Black Hand-Sized Plastic Cylinders

GameStop Sells Sex Toys?


Robin and Hunter are sitting in Robin's office. Robin is writing up a review of Miss March and Hunter is level grinding in Final Fantasy XIII. Robin's intern Eric rolls in on his wheelchair with several packages on his lap.

Eric- Miss Anderson, I have your mail.
Robin- Thank you Eric.
Eric- Do you have anything else for me to do?
Robin- I don't know. Hunter, what did you do with your intern?
Hunter- Spencer? I abused that little shit.
Robin- Yeah, but I can't abuse a guy in a wheelchair.
Eric- Why not? My girlfriend does it all the time.

There is a short pause.

Robin- Eric, go ask Liz how her kids are.
Hunter- Honey, there's a difference between abuse and torture.

Eric puts Robin's mail on her desk and rolls out of Robin's office. Robin looks over her mail and sees a cardboard box amongst her haul. Robin opens her package and pulls out the contents, two black plastic objects slightly longer than her hands.

Hunter- What is that?
Robin- I don't know.
Hunter- You know what that looks like?
Robin- A dilldo, but why would anyone send me a dilldo at work?
Hunter- Perhaps it's an early wedding present. We are registered at The Blue Boutique.
Robin- True.
Hunter- Why are we registered at an adult novelty boutique anyway?
Robin- I wanted to torture your more religious relatives by making them go into a sex shop.

The two laugh. Robin looks deeper into her package and finds some pieces of paper.

Robin- Oh, wait, this isn't a dilldo.
Hunter- What is it?
Robin- It's the PS3 Move. Someone sent me the PS3 Move to review.
Hunter- Okay. Did they send you a game?

Robin looks at her package again, picks it up, dumps it out, and says-

Robin- No.
Hunter- So how are you supposed to review a controller without games that require the controller to play?

Robin looks at Hunter amorously.

Robin- Is there a way to activate the Move's rumble feature outside of gameplay?

END SCENE



This Is A Real Thing





Hunter Red For Peter Corroon For Governor Of Utah





I Openly Insult States I've Never Been In

This week nine states came out on the side of the video game industry in the upcoming appeal of California's video game legislation, Assembly Bills 1792 & 1793. These states include Boringland, Ultraboringland, Irrelevant Country, Raingrunge, The Political Sex Capital of North America, and Mormonville.



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I don't know how to react to this clip, other than to say John Hamm is the sexiest man alive.

Red Rant: Beware Of The Eagle Forum

On Saturday, an article posted on GamePolitics revealed that Jack Thompson is set to make a speech at the annual Utah Eagle Forum Convention on Saturday, January 17th. It also revealed that Mr. Thompson was working with the Utah Eagle Forum on video game legislation for the upcoming session of the Utah Legislature. What they are trying to do is revive a piece of legislation that was ultimately discarded after many people raised objections over it. Most prominent was Utah Attorney General Mark Shurtleff, who said the law was unconstitutional. This is a bad omen. Not because Jack Thompson is involved, because the Eagle Forum is involved.

The Utah Eagle Forum is a hard line conservative lobbying group in Utah. They blatantly back legislation and politicians that are racist, sexist, homophobic, and other kinds of hateful and catch no public flack for it. The Eagle Forum is very powerful. When they put their minds toward something, it gets done. Whether it's protecting a politician, getting a piece of legislation through, or killing a piece of legislation or a politician's career. The Eagle Forum gets shit done.

I'm not saying the two issues are the same, but I'm going to draw parallels between the gay marriage issue and the legislation of video games issue. In 2004, Utah Amendment 3 was proposed. When this law was put to a public vote, it was backed by, most notably, the LDS Church, in much the same way they backed California's Proposition 8. One of the early backers of this legislation was the Eagle Forum. Despite objections from many minority groups, and Utah Attorney General Mark Shurtleff, this amendment made it through committee, was passed by the legislature, and ultimately passed by the people of Utah with a 66% majority. The Eagle Forum got shit done.

As I said earlier, this is a bad omen. The Eagle Forum is a wide reaching and powerful group that can enact legislation that is only meant to further their agenda at the expense of those who object to them. I am afraid that their involvment will ultimately mean that video game legislation will ultimately pass into law, no matter how unconstitutional it is. I fear for us all.