The Red's Dinner With A Deviant Animal Fondler

Dinner With The Reds

A couple of months ago, the matriarch of the Red family, Allison, pictured above, tried to start a tradition of having her entire family over for Sunday dinner.  This tradition didn't last long as her only son, Hunter, pictured above, spent several weeks in rehab and afterward just didn't want to do it.  In addition to that, the patriarch of the Red family, Keith, pictured above, also chose to take additional shifts at work in order to pay for something, money he later spent on beer.  Undeterred by failure, Allison tried once again to get the Sunday family dinner tradition started.  Our story begins when Hunter enters the Red family home.

Hunter Red-  Hello.

Hunter is in the front room of the Red family home.  Keith is in the family room, where he will stay throughout this entire scene.

Keith Red-  Keep it down, Pawn Stars is on.

Allison comes into the front room to greet her son.

Allison Red-  Hunter.  It's good that you're here, I need your help in the kitchen.

Hunter Red-  Why isn't Dad helping you?

Keith Red-  You're never going to be able to get a thousand dollars for that hunk of tin.

Allison Red-  He's busy.  Come here and help me with this.

Hunter and Allison enter the kitchen of the Red family home.

Allison Red-  Will you get that down for me?

Allison points to a George Forman Grill that sits on top of the refrigerator.  Hunter easily gets the grill down from what is a high and unreachable place for Allison.

Hunter Red-  What are you going to make with this.

Allison Red-  Oh, I don't cook with this anymore.

Hunter Red-  Who does?

Allison Red-  I just wanted it down so I could clean it.  That thing has been collecting dust for weeks and it's been bugging me for about that long.

Hunter Red-  Don't you have a step stool?

Allison Red-  Yes, but why do I need that when you're around?

Hunter Red-  Because I'm not always around.

Keith Red-  That jersey ain't going to be worth shit because it's a Yankees jersey.

Allison Red-  So, what are you doing on Tuesday?

Hunter Red-  Work.

Allison Red-  What about after work?

Hunter rolls his eyes at his mother's questions.

Hunter Red-  What do you need me to do?

Allison Red-  What's with that tone?

Keith Red-  Damn, that's a sweet hot rod.

Hunter Red-  Whenever you ask me what my schedule is or what I'm doing on certain days, you always need me to do something.  It's a way to see if I have nothing planned before you ask me to do something so that I have no way to get out of it.

Allison is offended by this statement.

Allison Red-  Hunter, you act like I'm some sort of a burden.  You act like whenever I ask you a question that there's always an motive behind it.

Hunter Red-  Because there is.  Last summer you asked me if I was planning to take a vacation, which I wasn't planning to, then you asked me if I could help you put in the garden that you don't attend to anymore.  In the spring, you asked me what I was doing on Saturdays in March, when I said nothing much, you asked me to help you put in that display case in the front room.  Even when I was in rehab, when you knew where I was and what I was doing, you were texting me about wanting help getting at the photo albums.

Keith Red-  I told you that was a worthless pile of tin!

Allison Red-  Is it so wrong to ask my son for help?

Hunter Red-  No, it's not, but the way you ask for help aggravates me.  It makes me think that any conversation with you can be turned into a request for help.  Just be more direct about it.  Don't ask me if I'm doing anything on Tuesday, say to me "I'm doing something on Tuesday, can you help with it?"

Allison Red-  And you'll help with it?

Hunter Red-  Yes, assuming I don't have work or an appointment with my psychologist, I will gladly help you with whatever you are doing.

Allison is relieved to hear this.

Allison Red-  Okay.  I want to start finishing the basement on Saturday.  Can you help with that?

Hunter Red-  Yes, I can.  When do you need me to be here?

Allison Red-  I was thinking ten.

Hunter Red-  I'll be here.

Mother and son hug.  There is no good reason for this other than it fits the moment.

Allison Red-  Okay.  Now, go downstairs and see how your father is.

Keith Red-  What do you mean the hotrod is rusting from the inside?

Hunter Red-  Actually, I think I have an appointment with Dr. Anderson.

Allison is slightly amused by this.

END SCENE

First Impressions- Little Deviants (Vita)

First of all...

I GOT A VITA AND YOU DON'T!  NYA NYA NYA NYA NYA NYA!  :P

Included in the first edition bundle of the Sony PS Vita, which I have and you don't, is a game called Little Deviants.  When I first saw this game I was delighted.  Deviancy is something that I strive for as I feel conformity is something to be avoided at all costs.  So the thought of playing a game where I played as a deviant filled me with joy.  Then I played the game.

Little Deviants is more or less a proof of concept for two of the most highly touted features of the Vita.  The game utilizes the camera as well as the touchscreen on the back of the Vita in gameplay settings.  In practice this has mixed results.  The levels that utilize the camera are interesting, possibly more interesting if you are in an interesting place.  However, moving your Vita back and forth while sitting in a location may cause people to think that you are undergoing some sort of psychotic episode.  Seriously, my supervisors at work wanted to talk to me after seeing me play one of the camera utilizing levels in the breakroom at work.  They thought I was miming throttling someone.  Really.

The levels that utilize the back touchscreen also have mixed results.  I have often complained about playing games on my iPad because, in order to manipulate the game experience, I have to put my fingers in the way of what I'm playing.  Putting a touchpad on the back of the Vita is a way or going around this problem.  Now you can manipulate the game experience with your fingers without your fingers getting in the way of what you are playing.  However, this also brings up an additional problem.  When playing the levels of the game that utilized the back touchscreen, I had a hard time figuring out where my fingers were and where I should put them.  Sure when I put my fingers on the back touchscreen it became clear to me where my fingers were, but I prefer to know what I will do in a game environment before I do it.  As I played the game more I became more familiar with the placement of my fingers on the back touchscreen, but the problem of not seeing my fingers still came up sometimes while playing the game.

Overall, Little Deviants is a great game to start out playing the Vita with.  It allows you to come into contact with some of the new features of the PS Vita in a way that delights you in your very core.  It's not perfect, as the controls do take some getting used to, but Little Deviants is a good start.  I look forward to playing this game more in the future.

Hunter Red Submits His Name To Be A Judge

Hot on the heels of their lawsuit against SeaWorld, arguing that whales should get the same protections as humans, the activist group People For The Ethical Treatment Of Animals has filed a lawsuit against the organizers of the Westminster Dog Show.

PETA alleges that the group responsible for the annual high class event, The Westminster Kennel Club, engages in unethical conduct when judging the various canine contestants.  This judging includes a manual inspection of the dog's ears, teeth, neck, legs, paws, torso, tail, and genitals.  PETA's lawsuit centers on the genital inspection portion of the judging.  The lawsuit asserts that dogs should receive the same rights as humans under the law, and as such should receive protection from sexual assault by the people judging the competition.  The lawsuit calls that for the genital inspection portion of the canine judging be removed and that the judges who served at this year's Westminster Dog Show be brought up on rape charges.

The Westminster Kennel Club did try to keep this legal action quiet by attempting to settle this lawsuit out of court.  One of the offers that the WKC put on the table was an agreement that was also approved by The Trump Organization, owners of the Miss USA pageant.  In this agreement, genital inspection would not be removed from the judging portion of the Westminster Dog Show.  Rather, genital inspection would be added to the Miss USA pageant.  It is unclear as to where and when these inspections would take place, but Mr. Trump is said to be in talks with Pay Per View providers about some sort of "High Class Judge Show".

The lawsuit is expected to go to court in June.  This publication will keep you up to date on any developments in this case.

A The Redertainment Corporation Of America Special Report

Over the past couple of weeks, our reporter, Julia Diana Bobbi, has been researching a story about pornography on the internet.  While pornography on the internet is nothing new, Miss Bobbi has found a shocking uptick in the prevalence of one particular kind of pornographic content: Animal Child Porn.

While child pornography is reprehensible on it's own, and animal porn is in some circles equally sick, the combination of animal porn and child porn is something that is rarely seen.  However, according to the reporting of Miss Bobbi, this particular kind of pornography is being uploaded at a faster rate than ever before.  For this report, Julia Diana Bobbi prepared seventeen links that are examples of Animal Child Pornography.  We warn you, the pics that are at the links provided are disturbing.

1- This is a picture of a child, no more than six, with a dog, no more than three.

2- This is a young child with an equally young cat.

3- This is a picture of a baby engaged in some sort of food play with multiple dogs.

4- This is a child engaged in some sort of chocking game with a cat in the process of exhibiting his ears.

5- This is a picture of a large cat being taunted with a small child.

6- This is multiple young dogs "playing" with a very young child.

7- This picture is being touted as reminicent of donkey shows.

8- I don't want to describe where the mouth of this horse is.

9- This picture contains several animals "interacting" with several yound girls.

10- This is what is known as "glass play".

11- Sometimes adults are protrayed as going along on a "safari" with multiple children.

12- There are even movies available that protray this deviant behavior.

13- The display of long necks serve as a kind of sick turn on.

14- Occasionally costumes will be involved.

15- Not all of the pictures are happy. Some make an effort to display sadness.

16- Others revel in their depiction of happiness.

17- There are also animated versions available, serving two kind of fetishes.

Source

Urine Soaked Parental Search

In my search for the elusive President of The Redertainment Corporation Of America, I first thought of going to the place that Rodger Red calls home. After getting the address from the General Executive Secretary, Liz, I found Rodger's home. It was a modest home, which was shocking given how rich the patriarch of the Red family is said to be. The grass in front of the home looked as if it hadn't been attended to in months. The garden, much longer. The closer I got to the entrance of the home, the more concerned I became. This home looked like the kind of thing you see in a horror film, or so I've been told as I've never partaken in that particular genre of cinema.

The door of the home of Rodger Red was simple. No ornate design or even a window to see to the outside, just a simple door with a simple knock and a simple sign that reads "No Solicitors". I knocked on the door three times, each time I felt the grime that covered every inch of this simple door. I waited for someone to respond. No one did. Then I knocked again, trying to hit the same point as to not collect any more of the door's grime on my knuckles. No response. Then I called out to the occupants of the home.

"Rodger. Rodger! Are you there Rodger?"

I waited a moment for a response. None came. Persisting, I knocked on the door again, this time harder. This time I did get a response but not from the occupants of the home. When I struck the door, it moved. The door opened a tiny crack, small enough for me to peer into but not large enough for me to enter.

I peered into the home of Rodger Red and saw nothing particularly out of the ordinary. It looked like the kind of home that my grandparents kept. The only thing I thought was odd was how little light there was in the home. The drapes on the windows were tightly drawn and none of the electric lights in the home were on. Odd. I called out to the occupants of the home again.

"Rodger! Rodger, are you okay? Can you hear me, Rodger?"

I could not hear a response, and was concerned by this fact. No one had seen Rodger Red for a couple of days and I was concerned that he was at home, unable to move or respond, on the verge of death. I made the decision right there and then to push into the home. If the cops had any problem with it, I would just tell them that I was concerned about an elderly person I knew and was checking up on them. Also, I don't look like a thief.

I pushed on the door, I heard a sound. A cat meowing in surprise at being disturbed. The more I pushed forward, the more cats I heard. Finally, once I has opened the door just enough to squeeze into the home, I saw the dominant lifeform in this house. The entire house had been taken over by cats, and there were a great many of them. I could not take a step without stepping on, over, or in other ways disturbing a cat. As I ventured further into the house, the smell of the feline infestation became overwhelming. Every kind of cat smell I could think of, and some I honestly had never thought of, was present in the house. The house looked like it hadn't been cleaned in a great amount of time, more time than any reasonable person could stand.

I stood in the kitchen, or what resembled a kitchen, and pulled out my cellphone to use as a light. Instantly, a thousand cats went scrambling, like cockroaches, away from the light. That is when I called out for the occupants again.

"Rodger? Can you hear me?"

The cats reacted to my voice, no human did. Searching around with the small amount of light provided by my cellphone, I found a set of stairs heading upward. I slowly climbed these stairs, clearing cats away on every tread. Reaching the top of the stairs, I found a number of doors. Most of them looked like they hadn't been touched by human hands in a long, long time. One did. The doorknob to one door stood as a stark contrast to the rest of the house. It was clean. Making my way to the door, I felt the need to announce myself before intruding more than I already had.

"Rodger? I'm going to open this door now. I'm sorry if I disturb you, Rodger. I'm really concerned about you, Rodger. Please forgive me."

The response I received was the same as before. Remembering my experience from the front door, I grabbed onto the doorknob, twisted, and shoved the door forward as hard as I could. There was no resistance behind the door, causing the door to fly open, shocking the person inside.

"Aaaah! Who are you what are you doing in my house? Aaaah!!!"

This was not Rodger. I know Rodger, not as well as his family might know him, but I know Rodger enough to know that Rodger Red is not a woman. I tried to apologize for my intrusion.

"I'm sorry miss, I just-"

"Who are you? You're one of those home invasion people the news told me about."

"No, I'm just looking for someone."

"You're just looking for a fix! Well, I'll fix you."

The woman grabbed one of the any cats that were present in her room and threw it at me. I took this as a sign that I should leave, and leave now. Speed was my primary concern as I left this house, not how many cats I stepped on or how many things I knocked over to do so.

I made it out to my car and took a deep breath, grateful that I was out of that house and into a place with clean air. Once I caught my breath, I called the one person in the Red family I knew, Rodger's grandson and my co-worker Hunter. It took three rings for Hunter to answer.

"Hello?"

"Hunter?"

"Yes?"

"This is Julia."

"I know that, I have your number in my phone."

"Listen, I was looking for Rodger, and I went by his home."

"Okay."

"And when I went inside I found all these cats, and there was a woman inside, and the house was just disgusting."

There was a short pause in the conversation before Hunter responded.

"Do you have the address right?"

I didn't know what Hunter meant by that, so it took me a second to respond.

"I, I think I have the address right."

"What address do you have?"

I found the piece of paper with the address Liz gave me and recited it to Hunter.

"1230 South Rockview Boulevard."

"And what house are you sitting in front of?"

I searched the front of the house for a number.

"I can't see a number on the front of the house, but this should be 1230, right?"

"No."

"No?"

"No. The house you went into is the crazy cat lady that lives next door to Rodger."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, she's lived there for years. In fact, when it rains, and the rain hits the north side of that house, the odor of cat piss causes Rodger to have an asthma attack."

I did not need to know that.

"Gee thanks, Hunter."

"No problem."

"So I should go next door and look for Rodger?"

"Actually he's on the news right now."

"What?"

"Yeah, Rodger is on the news right now telling people how he really needs more advertising revenue to keep Redertainment afloat."

The feeling of impotence is something I had never been familiar with untill that moment.

"So, Rodger is okay?"

"He is, now. Once I get a hold of him, it's another tale."

"Okay. I'm coming back to the office."

"Allright. See you soon."

I hung up the phone and started my car. As a pulled away from the home I made a mental note to myself. That note: Thoroughly clean my house, and get rid of my cat, Mr. Fuzzytail.

The Fourth Annual The Four Star Awards

A Statement About SOPA

Before we present to you The Fourth Annual The Four Star Awards, we present to you a statement from the President of The Redertainment Corporation Of American, Rodger Red.

Greetings. I am Rodger Red, President of The Redertainment Corporation Of America. Over the past couple of weeks, my office has been asked about our stance on SOPA. After consulting with our legal department, as well as several different knowledgable individuals about this topic, I have crafted a stance that reflects the viewpoints of not just myself but the entirety of The Redertainment Corporation Of America.

We here at The Redertainment Corporation Of America are proud to say that we support SOPA. It the belief of The Redertainment Corporation Of America that SOPA is something that everybody should use in their everyday life. We have come to this conclusion because we have seen what happens when individuals do not use SOPA. We have seen many individuals devolve into behavior that is destructive for themselves and the communities that they live in when they do not use SOPA on a regular basis.

It is the belief of The Redertainment Corporation Of America that the lives of every human being can be greatly enhances through the implementation and all encompassing application of SOPA. While The Redertainment Corporation Of America does have reservations about the federal government mandating the use of SOPA, we feel that an aggressive public service campaign can make the use of SOPA not only overwhelmingly appealing but almost compulsory.

At The Redertainment Corporation Of America, all of our employees use SOPA everyday. I use Safeguard brand SOPA, Julia Diana Bobbi uses Dove brand SOPA, while our secretary Liz uses Ivory brand SOPA. Our star employee Hunter Red currently uses a Old Spice brand body wash that my daughter, Allison, got him for Christmas.



The Fourth Annual The Four Star Awards

This year we opened up the voting for The Four Star Awards to a wider and more available audience. The Redertainment Corporation Of America made voting available on Facebook, making voting open to everybody that is currently on the largest social media platform in the world. However, much like years in the past, there was very few votes cast in this year's awards.

Three. Just three people voted in this year's awards. Only Hunter Red, Jim Jenkins, and Krystian Skomra took advantage of this opportunity to vote on this year's The Four Star Awards.

Regardless, the awards will move on. This year, all ties in voting will be decided by a coin flip. The winner of The Four Star Award will be decided by die roll. So now, here are The Fourth Annual The Four Star Awards.



TV

Nominees:

American Horror Story
Breaking Bad
The Chicago Code
The Onion News Network/SportsDome
Tosh.0

Only one nominee received votes in this category, so, your winner of The Four Star Award in the TV category is:

American Horror Story



Movie

Nominees:

Attack The Block
Drive
Red State
Rise of the Planet of the Apes
Super 8

Only two nominees in this category received votes, Attack The Block and Drive. Now the winner, by coin flip:

Drive



Album

Nominees:

Cage The Elephant- Thank You Happy Birthday
Childish Gambino- Camp
Lupe Fiasco- Lasers
The Nightwatchmen- World Wide Rebel Songs
The Strokes- Angles

The only nominees in this category to receive votes was Thank You Happy Birthday and Lasers. Now, the winner by coin flip:

Cage The Elephant- Thank You Happy Birthday



Video Games

Nominees:

Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim
L.A. Noire
Portal 2
Saints Row The Third
Super Mario 3D Land

The winner, with two votes:

Skyrim



Personality Of The Year

Nominees:

CM Punk
GLaDOS
Keith Olbermann
Lady Gaga
Rebecca Black

Only CM Punk and GlaDOS received votes in this category. The winner, via coin flip:

CM Punk



Disappointment Of The Year

On April 20th, 2011, Sony's Playstation Network went down. Initially no reason was given for this outage, leading to a lot of speculation and worry about the nature of the outage, the integrity of the service itself, and whether user's personal information was compromised. Eventually, Sony disclosed that the outage was due to an "outside intrusion" and that user's personal information has in fact been compromised.

The way that Sony handled this crisis, including leaving many users in the dark about what was going on for several days, is generally seen as a giant mistake. In fact, throughout most of this year, the Sony Playstation Network hacking and the way Sony handled it was the frontrunner for this award. However, in August that started to change.

In August, users of Microsoft's Xbox Live started reporting illegitimate charges being made to their credit card accounts. When they dug further, these users found that these charges were tied to content being bought for several Electronic Arts's sports properties, most notably FIFA 12. Despite this issue being widespread and many users, some with prominent video game blogs and podcasts, openly saying that they believed this was an issue with Xbox Live, Microsoft continued to publicly say that the problem was not on their end. Microsoft continued to stress that the problem was on the user's side and that their online architecture was secure. This scandal is continuing to be played out, but another move by Microsoft, as well as by Sony, may impede user's ability to get recourse in matters of this nature.

In November 2011, Microsoft updated the End User License Agreement for Xbox Live. Among other changes made to this agreement, language was inserted pertaining to the kinds of legal action users that agree to the EULA can take against Microsoft. This language prevents users who agree to the EULA from filing class action lawsuits against Microsoft. This move follows a similar move made by Sony in relation to the Playstation Network. In addition, there is also the long standing issue of not being able to erase your credit card information off of Xbox Live, and the complete inability to completely erase your profile and profile information off of the Playstation Network.

These moves and the openly hostile stance that both Sony and Microsoft toward it's users in any issue, whether the issue is small and trivial or large and critical, makes one thing abundantly clear: Sony Computer Entertainment of America and the gaming division of Microsoft have a lackadaisical attitude toward protecting the information that their users freely give to them and see those same users, all of them no matter their history or standing as a customer, as a dire and malicious threat to their online architecture and their company as a whole. For this reason, The Four Star Award for Disappointment Of The Year goes to both Sony and Microsoft.


Sony And Microsoft


The Four Star Award

Nominees:

American Horror Story
Cage The Elephant- Thank You Happy Birthday
CM Punk
Drive
Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim
Sony and Microsoft

Each of the numbers were given to each of the six winners in the categories that came before. The numbers were given out by alphabetical order. The dice roll came up:

Therefore, the winner via dice roll:

Sony and Microsoft

That Power That Comes With Reviewing And Interviewing

Red Review: Sims Social

Hunter Red is sitting in his house. Things of all kinds are piled up everywhere. There is very little room to move inside Hunter's house. Hunter is sitting in his big, comfy, oversized chair looking at the utter clutter.

Hunter Red- Man, my place is crammed. There's hardly any room to breathe in here, much less room. How am I supposed to attract a woman with a place this cluttered? I need more space.

Hunter Red pulls out his iPad and starts fiddling around with it.

Hunter Red- Hmmm. A ten by ten living space for twenty-four thousand simoleons. Kind of expensive, but I think I can just about afford it.

Hunter Red presses an icon on his iPad.

Hunter Red- Maneuver it over to this side, flip it add a door, and I'm done.

Hunter Red sets down his iPad. Suddenly, on one of the walls, a door appears. Hunter looks at the door and says-

Hunter Red- Kind of a simplistic design, but it'll do.

Hunter Red steps through the door and find a new, clean, clear, perfectly white room attached to his house. Hunter looks around the room and says-

Hunter Red- Great! Now to fill it with things.

Hunter Red picks up his iPad and starts fiddling with it again. Suddenly things start flying into Hunter's new room from all directions. There's a new TV, piano, drawing easel, sandwich press, hottub, king size bed, ice sculpture, all sorts of other things. So many things fly into Hunter's now formerly clean and clear room that now the new room is just as cluttered as the old room. Hunter looks around this newly cluttered room and says-

Hunter Red- Looks like I need more space, but I don't have the cash to do it.

Hunter Red look at his laptop and says-

Hunter Red- Looks like it's time to get to work. Too bad. I meant to woo-hoo this random girl from France today.

Hunter Red sits down at his laptop and starts Writing Blog Posts for one simoleon a piece untill the scene ends.


Sim Social: A-







The Red Interview- Hideo Kojima

It is just before the show is to begin and Julia Diana Bobbi look absolutely frantic.

Julia Diana Bobbi- Oh no. Oh no. Oh no.

Liz is backstage and comes over to talk to Julia.

Liz- Julia, what's going on?
Julia Diana Bobbi- Liz, I don't- I mean- Oh Christ!
Liz- Julia, calm down. Take a deep breath and tell me what's going on.

Julia takes several deep breaths and begins to calm down.

Julia Diana Bobbi- Sorry. I'm a bit frazzled.
Liz- What's going on?
Julia Diana Bobbi- I'm not prepared for this interview I'm about to do.
Liz- The Red Interview with Hideo Kojima?
Julia Diana Bobbi- Yes. I've been going around town preparing for Christmas, and it just slipped my mind.
Liz- Okay. Can we call it off?
Julia Diana Bobbi- No. There's a full crowd, Mr. Kojima is here, I can't call it off.
Liz- Relax.

Liz starts to look around the backstage area. She sees something on a table that causes her eyes to light up. It is the latest edition of Rolling Stone.

Liz picks it up and flips through it finds an interview with Bob Seger. Liz hand the interview to Julia.

Liz- Here, use this.
Julia Diana Bobbi- What, this interview?
Liz- Yes. Repurpose the questions from this interview for the interview tonight.
Julia Diana Bobbi- But what if the questions don't fit?
Liz- A good interviewer can make anything look. Now, go!

Liz pushes Julia out onto the stage. The crowd in the theater erupts in applause at the sight of her. Julia takes a seat on an elevated platform and begins the show.

Julia Diana Bobbi- Good evening, and welcome to The Red Interview. Tonight, we have an iconic force in entertainment. Please welcome Hideo Kojima.

Hideo Kojima walks out on the stage and joins Julia on the elevated platform.

Julia Diana Bobbi- Mr. Kojima, it is so nice to have you here.
Hideo Kojima- The pleasure is all mine.
Julia Diana Bobbi- You've been in the country for some time promoting your latest work. What are your best memories from this tour so far?
Hideo Kojima- Well, a clear highlight for me is my appearance on the Spike Video Game Awards. That appearance didn't go quite as smoothly as I would have liked, but it was great to interact with the fans and see their reaction to my latest project.

Julia starts fumbling around with the magazine in her hands.

Julia Diana Bobbi- What amazes you about Springsteen?
Hideo Kojima- Excuse me?
Julia Diana Bobbi- You know, Bruce Springsteen?
Hideo Kojima- The Boss.
Julia Diana Bobbi- Yes.
Hideo Kojima- One of the things that amazes me the most about Bruce Springsteen is his longevity in music business. It is one of my sincere hopes to have the longtime impact that an artist like The Boss has had in my particular line of work.

Julia against starts fumbling around with the magazine.

Julia Diana Bobbi- Um, in addition to TV shows and online, your work is also talked about on the radio. When was the first time you heard your work talked about on the radio?
Hideo Kojima- Radio? They still have that?

Julia against starts fumbling around with the magazine.

Julia Diana Bobbi- Do you remember where you were when you first heard "Night Moves"?
Hideo Kojima- Night Moves? Is that a real thing?
Julia Diana Bobbi- I believe so.
Hideo Kojima- I thought that was just a thing from Children's Hospital.

Julia against starts fumbling around with the magazine.

Julia Diana Bobbi- I once heard John Fogerty say that he wrote songs while staring at a blank wall. Do you have any secret techniques?
Hideo Kojima- Not really. I do like reading in depth history books and drawing inspiration from the political intrigues of the past, but any people do that. I could say that I write my video games high, but I don't do that and many people do that anyway.

Julia against starts fumbling around with the magazine.

Julia Diana Bobbi- When will we get to see you again?
Hideo Kojima- I can't really talk about that, but let's just say I am formulating plans for E3.

Julia against starts fumbling around with the magazine.

Julia Diana Bobbi- You look like you've lost weight recently.
Hideo Kojima- I do?

Julia against starts fumbling around with the magazine.

Julia Diana Bobbi- So when will you pass out tonight?
Hideo Kojima- I don't pass out much anymore. I used to back when I was first programming games. That resulted in a lot of good work coming out but also resulted in me becoming really unhealthy. In recent years, I've gotten better about time management. Some would argue that has resulted in my work not living up to my previous standard, but those people can blow me.
Julia Diana Bobbi- Okay, well that is all for The Red Interview for tonight. I'd like to thank my guest, Hideo Kojima, as well as the studio audience and you the viewer for watching. Goodnight.

The stage goes dark as Julia hurriedly rushes off, leaving Hideo Kojima to sit on the raised platform in complete darkness.


END SCENE

Unnecessary Senseless Pounding, Seriously

Unnecessary Senseless Pounding, Seriously

Julia Diana Bobbi is sitting in her office typing on her computer. Liz comes in to talk to Julia. Throughout this scene, Hunter Red is pounding away on the office door of his boss, Rodger Red, and yelling "Rodger!" Hunter Red's fruitless yelling and pounding is especially pronounced during the lulls in the conversation.

Liz- Hey.
Julia Diana Bobbi- Hey.
Liz- What are you working on?
Julia Diana Bobbi- Nothing in particular. I'm actually doing some research.
Liz- About what?
Julia Diana Bobbi- The financial situation that Redertainment is currently in.
Liz- The one that has Hunter so aggravated right now?

Lull in the conversation.

Julia Diana Bobbi- Yeah. I figures, rather than just pounding on the door and yelling, I'd do something productive.
Liz- Yeah. I mean, while pounding and yelling can give you a good aerobic workout, it not really doing anything to get answers about what's going on.

Julia's printer begins to spit out paper.

Liz- What are you printing there?
Julia Diana Bobbi- R.C.O.A. financial reports.

Julia picks up the paper from her printer and reads it over. She them begins to mark it up as she talks to Liz.

Julia Diana Bobbi- It looks like if we eliminated The Dating Show, Human Zoo, and whatever this "Project Journal" is, we can save a lot of money.
Liz- Yeah. Given that the host of The Dating Show is in jail, where he belongs, and Human Zoo has been out of production for yeas now, those can be easily done away with.

Julia then flips over to the second page of the financial reports and promptly gets a shocked look on her face.

Julia Diana Bobbi- Frick!
Liz- What?
Julia Diana Bobbi- Look at how much this company is spending on pension and retirement packages.

Julia shows the page to Liz, who then gets a shocked look on her face.

Liz- Holy fuck!
Julia Diana Bobbi- Exactly.
Liz- Why the fuck is this company spending that much money on retirement? And who is that money going to?

More paper starts to spit out of Julia's printer, which she takes out of the printer and reads.

Julia Diana Bobbi- Apparently, the money is just going to a fund that is not being used by anyone. According to this report by Anthony Severe, the reason so much is being contributed to the retirement fund is that one of the former bosses here, Seifer Kinneas, set up a system to pre-fund the R.C.O.A. retirement fund seventy-five years in advance.
Liz- What kind of moron does that?
Julia Diana Bobbi- The kind of moron who makes decisions while he is drunk.

Lull in the conversation.

Liz- So, how do we reverse this decision?
Julia Diana Bobbi- I don't know, but I guess Rodger could do it.
Liz- So why hasn't he made that decision? And where is he, anyway?

Lull in the conversation.

Julia Diana Bobbi- I don't know, but it might be time to find out.

Julia gets up from her desk and leaves her office. Liz sits down on Julia's desk. Then Liz sneaks a look on Julia's computer.

Liz- Anthony Severe, why do I remember that name? Oh yeah, he used to work here. He filled in for Hunter while he was off in rehab. Why is he popping up again?

Liz gets up and leaves Julia's office as the scene ends.


END SCENE

Interviewing Record

A Statement For The Record

In the many frantic attempts to dispute this story and condemn the people involved with the spreading of this story, the Herman Cain campaign, when commenting on Mr. Cain's recent sexual harassment allegations, stated that one of the accusers was the mother of a writer for Politico. This was based solely on both an accuser and a former writer for Politico having the same name. Despite Herman Cain's campaign manager stating that he has verified this assertion, the rumored link between the accuser and the writer was found to be false.

In an attempt to squash any connection that may be made in the future about any issue that may or may not come to light, I, Hunter F. Red, would like to state, for the record, that I am not related to the following people:


Torii Hunter, Rielle Hunter, Howard W. Hunter, Hunter S. Thompson, Red Auerbach, Kuilix, Red Skelton, Amazing Red, Redd Foxx, Red Green, Erik the Red, etc., etc., etc.



The Red Interview- Debbie Wasserman Schultz

On a lighted platform on a stage in front of an audience at The Official Office of The Redertainment Corporation Of America in Salt Lake City, UT, two chairs sit with no people sitting in them. Spurned on by a sign telling them to do so, the audience begins to applaud as Hunter Red, serving as an announcer, begins to speak.

Hunter Red(Off Stage, Not Seen)- Ladies, gentlemen, and everybody else, please welcome to The Redertainment Stage, Chairwoman of the Democratic National Committee, Representative from Florida, Debbie Wasserman Schultz.

Debbie Wasserman Schultz walks out on the stage and takes a seat to light applause from the audience.

Hunter Red(Off Stage, Not Seen)- And now, please welcome, your host for The Red Interview, Julia Diana Bobbi.

Julia Diana Bobbi walks out to the stage and takes a seat next to Debbie Wasserman-Schultz to thunderous applause from the audience. She is accompanied by the man pictured above, who stands slightly behind Julia and is not identified to this point.

Julia Diana Bobbi- Representative Wasserman Schultz, thank you for joining us today.
Debbie Wasserman Schultz- Thank you for having me.
Julia Diana Bobbi- Representative, you are sitting in a stage in Utah.
Debbie Wasserman Schultz- Yes, it is great to be here in this beautiful state.
Julia Diana Bobbi- How aware are you of the current political climate in the state of Utah?
Debbie Wasserman Schultz- Well, I am more concerned with affairs on the national level, but I am aware of the overwhelming conservative influence in Utah.
Julia Diana Bobbi- Can you tell me of the plans that the Democratic National Committee has for the upcoming elections in 2012?
Debbie Wasserman Schultz- Well, I don't want to go into much detail, but we do have some definite plans in place to make progress for liberals in the state of Utah.
Julia Diana Bobbi- Representative, do you know who you are going to coordinate with in the state of Utah in relations to the elections in 2012?
Debbie Wasserman Schultz- I know Jim Matheson will have plans for the elections next year-
Julia Diana Bobbi- I mean on the local level. Do you know who the chairman of the Utah Democratic Party is?

Debbie Wasserman Schultz thinks for a moment.

Debbie Wasserman Schultz- I don't know his name off the top of my head, but I have met him before and have a good working relationship with the chairman of the Utah Democratic Party, and look forward to working with him in the future.
Julia Diana Bobbi- You don't know the name of the chairman of the Utah Democratic Party?
Debbie Wasserman Schultz- I'm sorry, but I don't.
Julia Diana Bobbi- But if you met him, if he was standing in the room with you, you would know who he is?
Debbie Wasserman Schultz- Yes, without a doubt.

Julia Diana Bobbi motions to the man who accompanied her on stage and says-

Julia Diana Bobbi- Do you know who this is?

Debbie Wasserman Schultz thinks for a moment.

Debbie Wasserman Schultz- No, I can't say as I do.
Julia Diana Bobbi- You don't recognize him?
Debbie Wasserman Schultz- No, I do not.

Julia Diana Bobbi gets up from her chair turns to the man, Jim, who accompanied her and says-

Julia Diana Bobbi- Jim, do you want to introduce yourself to the Congresswoman?
Jim- Sure.

Jim takes Julia Diana Bobbi's seat as she walks off stage. Jim extends a hand to Debbie Wasserman Schultz to shake her hand and says-

Jim- Representative Schultz, my name is Jim Debakus, Chairman of the Utah Democratic Party.

Debbie Wasserman Schultz has an embarrassed look on her face as she shakes Jim Debakus's hand.


END SCENE



The Redertainment Corporation Of America Employee Spotlight: Hunter Red

Job Title:
Writer, Satirist, and Potential Lunch Winner for The Redertainment Corporation Of America

What was your favorite TV show as a child?

Dynasty

Have you ever met a famous person? Who?

I live in a cultural black hole. Therefore, no one interesting ever comes here.

If you were alone on a island with one CD, who's would it be?

Kylie Minogue's latest album, Aphrodite. What's with that look? DON'T JUDGE ME!!!

Where do you wish to retire?

The Galactic Leyline

What is your favorite novel or author?

It is entirely too arrogant to say that I am my favorite author. That is why I am going to say HUNTER FUCKING RED IS MY FAVORITE AUTHOR.

If you could go anywhere in the world where would you go?

Your Mom.

What would you do with a million dollars?

Bonfire

Please add one fun fact about yourself.

I might be out of a job come winter. Oh joy. (Sarcasm Emoticon)