I Sincerely Apologize. Really

For years I have maintained a blog at various location on the internet, an internet that most anyone in the developed world can access at any time.  While I don't know precisely what kind of people do access my blog, I am aware that my blog is read primarily in the United States, Russia, and the Ukraine.  Why the Ukraine I don't know, but I do know that my blog can be accessed by many people of every age.  So, it is with a heavy heart that I feel the need to apologize for what I have done.

BBC Declares Red Lipstick Will Make Children Turn to Lives of Sin

I apologize for the high amount of red content on Redertainment.com.  I have recently become aware of the corrupting nature of the colour red, especially as it related to the uncorrupted children of the world.  It stands to reason that if red coloured lipstick is a serious corruptional threat to children, then a person with as much red hair as I have must thereby be a threat akin to a chemical weapon.  There's no good explanation for why I am as red as I am other than it being just what comes naturally to me.  It's not something I did maliciously, it's just just the way that I am.  I will be making strives to address my predilection toward certain corrupting colours in the future, but for now I ask you to bear with me.  I may have some slip-ups, but I will try to make progress each and every day.  I can only hope to correct some of the damage that I have already done.

I am Hunter Red, and approve this message.  Also, I may need to change my name

The First Discussion

Sony Computer Entertainment of America has started a unique strategy for spreading the word of their new product Qore, a game where you take money away from stupid people. In addition to publicising the release of Qore by way of e-mails, press releases, and grifters, Sony plans to go forward with a strategy made famous by Jehovah's Witnesses and the LDS Church. Sony plans to send out it's Sony Defense Force, two by two in white shirts and ties, to spread the good word of Qore.


In a statement, SCEA Marketing Chief Ezra Taft Benson said, "This is a absolutely new idea in the world of video games. I look forward to using our loyal followers to reach out to potential loyal followers." SCEA Digital Media Chief David H. Splane said, "We plan to pound the pavement and doors diligently until all people are followers of the mighty Sony. All will eventually submit to us."

Reaction to this from the gaming community has been variant. Legend668 said, "I will go, I will do, the things my Lord commands." Ultimategreenwarrior said, "Qore sucks! It is absolutely worthless and devoid of value! Now if you'll excuse me, I have to continue reading the greatest publication in the history of man: Official Xbox Magazine." And finally, Redertainment said, "Damn it! There's a reason I'm a shut in.!"


It is unknown how successful this marketing strategy will be for Sony and Qore. Nintendo is expected to respond by revealing that Shigeru Miyamoto is the second coming of Jesus Christ. Meanwhile Microsoft will reveal that Bill Gates is God.

Human Zoo: Mating

In the year 8583, the human race will be conquered by aliens from the planet Kerry. This will cause the human race to be subjugated to the level that animals currently exist on. Like animals, most humans will be left to roam free, provided they don’t encroach on the Kerryites. However, the fast, slow, rare, cute, and sexually provocative ones will be put into Human Zoos for the amusement of the Kerryites and the young Kerryite-ets. This is the story of those in captivity.

Zoo exhibit, day. Brian is sitting in the exhibit staring at the side the Kerryites stand on. Dawn then walks in and sits down next to Brian.
Dawn- Hi.
Brian- Hey.
Dawn- What're ya doing?
Brian- Just sitting here as still as I can. Hopefully if I do, the Kerryites will grow bored with me and they’ll put me back in the wild. Hopefully somewhere near New Jersey.
Dawn- Oh. (Dawn notices something off screen.) What’s that over there?
Brian- That? They’ve has it on for a couple of hours now.
Dawn- Is that what I think it is?
Brian- Yep. They’re showing me porn.
Dawn- Wow. I didn’t know people could do that. Why do you think they’re showing you porn?
Brian- I have no idea.
Dawn- Maybe this has something to do with that steel shaft they stuck in my snatch yesterday.
Brian- What?
Dawn- The handlers pulled me aside yesterday, drugged me up, and stuck this two foot long steel shaft in my cootchie. I wish they hadn’t drugged, that would’ve been awesome.
Brian- Hmmm. I don’t know how any guy is supposed to compete with that.
Dawn- I think they want you to compete with that.
Brian- Excuse me?
Dawn- I heard about this before. They stick a man and a woman together in an exhibit, show them some porn, and then hope they ravage each other sexually.
Brian- Huh. You don’t say.
Dawn- So, you want to get to ravaging.
Brian- Not really.
Dawn- Why not? Am I just not attractive to you, even in the slightest?
Brian- No, you are a beautiful attractive woman.
Dawn- So, what are you gay?
Brian- No, it’s not that.
Dawn- Well, what is it?
Brian- They’re always watching us.
Dawn- What?
Brian- They’re always watching us. There’s no privacy to be had here. It doesn’t matter if we’re eating, sleeping, grooming ourselves, or taking a crap, they are always watching us. Hell, I haven’t even ravaged myself sexually yet.
Dawn- You got a point there. Maybe I can ask the handlers for some alone time later.
Brian- What?
Dawn- I can ask the handlers to do things for me. Watch. (Dawn starts to speak louder.) Hey Kerryites! Can you turn off that TV? It’s starting to disgust me. (TV turns off.) Now, can you pipe in some sexy music? (Techno music starts.) No, some human sexy music. (Bon Jovi music starts.) No, fuck it, turn it off! (Music stops.) So, you want some alone time later.
Brian- Maybe you can ask the handlers to give you the shaft again.
(Dawn gets a stunned look on her face. Dawn then starts to run off the screen.)
Dawn- Hey handlers! Handlers!
Brian- Hmmm. It’s a shame. I really wanted to imitate that porn video with her. (Music starts: Flight of the Conchords: Business Time.) (Louder) You know that’s only sexy ironically. (Sighs)

THE END

Meet The Press 6/1/2008: Scott McClellan Interview First Take

On Sunday, June 1st, 2008, former White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan appeared on Meet The Press with Tim Russert to discuss his book "What Happened". What appeared on the broadcast that week is the second take of that interview. Here now is the first take. In this script, Tim Russert is referred to only by his name. Scott McClellan is also referred to by his name.

Meet The Press opening images as they appeared on the broadcast. Cut to a one shot of Tim Russert. (From here on out, when referring to different dialog lines, assume that the shot alternated between one shots of the person giving the lines unless directed otherwise.)

MR. RUSSERT: But first, with us for an exclusive Sunday morning interview, the man who has had Washington buzzing all week, former press secretary to President Bush, Scott McClellan, and his new book, "What Happened."

Welcome.

MR. SCOTT McCLELLAN: Tim, thanks for having me on today. Glad to be here.

MR. RUSSERT: The response has been extraordinary to this book. You have been called by your fellow Republicans a "turncoat," "a snitch," "Benedict Arnold." Bob Dole, ranking Republican in all of Washington, sent an e-mail and said this: "Scott.

"There are miserable creatures like you in every administration who don't have the guts to speak up or quit if there are disagreements with the boss or colleagues. No, your type soaks up the benefits of power, revels in the limelight for years, then quits, spurned on by greed, cashes in with a scathing critique. In my nearly 36 years of public service, I've known a few like you. ...

"You should have spoken up publicly like a man, or quit your cushy, high profile job. That would have taken integrity and courage but then you've had--would have had credibility and your complaints could have been aired objectively. You're a hot ticket now but don't you, deep down, feel like a total ingrate?"

Do you?

(At this point Scott's face goes bone white. He tries to speak, but begins to stammer unintelligibly. He then gets up and runs off camera. A short time afterward, Scott is heard screaming off camera.)

MR. SCOTT McCLELLAN: Noooooooooooooooo! I didn't want to do this interview! I was forced by my handlers to do this. I didn't even tell what I really feel in my book. It's a web of lies! I did it for money. I love you George! I still am a whore in the real sense of the word. Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh!!!

(Scott then is given a hash sedative, is spoken to by a member of the Vice President's staff, recomposes himself, and the interview is started over.)

THE END