****- Red Swears At Kids! YAY!!!

Sony Chooses PS3 Motion Controller Manufacturer

Ever since it’s unveiling at the Electronic Entertainment Expo, rumors have been swirling about what the Playstation 3 Motion Controller will actually be, what it will look like, and how it will be utilized in upcoming games. To this point none of these questions have been answered but one critical question has been answered: Who will manufacture the Playstation 3 Motion Controllers for Sony? The answer to that question is Dillco. This spurns another question: Who in the world is Dillco?

Dillco is a Sacramento, California based company with its corporate offices located in this building located at 105 Jeremy Plaza. Before winning the contract to manufacture the PS3 Motion Controller, Dillco’s best selling product line was a series of molded latex sexual activity assistants, more commonly referred to as dilldos. Dillco’s “Discrete Pleasure” line includes big dilldos, small dilldos, dilldos that climb on rocks, fat dilldos, skinny dilldos, even dilldos with chicken pox.

When reached for a comment, Dillco president Jeremy Longphun said, “We are as surprised as about this choice as you are. Honestly we put in out bid as a joke, we never thought Sony would ever choose us. It’s going to be a challenge to make a product whose primary use is not insertion into an intimate location. We know that will be the product’s secondary use but clearly not the first.”

When told of the previous history of Dillco, Sony of America chief Jack Tretton said, “Really? Oh shit. Bye,” then bolted from the room.

No one can say just how the Playstation 3 Motion Controller will be used with its big, black, burly, shiny mate, and, if we truly aspire to be a dignified society, perhaps we should not say. Besides, the details of that nature will just make the lonely suicidal.



WWE Smackdown Vs Raw 2010 Review

Remember my review for Prototype and how I spent most of the review complaining about the in-game ads? Well, after much searching, I have discovered a magical elixir to calm my rage. What is this elixir? Fanta.

Fanta is a glorious orange-flavored beverage brought to you by the fine people at Coca-Cola. Fanta is a beverage that quenches my thirst while filling my body with its sugary orange goodness. I take Fanta with me wherever I do. I drink Fanta at work, in the car, in the shower, at the sexatorium, everywhere! I especially drink Fanta while I’m playing video games. The unparalleled joy I experience while consuming Fanta is the only thing that distracts me form the rage I feel when I see in-game advertisements. One of the sources of such rage is WWE Smackdown Vs Raw 2010. Here is an example of some of the ads contained in WWE Smackdown Vs Raw 2010.

Mobil 1? What use do I have for that? The last time I used Mobil 1 Brand Motor Oil was when I visited that reservoir.

Twix. Two for me, FUCK YOU!

Why the fuck do I need overpriced merchandise that appeals mainly to- Oh my god! Look at this Triple H T-Shirt!

Other than the in-game ads, I have no real complaints about this game. I thoroughly enjoy dropkicking John Cena, bludgeoning John Cena, throwing John Cena off the top of Hell In A Cell, and performing other various violent acts against John Cena.

Some may consider WWE Smackdown Vs Raw 2010 just a roster update and condemn it for that reason. Under that logic we can condemn Madden NFL, NBA Live, NBA 2K, Tiger Woods PGA, Fifa soccer, and any other sports or sports related video game that comes out on an annual basis. If that is that complaint you make about these games you probably weren’t going to pick it up anyway. The critical question should be is WWE Smackdown Vs. Raw 2010 better than WWE Smackdown Vs Raw 2009. The answer is yes. The gameplay tweeks enhance the game experience while maintaining the difficulty, the tutorial is easier to navigate through and makes the game more approachable, and the graphics, while not lifelike, are among the best seen in a fighting game involving real people. In this tight economic time, WWE Smackdown Vs Raw 2010 is easily worth the $60 you will spend on it.

WWE Smackdown Vs Raw 2010: B+



Halloween Night

A group of kids walk up to Hunter Red’s house on Halloween. The porch light at Hunter Red’s house is not on. They ring the doorbell. Hunter opens the door.
Kids- Trick or treat!
Hunter- I don’t have any candy.
Kid- Why not?
Hunter- I live alone and I don’t want to encourage kids to ring the doorbell on strange guy’s houses.
Hunter closes the door. A couple of minutes later one of the kid’s mother rings Hunter’s doorbell. Hunter opens the door.
Mother- (In a shrill, grating tone of voice) Why did you tell my kids you don’t have any candy?
Hunter- Because I don’t.
M- It’s Halloween. You’re supposed to have candy!
H- But I don’t. That’s why I don’t have my porch light on.
M- What does that mean?
H- Well, when I was a kid my parents told me to only go to the houses that had their porch light on because they were the houses with candy. I thought everyone followed that system.
M- That’s not the system WE are operating on.
H- Okay, what is the system?
M- You’re supposed to have candy!
H- Yeah, I’m going to close the door now. If you want to keep on ranting, just try to keep it down or I’ll have to turn up my German Orchestral Death Metal.
Hunter closes the door. Hunter then goes to his home office, gets a piece of printer paper and a black marker, and makes a sign that reads “SORRY KIDS, NO CANDY, HAPPY HALLOWEEN”. Hunter takes this sign, tapes it on his front door, and turns the porch light on. About half an hour later a group of kids ring Hunter’s doorbell. Hunter opens the door.
Kids- Trick or treat!
Hunter- I don’t have any candy.
Kids- Aw!
Hunter- Didn’t you kids read my sign?
Kids- No.
Hunter- Why not?
Kid- We go to public school, we can’t read.
Hunter- Ah. Well. I’d offer you kids alcohol but that would be really wrong, so, bye.
Hunter closes the door.
END SCENE




Happy Halloween to the kids,

and to my neighbors I sincerely apologize... that you people suck!

By the way, only 63 days left until the Second Annual Four Star Gaming Awards! Submit your nominations today or any day before December 15th. Also, only 54 days until Christmas. Steal your gifts early!

Sony Executives Unite To Admit Failure

TOKYO --Sony pulled the plug on its Playstation 3 game machine today, saying that it would suffer a record loss by ending production of the console in March in a dramatic refocusing by the company.

Promising to shift its focus to content development, the company immediately announced plans to make games for the Palm Pilot.

The world's third-biggest maker of game hardware said the end of Playstation 3 will generate 80 billion yen ($689 million) in extraordinary losses, leading to a consolidated net loss of 58.3 billion yen for the fiscal year ending on March 31.

That exceeded analysts' forecasts for a 50 billion yen special loss to abandon Playstation 3, the world's first Blu-ray video game machine when it was launched in 2006.

Sony’s dream of dominating the market with the world's first Blu-ray console wired for online gaming quickly became a nightmare as the machine floundered against smoother, faster rivals from Microsoft and Nintendo.

"We will rapidly shift our focus to the content business," Sony said in a statement today. He promised new Sony games for Palm Inc.'s handheld computers would be out by the end of the year.

"Once we start applying our development effort to bring characters like Kratos to a Palm, I think you will see the business model open up immediately," SCEA president Kazuo Hirai told Reuters.

U.S. sales of personal digital assistants, such as the popular Palm Pilot, more than doubled in 2000, according to industry data, in sharp contrast to slack growth in the personal computer market.

Palm dominated with a market share of 78 percent in 1999, according to research firm NPD Intelect. Hirai said Palm users will increasingly seek out compelling games for the handheld devices.

"The ability to get quality games moving forward in either premium pay-for-play or a subscription-based model is becoming more relevant to that consumer," he said.

An 85 billion yen fund injection by Sony chairman Sir Howard Stringer will help staunch the red ink, and most analysts applauded Playstation’s end as a key step towards returning to profitability. Sony is facing four straight years of losses.

"This is positive in a sense that bleeding is finally going to be staunched," said Hajime Yagi, senior portfolio manager at Meiji Dresdner Asset Management. "Sony would be able to make the better use of its strong team of software creators by letting them make games for more widely used consoles, rather than Playstation 3."

Sony said it will now focus on returning to the black by providing game software content and entertainment titles to other video-game makers, including Nintendo and Microsoft.

"Up until now, our business model was to sell a variety of software for a single affordable game machine ... but maintaining the balance between our hardware and software enterprises while securing profits has become extremely difficult," Sony said.

Analysts said Sony’s tough decision to exit what it considered its core business was encouraging and would push the company back into the black in the next business year.

Sony said it will continue making games for existing Playstation machines, but analysts said it would be better off it concentrated on making games for machines like Nintendo’s Wii system, the world's top-selling next generation video-game machine.

"In a best case scenario under which Sony completely stops developing games for the Playstation, the shares would have the potential to rise to 2,500 yen," said Daiwa Institute of Research analyst Eiji Maeda said.

The move came as no surprise to the industry and investors after Sony said last week it was considering such a move, although it would continue to focus on its software business and to support the machine with software.

Sales of the Playstation 3 have struggled since its launch just under two years ago in the face of strong competition from Microsoft’s Xbox consoles, including the new Internet-enabled and DVD (digital versatile disc) video-playing Xbox 360.

Sony slipped deep into the red, managing to sell 14.41 million Playstation 3 machines worldwide by the end of June 2008, compared to the 29.62 million Wiis shipped by Nintendo at the end of June.

Not surprisingly, its new rival in the game software market, Electronics Arts, said that Sony will face a tough struggle to provide software for other platforms. Sony will be handicapped by its unfamiliarity with the programming requirements of rival consoles and the long development cycle for video games.

"They're starting from scratch," said John Riccitiello, CEO of EA, which is the top game vendor for Microsoft’s Xbox 360 in the United States.

"It's not quite as though this is GM saying we'll make BMWs, but it's the same kind of proposition," Riccitiello said. "They may look like BMWs, but I doubt if they'll drive like BMWs."

For the full effect of this article, please click on the two links at the top of this document.