$5,528.31

$5,528.31.  That's how far away I am from amassing the money in order to accomplish Project Buy A House.  Five thousand five hundred twenty-eight dollars and thirty-one cents.  Then I can be rid of this shit.  I'm not going to put a donation link on this page.  That's something my mind won't allow me to do.  What I can do is tell people that there books that I have written that are for sale, the proceeds of which go to me.

The Black Robin Christmas Carol
Amazon
Kindle
Nook

Volume 11
Amazon
Kindle
Nook

The Hawk
Amazon
Kindle
Nook

The Hawk: Consequences Of Mayorust
Amazon
Kindle
Nook

Whatever Beacons The Hawk
Amazon

Phooey

Over the past couple of months, I have been independently learning how to write code.  I have been working to gain a proficiency in HTML and C++, as well as dabbling in Java and Visual Basic.  There is one reason why I am pursuing this goal.

I want to hack the Xbox One Kinect so that I can remotely spy on people.  I'm not doing this because I want to show how it can be done so that a security hole can be patched up, as many white hat security professionals do.  In fact, it was my intention to keep this little project of mine quiet so that I could spy on people without anyone noticing.

I won't go into detail as to who I would be spying on and to what end I would be wanting to spy on them, but I believe the picture provided above says more that I care to type.  Yes, my motives were base and craven, but my motives to do everything are base and craven.  Hell, I write books in the hopes that people might find me more attractive.  It hasn't worked yet, but still I'm trying.

On Wednesday my hopes were dashed.  In an article posted on IGN, a Microsoft representative is quoted as saying, "There is no tech magic going on here and Kinect cannot see through clothing."  Phooey.  Now how am I going to use the internet to watch women get naked?

Whatever Beacons The Hawk: Official Digital Release Set For.................................................................................

NOW!

Eleven years after the events of Consequences Of Mayorust, The Hawk finds himself dealing with many of the same issues that many of us deal with: A less than satisfying job, co-workers of variant annoyance, and a romantic life is unhealthy at best.  Thrust into all this is Madison Medina, a well meaning woman who's adversarial relationship with The Hawk morphs into a kind of friendship.  Madison, in addition to learning more about herself and her abilities, help to reveal deeper problems inside the organization both she and The Hawk work for.  Whatever Beacons The Hawk, available now at the link above.

Whatever Beacon The Hawk is my fifth book and my third book to feature The Hawk.  Due to the fact that, to my knowledge, I cannot pursue a choose your own price model for the digital release of this book, I have chosen to release Whatever Beacons The Hawk in a PDF format for free.  The reason that I am putting out the digital copy for free is not that I don't think Whatever Beacon The Hawk isn't worth money.  The reason that I am putting out the digital copy for free is that I can and why not.  Also, I gave up on making money from my writing after the lackluster response from The Black Robin Christmas Carole.  If you feel the need to pay me for my book, and I have no idea why the fuck you would do that, I suggest purchasing the other books that I have tried and failed to make money on.

Since Project Buy A House isn't going as smoothly as I planned, I have had to move back the release date of the physical edition of Whatever Beacons The Hawk to whenever I can fucking afford to do it.  It's not that releasing a physical copy costs a lot of money, it's that it costs money and I don't have spare money to spend on things that will not make me money, and, as I stated earlier, I do not believe that my writing will make me money.  I do plan to eventually release a physical copy of Whatever Beacons The Hawk, but if you are impatient and want a physical copy now, I suggest downloading the digital copy and utilizing a motherfucking printer.  If you complain about the fact that there is no cover art, I suggest you either go fuck yourself or hire a person with actual visual artistic skill to make a decent cover for me.  I would suggest this person.

I Got Nothing

For now, I invite you to go up to the house. Get something to eat, maybe take a shower and get a fresh change of clothes, and, most importantly, relax for a bit. What you've been through I wouldn't wish on myself or, for that matter, anyone.

Volume 11 by Hunter Red.  Available now in ways that allow you to read it.

Also available from Hunter Red The Black Robin Christmas Carol, The Hawk, and The Hawk: Consequences Of Mayorust.  Buy them because of reasons.

#ProjectBeacon

Just Do It

Just Do It

There was a discussion that was had on Episode 109 of the R9Cast that I'd like to give an opinion on.  The hosts of the show, Bridgette and Esgee, were discussing the language that should be used on their show.  Esgee's opinion was that the people on the show should be free to use any kind of language they want, even if that language is considered unclean to some people.  Bridgette's opinion was that they should try to make a clean show that "everybody can enjoy."  The discussion between the two hosts became quite acrimonious and went on throughout the entire show.

My viewpoint on language lies somewhere in the middle.  Bridgette's viewpoint of using language that "everyone can enjoy" is something that irks me.  When I hear the phrase "something everything can enjoy" I interpret that thing as being sanitized to the point where it has lost all it's meaning.  Whenever I hear something is "family friendly" "wholesome" or "clean", I interpret that as being boring.

There are people who effort to produce content that is clean while also producing content that is interesting.  Such is the case with me and my approach to The Black Robin Christmas Carol.  The language used in that book is, unlike any of my other work, devoid of any swear words.  In fact, the harshest word that is used in that book is "bimbo", a word a hesitated to use.  My approach to the language used in this book was not influenced by market forces, societal demands, or my religious beliefs.  The language that was used, or not used, in The Black Robin Christmas Carol was a decision I made.  I made the decision because of how I felt that a story of that nature should be handled and how that story should be articulated.

When I released The Black Robin Christmas Carol I did not make a big deal about there not being any language that people may view as objectionable.  If you look back at the statements, blog posts, and annoying inferences I've made to that book, the subject of language is not brought up.  Talking about the language that I used in The Black Robin Christmas Carol is something that never really crossed my mind.  This is due to my viewpoint on how people should express their moral values.  People should not shout to the world that they are a good, upstanding, moral person.  Instead, people should just be good, upstanding moral people and let other people recognize them for their actions.  Even if people do not recognize you for your actions, you should still do them because you feel that they are good.  Shouting to the world that you are a good person is not something that a good person should do.

The approach that I would advise people to take to language is to approach the language you use in the way that you feel is most appropriate without making a big deal about it.  If people around you use language that you find objectionable, to not berate them about using inappropriate language.  Instead serve as a great example to those around you, and possibly the people who use language you object to, and use language to articulate yourself in the way you feel is most appropriate.  All berating others about the language that they use accomplishes is to make you look like the unreasonable one.  Instead of saying you want to use language that "everybody can enjoy", just do it.

Also, fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.

Smoking Spam And Perry Como

The Creative Process At Happy Madison

At a meeting in an office in Culver City, California, higher executives at Happy Madison Productions meet for another meeting to brainstorm ideas for their next project. These people are Adam Sandler, Barry Bernardi, Allan Covert and Tim Herlihy. They meet around a large table with a certain object in the center, pictured below.

The star of Happy Madison Productions, Adam Sandler, sits at the head of the table and begins the meeting.

Adam Sandler- Okay fellas, we've had a lot of success lately, made a ton of dough, but now the time has come to come up with another blockbuster idea.

The other people around the table nod and make noises affirming what Mr. Sandler just said. Adam pushes a button on the intercom sitting in front of him and says-

Adam Sandler- Steven, would you bring in the happy lettuce?

An intern, Steven, enters the room carrying a large bag filled with what appears to be oregano. However, what is in the bag is not oregano. Steven begins loading the "oregano" into the object at the center of the table and lights it. The intern leaves the room as three of the executives, all but Sandler, begin to breathe deeply from the object at the center of the table.

Adam Sandler- Okay guys, let's brainstorm.

Barry Bernardi takes a drag from the object containing the "oregano" and says-

Barry Bernardi- What if we do a movie where you are talking care of a kid, but it's not your kid, it's John Stewart's kid.

Adam looks at Barry and says-

Adam Sandler- We did that already, it's called Big Daddy.

Allan Covert takes a drag rom the object containing the "oregano" and says-

Allan Covert- What if we do a movie where you inherit a fuckton of money and bang Wynona Rider.

Adam looks at Barry and says-

Adam Sandler- We did that already, it's called Mr. Deeds.

Tim Herlihy takes a drag from the object containing the "oregano" and says-

Tim Herlihy- What if you play a hockey player who plays golf!

Adam looks at Tim and says-

Adam Sandler- We did that movie, in fact YOU WROTE IT.

Barry takes another drag from the object containing the "oregano" and says-

Barry Bernardi- What if you marry Kevin James.

Adam looks at Barry with hate in his eyes and yells-

Adam Sandler- We did that movie already and nobody saw it!
Barry Bernardi- No, I mean just doing it. It's legal now in New York, Conan just got married there.
Adam Sandler- No, he just performed a marriage there. Come on guys, we've got to come up with a good idea.
Tim Herlihy- Why?
Adam Sandler- Why? Why! I'm tired of being a laughing stock!
Allan Covert- Why?
Adam Sandler- Because I want to be a respected actor.
Barry Bernardi- Why?
Adam Sandler- Are you people too high to ask any other questions?

There is a short pause.

Tim Herlihy- I'm not.
Adam Sandler- Then contribute to this discussion beyond just asking why.
Tim Herlihy- Okay, but first-

Tim takes a drag from the object containing the "oregano", then speaks.

Tim Herlihy- Man, that's good. Anyway, why do you want to make respectable films? All of the movies that Happy Madison has produced have been panned by critics, but that hasn't stopped them from making money. Every project we've greenlight has made money hand over fist. Why stop now?
Adam Sandler- Should we not be more concerned about making good quality films rather than making money?
Tim Herlihy- Rather than making money?
Adam Sandler- Yes.
Allan Covert- Dude, aren't you a registered Republican?

Adam takes a second before he answers.

Adam Sandler- Yes.
Barry Bernardi- Dude, that's sick!
Tim Herlihy- Adam, what is the driving force of the Republican Party?

Adam takes a second before he answers.

Adam Sandler- Money.
Tim Herlihy- Yes, making fat stacks of sweaty cash, even if that comes at the great loss of quality.
Adam Sandler- So?
Barry Bernardi- Don't you want to be a good Republican?

Adam thinks for a moment. Then he takes a drag from the object containing the "oregano" and says-

Adam Sandler- I guess you're right. Okay, how about this, there's a movie about a brother and sister who fight a lot, except I play both the brother and the sister. And we cast Al Pachino and make a lot of inside Hollywood jokes!

All the people around the table shout "Brilliant" as they begin to go through the process of producing Adam's new Hollywood movie idea, as well as smoking the rest of their "oregano".



END SCENE



The Redertainment Corporation Of America Employee Spotlight: Rodger Red

Job Title:
Owner, President, and Chief Executive Officer of The Redertainment Corporation Of America

What was your favorite TV show as a child?

We didn't have TV when I was a kid. We barely had radio.

Have you ever met a famous person? Who?

I met President Harding when I was just out of college. I said hello to him and he screamed at me to get him a goddamn drink.

If you were alone on a island with one CD, who's would it be?

Is there a best of the Perry Como Show CD?

Where do you wish to retire?

I'll retire when I'm dead. Even then, I'll probably still be working.

What is your favorite novel or author?

I remember reading C.S. Lewis's Narnia series when it was released. Tolkien is nothing compared to Lewis.

If you could go anywhere in the world where would you go?

I'd like to visit Monaco again. The place has never been the same since Princess Grace died.

What would you do with a million dollars?

I already have a million dollars.

Please add one fun fact about yourself.

I ALREADY HAVE A MILLION DOLLARS!!!



Hello Stranger, Hunter Red

You remember or not, but Hunter Red is here

I am only 28 years old
If you still remember, we met in a mall a week ago
That was quite offensive, but I got book for you from my naughty sale
You can download it from Amazon, you will like the girls there!
Priest science blue
Liquid care gate knot correspondent

If you want, we can repeat it anytime. Bye!

Spotlight On The Sale Of Occupy Valve

Are You Just Making Up Stuff?

At a TechNW panel, Gabe Newell has explained the string of pricing experiments that resulted in the recognition of something Mr. Newell calls "time-shifting revenue". Newell explained that these experiments were conducted by Steam first lowering prices on certain games without telling people about it. Then, Steam lowered prices on certain games, told people about it, then saw better results. In summation, Steam lowered prices without telling people about it, then lowered prices while telling people about it, and claim that the resulting increased results is due to "time-shifting revenue".

I beg to differ. What Gabe Newell just demonstrated is the power of advertising. If you don't tell people that a price is lower, a low amount of people are going to know the price is lower, thereby stunting how many people will take advantage of the lower price. However, if you lower prices then tell people about it, more people are going to know about it, enabling more people to take advantage of the lower price. The difference in the two situations is that YOU TOLD PEOPLE ABOUT IT. YOU ENGAGED IN ADVERTISING!!!

As Judge Judith Sheindlin says, "Don't pee on my leg and tell me it's raining." Valve, don't make up impressive sounding terms to try to make yourself sound better than you actually are. Doing so just insults the public that you are trying to sell games to, and people do not like being insulted. Also, get to work on Half-Life 3. If I release Project Journal before a real teaser trailer for Half-Life 3 is released, I call on gamers to #OccupyValve.



The Redertainment Corporation Of America Employee Spotlight: Liz

Job Title:
General Executive Secretary for The Redertainment Corporation Of America

What was your favorite TV show as a child?

The Monkees

Have you ever met a famous person? Who?

I met Bono in Ireland before he was famous. At least I think it was Bono. At the very least, I met an pompous Irish asshole in a pub while I was on vacation.

If you were alone on a island with one CD, who's would it be?

The audio version of How To Craft A Boat To Get Yourself Off A Desert Island.

Where do you wish to retire?

Somewhere where I could be with my grandkids.

What is your favorite novel or author?

I tend to read a lot of romance novels. I base my purchase on the hunkiness of the guy on the cover and not person who wrote it.

If you could go anywhere in the world where would you go?

Where my grandkids are right now.

What would you do with a million dollars?

Retire and spend my days sleeping and playing with my grandchildren and sleeping.

Please add one fun fact about yourself.

I have a tattoo that only my husband has seen.



SALE SALE SALE SALE!!!

In recognition of the birth of television icon Kelly Osbourne, we here at The Redertainment Corporation Of America are proud to announce our Forty-sixth Annual Time-shifting Revenue Sale! Yes, come celebrate the birthday of fashion opinionist and rumored lap-band surgery recipient Kelly Osbourne and take advantage of deals on all the products offered for sale by The Redertainment Corporation Of America.

Were you contemplating buying Hunter Red's The Black Robin Christmas Carol on Kindle, but were too much of a cheapskate to buy it when it was only $3? Well, now you can stop being such a damn cheapskate, because The Black Robin Christmas Carole on Kindle is now only $1. That's right, one dollar, in the only currency that matters, American currency.

In fact, all of Hunter Red's book currently available on Kindle, and the way lesser known and highly irrelevant Nook, have been reduced to $1. You can get The Hawk, The Hawk: Consequences Of Mayorust, and The Black Robin Christmas Carol now for only a dollar a piece. That's 66% off the previous price!

Now, what if you are an old fart that insists on sticking to physical media. Well, fear not you old, old, old, OLD person. You too can get in on the savings!

The physical versions of Hunter Red's works currently up for sale on Amazon.com have been reduced from $7 to only $5.40. That just over 22% off the already low prices!

So buy all of the products currently available from The Redertainment Corporation Of America during our Forty-sixth Annual Time-shifting Revenue Sale. These deals won't last long, unless Mr. Red doesn't bother to raise the prices back to the previous level. And remember, if you don't take advantage of these deals, Kelly Osbourne will hate you.

Scientific Facepalm

Talking With The Retarded



Scientist working at the Kinneas Institute For Useless Surveys have discovered something truly incredible and groundbreaking. The amount of people identified as "socially retarded" that go outside into the sunlight on a regular basis has increased an astonishing 159% in the past year. These scientists attribute the rise in the socially retarded going outside during the day to the recent upsurge in the sales of large padded headphones and the installation of self service checkout lines in many grocery stores, home furnishing chalets, and pornography huts.




Dr. Jenna Burns gave us a lengthy quote about this phenomena that we pared down into this blurb.
"Before this surge, the socially retarded mainly went outside of their homes during the nighttime, only venturing out during the daylight when their supply of Doritos, Coca-Cola, and video games ran out. Now, more and more, these pasty, anti-stylish monogoloids are seen walking in places where the general public congregates. It's truly a great thing to see these creatures we once only studied in text books and on slide reels."




When asked about this development, this is the responses from the socially retarded persons we attempted to talk to:
"Huh?"
"What?"
"I didn't hear you."
"What do you care?"
"I'm just-- fuck it."




We look forward to this trend continuing, as well as learning what the general public's response is to learning that these people exist and are in large numbers. Here's hoping this story does not result in the socially retarded retreating into their reality bunkers.




Facepalm



On Monday I received a letter in the mail from the Democratic National Committee. The front of the letter read "Enclosed: 2012 Presidential Election Poll". Being the blatant skeptic that I am, I assumed this "Poll" was a front to get me to contribute to the DNC. I've received letters like this in the past and I've contributed in the past. However, as my economic priorities have shifted in the past year, I was less inclined to contribute to this, or any, political cause. That being said, I did open this envelope to see if the DNC could deliver to me a convincing argument to contribute. This is what I received.




(I covered up certain things to prevent posting my address online.)


I received a letter from Patrick Gaspard, Executive Director of the DNC, the 2012 Presidential Poll, and a third piece of paper entitled "9 Potential Republican Presidential Candidates". The focus of what was sent to me was the Republican party, the major people in the Republican party, and the agenda they represent. The message behind this letter was that the DNC was gearing up to, quoting from the letter, "...to keep the Republicans out of the White House in 2012..."



This letter was a major disappointment to me. This is not the message I want to hear out of the Democratic National Committee. This is not what I want out of the American political environment. What I want is more of a focus on the positive. I want the DNC to tell the people about the good things they have done, and the good things they want to do. I want the major parties in this country to pull the current state of politics out of the gutter that it seems to be stuck in.



Before this letter, I was not going to contribute to the Democratic National Committee. After this letter, I am definitely not contributing to the Democratic National Committee. I will still vote, as I feel that voting is the best way that I can attempt to create the change that I seek. However, I will not be contributing my money to any political institution untill I see a concerned effort to change the political environment in this country. I want to see change. Desperately, I want to see change.










More Works For You To Ignore



As of whenever I bothered to do it, the collective works of renowned writer, satirist, and ladies man Hunter Red are now available for you to ignore on Amazon, Kindle, and Nook. They're also available to download for free but, as dead anarchist once said, "If you're good at something never do it for free."



The Hawk

Take your normal superhero origin story. Guy gets powers, guy realizes he has powers, guy goes out to save the world. Now factor this in: the guy has a score to settle.

Amazon

Kindle

Nook

Dropbox: Word File

Dropbox: PDF File




The Hawk: Consequences Of Mayorust

Everybody wonders what it is that makes them who they are. The Hawk thought that question was securely answered. However a meeting with a boy in a hospital causes him to question everything. Why he is, who he is, what he is, and even if he is.

Kindle

Nook

Dropbox: Word File

Dropbox: PDF File




The Black Robin Christmas Carol

In every workplace there is a person. A person who doesn't talk to anyone, has walled themselves socially, and seems openly hostile to everyone. Every workplace has this person, even if you don't know of such a person, they're there. The Black Robin Christmas Carol is the story of one of these people. It delves into who this person is, why this person is, and how this person can change for the better.

Amazon

Kindle

Nook

Dropbox: Word File

Dropbox: PDF File