Baller Coasters

Baller Coasters

 

This week it was reported that the recently released Majesco title NBA Baller Beats sold only three thousand copies in the first week of release.  While this is am embarrassingly low number, more embarrassment can be found if you dig down into the numbers.

According to analysis done by Wedbush Securities, a small number of the titles purchased were bought by independent video game bloggers.  These bloggers were reviewers who could not get review copies of the game from Majesco.  These purchases amounted to 132 of the 3000 copies of the game that were purchased.  The other two thousand, eight hundred and sixty-eight copies of the game bought by one entity.

On September 11, 2012, the day that NBA Baller Beats was released, 2686 copies of the game were purchased from one store by one person.  The person is Kevin Cashman.  Kevin Cashman is the President of the Lambda Lambda Lambda fraternity at Adams College.  This purchase was made with a Lambda Lambda Lambda credit card, which is supposed to be used only for Lambda Lambda Lambda business.

When pressed as to whether or not he had misused Lambda Lambda Lambda funds, Kevin Cashman, pictured above, said the following:

"Purchasing those video games was not done for the nonexistent entertainment value found in those games.  Rather, those video games were purchased in order to maintain the aesthetic value of the Lambda Lambda Lambda fraternity.  Recently, we have run out of AOL demo discs to use as coasters to prevent water rings showing up on our wooden furniture.  In order to refill our supply of coasters, and maintain the general aesthetic started by the use of CDROMs as coasters, I made the decision to purchase multiple copies of NBA Baller Beats.  We do not intend to play any of the copies of NBA Baller Beats that were purchased, they will be used only as coasters."

Majesco spokesman Stan Gable said in response, "Our goal as a company is to provide a product that many people can enjoy in many ways.  Using our product as a platform for liquid nourishment is one of the emerging markets that we hope to capitalize on."

This statement seems to reflect a change in the philosophy at Majesco.  Majesco appears to be making strives to make video games that people use in other portions of their lives, not just playing video games.  Majesco's philosophy appears to mirror ones held by the newspapers, magazine, and junk mail industries.

Peta To Gamers: I'm Not PETA

Recently the political group PETA made waves in the gaming universe by asking for a vegetarian version of Majesco's popular Wii title Cooking Mama. Many gamers reacted in a rage to this call. Some even sent emails to PETA expressing their outrage. As it turns out the rage of gamers may have been directed wrongly.

On his blog, a gamer known only as Fantafan encouraged the outraged to send mail to peta@petawilsonsite.com. As it turns out petawilsonsite.com has nothing to do with People For The Ethical Treatment Of Animals. In fact petawilsonsite.com is the official website of La Femme Nikita star Peta Wilson. Seymour Birkoff, who maintains petawilsonsite.com, said, "Traffic to Miss Wilson's site since the Cooking Mama story broke have gone through the roof. This month alone Miss Wilson has received 30,251 pieces of mail, as opposed to the year before where she received 8."

In response, Miss Wilson has posted the following message on her site.
"I feel the need at this time to clear up some rumors involving myself. First, I am not connected to the political action group People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals. The fact that our names are the same is just a coincidence. Second, no, I will not send you a signed nude photo of myself. Third, and finally, there are no pland for a sixth season of La Femme Nikita. Stop asking!"

Mistakes like this are common, but apologies for this kind of mistake are rare. When I contacted Fantafan to obtain an apology, the only response I got was, "Wanta Fanta, Doncha Wanta?" When pressed further no other response was given. This incident further proves that the internet is filled with a great supply of annoying little shits.