****- I Wish I Knew This When I Was 15

I Wish I Knew This When I Was 15

Hunter Red and Robin Anderson are in Hunter’s office playing New Super Mario Bros. Wii and having a fun time while doing so.
Robin- Hey slowpoke, catch up and get this mushroom.
Hunter- I can’t get the mushroom if you keep taking them all.
R- Perhaps I should just jump on you and cause you to die again.
The two begin to laugh in enjoyment as the level ends.
R- By the way, where is Liz? I haven’t seen her bright face or tasted her good coffee today.
H- She asked for the week off for Easter.
R- Easter was on Sunday.
H- Liz has been working for me for eight years and in that time has taken fourteen days off. She’s due. Besides, it’s not like there’s anyone beating down my door to come see me.
At that moment a young girl barges into Hunter’s office, and closes the door, facing it. She’s wearing what appears to be a Catholic school girl uniform. Hunter doesn’t recognize who the girl is, Robin does.
Robin- Phoebe?
The young girl runs over to Robin, who embraces her as she cries into her chest.
Robin- Hunter, this is my cousin Phoebe. Phoebe, this is my boyfriend Hunter.
Hunter- Hi.
R- Hunter, go get Phoebe something to drink. There should be some Fantas in the fridge in my office.
H- Okay.
Hunter leaves his office and closes the door behind him.
Robin- Okay, Phoebe, sit down in the chair here.
Robin points Phoebe toward Hunter’s desk chair. Phoebe sits down in the chair and begins to wipe the tears from her eyes. Robin sits on one of the file cabinets and says-
Robin- Now Phoebe, what are you doing here? Aren’t you supposed to be at school?
Phoebe tries to compose herself as Robin patiently waits.
Phoebe- I- I- I just-
Phoebe begins to cry again. Robin kneels down in front of Phoebe and says-
Robin- Phoebe, it’s all right. You can trust me. Take your time and tell me, what is wrong?
Phoebe begins to compose herself again. She takes a deep breath, and says-
Phoebe- I just can’t stand it anymore. I just can’t. The lies, the name calling,
Phoebe points to a tear on her skirt.
Phoebe- they tear my clothes, all of it. It doesn’t stop. Every day this happens. Every single day. No matter what I do or don’t do, they never fucking stop.
Robin- Do your parents know about this?
P- Yes, but they don’t have any good ideas about stopping this.
R- What about teachers, councilors, the administration, they could be of some help.
P- I already tried that. I went to my class councilor, told him what was going on, he told me everything would be all right and to take a lollipop before I left. It didn’t stop, if anything it got worse. I went back to the councilor, this time in tears. His response was the same, everything will be all right, take a lollipop before you leave. That’s when I told my parents. Like I said, they didn’t have any good ideas, besides going back to that councilor. My mom went into his office and pleaded for him to do something, anything. His response, everything will be fine, take a lollipop on your way out.
R- He didn’t do anything? Even with your mom begging him to?
P- No. Not a thing. So my mom went over his head. She went across the hall to the main office and met with the Vice Principal.
R- Why not the Principal?
P- I don’t know. My mom went into the Vice Principal’s office and demanded that he do something about my bullying.
R- What did he say?
P- The whole thing will sort itself out, everything will be fine.
R- He actually said that?
Phoebe begins to tear up.
Phoebe- Yes.
Robin- Bastards. What kind of unapologetic douchebags would do something like that?
Hunter opens the door to his office. He’s been listening to Phoebe’s plight the whole time.
Hunter- The same kind of morons who ran things when I was in school.
Hunter enters his office and puts two bottles of Fanta on his desk.
Hunter- Phoebe, I’m going to ask you a question and I want you to answer me truthfully. What do you think of yourself?
Phoebe thinks for a second.
Phoebe- I don’t know.
Hunter- Yes, you do. What do you think of yourself?
Phoebe thinks for a second.
Phoebe- Not good.
Hunter- Why?
P- No one likes me. None of the kids at school, none of the administration, no one.
H- No Phoebe. That is what others think of you. You can’t base what you think of you based on what others think of you, especially not those people.
P- Why not?
H- Because they’ve prejudged you. They got this initial impression of you as an unworthy troll and are insistent that you stay in that role. No matter what you do, what lengths you go to, they will always think of you in that way. You aren’t the problem in this situation, they are. Now, Phoebe, what do you think of you?
Phoebe thinks for a second.
Phoebe- I think I’m a good person. No, a great person, and I don’t know why they don’t see that.
Hunter- Good. That’s good. You need to remember that it’s what you think of yourself that truly matters. If you think you’re a good person, you are a good person, and if people disagree, fuck them.
Phoebe’s face begins to become more optimistic. She stands up from Hunter’s chair and says-
Phoebe- Yeah, you’re right. Thanks Robin.
Phoebe gives Robin a quick peck. Then she makes her way to the door.
Phoebe- Thanks Hunter.
Phoebe gives Hunter a quick peck, grabs one of the Fantas off Hunter’s desk, then leaves. Robin sets down in Hunter’s chair and says-
Robin- You know, that’s some wisdom you just dropped right there.
Hunter- Yeah. It took me a long time to figure that out. I wish someone had told me that when I was in school.
Robin- True. You want a Fanta, there should be another in my fridge.
Hunter- No there’s not.
Hunter gets a sly look on his face.
Robin- You drank my Fanta, didn’t you?
H- Yes.
R- Well, for that, I’m going to jump on your characters head.
Hunter holds up his fingers and says-
Hunter- Well I’m crushing your head, flathead!
The two laugh as the scene ends.

END SCENE

****- Off Sticks

Dilldo Sticks In Use

Recently it was announced that Playstation Move support will be added to the recent Playstation 3 release Heavy Rain. Commenting on this, Sony President Jack Tretton said, “I feel it is great that a title that is already in the homes on so many consumers will add support for this exciting new way to play games.” When asked how the Playstation Move will be used in Heavy Rain, Mr. Tretton said, “There are many ways Playstation move could be used in Heavy Rain. For instance, in the sex scene between Ethan and Madison, you can use the Playstation Move to penetrate Miss Paige’s-" At that point the phone call abruptly ended.




Insta-Turn Off

Hunter Red is sitting in the living room of Robin Anderson’s home waiting for Robin to finish getting ready for a night out.
Robin- (From the other room)Hunter?
Hunter- Yes Robin?
R- When is this thing we’re going to tonight?
H- Nine.
R- What time is it now?
H- Don’t you have a clock in there?
R- No.
Hunter rolls his eyes and looks at this watch.
H- It’s seven, we got plenty of time.
R- Okay. Who are we seeing tonight anyway?
H- Marcus.
R- He’s that comedian guy, right?
H- Yep.
R- That guy is one sexy motherfucker.
H- indeed.
R- By the way, I bought a new jacket. You wanna see it?
H- Sure.
Robin walks into the living room wearing her usual getup for a night out, plus a new red leather jacket.
R- So, what do you think?
Hunter looks like he’s about to throw up.
R- Oh no. You don’t like it.
H- No. No I do not.
R- What, does it not fit well on me?
H- No, it’s not that.
Hunter digs his iPhone out of his pocket and searches for something.
H- It’s this.
Hunter shows Robin this photo:

R- Oh my.
H- Yes.
R- I can see why you’re disgusted.
H- Yes.
R- I’ll go change.
H- Yes, please.
Robin goes off to take off her jacket.
R- (From the other room) Does this mean I’ll have to throw out my S&M gear?
H- Not unless Voyeur has an amateur night.

END SCENE

****- Masturbating On A Plastic Beach

A Serious Introspection Into Masturbation

I was thinking recently about the ethics of pleasuring yourself to video games. Wait, I’m serious about this. Now I’m not talking about whether it’s okay or not to achieve sexual gratification from digital characters, that’s another discussion for another time. What I want to discuss is the motivations and stories behind the video game imagery people may be achieving sexual gratification from at this very moment.

There are two instances in particular that made me think of this issue. Both come from the recent Playstation 3 release Heavy Rain. The first involves newspaper reporter Madison Paige and nightclub owner Paco Mendes. In this scene Madison is forced to remove her clothing in front of Paco at gunpoint. It is possible to have Madison strip down to just a pair of lacy underwear before Madison smashes Paco’s head with a vase. You don’t have to have Madison wearing just lacy underwear to trigger the end of the scene but the possibility is there nonetheless.

Madison is the kind of woman that has an alluring personality and her physical appearance adds to that allure. I’m willing to admit that after finishing Heavy Rain I went back to that scene, caused Madison to remove more of her clothing than I had on my original playthrough, and achieved sexual gratification from the sight of Madison Paige in just her lacy underwear. Upon reflection, I feel a certain amount of shame from having done this. This shame was derived from the reason why Madison was removing her clothing, the threat of being shot and killed. Madison was kept in this sexual situation against her will, a situation that is considered to be wrong in our moral society. Sure Miss Paige got herself out of that situation without any harm coming to her, but the situation she was in before she extricated herself is what drove my sexual desire.

The second instance in Heavy Rain that made me think of this issue involves the previously mentioned Madison Paige and architect Ethan Mars. Mr. Mars is going through the trials he feels are necessary to free his son, Shawn, from the hands of the Origami Killer. The scene in question takes place after Ethan completes one of these trials, which involved killing a drug dealer. Ethan has an emotional breakdown and in this moment Madison shows up to comfort him. In this scene, playing as Ethan, you are given the choice to kiss Madison. This kiss eventually leads to Ethan and Madison having sex.

The sex scene between Ethan and Madison is racy and contains nudity, however this was something I was not aware of when I first played through Heavy Rain. I was not even aware that this sex scene existed untill I listened to an episode of Electric Sistahood and heard them talking about it. This is because at the moment where you can choose whether or not to kiss Madison I chose not to. This is the source of my second feeling of conflict.

At this point of the game in question, Ethan is still married to his wife Grace. They are separated and contemplating divorce but are still married. There also still appears to be an emotional connection between Ethan and Grace and a certain level of trust. In my mind Ethan kissing Madison would have betrayed that trust and made for a lesser story. That is why I made that decision, my desire for a great story. While I did go back and view the sex scene between Ethan and Madison after my initial playthrough I still feel that Ethan betraying Grace and having sex with Madison detracts from the story.

So there are the reasons why I feel the ethics of pleasuring yourself to video games may be in question: The motivation of the characters in these erotic scenes and the stories the characters are engaged in. In reviewing the arguments I have just made I realize these arguments can be used to question the ethics of using nearly all erotic media to achieve sexual gratification. Whenever I go shopping for hentai I have to be certain that I’m not buying one of the many rape porn titles that are out there. Downloading pictures online is rife with peril as the image in question may secretly be child pornography. Finally, finding eroticism in Hollywood movies may or may not be ethical given the drives and motivations of the directors, producers, and actors involved, not to mention the characters they’re making a movie about.

Debates over ethics are a delicate subjects and is highly dependent on your moral structure, the moral structure of the place you live in, and the knowledge both parties have about the situation at hand. Perhaps you are the type of person who can put ethics aside and get your rocks off at any erotic or semi-erotic situation. However, if you can put ethics aside, what does that say about you as a person?



Gorillaz- Plastic Beach First Impressions

Hunter Red is sitting in his office at the offices of the Redertainment Corporation Of America listening to some music when Robin Anderson pokes her head in.
Robin- Hello sexyperson.
Hunter- Hello othersexyperson.
R- Whatcha doing?
H- I’m listening to the new Gorillaz CD “Plastic Beach”.
R- What do you think of it?
H- I think I’m high?
Robin looks at Hunter oddly.
R- Excuse me?
H- I think I’m high. Listen to this.
Hunter turns up the music as Robin walks into Hunter’s office and sits down on one of the file cabinets.
H- “Plastic Beach” sounds like something you would listen to and enjoy while high. I’m listening to “Plastic Beach”, I’m enjoying “Plastic Beach”, I must be high.
R- Hunter, you’re out of your mind. I’m enjoying this CD and I’m completely sober.
H- But how do you know that?
R- Because the only drugs I’ve had this morning is my usual cup of coffee.
H- And the only drugs I’ve had is the half bottle of gin I found in my desk.
R- Hunter, maybe you aren’t high and you are genuinely enjoying the new CD from a beloved music group.
At that moment, Seifer Kinneas pokes his head into Hunter’s office. Seifer Kinneas is wearing a pink elephant costume.
Seifer- Hey Hunter, you gotta check this out. I got this bubble machine, and it’s fucking awesome!
Seifer leaves Hunter’s office. Both Hunter and Robin are sitting there stunned at what just happened.
Robin- Hunter?
Hunter- Yeah?
R- I think I’m high right now.
H- Me too sexyperson. You have those Dorito’s in your desk?
R- Yeah, assuming Seifer hasn’t gotten into them.
H- You wanna eat those while we polish off that bottle of Jack Daniel’s I have in my desk?
R- Sure.
Robin heads off for her desk as Hunter starts searching his desk for the Jack Daniel’s.
H- Robin, I’m out of Jack, but I do have a full bottle of Crown Royal and a funnel!

END SCENE

****- Randomly Generated Hardcore

That’s So Hardcore- Part 1

This week it was announced that Raven Symone, known for roles in The Cosby Show and Hanging With Mr. Cooper, will be leaving her show on the Disney Channel, That’s So Raven. Miss Symone said her decision to leave her show was driven by her desire to pursue more adult projects and to grow as an actress.

Despite losing its titular character, Disney has announced its intent to continue That’s So Raven in its current form. No details have been announced as to how this will happen, but an announcement is expected in the coming days.

Stay tuned...



Random Generation- The Long Version

The Final Fantasy games are what I cut my teeth on as a gamer, so I was very much looking forward to this game. Leveling in Final Fantasy XIII is done away with in favor of a new system of character development utilizing Crystariums. Overall, the game is good, not great, but is, at long last, the video game Final Fantasy fans have been waiting for. So far I’m liking this game but I was expecting something better from this game. So far I’m liking this game but I was expecting something better from this game. The Final Fantasy games are what I cut my teeth on as a gamer, so I was very much looking forward to this game. The Final Fantasy games are what I cut my teeth on as a gamer, so I was very much looking forward to this game. Leveling in Final Fantasy XIII is done away with in favor of a new system of character development utilizing Crystariums. The Final Fantasy games are what I cut my teeth on as a gamer, so I was very much looking forward to this game. I can’t tell you how many times while playing this game I’ve said, “Damn it Vanille, heal yourself!” The system itself isn’t bad I just wish I had more control over what my supporting characters, who I can’t control, did.

I can’t tell you how many times while playing this game I’ve said, “Damn it Vanille, heal yourself!” The Final Fantasy games are what I cut my teeth on as a gamer, so I was very much looking forward to this game. I’d give it a B. I’d give it a B. The Final Fantasy games are what I cut my teeth on as a gamer, so I was very much looking forward to this game. I’d give it a B. The system itself isn’t bad I just wish I had more control over what my supporting characters, who I can’t control, did. Leveling in Final Fantasy XIII is done away with in favor of a new system of character development utilizing Crystariums. I’d give it a B. The system itself isn’t bad I just wish I had more control over what my supporting characters, who I can’t control, did.

The system itself isn’t bad I just wish I had more control over what my supporting characters, who I can’t control, did. I’d give it a B. So far I’m liking this game but I was expecting something better from this game. The system itself isn’t bad I just wish I had more control over what my supporting characters, who I can’t control, did. I’d give it a B. So far I’m liking this game but I was expecting something better from this game. The system itself isn’t bad I just wish I had more control over what my supporting characters, who I can’t control, did. The Final Fantasy games are what I cut my teeth on as a gamer, so I was very much looking forward to this game. The Crystariums remind me of the Sphere Grid used in Final Fantasy X except the Crystariums affect every part of your character’s skill set, not just magic and abilities. Leveling in Final Fantasy XIII is done away with in favor of a new system of character development utilizing Crystariums.

Leveling in Final Fantasy XIII is done away with in favor of a new system of character development utilizing Crystariums. I’d give it a B. The Crystariums remind me of the Sphere Grid used in Final Fantasy X except the Crystariums affect every part of your character’s skill set, not just magic and abilities. I’d give it a B. I can’t tell you how many times while playing this game I’ve said, “Damn it Vanille, heal yourself!” As I write this I am playing Final Fantasy XIII. The Crystariums remind me of the Sphere Grid used in Final Fantasy X except the Crystariums affect every part of your character’s skill set, not just magic and abilities. So far I’m liking this game but I was expecting something better from this game. The Crystariums remind me of the Sphere Grid used in Final Fantasy X except the Crystariums affect every part of your character’s skill set, not just magic and abilities. Overall, the game is good, not great, but is, at long last, the video game Final Fantasy fans have been waiting for.

The system itself isn’t bad I just wish I had more control over what my supporting characters, who I can’t control, did. The system itself isn’t bad I just wish I had more control over what my supporting characters, who I can’t control, did. The Crystariums remind me of the Sphere Grid used in Final Fantasy X except the Crystariums affect every part of your character’s skill set, not just magic and abilities. The Crystariums remind me of the Sphere Grid used in Final Fantasy X except the Crystariums affect every part of your character’s skill set, not just magic and abilities. So far I’m liking this game but I was expecting something better from this game. The system itself isn’t bad I just wish I had more control over what my supporting characters, who I can’t control, did. As I write this I am playing Final Fantasy XIII. Leveling in Final Fantasy XIII is done away with in favor of a new system of character development utilizing Crystariums. So far I’m liking this game but I was expecting something better from this game. The Crystariums remind me of the Sphere Grid used in Final Fantasy X except the Crystariums affect every part of your character’s skill set, not just magic and abilities.

As I write this I am playing Final Fantasy XIII. I can’t tell you how many times while playing this game I’ve said, “Damn it Vanille, heal yourself!” I’d give it a B. I can’t tell you how many times while playing this game I’ve said, “Damn it Vanille, heal yourself!” Overall, the game is good, not great, but is, at long last, the video game Final Fantasy fans have been waiting for. The system itself isn’t bad I just wish I had more control over what my supporting characters, who I can’t control, did. The system itself isn’t bad I just wish I had more control over what my supporting characters, who I can’t control, did. The Crystariums remind me of the Sphere Grid used in Final Fantasy X except the Crystariums affect every part of your character’s skill set, not just magic and abilities. As I write this I am playing Final Fantasy XIII. As I write this I am playing Final Fantasy XIII.

I can’t tell you how many times while playing this game I’ve said, “Damn it Vanille, heal yourself!” As I write this I am playing Final Fantasy XIII. I’d give it a B. The Final Fantasy games are what I cut my teeth on as a gamer, so I was very much looking forward to this game. The system itself isn’t bad I just wish I had more control over what my supporting characters, who I can’t control, did. The Crystariums remind me of the Sphere Grid used in Final Fantasy X except the Crystariums affect every part of your character’s skill set, not just magic and abilities. As I write this I am playing Final Fantasy XIII. Leveling in Final Fantasy XIII is done away with in favor of a new system of character development utilizing Crystariums. As I write this I am playing Final Fantasy XIII. I can’t tell you how many times while playing this game I’ve said, “Damn it Vanille, heal yourself!”

As I write this I am playing Final Fantasy XIII. Overall, the game is good, not great, but is, at long last, the video game Final Fantasy fans have been waiting for. Leveling in Final Fantasy XIII is done away with in favor of a new system of character development utilizing Crystariums. As I write this I am playing Final Fantasy XIII. The Paradigm system that is utilized to determine which abilities the various characters use in battle sticks out in my mind as troubling.



That’s So Hardcore- Part 2

It is a typical day at Ralph W. Allred High School. The sun is shining, the birds are chirping, and all signs point to another wonderful day. In the hall, Annie and Bertie are talking by their lockers.
Bertie- Annie, how did you spend your Spring Break?
Annie- Bertie, it was the best! Me and my family went up to this old campground that my grandpa owns. We rode horses, went camping, and just had all sorts of fun together.
Bertie- Wow, that does sound like fun. I just stayed home and watched TV.
Annie- Why didn’t you come with us? I left you a message inviting you.
Bertie- Did you leave it with my brother Kerry?
Annie- Yes.
Bertie- That’s why I didn’t get it. My little brother is the worst at taking down messages.
Annie- No, I bet my brother’s worse.
The two laugh as does the studio audience.
Bertie- By the way, where’s Raven?
Annie- Raven said she’d be running late. She’s doing something different with her hair.
Bertie- Uh-oh, I wonder what that means.
The studio audience laughs.
Annie- Hey, there she is now.
Raven walks into the scene and the audience expresses complete shock at what they see. Then an announcer is heard saying-
Announcer- Please Note: The role of Raven, previously played by Raven Symone, will now be played by hardcore wrestling icon Raven.

Annie- Hi Raven.
Raven- Hello you underdeveloped lemmings of the conformist machine.
Bertie- Raven, is that a new haircut?
Raven- Your question is an insult to my vast intelligence as well as your miniscule intelligence.
Bertie- Well it looks nice. Perhaps I should get my hair styled the same way.
Raven- Your praise is lessened by the fact that it comes from an unwashed knave.
Annie- Oh Bertie, did you finish that math homework?
Bertie- Yeah, but it took me all night. Did you finish Annie?
Annie- No. Did you finish the homework Raven?
Raven- You dare ask that question of a member of MENSA? Yes, of course I did.
Bertie- Raven, maybe you could give Annie the answers to the homework.
Raven- So let me get this straight, not only do you have the intelligence of a common household mop, you have the moral fortitude of a politician! No, I will not give Annie the answers to the homework you muck covered swine.
Annie- Oh well, it’s my fault for not saying attention in class. Getting an F is going to be so bad.
Raven- Getting an F is nothing compared to facing off against me in a Clockwork Orange House Of Fun Match.
Annie- yeah, you’re right Raven. You always know what to say to lift my spirits.
The bell rings for class.
Bertie- Well, that’s the bell for class to start. See ya Annie.
Annie- See ya Raven.
Raven- Quote the Raven, nevermore!
Bertie, Annie, and Raven dart off in different directions as the scene ends.

END SCENE