Virtual Livestrong Complainers

Complain Effect 4 Hinted At

BioWare has hinted at a new game in the Complain Effect franchise, plus provided a name for Complain Effect 3’s next single player downloadable content. The news comes in the wake of the announcement that BioWare co-founders Ray Muzyka and Greg Zeschuck have retired from the company. In a blog post from BioWare Edmonton and Montreal general manager Aaryn Flynn, Complain Effect is mentioned as part of the company’s plans looking forward.

“Executive Producer Casey Hudson and his team are coming off an amazing eight-year run with the Complain Effect trilogy. But they’re not done yet,” Flynn wrote. “We are releasing more multiplayer content and we have more single-player stories coming throughout the next six months, including New Thing To Bitch About, which is coming in the Fall. But the Complain Effect universe is vast, and Casey and our teams have plans for another full game. ‘Where to go next?’ with such a project has been a question a lot of us have been asking, and we’d all love to hear your ideas.”

In talking about the future, Flynn also hinted at a new fictional universe in development at BioWare, mentioning alongside it that “Casey continues to oversee the development of our new Complain Effect project.”

BioWare has said in the past that the Complain Effect franchise could continue but that it won’t revolve around Shepard. The company also hinted that Complain Effect 3 players should keep their save files. As for New Thing To Bitch About, this marks the first time that BioWare has released a name for the content, which it teased during Montreal Comic-Con last weekend.

For now, no additional information about a new Complain Effect project has been revealed, but check out five ideas for a new Complain Effect game for where we think the series should go next, and why no more Shepard could be a good thing.

I swear, this song does not contain audio captured during a Mitt Romney fundraiser.  Scout's honor.

Patents Livestrong

On Wednesday, GamesRadar reported on a patent filed by Microsoft for what is believed to be a new kind of controller device.  Microsoft has been very mute about this patent, as they are with most of the patents that they file.  However, this muteness may be due to plans for the product that, in the light of recent development, have become disadvantageous.

In the patent filing, the product appears to be an armband with sensors that track the movements of the wearer.  This product also appears to be similar to the popular Livestrong bracelets.

The Livestrong bracelets are a very popular wrist-based accessory that serves as a fundraiser for the Lance Armstrong Foundation.  To this point these Livestrong bracelets have raised over eighty million dollars for cancer research.  The face of the Lance Armstrong Foundation and the Livestrong wrist-based accessory is Lance Armstrong.

Controversy has swirled around Lance Armstrong since he won his first Tour de France race.  Last month, Mr. Armstrong gave up his fight against the USADA.  As a result, Lance's Tour de France victories have been stripped away from him.  This action is what has caused Microsoft to be so mute about their armband controller. 

This Microsoft armband controller was set to be a Microsoft Livestrong branded armband controller.  The Microsoft Livestrong armband controller was supposed to serve as a way to raise money for cancer research, as well as show Microsoft and the video gaming public in a more positive light.  However, with Lance Armstrong's recent admission, these plans are not seen in the same way anymore by the head brass at Microsoft.  Microsoft no longer sees associating itself or it's product with Mr. Armstrong as, quoting a Microsoft source, "as an advantageous thing for our company's image."

Currently there are no plans to bring Microsoft's armband controller to the market.  According to my exclusive source, "(Microsoft) is waiting either untill Lance Armstrong's public image is rehabilitated, or untill there comes another celebrity that they can exploit."

Virtual Hockey Tonight!

With the recent lockout of the players by the owners of the National Hockey League, people with business interests in the sport have been making plans for a future without hockey.  One these entities making plans has, not only to deal with lost revenue, but what to do with the airtime vacated by the sport.  This week, unique plans were made to fill that airtime.

This week the NBC Sports Network, the cable outlet formerly known as Versus which has served as the TV home of the NHL since the last lockout, finalized plans to continue to air NHL games.  However, these games will not be the traditional hockey games they have run in the past.  NBC Sports Network is going forward with plans to air virtual games simulated with Electronic Art's latest hockey game, NHL '13.

Plans are to air simulated games on Monday, Wednesday, and Saturday nights, as well as provide highlights of games that are not being televised on a new NBC Sports Network show, to be titled "Virtual Hockey Tonight".  NBC Sports Channel President Jon D. Litner said, in a statement:

"We are as disappointed with anyone with the current NHL labor situation.  While we wish the owners and players would resolve their dispute in an expeditious manner, we at NBC Sports need to put contingencies in place in case this dispute causes the cancellation of the 2012-2013 NHL season.  The partnership that we have entered into with Electronic Arts is a first step in making those contingencies."

When reached for comment about this development, NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman said, "Wait, people can go to other places to get hockey?  FUCK!"

Virtual Hockey Tonight is tentatively scheduled to debut on October 13th, the day that the NHL 2012-2013 season was set to debut.  If the NHL labor dispute is resolved by that date, plans involving virtually simulated content will be put on hold untill the next NHL lockout, which is expected to take place in 2014.

****- Random Generated Disappointing Apocalyptic Brunch

Mass Effect Review


I have a neighbor, Alberto, who's really into horse racing. He reads a mountain of racing literature, does meticulous research into all of the top breeders, and knows the bloodline of Secretariat by heart. For a long time it was his dream to go to Louisville, Kentucky and witness the Kentucky Derby.

This year Alberto was fortunate enough to get tickets, airfare, and lodging to his sacred event, and he choose to take me along with him. Alberto owed me a favor after I rigged it so he could get free porn. We had a good time down there, ate some good food, drank a couple of drinks, and got rejected by some women, good times aplenty.

Then the day of the Kentucky Derby came. We got some nachos and a Mint Julep, and took out seats. Alberto was in a state of utter bliss, a state I hoped to get to as I ordered another Mint Julep. Then the race started, and the race ended. Afterward, I had a question for Alberto, "Is that it?"
"What do you mean"
"Is that it? That's all we came to see?"
"Yes amigo, wasn't it great?"
"Not really."
"What do you mean not really?"
"I- I just don't see-"
"What?"
"The point. I don't see a point to all of this."
"I knew you wouldn't get it."
"Yeah, I don't get it. I don't see the point in horse racing. That's why I'm asking you to explain it to me."

At that point Alberto shut down and stayed that way for the rest of the trip and for some time afterward. We are talking again, but our friendship has definitely been hurt.

A couple of days after I returned from Louisville, I started playing Mass Effect. I played it for a couple of hours every day, drilling further and further into it, eventually finishing the game. However, throughout the game I was asking myself, "Is this it? Is that all there is? Where is the point?"

Don't get me wrong, the game is beautiful, easily approachable, and was moderately enjoyable. It was just listless, unmotivated, and dull at points. I was going through missions with no real sense as to why I'm doing this and what this has to do with anything. I wish that for one minute during this game that I was enthralled in any way, but I simply was not.

Mass Effect: B-



Fallout: Las Vegas Proposal

In the year 2374 a terrorist attack occurs in Las Vegas. It is unclear who is responsible for the attack. What is clear is that this nuclear attack made the once thriving vacation destination an inhospitable wasteland.

The American federal government lacks the resources or the infrastructure to clean up this once thriving metropolis, but a nearby group does. This group sets out to clean up Las Vegas in more ways than one. By 2391 the fruits of this group work are starting to develop. Many buildings sill lie in ruins, but the city is clear of what this group sees as the two most pervasive threats that once existed in Las Vegas: radiation and sin. The former "Sin City" has been rebuilt and revitalized by the LDS Church.

The year is 2432. You emerge from a chamber in the long since forgotten University of Nevada, Las Vegas Cryogenics Facility. As you, an unbeliever, begin to integrate yourself into this post-apocalyptic American Vatican City, you will discover many things. Including your place in this xenophobic utopia, the motives of the leadership behind this New Las Vegas, and the truth behind the attacks in 2374 that made this possible.

Possible future DLC includes the following.
The Purified Capital- Set in a Salt Lake City untouched by the nuclear assaults that have ruined the rest of the United States, you seek to find and extricate the last of the unbelievers.
4/7/74- Experience the events of this tragic day as you seek to find shelter as the terrorist's bombs wreak havoc on Las Vegas.
Broke Steel- You try to get the word out in New Las Vegas of an underground gambling hall while not making yourself known to the leaders of New Las Vegas.

These are to be the only three DLC, unless these three sell extremely well. If that does happen, I propose to pull something out of my ass.



Dice Absorbed

Ever since the critically acclaimed Mirror's edge hit the market, people have been wondering what the next game from EA Digital Illusions CE (DICE) will be. To that end, I called the offices of DICE to speak to their public relations manager. When I called then I found that DICE no longer exists.

After hitting up my contacts and meeting with a guy in a parking lot late at night, I discovered why DICE no longer exists. According to my source, who only identified himself as Fehr, in February of this year DICE was absorbed into the CIA. Fehr says that the people at DICE were heading up a project to turn military and governments agents into operatives with the skills, instincts, and abilities exhibited by Faith in Mirror's Edge.



I attempted to contact someone inside the CIA to get a comment on this story. I believe this to be the reason why I have no memories of Thursday. I am currently reaching out to people inside the Obama Administration to get confirmation. If I can get my hands on some marijuana cigarettes, I may get a meeting with the current Associate Director of the White House Office of Public Liaison.

Because of my inability to independently verify Fehr's claims, I am unable to say with a certainty if this story is true or false. All I know is that if Sy Hersh doesn't stop stealing my sources, I'm going to send the VP's hit squad after him. Maybe they can help me get that bag of Cheetos off that ledge I can't seem to get at.



Star Trek Review

I usually post my blogs on Sunday morning. I write them throughout the week, but I usually type them up, make sure they're all correct, and put them up for public consumption on Sunday morning by noon. Last week I altered my routine. I typed up my blog on Thursday morning and posted it after I got home from work on Saturday night. Why? There was a movie I wanted to see and I wanted to catch the Sunday matinee.

So Sunday rolls around, I shower, shave, watch Sports Center, and get dressed and ready to leave the house. I was done with this whole process by 9:45 in preparation for a 12:00 movie. Since I had nothing better to do, I drove down to the theater, intending to get a nice Sunday morning brunch.

Around the theater are various restaurants, Chili's, Ruby Tuesday, IHOP, etc., that I thought would be open. I pulled into the theater parking lot at 10:15 and looked toward the IHOP. There was a line out the door, so that was out. I walked over to the theater, bought my ticket, then walked down to where Chili's, Ruby Tuesday, and Iggy's Sports Grill sit right in a row. As I walked down corridor, I felt like I just walked into a horror film and was walking toward a strung out redneck who was going to jump out and attack me. Nothing was open, everything was dark and no one was around. In fact, outside of the IHOP, none of the restaurants opened until 11AM.

What the fuck. I know I live in a place where the predominate religion says spending money of the Sabbath is immoral, but come the fuck on! I'm hungry, I have money to spend on food, and NO ONE is open to serve me. That, to me, was such a god damn disappointment.

Thankfully the movie I went to see, Star Trek, was absolutely different. In fact, I liked Star Trek so much, I'm going to mirror the process I went through last weekend so I can catch the Sunday matinee of it this weekend. Except this time I'm eating before I leave the house.

Star Trek: A-