Classy Body Pillow Plates Movie Lawsuit

So, yeah, this is a thing that actually available in America from an American store.

DeluxeComfort.com Girlfriend Body Pillow

‘In God We Trust’ license plates may soon come to Utah

I have one question to ask about this: Can I get a plate that reads "In Nothing I Trust"?

Zynga V. Taylorsville

Recently Kobojo settled a copyright infringement lawsuit brought by Zynga over it's Pyramidville game.  Zynga claimed that Kobojo's use of the suffix "-ville" infringed on their game Farmville.  This case was settled out of court with Kojobo changing the name of it's game Pyramidville to PyramidValley.

Outside observers have said that this case was settled out of court because of Kojobo's small size compared to Zynga.  If the case had gone to trial, Kojobo would have had a tough time mounting a competent legal defense due to it's limited resources.  Such an observation may be put to the test with the next lawsuit Zynga plans to pursue.  Zynga's new lawsuit also goes after a small entity with limited financial resources, due in part to the downturn in the American economy.  On Tuesday, Zynga filed a copyright infringement lawsuit against Taylorsville, Utah.

You read that right, Zynga is suing Taylorsville, Utah.  Taylorsville is not a company, a band, a blog, or any kind of privately held entity.  Taylorsville, Utah is a city.  Taylorsville is a city in Salt Lake County, Utah, United States. It is part of the Salt Lake City, UtahMetropolitan Statistical Area. The population was 57,439 at the 2000 census. Taylorsville was incorporated from the Taylorsville-Bennion CDP and portions of the Kearns CDP on April 24, 1996.

When reached for comment, President of Zynga Mark Pincus gave the following statement:

For too long many city, town, municipalities, and other podunks have flaunted their disregard for the copyright that we hold.  Zynga invented -ville.  Before Zynga came along, no one ever used the suffix -ville for anything.  That is an established fact, established in a court of law.  If anyone dares to disagree with us, Zynga dares them to face us in a court of law.  We will emerge victorious for we are a corporation, and, in the eyes of the law, we are right."

When asked by this publication for a comment Russ Wall, the Mayor of Taylorsville refused, stating:

All you publications are a part of the lamestream biased liberal media.  We do not tolerate your kind here.

The case is expected to go to trial next August, unless it get settled out of court beforehand.

C:T.O.L.G.E.

On Thursday, stories started circulating about an upcoming movie project involving Arnold Schwarzenegger.  This project was reported to feature the former California Governor reprising his role as Conan the Barbarian.  This movie was reported to be a continuation of the franchise that Schwarzenegger starred in during the 80's, not a continuation of the franchise starring that one guy from the first season of Game Of Thrones who we never understood and died for some reason.

On Friday the story that was reported began to unravel.  Upon contact with the studio responsible for the project, Universal Studios, the true details of the project began to be revealed.  The Conan project that Arnold Schwarzenegger is signed on to is not a continuation of the Conan The Barbarian franchise.  Rather, the project is a biopic about Conan O'Brien.

Arnold Schwarzenegger is set to star in Conan: The Only Likeable Ginger Ever.  This movie follows O'Brien's time while host of the Tonight Show, his departure from NBC, and the various nerd riots that occurred during that time.  Other people attached to the project are Will Arnett playing the role of Andy Richter, Brandon Flowers playing the role of Max Weinberg, and Deon Cole to play The Sexiest Black Man On TV, a role loosely based on himself.

Another name attached to this project is making waves among the conservative press.  In the movie, former NBC executive Jeff Zucker is portrayed as a devious, conniving, dumb man who is set out to ruin Conan O'Brien's career, and also the prospects of any red haired person having any sort of role in the entertainment industry.  To fill this role, producers sought someone who has experience with the role and can accurately portray a man who is unapologetically and irremediably evil.  Attached to play the role of Jeffery Zucker is former conservative talk show host Michael Savage.

 

Conan: The Only Likeable Ginger Ever is set, like many other projects, for a summer 2014 release.

Grim And Disturbing Whirring Females

Hunter Red Is Not Nice


Hunter Red is on a flight headed from Salt Lake International Airport to Las Vegas, NV. The flight has yet to take off and Hunter is in his seat listening to the new Lupe Fiasco album. An older woman, Charity Harvey, takes the seat next to Hunter. She is fidgeting with her jewelry, looking around sharply, and doing other things people to when they are nervous. Then she begins to speak.

Charity Harvey- Oh god. Oh god no. It's going to happen. I know it. It is.

Hunter is actively trying to ignore Charity as she continues.

Charity Harvey- I saw them. Those men with the beards and the- the- what do they call those things?

Hunter is still ignoring Charity but can hear her babbling.

Charity Harvey- Oh god. I knew I should have taken a bus. I can't take a train, thank you very much Amtrak, but I should have taken a bus. I just know. I just know.

Finally, Hunter stops ignoring Charity.

Hunter Red- What do you know?
Charity Harvey- Don't tell me you don't know.
Hunter Red- Know what?
Charity Harvey- Don't you have that seep feeling in your bosom.
Hunter Red- I don't have a bosom.
Charity Harvey- We're going down.

Hunter gets an odd look on his face.

Hunter Red- On eachother?
Charity Harvey- No. God, I knew this was the day. I knew this was the day those darn Muslims were going to get me.
Hunter Red- Wait, do you think terrorist are going to hijack this plane and drive it into something?
Charity Harvey- SHHHHH! They're going to hear you!

Hunter gets a devilish grim on his face.

Hunter Red- Miss, what is your name?
Charity Harvey- Charity.
Hunter Red- Charity, my name is Hunter.
Charity Harvey- Hi.
Hunter Red- Charity, I can assure you, this plane is not going to be hijacked.
Charity Harvey- Are you sure?
Hunter Red- Yes.
Charity Harvey- How can you say that?
Hunter Red- Charity, if any terrorist was going to use a plane from Salt Lake to commit a terrorist act, they wouldn't take off from the International Airport. They'd take off from Airport #2.

Charity is not comforted by Hunter saying this. The look on her face reflects that.

Hunter Red- Any good terrorist would get one of those Cessna aircrafts, construct a fertilizer bomb like the one Timothy McVey used in Oklahoma City, take off from Airport #2, and fly their plane bomb right over the Oquirrih Mountains, and right into the Tooele Army Depot. That way they not only can bomb a military instillation, but they can cause a massive release of the chemical and biological weapons that are stored there. That release would waft over the Oquirrih Mountains, right into the major population center that is the Salt Lake Valley.

Charity has turned bone white. When Hunter finishes his morbid tale, Charity reacts like this:

Charity Harvey- Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!

Charity launches into a full blown panic. She continues to scream and babble incoherently at a high volume of speech. The only way that Hunter reacts to this is to pull out the Skymall Catalogue, leaf through it, and say:

Hunter Red- Oh look, automated orange peelers. Neat.


END SCENE







The UAE Strikes Again

From a Facebook post on the website of major video game retailer Geekay Games, it is believed that the recently released Rockstar Games sensation L.A. Noire has been banned in the United Arab Emirates. No formal reaction has been given by Rockstar Games, but, through our contacts in the Saudi royal family, this publication has been able to get a statement on the ban from the UAE's National Media Council, the governmental agency responsible for the ban.

"The reason that this agency chose to ban Rockstar Games's L.A. Noire is the very same reason why we chose to ban Quantic Dreams's Heavy Rain last year(Link to blog post). L.A. Noire features women, depicted in ways that makes them appear to be very much human, with fully formed human brains and human intellects. This kind of flagrantly realistic depiction of the obviously weaker sex runs in conflict with our interpretations of the teaching of the Quran. This ban is not permanent. Rockstar Games does have the right to alter it's game in a way that conforms to our standards. That, or they can bribe me."

Inquiries to Rockstar Games for a statement for this article have gone unanswered as of press time.