C.   Dress up

D.   Compliment me (Meaning the girl)

E.   Other

Answer: A, B, C, & D.  Also, try not to dominate the conversation while also not letting the woman talk too much.

I wouldn't mind filming an onscreen kiss with:

A.   Ryan Gosling

B.   Daniel Craig

C.   Jason Segel

D.   Liam Hemsworth

E.   Other

Answer:  A, Ryan Gosling.  Not to slam the other men, but Drive was awesome.

Kissing a guy for the first time:

A.   Tells you just about everything you need to know

B.   Is not a big deal

C.   Is far more difficult when the cameras are rolling

D.   Is something I always miss doing, even when I am in a relationship

E.   Other

Answer:  E.  Kissing a guy for the first time is a big deal as it is the first time you are intimate with that person.  That intimacy changes the relationship forever.

If an up-and-coming young actress asked me for advice, I'd tell her:

Answer:  Do not exclusively do what men like or exclusively what women like.  Do what you like, the way that you like it, with little regard for other people's opinions.

I wish I could fix it.  I wish I knew how to make things decent between this girl and I.  I can't.  I just can't.  As a result, I will just leave.  Leave before I fuck things up even more.  Goodbye.

Volume 11 by Hunter Red.  Serialization to begin August 7th at Redertainment.com