Award It Or Don't

Damn It

There was a time when I sincerely loved snow.  I would look out the window, saw all of the randomly shaped pieces of frozen precipitation fall outside, and experience a sense of glee.  Not that ripoff Jonathon Coulton kind of glee, the kind of glee that you usually only see in children.

Looking out the window, I could see all the fun I could have out there.  Building things that look vaguely like obese people, hurling clumps of ice at people in a way that is socially acceptable, jumping into open fields without fearing that I would throw out my back, all sorts of unabashed, freeform, endless fun.  This fun was enhanced when Ruby came into my life.

Nothing could stop me and Ruby.  With Ruby, my love, I could conquer everything, and I did.  I remember one time Ruby and I were traveling home after a long day at work.  The snow was coming down like something that comes down very, very hard.  Off in the distance I could see the taillights of another car.  Even though I could not see the car clearly, I knew that this car was wedged into a snowbank.  When I got closer to the car I saw what it was.  A Ford Mustang.  The snow had turned somebody's three hundred horsepower toy into a three hundred horsepower sled, while I, and Ruby, were driving comfortably and securely in the driving snow.

However, my perspective on snow has changed this season.  It's not the snow's fault, nothing the snow can do can ever be wrong.  It's other people.  People.

Recently I've developed myself into a responsible adult.  This took a lot of effort on my part, and is something that I feel I still need to work on.  Being a responsible adult has allowed me to be more self-reliant, and less reliant on other people's help.  It would be nice if the people I interact with in the real world would see this as a positive development for me.  That is not the case.  Instead the people I interact with in the real world has seen me becoming more self-reliant and said, "Oh great!  He can do shit for us!"

It's not that doing things for people is a bad thing.  It's just that the balance feels a little unbalanced to me.  It's gotten to the point where the people I interact with in the real world have started to ask me do to things for them assuming that I'll do them and that I won't ask for anything in return.  It's not that I need anyone to do things for me, but it would be nice to be asked.

One of the people I interact with in the real world asking me to do things for them are my parents.  Specifically, my parents have been asking me to shovel the sidewalks out in front of their house when it snows.  They live on a corner lot and have an abnormally large driveway and the snow has been heavy and plentiful in since the start of the year.  This has resulted in me having to go out to my parent's house multiple times a week to shovel large amounts of heavy snow, usually taking me about an hour to clear each time.  Also, I've been doing this alone.  All alone.  Sure, my Dad could help me shovel the walks, but apparently doing shit around the house is apparently an unreasonable proposition for my father.

For me, shoveling large amounts of snow sucks.  What sucks more is having to do this alone.  This experience has caused me to change the perspective that I have about certain things.  Specifically, my perspective on snow.  Now when I look out the window and see the randomly shaped pieces of frozen precipitation fall outside, I dread seeing it.  I dread it because it means I have to go out there and endure something I sincerely don't like doing alone.  Again.

Damn it.

So yeah, I said that I was going to do The Fifth Annual The Four Star Awards today.  However, voting for this years awards was low.  By low I mean the only people who bothered to vote was me and some random person on Facebook who only voted for one category.  This is not the first time this has happened, but it will be the last.  There will be no The Fifth Annual The Four Star Awards ceremony, and the future of the awards is in doubt.  I'd apologize but, it seems, the only person this cancellation disappoints is myself.

Remember The Sleeping House?  Volume 11.  Buy it or continue not doing so and read the syndicated version on redertainment.com, or don't.  Whatever.

Best Of Advertisements

Best Of 2013

At this time of year many writers reflect on the past year and the things that they have done.  I think this is stupid.  Looking backward results in you having a skewed perspective on what you have done.  Also you can run into shit.

Rather than looking backward like someone who enjoys running into things, I choose to look forward to what will be.  This is the Best Of 2013!!!

And yes, I've done something like this before and this is a recycled bit.  Shut up!

January 20th, 2013-  Bioshock Infinite is delayed.  Again.  No real reason is given for this, at least not one anyone actually believes or understands.  However, we are given more pictures of that hot Russian model chick.  They are awesome.

February 10th 2013-  Pepsico announces a new flavour of Mountain Dew to be released to coincide with Grand Theft Auto V.  The drink is called Guava Taurine Apple Vanilla Mountain Dew.  This concoction sells 100 Million units.

March 10 2013-  On the night of their Lockdown PPV event, Total Non-Stop Action Wrestling announces a new video game based on their wrestling product is in development.  The game is entitled TNA Wrestling: Cross The Line.  Later on it is revealed the game is an iPhone App where you colour in photos taken from TNA live events.  In the game you are encouraged to "Cross The Line" by colouring outside the lines.

April 21st 2013-  Metal Gear Solid 5: Loss Leader is announced.  MGS5:LL becomes the seventh Metal Gear title to be in development.  Later on these seven games are revealed to not actually be in development.  In reality, all "In Development" Metal Gear titles are a result of ideas Hideo Kojima had while high on cough syrup.

May 5th 2013-  Nintendo announces a new sku for the Wii U.  The announcement of the Wii U: Master Edition will promise such features as support for Gamecube games, iTunes Airplay integration, inclusion of Google Maps, and a program that allows you to pay your bills and balance your checkbook.  Upon release of the Wii U: Master Edition, none of the promised features will be included, but have a tentative release date of April 31st, 2014.

June 9th 2013-  Bioshock Infinite is delayed.  Again.  People start comparing Bioshock Infinite to Gran Turismo 5.  Other people make comparisons to Chinese Democracy.  Most people don't get either reference.  Tear.

July 7th 2013-  Electronic Arts buys the WWE license from THQ.  EA immediately starts development on a followup to WCW Backstage Assault.

August 15th 2013-  The serialization of Volume 11 by Hunter Red ends.  No one cares.

September 29th 2013-  Codemasters releases a new Rallycar racing game.  No one in America cares.

October 27th 2013-  Hunter Red announces his retirement from satire.  The Redertainment Corporation Of America announces a replacement writer for redertainment.com.  The replacement is identified as Parker Taupe.

November 3rd 2013-  Hunter Red announces his previous announcement about retiring from satire was itself satire.  Mr. Red makes this announcement after realizing nobody cared about his previous announcement.

December 1st 2013-  Bioshock Infinite is released.  Sorta.  The initial release of Bioshock Infinite includes the first third of the game.  The other two-thirds of Bioshock Infinite is delayed untill a future date.  Full release of Bioshock Infinite is estimated to occur on April 31st, 2014.

Remember, voting is now open for The Fifth Annual The Four Star Awards.  The Fifth Annual The Four Star Awards are scheduled to be unveiled on February 3rd.

A brisk wind whips around the roof of the high rise I find myself on, adding coldness to a dark day, a dark day the mid-afternoon sun is powerless to make lighter.  The rooftop is cold and dark but the offices of the charity housed in this building are darker.

Volume 11 by Hunter Red.  Buy it on Amazon or don't.

The Fifth Annual The Four Star Awards Nomination Special

The time has come.  The process of compiling nominees has been going on all year, but now the nominees can be unveiled to a public tasked to participate.  The time has come for The Fifth Annual The Four Star Awards!!!

The Fifth Annual The Four Star Awards

In a departure from previous years, The Fifth Annual The Four Star Awards will give awards to the worst of the worst.  The worst games, movies, music, people, and TV shows.  Nominees were decided based on Meticritic scores, public scorn, media scorn, and the personal opinions of the employees of The Redertainment Corporation Of America.

There are five nominees for every category to be voted upon.  Voting can be done at The Fifth Annual The Four Star Awards Facebook Page.  Voting is open now.  Winners will be determined on February 2nd, just before The Fifth Annual The Four Star Awards goes live on Sunday, February 3rd.  Voting is free to anyone who is on Facebook.  There will also be a final overall category, nominees for which will come from the winners of the other categories.

Here are your nominees for The Fifth Annual The Four Star Awards:

Worst Movie

Joyful Noise, 1000 Words, The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn: Part 2, That's My Boy, The Watch

Worst Video Game

Amy, The Expendables 2 (Video Game), Fray, Gettysburg: Armored Warfare

Worst Music

LMFAO, Carly Rae Jepsen, Chris Brown, Marilyn Manson, Hank Williams Jr.,

Worst TV Show

Work It, Dance Moms, Toddlers And Tiaras, Here Comes Honey Boo Boo Child, Bristol Palin: Life's A Trip

Worst Personality

Rush Limbaugh, Keith Olbermann, Rick Scott, Scott Walker, Todd Akin

Voting is open now.  If you are displeased with the nominees provided, create your own damn award show.

THQ Drowns Under Giant Purple Dilldo Bats

I remember one time coming upon a situation that has always stayed in my mind.  It was a pond with two people at it.  One was in the water, the other wasn't.  The person in the water was thrashing about, trying to stay afloat, in total distress.  The person not in the water was watching the other and doing nothing.  Eventually the person in the water went underneath the water, dying as a result, and the person not in the water did nothing.  I did nothing as well, but I was listening to In The Air Of The Night, which I mistakenly believed mirrored the situation I was observing.

What does the paragraph above have to do with anything?  This week, THQ filed for bankruptcy.  After much struggling, thrashing about, and desperately trying to help itself, THQ drowned under the weight of it's debt.  And we all watched it happen.  And laughed.  And hit people with giant purple dilldo bats.

As Phil Collins once said, "You're fucking the painter!"  So true.  So true.

The Fourth Annual The Four Star Awards

A Statement About SOPA

Before we present to you The Fourth Annual The Four Star Awards, we present to you a statement from the President of The Redertainment Corporation Of American, Rodger Red.

Greetings. I am Rodger Red, President of The Redertainment Corporation Of America. Over the past couple of weeks, my office has been asked about our stance on SOPA. After consulting with our legal department, as well as several different knowledgable individuals about this topic, I have crafted a stance that reflects the viewpoints of not just myself but the entirety of The Redertainment Corporation Of America.

We here at The Redertainment Corporation Of America are proud to say that we support SOPA. It the belief of The Redertainment Corporation Of America that SOPA is something that everybody should use in their everyday life. We have come to this conclusion because we have seen what happens when individuals do not use SOPA. We have seen many individuals devolve into behavior that is destructive for themselves and the communities that they live in when they do not use SOPA on a regular basis.

It is the belief of The Redertainment Corporation Of America that the lives of every human being can be greatly enhances through the implementation and all encompassing application of SOPA. While The Redertainment Corporation Of America does have reservations about the federal government mandating the use of SOPA, we feel that an aggressive public service campaign can make the use of SOPA not only overwhelmingly appealing but almost compulsory.

At The Redertainment Corporation Of America, all of our employees use SOPA everyday. I use Safeguard brand SOPA, Julia Diana Bobbi uses Dove brand SOPA, while our secretary Liz uses Ivory brand SOPA. Our star employee Hunter Red currently uses a Old Spice brand body wash that my daughter, Allison, got him for Christmas.



The Fourth Annual The Four Star Awards

This year we opened up the voting for The Four Star Awards to a wider and more available audience. The Redertainment Corporation Of America made voting available on Facebook, making voting open to everybody that is currently on the largest social media platform in the world. However, much like years in the past, there was very few votes cast in this year's awards.

Three. Just three people voted in this year's awards. Only Hunter Red, Jim Jenkins, and Krystian Skomra took advantage of this opportunity to vote on this year's The Four Star Awards.

Regardless, the awards will move on. This year, all ties in voting will be decided by a coin flip. The winner of The Four Star Award will be decided by die roll. So now, here are The Fourth Annual The Four Star Awards.



TV

Nominees:

American Horror Story
Breaking Bad
The Chicago Code
The Onion News Network/SportsDome
Tosh.0

Only one nominee received votes in this category, so, your winner of The Four Star Award in the TV category is:

American Horror Story



Movie

Nominees:

Attack The Block
Drive
Red State
Rise of the Planet of the Apes
Super 8

Only two nominees in this category received votes, Attack The Block and Drive. Now the winner, by coin flip:

Drive



Album

Nominees:

Cage The Elephant- Thank You Happy Birthday
Childish Gambino- Camp
Lupe Fiasco- Lasers
The Nightwatchmen- World Wide Rebel Songs
The Strokes- Angles

The only nominees in this category to receive votes was Thank You Happy Birthday and Lasers. Now, the winner by coin flip:

Cage The Elephant- Thank You Happy Birthday



Video Games

Nominees:

Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim
L.A. Noire
Portal 2
Saints Row The Third
Super Mario 3D Land

The winner, with two votes:

Skyrim



Personality Of The Year

Nominees:

CM Punk
GLaDOS
Keith Olbermann
Lady Gaga
Rebecca Black

Only CM Punk and GlaDOS received votes in this category. The winner, via coin flip:

CM Punk



Disappointment Of The Year

On April 20th, 2011, Sony's Playstation Network went down. Initially no reason was given for this outage, leading to a lot of speculation and worry about the nature of the outage, the integrity of the service itself, and whether user's personal information was compromised. Eventually, Sony disclosed that the outage was due to an "outside intrusion" and that user's personal information has in fact been compromised.

The way that Sony handled this crisis, including leaving many users in the dark about what was going on for several days, is generally seen as a giant mistake. In fact, throughout most of this year, the Sony Playstation Network hacking and the way Sony handled it was the frontrunner for this award. However, in August that started to change.

In August, users of Microsoft's Xbox Live started reporting illegitimate charges being made to their credit card accounts. When they dug further, these users found that these charges were tied to content being bought for several Electronic Arts's sports properties, most notably FIFA 12. Despite this issue being widespread and many users, some with prominent video game blogs and podcasts, openly saying that they believed this was an issue with Xbox Live, Microsoft continued to publicly say that the problem was not on their end. Microsoft continued to stress that the problem was on the user's side and that their online architecture was secure. This scandal is continuing to be played out, but another move by Microsoft, as well as by Sony, may impede user's ability to get recourse in matters of this nature.

In November 2011, Microsoft updated the End User License Agreement for Xbox Live. Among other changes made to this agreement, language was inserted pertaining to the kinds of legal action users that agree to the EULA can take against Microsoft. This language prevents users who agree to the EULA from filing class action lawsuits against Microsoft. This move follows a similar move made by Sony in relation to the Playstation Network. In addition, there is also the long standing issue of not being able to erase your credit card information off of Xbox Live, and the complete inability to completely erase your profile and profile information off of the Playstation Network.

These moves and the openly hostile stance that both Sony and Microsoft toward it's users in any issue, whether the issue is small and trivial or large and critical, makes one thing abundantly clear: Sony Computer Entertainment of America and the gaming division of Microsoft have a lackadaisical attitude toward protecting the information that their users freely give to them and see those same users, all of them no matter their history or standing as a customer, as a dire and malicious threat to their online architecture and their company as a whole. For this reason, The Four Star Award for Disappointment Of The Year goes to both Sony and Microsoft.


Sony And Microsoft


The Four Star Award

Nominees:

American Horror Story
Cage The Elephant- Thank You Happy Birthday
CM Punk
Drive
Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim
Sony and Microsoft

Each of the numbers were given to each of the six winners in the categories that came before. The numbers were given out by alphabetical order. The dice roll came up:

Therefore, the winner via dice roll:

Sony and Microsoft

Review Of The Four Star Awards Nomination Special Q34T98U89I

Review: N-Control The Avenger Q34T98U89I

There are many products that are especially crafted to assist disabled people in their everyday lives. However, there are few products that can assist disabled people in their everyday gaming. More and more of these products are hitting the market, including the N-Control The Avenger.

The N-Control The Avenger is a controller that is already available and is specially designed to help people with limited hand mobility perform the quick, frequent movements that is necessary when playing many of today's modern video games.

Not wanting to rest on their laurels, N-Control is quickly developing many other products that can help disabled games in their everyday gaming pursuits. Among those products is the N-Control The Avenger Q34T98U89I.

This products has many more apparatuses than the regular the N-Control The Avenger model. These apparatuses assist those disable gamers with limited hand mobility in performing many intricate button presses at the same time. The sheer number of apparatuses available to disables gamers with limited hand mobility far outpaces any other products on the market today.

This is a pic of the N-Control The Avenger Q34T98U89I in action. In this test, we used the video entertainment product Assassin's Creed: Revelations. Through our many exhaustive hours of testing, we were able to slaughter a great number of guards, civilians, and sharks prowling the water areas of this game with relative ease. This was due to the N-Control The Avenger Q34T98U89I's patented thirty-nine point relay system that allows any person, whether you are a disabled person with limited hand mobility or a person without disabilities of any perceivable kind, to perform several button presses at once with just the slightest of manual appendage movement

However, our testing period was not without it's flaws. There were many times where the hand of our testers, both disabled persons and persons without disabilities of any perceivable kind, got their hands caught within the apparatuses of the N-Control The Avenger Q34T98U89I. This matter was quickly resolved after several emails with a representative who was very helpful. This helpfulness was proceeded and followed up with several messages where the representatives questioned our sexual prowess and the validity of our births.

There are two distinct and different models of the N-Control The Avenger Q34T98U89I for both the Microsoft Corporation Xbox 360 computer console entertainment platform...

...and for the Sony Kabushiki Gaisha Playstation 3 computer console entertainment platform. We here at R.C.O.A.: The Four Stars Blog wholeheartedly give this product our highest of honors:

N-Control The Avenger Q34T98U89I: That's Awesome!




Now is the time. The time for the voting to begin. The voting. The voting. Voting for what?

The Fourth Annual The Four Star Awards

The Four Star Awards have changed from years past. No longer will The Four Star Awards honor or dishonor only video games. This year The Four Star Awards honors or dishonors video games, music, movie, television, and personalities.

Also for The Fourth Annual The Four Star Awards, voting has been made incredibly simple. Just go to this link. Yes, this link. What is this link? Not porn. Rather, this link is to the Facebook page for The Fourth Annual The Four Star Awards. There, at this link, you can vote for four of the six awards that will be awarded on January 15th. Voting is open NOW, at this link.

The nominees for the five categories that you can vote for, at this link, are listed below. The other two categories are The Four Star Award, and Disappointment Of The Year. The Four Star Award is an overall best of the year award, and the nominees for this award will consist of the five winners of the categories that you can vote for, at this link. The Disappointment Of The Year will be handled by the lead writer of The Redertainment Corporation Of America, Hunter Red.


The Fourth Annual Four Star Awards


Album Of The Year
Cage The Elephant- Thank You Happy Birthday
Childish Gambino- Camp
Lupe Fiasco- Lasers
The Nightwatchmen- World Wide Rebel Songs
The Strokes- Angles


Movie Of The Year
Attack The Block
Drive
Red State
Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes
Super 8


Video Game Of The Year
Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim
L.A. Noire
Portal 2
Saint's Row: The Third
Super Mario Land 3D


TV Show Of The Year
American Horror Story
Breaking Bad
The Chicago Code
The Onion News Network/SportsDome
Tosh.0


Personality Of The Year
This award is for the best personality is movies, video games, television, or music in this year.
CM Punk
Glados
Keith Olbermann
Lady Gaga
Rebecca Black


Go to this link, yes this link, the link that is linked here and vote for The Fourth Annual The Four Star Awards, which is available at this link.