Disappointing Downpouring Vibrator Chiefs

Silent Hill+KoRn Thoughts

Buried among the news that came out during E3 was this story:

Silent Hill Downpour: now with three dimensions and one Korn song

According to this story, KoRn will be crafting a song for the upcoming game Silent Hill Downpour. This story has caused much consternation, particularly among people who think KoRn is way beyond it's prime and should just stop. I have a different perspective on this story.

KoRn is one of my favorite bands, depending on my mood the number one on my list. There are very few bands that I can listen to and enter a state of bliss that one usually only achieves with the use of drugs. KoRn is one of those bands for me. I will continue to defend KoRn untill the day I die. However, I don't think KoRn is a good fit for the Silent Hill series.

Silent Hill is one of those game series that can evoke the kind of chill in the gaming public that is usually only found in people who watch horror films. Silent Hill is more about what isn't there and what may be around the corner than shocking you with a monster jumping out in your face. Silent Hill is atmosphere in video game form. The music in Silent Hill adds to the atmosphere in these games. The music in the Silent Hill series is slow, creeping, and resonate. The work of Akira Yamaoka is held in high acclaim within the ardent fans of the Silent Hill franchise. Many have tried and failed to replicate the work of Akira Yamaoka. KoRn will be among them.

There was a time when KoRn could produce horror movie quality music. KoRn's 2002 album Untouchables is an example of that. Listen to this:







Those three songs are examples of KoRn's ability to make songs that are slow, creeping, and resonate. However, after the departure of guitarist Brian Welch, KoRn lost that ability. Listen to this:







KoRn tracks after the departure of Brian Welch just seem to lack a certain kind of atmosphere. It's not they're bad, they are just lacking somehow. It's that lacking quality that makes KoRn not the ideal choice for contributing music to the Silent Hill franchise.

There's also this:



Let's just all try and forget about that game.







How To Scam Someone Using Mad Lib Technology


I was browsing on Access Hollywood's news site last sunday and read on this make money at home job where anyone with a vibrator can bring home $5431+ a week! I really didn't believe it but still I had to give it a shot and I actually made $711.33 my second day. Ive already been paid by monkey butler its the greatest thing that's happened to me, honestly.

Heres the site: http://www.Treefuckers.com/

Everybody can do the Charleston so im informing all my sexual partners to join and make some cash your self and at the same time you should send this grappling hook to every one you know so that we can all eliminate the brown people. If I can do it, you can too. It's super horny. Do it now because they are writing about charging big ass batteries for new members as close as this Friday, Friday, Friday, Friday.

** NOTICE OF FACIAL WARTS **
This communication may contain teddy bears that is confidential, legally privileged or exempt from fully nude strip searches and is not intended for children beyond the intended recipient without the sender's credit card information. If you have received this email in a giant pile of ape shit or are not the intended dope fiend, please note that any dissemination or copying of this bullshit is strictly encouraged. Anyone who receives this communication in pet hair should immediately notify the H. Jon Benjamin, delete the anal fissures and destroy any giant shimmering dilldos. Thank you for your penis.

the metropolis of the whole kingdom below, upon the firm earth. him nervous. He begins to doubt himself. I try to cheer him up,

know at once that in my opinion there is not any functional prostate vibrators.



Duke Nukem Forever Thoughts

On June 14th, 2011, Duke Nukem Forever finally came out. Upon it's release, the game was met with a resounding "meh". Most of the reviews of Duke Nukem Forever are negative, which is something that doesn't shock me.

When the Guns N Roses album Chinese Democracy was finally released, it was met with a resounding "meh". This despite this album being kind of good.

When Gran Turismo 5 was finally released, it was met with a resounding "meh". This despite many racing game aficionados crediting the game as one of the best in it's genre.

Finally, when Stephen Ridge came out of the closet after long and fervent speculation about his sexuality, Stephen was met with a resounding "meh". This despite Stephen being not so fugly.

My point is this: No matter how good Duke Nukem Forever is, it was going to be met with "meh" because of how long people had been anticipating it. There was no way the game was going to match the anticipation, just like how Stephen was never going to be met with the same kind of attention among the gay community as he would had when he was twenty.

The Brutal Slaughter Of A Joke

Red Review: Just Bieber- My World 2.0

Upon learning of his winning of the American Music Award for artist of the year, many people expressed their outrage at Justin Bieber. They said things like "WHAT THE FUCK!" "ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!!!" "HOW DARE THEY SNUB (Insert Artist Here)?!?!?" "THE AMA ARE SHIT!!!!!!!!!" I was one of these people. The comment I made was "Name me one Justin Bieber song that is good!" About a day after I made that comment I thought about it again, and I was honestly disgusted with myself. I had done what I slam many gaming critics for doing: I judged somethings without experiencing it myself. I had judged Just Bieber as bad based on the opinions of other people, not myself. So, I sought to change that. I bought Justin Bieber's 2010 release "My World 2.0". I didn't just listen to it once and did away with it, I listened to this CD, in it's entirety, four times. This is what I thought of it.

The first impression I got from this CD is that it sounded very feminine. This is an impression that was reinforced the further I got into the CD. I'm not referring to the vocal range that Justin Bieber utilizes, I'm referring to the content. Listen, if you will, to this:



Now listen to these:







Notice how smilier those songs sound? Notice how "That Should Be Me" sounds like it could have been sung by a woman? That is true of every track on My World 2.0. From "Somebody To Love" to "Never Let You Go" to "Up", each track Justin Biever sings seems written to be sung by a woman.

This isn't a bad thing. When I sing at karaoke, I only sing song performed by female vocalists. From "Gold Lion" by Yeah Yeah Yeah to "Come Into My World" by Kylie Minogue to "Your Love Is My Drug" by Ke$ha, parties at the offices of The Redertainment Corporation Of America are filled with yours truly singing songs sung by women. I do this because I know it's funny. I know it's funny to see a guy break gender norms and do things that might make people think he's gay. So, why does Justin Bieber sings songs written to be sung by women?

The tracks that play behind Justin's singing are rather good, but that's probably because of the fact that acclaimed R&B singer Usher produced this CD. Justin's vocal range isn't that good, but he's young and hasn't grown into his voice. I mean, look at the suff that Bow Wow is putting out now. Overall, My World 2.0 isn't bad, which is shocking seeing as, given the buzz I had heard beforehand, I was expecting horrendous abomination to recorded sound. It isn't that good either, outside of "That Should Be Me", most of this CD is what would constitute filler on most pop music albums. All in all, My World 2.0 is slightly above average.

Justin Bieber- My World 2.0: C+



Antiquated Communication 1

Dear Bethesda,

I've reached a point in this game where I need to level up to finish some of the missions, and I can't level up because all the missions that I can finish as current level suffers from a glitch that prevents me from completing the mission. In short, I'd like to play Fallout: New Vegas more, but I can't because of the glitches. Fix them. FIX THEM! FIX THE FUCKING BUGS IN FALLOUT: NEW VEGAS!!!

Signed,
Hunter Red



Antiquated Communication 2

Dear West Valley City,

I live within the borders of your city. In this city, you hold us to a standard when it comes to the clearing of snow from our the sidewalk in front of our houses. We have 24 hours to clear the snow from out sidewalks or we get fined, a fine that gets higher the longer out sidewalks is not cleared. I see the need for our sidewalks to be clears, as I have many children, elderly, and disabled persons in my neighborhood. However, I don't think it's fair that you hold us to a standard when it comes to the clearing of snow from my sidewalk but no standard seems to exist for the clearing of snow from our roads.

The state of the roads in my neighborhood is unbearable. They are borderline impassible. If I was to park my car on the side of the street I live on, I'd basically be putting my car in a snowbank that I might not be able to get myself out of. Sure, the main roads that sit on the outside of my neighborhood are clear, but the roads inside the neighborhood are suited better for a dogsled than for a car.

I understand that West Valley City is a big place and that you have a limited amount of snowplows, but this is unacceptable. I want this dealt with. If you insist on holding us to a standard of clearing our sidewalks of snow within one days, I will hold you to the standard of clearing our roads within three. That standard for you is just as fair as the standard you hold us to.

Signed,
Hunter Red



Red Review: Gran Turismo 5

Gran Turismo 5 is a game that has been eagerly anticipated for about as long as the Playstation 3 has been in existence. Finally, after a long, long, long, long wait, GT5 was released to the world. A game of this caliber cannot be judged based on the visuals, sound, or gameplay alone. It must be judged on what is the equivalent of the different levels of this game, the tracks that you drive your high class luxury automobiles on. That is what I will do with this review.

Track #1- Chinese Democracy
The first track of Gran Turismo 5 is a nice opener. Combining elements from it's past with elements from the modern day, Chinese Democracy is a track with a nice tempo, pacing, and overall flow.

Track #2- Shackler's Revenge
Coming off the quick opening track, Shackler's Revenge is a high octane followup that keeps the pace of Gran Turismo 5 going. There is however an artificial feel to this track that takes away from this track's true greatness. Overall, this is a nice second track.

Track #3- Better
After the quickness of the first two tracks, Better is a nice change of pace. This track is slower but still maintains the rock hard pace that has been set forth.

Track #4- Street Of Dreams
The track Street Of Dreams feels like a track I've experienced in Gran Turismo's past. This isn't a bad thing for fans of Gran Turismo, The nostalgic quality is definitely welcomed by me. There is a long straightaway near the middle of this track that is truly beautiful.

Track #5- If The World
There is a Mediterranean quality to this track that I was not expecting. This is certainly an intriguing track that changed what I was expecting from the rest of Gran Turismo 5.

Track #6- There Was A Time
The opening of There Was A Time has a very grand quality to it. The place this track is set in is somewhere I would like to live in. This track serves also as a nice place to rest near the middle of this racing game.

Track #7- Catcher In The Rye
This track takes a second to kick in, and once it does you wish it would have kicked in harder. I also wonder if people will get some of the subtle references contained in this track, or if some of what you see in the building that line this track will go over the heads of most racing fans.

Track #8- Scraped
The opening of this track leads you down one path, but once the true nature of this track kicks in, it's incredibly jarring. Elements of the opening are brought back later, but the jarring quality of what makes up the majority of this track is a nice change of pace that was very appreciated by myself.

Track #9- Riad N' The Bedouins
First of all, this track has a very strange name. I'm not even sure what the Bedouins are. Once this tracks truly starts, the nature of the track changes frequently. It seems the makers of this track wanted gamers to experience a challenge, a true test of their street driving and off road racing skills, all in one track. This is good for a career mode, but I'm not sure if it'll translate to the arcade mode very well.

Track #10- Sorry
After the challenge, a nice mellow track. This is nice. Long sloping curves, large straightways, and an overall pleasant driving experience.

Track #11- I.R.S.
After the mellow track, a track to pick up the pace and wake the gamer up. Again, there are subtle references imbedded into this track that most gamers may not get. Not that that's a bad thing, but it's my experience that people appreciate what you're doing more if people know what you are doing.

Track #12- Madagascar
A grand quality starts this track, which gives the player an impression that the end is near. The atmosphere of this track seems a bit grating to me. Definitely the weakest track of this game when it comes to atmosphere.

Track #13- This I Love
If there was a track that expresses the love that many people have for cars and car racing, this track would express that love. Hell, you could even compare this track to many of the love ballads that I hear on the radio.

Track #14- Prostitute
So the end is here, and this track wraps up Gran Turismo 5 nicely. With the challenging parts of this game behind us, this track serves as a gift to the people who actually make it to the end of this game. This is a track that players can race on over and over, every time remembering the times they've had playing Gran Turismo 5 and Gran Turismo games in the past.

Overall, Gran Turismo 5 is a really great game. I'm sure that people who were scorned by the long, long, long, LONG, wait for this game will pass on this game, and it's their loss. Gran Turismo 5 may not get the accolades it deserves, but people who do experience this much anticipated game will get an experience that they will treasure as much and the games that will be laden with awards.

Gran Turismo 5: A



So, here.

Chinese Democracy Delayed AGAIN!

We were rightfully shocked when Chinese Democracy was given a firm release date back at E3 in June. It's been a very long time coming and, unfortunately, it's going to be a little longer before fans can finally get their hands on it.

Geffen Computer Entertainment of America producer Caram Costanzo just announced on the Geffen Records Blog that Chinese Democracy will not make its expected November 2 release date. He did add, however, that "the game's release will be coming this holiday season." You can probably be forgiven if you're skeptical of that claim.

Costanzo explained, "We sincerely apologize to GnR fans for the delay, however, creator Axel Rose and the team at Guns ‘N Roses want to make certain they are creating the perfect racing experience, and we are confident that this ambitious game will exceed expectations when it launches."

We've seen purported release windows come and go, but this had a firm date that looked pretty realistic. With it being nearly seventeen years since the last full Guns ‘N Roses release (Use Your Illusion I and II was released in Japan in December 1992 and in North America in February 1993) and Duke Nukem Forever actually looking like it'll finally come out, Chinese Democracy coming out in a few weeks actually seemed like it was going to happen.

The blog post promises more information in the "near future;" hopefully we'll get a release date that Guns And Roses can stick to this time.

Original Story
Chinese Democracy Wiki

Top Five Blogs Of The Year

Many people have taken it upon themselves to list their top blogs of the past year. I refuse to do that. Rather than refusing to go forward and dwelling in the past, I am looking forward and moving ahead. So here now are my top five blogs of 2009.


#5. Square Enix announces a delay for Final Fantasy XIII in America. Alex Huhtala, Public Relations Manager for Square Enix, announced today a delay in the release of the hotly anticipated Final Fantasy XIII in America until June 2011. In a statement, the reason given for the delay is, "English is really hard to do..."


#4. Sim Ant XBLA review: It's mad buggy


#3. For a long time, gamers have been wondering where my Xbox 360 goes when it suffers the Red Rings Of Death. As it turns out, the RROD'd 360s get sent to a small facility on Ontario run by a man known as Z. Upon further investigation, it turns out this facility is run by ZapAttack! host Zapy. So, at it turns out, Zappy fixed my 360.


#2. Gran Turismo 5 Review: Ah-Ah-Ah-AHMAZING

#1. Rockstar North has announced a new game that is sure to spark controversy. This is not because of the language, actions, or anything else the protagonist does, but rather who the protagonist is. Set for release in June of 2010 is Che Guevara: Viva la Revolucion!


Here's to a happy new year and a hopeful return of AGI.