Brassica Oleracea

NO! Updated

Recently, discussions held in the United States Congress has devolved in a way that many people find disturbing. The need for a two thirds vote to end discussion on any subject, whether it's something large like future tax rates or the extension of health benefits to 9/11 responders, is something many pundits, bloggers, and other opinonists have decried. Some have already compared this debate to the debate over the oral consumption of Brassica Oleracea. Here is a short transcript of that debate.

John- Timmy, are you feeling okay?
Timmy- Yes.
John- Okay. Are you done with dinner?
Timmy- Yes, can I have dessert now, please?
John- Have you finished your brussel sprouts?
Timmy- No.
John- Well then you haven’t finished your dinner and so can’t have dessert.
Timmy- But I want dessert.
John- Then finish your brussel sprouts.
Timmy- No.
John- Then you can’t have dessert.
Timmy- No.
John- Timothy, that is the rule. If you don’t finish your dinner-
Timmy- No.
John- -then you can’t have any dessert.
Timmy- No.
John- That’s the rule and if you don’t follow the rule, you can go to your room young man. Look, I'll even make a compromise with you. You see the five brussel sprouts you have on your plate?
Timmy- No.
John- Well, you have five brussel sprouts on your plate. Now, you don't have to eat all of them. Here-

John eats a brussel sprout from Timmy's plate.

John- There, now you have four brussel sprouts on your plate. Can you eat those?
Timmy- No.
John- Okay, I'll compromise further.

John eats a brussel sprout from Timmy's plate.

John- There, now you have three brussel sprouts on your plate. Can you eat those?
Timmy- No.
John- Okay, I'll compromise further.

John eats a brussel sprout from Timmy's plate.

John- There, now you have two brussel sprouts on your plate. Can you eat those?
Timmy- No.
John- Okay, I'll compromise further.

John eats a brussel sprout from Timmy's plate.

John- There, now you have one brussel sprout on your plate. Can you eat those?
Timmy- No.
John- Well, I'm sorry, if you can't eat even one brussel sprout, then you can not have dessert.
Timmy- You’re a fascist.
John- Timothy, that is a very hurtful thing to say to someone, and is, in all likelihood not true. Now, you can either finish your brussel sprouts-
Timmy- No.
John- -and then have dessert or not finish your brussel sprouts and go to bed.
Timmy- No.
John- Those are the choices you have.
Timmy- No!

Timmy then launches into a loud, furious, and violent temper tantrum. This goes on for several hours while John sits at the table, impotent to stop him. Neither Timmy nor John had dessert that night.



Hobbies, Hobbies, And Additional Hobbies!


Heather- Man, video games are a complete waste of time.
David- You know, I don't insult your hobby, don't insult mine.

Bryan- Man, scrapbooking is a complete waste of time.
Morgan- You know, I don't insult your hobby, don't insult mine.

Nate- Man, button collecting is a complete waste of time.
Chester- You know, I don't insult your hobby, don't insult mine.

Ronald- Man, taxidermy is a complete waste of time.
Anna- You know, I don't insult your hobby, don't insult mine.

Sally- Man, collecting Grateful Dead memorabilia is a complete waste of time.
Walter- You know, I don't insult your hobby, don't insult mine.

Joan- Man, dressing like characters in Mad Men is a complete waste of time.
Don- You know, I don't insult your hobby, don't insult mine.

Clarissa- Man, stalking Melissa Joan Hart is a complete waste of time.
Bruce- You know, I don't insult your hobby, don't insult mine.

Julia- Man, collecting, cataloguing, and maintaing a pornography archive is a complete waste of time.
Hunter- You know, I don't insult your hobby, don't insult mine.



Conan: Age of the Masturbating Bear

On Thursday, it was revealed that Paradox Entertainment and Digital Development Management are currently developing a new game based on Conan O'Brien. This game is believed to be a followup to the failed MMORPG launched during the final year of Late Night with Conan O'Brien, before the comedian's move to The Tonight Show, and later his move to Twitter. Included in the story about this game is this picture:

It is unknown what connection this picture has to Mr. O'Brien, but it does imply that the Evil Puppy will be making an appearance in this game.

****- I Have No Good Name For This

No!

Recently the US Senate voted to go ahead with formal debate over the controversial overhaul of the healthcare industry in the United States. Debate over this bill has been going on for months in Town Hall meetings, political talk shows, and at family gatherings across the country. Rep. Rob Bishop (R-UT) has referred to this debate as “The greatest in American history”. Some have already compared this debate to the debate over the oral consumption of Brassica Oleracea. Here is a short transcript of that debate.

John- Timmy, are you feeling okay?
Timmy- Yes.
John- Okay. Are you done with dinner?
Timmy- Yes, can I have dessert now, please?
John- Have you finished your brussel sprouts?
Timmy- No.
John- Well then you haven’t finished your dinner and so can’t have dessert.
Timmy- But I want dessert.
John- Then finish your brussel sprouts.
Timmy- No.
John- Then you can’t have dessert.
Timmy- No.
John- Timothy, that is the rule. If you don’t finish your dinner-
Timmy- No.
John- -then you can’t have any dessert.
Timmy- No.
John- That’s the rule and if you don’t follow the rule, you can go to your room young man.
Timmy- You’re a fascist.
John- Timothy, that is a very hurtful thing to say to someone, and is, in all likelihood not true. Now, you can either finish your brussel sprouts-
Timmy- No.
John- -and then have dessert or not finish your brussel sprouts and go to bed.
Timmy- No.
John- Those are the choices you have.
Timmy- No!

This debate has no real conclusion and continued on in this fashion for several more hours. The reason there was no real conclusion was because of Timmy’s stubborn and illogical resistance and John’s lack of a spine and testicles. I leave any connections between the Brassica Oleracea debate and the current health care debate to be made by the reader.




God Damn It, He Stole My Idea!

About a year ago, a certain media project was released upon the world. This media project was met with general praise from fans of the source material but indifference from those who are unfamiliar with history of the central focus of this media project. I speak, of course, of Funcom’s Conan MMORPG, based on Conan O’Brien, host of The Tonight Show with Conan O’Brien.

To coincide with the holiday push, Funcom has announced an expansion pack and a patch for the Conan MMORPG. One of the features included in this expansion caught my interest. Included in the expansion pack entitled “The Expanding Ginger Empire” is a player ability called “Telestealing”.

What is telestealing? Funcom’s Community Manager Pierre Bernard, pictured above, answered this question in an interview for The Four Stars Blog. “Telestealing is the action of using supernatural abilities, in the case of this game magic, to steal ideas from other users. Are there any other dumb questions you have for me?”

It is unknown at this time how exactly telestealing will be utilized in the Conan MMORPG or even how this game mechanic will work. An examply of this feature in action may be the following video.







No DPL, Thank You

Have you ever been in an environment with a thousand people typing? No one is talking, no music is piped in, an occasional beep or cough is heard, but other than that nothing but the sound of a thousand people endlessly on computer keyboards for hours on end. If you were ever in an environment such as this you would be grateful to something, anything, that distracted you from it. I am aware of just such an environment, greatly aware.

I work at the United States Postal Service’s Salt Lake City Remote Encoding Center. In this facility over one thousand employees key in all the information needed to send a piece of mail unreadable by the automated sorting machines to where it needs to go. It’s a great job, especially after I was made a career employee in 2006, however the workfloor itself is not an inviting environment. A dull environment that is quiet except for the endless crunch of computer keyboards is one that would drive anybody stir crazy. To prevent this from happening to me, I listen to several podcasts to keep my mind activated. However there is one podcast that stands tall among them.

Dead Pixel Live. Two hours a day, four days a week of talk, not just about video games, but also what gamers are talking about. This includes work, movies, alcoholic beverages, and devices that provide sexual pleasure. Dead Pixel Live not only keeps my mind active, it also entertains, cheers up, and generally keep my mind moving forward. That is until December 2nd, 2009. On that date, DerrickH, co-host of DPL, abruptly announced the end of this podcast to the despair of many among his audience, including me.

On the Dead Pixel Live Epilogue, Derrick thanked many people. One of these was me, however it is I who owe Dead Pixel Live my thanks. If DPL has not kept my mind at an elite level at work I believe I would not be the productive worker I am today. Without that level of productivity I would not have gotten my raise, many of my material possessions, and, most certainly, my beloved Mercury Mountaineer, or as I call her “Rubi”. Also, without Derrick telling me how to do so, Redertainment.com would not exist today. He may be kicking himself for that one, but it’s true.

So thanks to Alphabox, Loserly, DerrickH, and to a lesser extent Ravensdolphin for the role you have played in my life. I may never be able to replace you, and, in some way, I hope I never do.