$5,528.31

$5,528.31.  That's how far away I am from amassing the money in order to accomplish Project Buy A House.  Five thousand five hundred twenty-eight dollars and thirty-one cents.  Then I can be rid of this shit.  I'm not going to put a donation link on this page.  That's something my mind won't allow me to do.  What I can do is tell people that there books that I have written that are for sale, the proceeds of which go to me.

The Black Robin Christmas Carol
Amazon
Kindle
Nook

Volume 11
Amazon
Kindle
Nook

The Hawk
Amazon
Kindle
Nook

The Hawk: Consequences Of Mayorust
Amazon
Kindle
Nook

Whatever Beacons The Hawk
Amazon

Phooey

Over the past couple of months, I have been independently learning how to write code.  I have been working to gain a proficiency in HTML and C++, as well as dabbling in Java and Visual Basic.  There is one reason why I am pursuing this goal.

I want to hack the Xbox One Kinect so that I can remotely spy on people.  I'm not doing this because I want to show how it can be done so that a security hole can be patched up, as many white hat security professionals do.  In fact, it was my intention to keep this little project of mine quiet so that I could spy on people without anyone noticing.

I won't go into detail as to who I would be spying on and to what end I would be wanting to spy on them, but I believe the picture provided above says more that I care to type.  Yes, my motives were base and craven, but my motives to do everything are base and craven.  Hell, I write books in the hopes that people might find me more attractive.  It hasn't worked yet, but still I'm trying.

On Wednesday my hopes were dashed.  In an article posted on IGN, a Microsoft representative is quoted as saying, "There is no tech magic going on here and Kinect cannot see through clothing."  Phooey.  Now how am I going to use the internet to watch women get naked?

Whatever Beacons The Hawk: Pennzoil Edition

Earlier this year I released Whatever Beacons The Hawk, the followup to The Hawk and The Hawk: Consequences Of Mayorust.  This release was met with a tepid response.  Due to this, I have arranged for a special edition of Whatever Beacons The Hawk to be released in time for the Holiday season.  The special edition of Whatever Beacons The Hawk won't be a simple repackaging but will include all new content and a special treat for my fans.  Whatever Beacon The Hawk: Holiday Edition will include something never before seen in publishing.  WBTH:HE will include a quart of motor oil.

That's right, a quart of motor oil.  Also included in Whatever Beacons The Hawk: Holiday Edition is instructions to use the oil to "spread the darkness".  The interpretation of those instructions is up whoever receives it.

Whatever Beacons The Hawk: Holiday Editon: Destroy the world better than Katy Perry can.

I Got Nothing

For now, I invite you to go up to the house. Get something to eat, maybe take a shower and get a fresh change of clothes, and, most importantly, relax for a bit. What you've been through I wouldn't wish on myself or, for that matter, anyone.

Volume 11 by Hunter Red.  Available now in ways that allow you to read it.

Also available from Hunter Red The Black Robin Christmas Carol, The Hawk, and The Hawk: Consequences Of Mayorust.  Buy them because of reasons.

#ProjectBeacon

Spotlight On The Sale Of Occupy Valve

Are You Just Making Up Stuff?

At a TechNW panel, Gabe Newell has explained the string of pricing experiments that resulted in the recognition of something Mr. Newell calls "time-shifting revenue". Newell explained that these experiments were conducted by Steam first lowering prices on certain games without telling people about it. Then, Steam lowered prices on certain games, told people about it, then saw better results. In summation, Steam lowered prices without telling people about it, then lowered prices while telling people about it, and claim that the resulting increased results is due to "time-shifting revenue".

I beg to differ. What Gabe Newell just demonstrated is the power of advertising. If you don't tell people that a price is lower, a low amount of people are going to know the price is lower, thereby stunting how many people will take advantage of the lower price. However, if you lower prices then tell people about it, more people are going to know about it, enabling more people to take advantage of the lower price. The difference in the two situations is that YOU TOLD PEOPLE ABOUT IT. YOU ENGAGED IN ADVERTISING!!!

As Judge Judith Sheindlin says, "Don't pee on my leg and tell me it's raining." Valve, don't make up impressive sounding terms to try to make yourself sound better than you actually are. Doing so just insults the public that you are trying to sell games to, and people do not like being insulted. Also, get to work on Half-Life 3. If I release Project Journal before a real teaser trailer for Half-Life 3 is released, I call on gamers to #OccupyValve.



The Redertainment Corporation Of America Employee Spotlight: Liz

Job Title:
General Executive Secretary for The Redertainment Corporation Of America

What was your favorite TV show as a child?

The Monkees

Have you ever met a famous person? Who?

I met Bono in Ireland before he was famous. At least I think it was Bono. At the very least, I met an pompous Irish asshole in a pub while I was on vacation.

If you were alone on a island with one CD, who's would it be?

The audio version of How To Craft A Boat To Get Yourself Off A Desert Island.

Where do you wish to retire?

Somewhere where I could be with my grandkids.

What is your favorite novel or author?

I tend to read a lot of romance novels. I base my purchase on the hunkiness of the guy on the cover and not person who wrote it.

If you could go anywhere in the world where would you go?

Where my grandkids are right now.

What would you do with a million dollars?

Retire and spend my days sleeping and playing with my grandchildren and sleeping.

Please add one fun fact about yourself.

I have a tattoo that only my husband has seen.



SALE SALE SALE SALE!!!

In recognition of the birth of television icon Kelly Osbourne, we here at The Redertainment Corporation Of America are proud to announce our Forty-sixth Annual Time-shifting Revenue Sale! Yes, come celebrate the birthday of fashion opinionist and rumored lap-band surgery recipient Kelly Osbourne and take advantage of deals on all the products offered for sale by The Redertainment Corporation Of America.

Were you contemplating buying Hunter Red's The Black Robin Christmas Carol on Kindle, but were too much of a cheapskate to buy it when it was only $3? Well, now you can stop being such a damn cheapskate, because The Black Robin Christmas Carole on Kindle is now only $1. That's right, one dollar, in the only currency that matters, American currency.

In fact, all of Hunter Red's book currently available on Kindle, and the way lesser known and highly irrelevant Nook, have been reduced to $1. You can get The Hawk, The Hawk: Consequences Of Mayorust, and The Black Robin Christmas Carol now for only a dollar a piece. That's 66% off the previous price!

Now, what if you are an old fart that insists on sticking to physical media. Well, fear not you old, old, old, OLD person. You too can get in on the savings!

The physical versions of Hunter Red's works currently up for sale on Amazon.com have been reduced from $7 to only $5.40. That just over 22% off the already low prices!

So buy all of the products currently available from The Redertainment Corporation Of America during our Forty-sixth Annual Time-shifting Revenue Sale. These deals won't last long, unless Mr. Red doesn't bother to raise the prices back to the previous level. And remember, if you don't take advantage of these deals, Kelly Osbourne will hate you.

Scientific Facepalm

Talking With The Retarded



Scientist working at the Kinneas Institute For Useless Surveys have discovered something truly incredible and groundbreaking. The amount of people identified as "socially retarded" that go outside into the sunlight on a regular basis has increased an astonishing 159% in the past year. These scientists attribute the rise in the socially retarded going outside during the day to the recent upsurge in the sales of large padded headphones and the installation of self service checkout lines in many grocery stores, home furnishing chalets, and pornography huts.




Dr. Jenna Burns gave us a lengthy quote about this phenomena that we pared down into this blurb.
"Before this surge, the socially retarded mainly went outside of their homes during the nighttime, only venturing out during the daylight when their supply of Doritos, Coca-Cola, and video games ran out. Now, more and more, these pasty, anti-stylish monogoloids are seen walking in places where the general public congregates. It's truly a great thing to see these creatures we once only studied in text books and on slide reels."




When asked about this development, this is the responses from the socially retarded persons we attempted to talk to:
"Huh?"
"What?"
"I didn't hear you."
"What do you care?"
"I'm just-- fuck it."




We look forward to this trend continuing, as well as learning what the general public's response is to learning that these people exist and are in large numbers. Here's hoping this story does not result in the socially retarded retreating into their reality bunkers.




Facepalm



On Monday I received a letter in the mail from the Democratic National Committee. The front of the letter read "Enclosed: 2012 Presidential Election Poll". Being the blatant skeptic that I am, I assumed this "Poll" was a front to get me to contribute to the DNC. I've received letters like this in the past and I've contributed in the past. However, as my economic priorities have shifted in the past year, I was less inclined to contribute to this, or any, political cause. That being said, I did open this envelope to see if the DNC could deliver to me a convincing argument to contribute. This is what I received.




(I covered up certain things to prevent posting my address online.)


I received a letter from Patrick Gaspard, Executive Director of the DNC, the 2012 Presidential Poll, and a third piece of paper entitled "9 Potential Republican Presidential Candidates". The focus of what was sent to me was the Republican party, the major people in the Republican party, and the agenda they represent. The message behind this letter was that the DNC was gearing up to, quoting from the letter, "...to keep the Republicans out of the White House in 2012..."



This letter was a major disappointment to me. This is not the message I want to hear out of the Democratic National Committee. This is not what I want out of the American political environment. What I want is more of a focus on the positive. I want the DNC to tell the people about the good things they have done, and the good things they want to do. I want the major parties in this country to pull the current state of politics out of the gutter that it seems to be stuck in.



Before this letter, I was not going to contribute to the Democratic National Committee. After this letter, I am definitely not contributing to the Democratic National Committee. I will still vote, as I feel that voting is the best way that I can attempt to create the change that I seek. However, I will not be contributing my money to any political institution untill I see a concerned effort to change the political environment in this country. I want to see change. Desperately, I want to see change.










More Works For You To Ignore



As of whenever I bothered to do it, the collective works of renowned writer, satirist, and ladies man Hunter Red are now available for you to ignore on Amazon, Kindle, and Nook. They're also available to download for free but, as dead anarchist once said, "If you're good at something never do it for free."



The Hawk

Take your normal superhero origin story. Guy gets powers, guy realizes he has powers, guy goes out to save the world. Now factor this in: the guy has a score to settle.

Amazon

Kindle

Nook

Dropbox: Word File

Dropbox: PDF File




The Hawk: Consequences Of Mayorust

Everybody wonders what it is that makes them who they are. The Hawk thought that question was securely answered. However a meeting with a boy in a hospital causes him to question everything. Why he is, who he is, what he is, and even if he is.

Kindle

Nook

Dropbox: Word File

Dropbox: PDF File




The Black Robin Christmas Carol

In every workplace there is a person. A person who doesn't talk to anyone, has walled themselves socially, and seems openly hostile to everyone. Every workplace has this person, even if you don't know of such a person, they're there. The Black Robin Christmas Carol is the story of one of these people. It delves into who this person is, why this person is, and how this person can change for the better.

Amazon

Kindle

Nook

Dropbox: Word File

Dropbox: PDF File

Hurray For Optimism

Improved Versions

After I finished The Black Robin Christmas Carol, I set about putting my other two books in a state I felt comfortable with putting into the market. The first one I worked on was The Hawk. I found an embarrassing amount of problems with it. Seriously, to the few of you that did read The Hawk, I sincerely apologize. After adding about three thousand words and thoroughly beating myself up about it, The Hawk is now in a state that I feel comfortable trying to see if I can sell it.

As far as The Hawk: Consequences Of Mayorust, I'm done. I think there might be some problems with it, but I'm done proofreading for a while. Now I have three books for people to ignore. Hurray for optimism. :)

The Hawk: Word Version PDF Version
The Hawk: Consequences Of Mayorust: Word Version PDF Version
The Black Robin Christmas Carol: Coming November 1st.



The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo Review

I have been assigned to write a review for The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo. However, as I have a thing for goth chicks, I feel I can not objectively review this movie. Therefore, I have passed off this responsibility to my fiance, Robin Anderson. I just hope she doesn't read the part about me having a thing for goth chicks, because she objects to the use of the word "chick".

I just read the opening bit of this piece. Chick. Really? You're using that word? You know much I object to women being objectified like that! Yet you do so anyway. Sometimes, I just don't believe you.

Look, I'm sorry. It's just, that's the first impression I got from the central character of The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo. Lisbeth Salamander looks like the prototypical goth chick that is seen in many shallow teen dramas nowadays. The black hair over the face, the multiple piercing in the ears, the dog collar, these are the kind of things I see walking out of Hot Topic everyday.

What are you doing hanging out in front of the Hot Topic? What, am I not good enough for you?

No, you are plenty for me. I don't even know where that comment came from. I was just milling about in front of the Hot Topic so that I wouldn't be milling about in front of the Victoria's Secret, waiting for you to come out with one of those free panties you can get if you get on Victoria's Secret's mailing list. And I can't be seen milling about in front of the Victoria's Secret or people will think I'm some sort of pervert.

You got a point there. Okay then, I'll do the review for you.

I love IKEA. I love just taking the long drive necessary to get out to that glorious blue box, going inside, and walking around in the prefabricated awesomeness for hours and hours and hours. Sure I can't pronounce any of the things that are in IKEA, but that is so overrated. Plus, I can easily assemble anything I buy. I just ask Hunter to do it.

Wait a minute, you object to me using the term "chick", but are okay with perpetuating the stereotype that women need men to construct things?

It's a joke. You tell off colour jokes all the time.

Yeah, but I generally put such jokes in an absurd or satirical context. What is the context of that comment?

Hmmmm. You got a point there. Okay, we should probably wrap this thing up, it's getting rather long.

Yeah, and with the pictures, this thing should easily meet Seifer's requirement for length.

I bet Robin doesn't have a requirement for length.

Do I have to hit you with a croquet mallet, again?

The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo: B-



Billy Mitchell: Lion Tamer

On August 9, 2010, reports surfaced that Billy Mitchell, pictured above, had retaken the world record for Donkey Kong. Billy's referee verified score of 1,062,800 bests Hank Chien's previous record of 1,061,700. Upon achieving this feat, Mr. Mitchell was quoted as saying, "Some say I'm being cocky. Some say I'm being lazy. I say, I'm being Billy Mitchell." This was not Mr. Mitchell's complete statement. The following is the complete transcript of what Billy Mitchell said after retaking the Donkey Kong world record.

Why do I insist on retaking the Donkey Kong world record from people such as Steve Wiebe and Hank Chien. Well they have boring personalities for one. You want me to continue? How about saving us from that face that looks like you got flattened by a frying pan. Or your monotonous, robotic, Mr. Awesome voice. Or how 'bout I save us from your child-bearing hips, your super cuts hairstyle, your subscription to Blue Ball magazine? But most importantly, Hank Chien, I'm here to save us, from you. Because the first chance I get I'm gonna take that Donkey Kong world record from you, and I'm gonna put it 'round this gorgeous waist, and when I do, Donkey Kong, Twin Galaxies, video gaming entertainment, entertainment entertainment, the state of Florida, the country of the United States, the Western Hemisphere, the planet Earth, the heavens above, the galaxies, the crab nebula, the Universe its self... will never, never, never, eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeever, be the same, again! I called Steve Wiebe and said to him, "Some say I'm being cocky. Some say I'm being lazy. I say, I'm being Billy Mitchell." A week later he hand't returned my call, and at first I thought 'I haven't heard from this man all week. At first I thought it was because it was a spineless, cowardly, jellyfish, but then I realized that he's just... too stupid to understand the concept of records. He has the IQ of a kumquat, and I think I used too big words, I spoke too quickly, Steve got lost in the shuffle! So I'm going to say this very slowly. Some say I'm being cocky. Some say I'm being cocky. Some say I'm being lazy. I say, I'm being Billy Mitchell. I am the best in the world at what I do.

When reached for comment on this story, Hank Chien congratulated Billy Mitchell on attaining the Donkey Kong world record, while Steve Wiebe said, "WILL YOU PEOPLE STOP CALLING MY DAMN HOUSE!!!"



Observations On A Morning In Pocatello

There are time I like to look out at what's around.
The gentle swaying of the trees,
The cars zipping by,
The birds drifting from rooftop to rooftop.
Then I see a dog and my cynophobia kicks in so I do inside.