Disappointing Downpouring Vibrator Chiefs

Silent Hill+KoRn Thoughts

Buried among the news that came out during E3 was this story:

Silent Hill Downpour: now with three dimensions and one Korn song

According to this story, KoRn will be crafting a song for the upcoming game Silent Hill Downpour. This story has caused much consternation, particularly among people who think KoRn is way beyond it's prime and should just stop. I have a different perspective on this story.

KoRn is one of my favorite bands, depending on my mood the number one on my list. There are very few bands that I can listen to and enter a state of bliss that one usually only achieves with the use of drugs. KoRn is one of those bands for me. I will continue to defend KoRn untill the day I die. However, I don't think KoRn is a good fit for the Silent Hill series.

Silent Hill is one of those game series that can evoke the kind of chill in the gaming public that is usually only found in people who watch horror films. Silent Hill is more about what isn't there and what may be around the corner than shocking you with a monster jumping out in your face. Silent Hill is atmosphere in video game form. The music in Silent Hill adds to the atmosphere in these games. The music in the Silent Hill series is slow, creeping, and resonate. The work of Akira Yamaoka is held in high acclaim within the ardent fans of the Silent Hill franchise. Many have tried and failed to replicate the work of Akira Yamaoka. KoRn will be among them.

There was a time when KoRn could produce horror movie quality music. KoRn's 2002 album Untouchables is an example of that. Listen to this:







Those three songs are examples of KoRn's ability to make songs that are slow, creeping, and resonate. However, after the departure of guitarist Brian Welch, KoRn lost that ability. Listen to this:







KoRn tracks after the departure of Brian Welch just seem to lack a certain kind of atmosphere. It's not they're bad, they are just lacking somehow. It's that lacking quality that makes KoRn not the ideal choice for contributing music to the Silent Hill franchise.

There's also this:



Let's just all try and forget about that game.







How To Scam Someone Using Mad Lib Technology


I was browsing on Access Hollywood's news site last sunday and read on this make money at home job where anyone with a vibrator can bring home $5431+ a week! I really didn't believe it but still I had to give it a shot and I actually made $711.33 my second day. Ive already been paid by monkey butler its the greatest thing that's happened to me, honestly.

Heres the site: http://www.Treefuckers.com/

Everybody can do the Charleston so im informing all my sexual partners to join and make some cash your self and at the same time you should send this grappling hook to every one you know so that we can all eliminate the brown people. If I can do it, you can too. It's super horny. Do it now because they are writing about charging big ass batteries for new members as close as this Friday, Friday, Friday, Friday.

** NOTICE OF FACIAL WARTS **
This communication may contain teddy bears that is confidential, legally privileged or exempt from fully nude strip searches and is not intended for children beyond the intended recipient without the sender's credit card information. If you have received this email in a giant pile of ape shit or are not the intended dope fiend, please note that any dissemination or copying of this bullshit is strictly encouraged. Anyone who receives this communication in pet hair should immediately notify the H. Jon Benjamin, delete the anal fissures and destroy any giant shimmering dilldos. Thank you for your penis.

the metropolis of the whole kingdom below, upon the firm earth. him nervous. He begins to doubt himself. I try to cheer him up,

know at once that in my opinion there is not any functional prostate vibrators.



Duke Nukem Forever Thoughts

On June 14th, 2011, Duke Nukem Forever finally came out. Upon it's release, the game was met with a resounding "meh". Most of the reviews of Duke Nukem Forever are negative, which is something that doesn't shock me.

When the Guns N Roses album Chinese Democracy was finally released, it was met with a resounding "meh". This despite this album being kind of good.

When Gran Turismo 5 was finally released, it was met with a resounding "meh". This despite many racing game aficionados crediting the game as one of the best in it's genre.

Finally, when Stephen Ridge came out of the closet after long and fervent speculation about his sexuality, Stephen was met with a resounding "meh". This despite Stephen being not so fugly.

My point is this: No matter how good Duke Nukem Forever is, it was going to be met with "meh" because of how long people had been anticipating it. There was no way the game was going to match the anticipation, just like how Stephen was never going to be met with the same kind of attention among the gay community as he would had when he was twenty.

Madonna References

Strike A Pose

On Tuesday, a story broke that the committee that gives out the Heisman Trophy was thinking about stripping Reggie Bush of the trophy he won in 2005. On the day that this announcement was made, some asked why the same committee had not taken similar actions against O.J. Simpson. There is a very obvious answer to this question.

The reason why Reggie Bush might have his Heisman Trophy taken away was for actions he did in December 2004, when he was in college. These actions resulted in Bush being deemed ineligible for that year, and thus ineligible for the games where he did the things that earned him the Heisman Trophy.

The reason why O.J. Simpson is being talked about having his Heisman Trophy taken away was for the murders he was accused of in 1994. O.J. Simpson won the Heisman Trophy in 1968, years before the murders he was accused of. Even if he was to be found guilty of the murders of Nicole Brown Simpson and Mark Goldman, his college eligibility would not be in question, as HE HAD ALREADY GRADUATED FROM COLLEGE! So, the Heisman Trophy committee would have no grounds to strip O.J. Simpson of the Heisman Trophy he won.

Now, can we talk about who is going to receive the national championship USC forfeited?




Coffee Talk with Liz Rosenberg

Hunter Red is sitting in his office. He's looking at his computer and is reading a story that is very distressful to him. Hunter gets up from his office chair and walks out to the reception area, where the receptionist of The Redertainment Corporation Of America, Liz Fey, is sitting. Hunter doesn't look at Liz as he begins to speak to her.

"Liz."

Liz is puzzled by this.

"Yes Hunter."

Hunter still does not look at her.

"I read a story today about something that was shown at Penny Arcade Expo. A upcoming Gearbox title named Duke Nukem Forever."

Liz is aware of this story.

"Yes, I read it as well. Don't you find it odd that that game would surface out of the blue like this?"

Hunter turns to look at Liz.

"Liz, I know about your past, for I have experienced it. I know you like to pull little pranks and jokes, many times at the expense of others."

Liz knows that Hunter knows this.

"Yeah."

Hunter looks at Liz sternly.

"I don't like these jokes, especially when you attempt to pull them at the expense of me."

Liz has no idea what Hunter is talking about.

"I have no idea what you are talking about."

Hunter doesn't believe Liz.

"Liz, you need to come clean about this joke. The joke may be funnier the longer it goes on, but taunting people with what they fervently expect always ends in hurt feelings."

Hunter looks away from Liz and goes back into his office and Liz goes back to what she was doing before. The last thing Hunter says before he sits back down in his office chair is,

"I will give you credit Liz. You pulled off this joke masterfully."

END SCENE