The Official Redertainment Corporation Of America E3 2010 Recap Blog Post!!!
So I spent the last week being tried/sick/depressed. Because of this, I wrote only one thing that was good, but that thing was based on a joke that everyone made immediately after it happened. So I decided to recap all the major press conferences that occurred at this year's Electronic Entertainment Expo. Enjoy! On Sunday, Microsoft held an event to celebrate Kinetic, the new motion control device for the Xbox 360 that was named by choosing random letters out of a bag. This celebration included a performance from Circ de Soile. As this was the regular Circ de Soile show and not Zumanity, I knew that no epic pole dancing would be involved, so I was not motivated to care. Then I found out about the spaceponchos. That's right, spaceponchos. I think I've found my Halloween costume for this year. On Monday, Microsoft held their formal E3 Press Conference. At the end of this particularly overblown stage production, Don Mattrick unveiled the slightly smaller, slightly blacker, and slightly better ventilated Xbox 360 Slim. After it's unveiling, Mattrick announced that everyone in the audience at the Microsoft E3 Press Conference would be receiving an Xbox 360 Slim for free. This caused the internet to be flooded with comparisons to Oprah, and me to throw away the piece I had been working on. So, thanks jerkass! The next fucking event that happened was the fucking Electronic Arts fucking E3 2010 fucking Press Conference. During this fucking show, Epic fucking Games upcoming first person fucking shooter Bulletstorm was fucking presented. In this fucking presentation, several fucking swear words were fucking used, something that is fucking unusual for an Efucking3 presentation. Also, the trailer for the console release of The Sims 3 was unveiled. Included in this trailer was a montage of sims engaging in various activities, including two sims making whoopie. Joel McHale is a comedian who utilizes a ironic/sarcastic style in his act. When paired with a situation or a reality show clip that is in any way absurd, this comedic style can create pure gold. However, when this comedic style is paired with crap, it only serves to point out exactly what the material is. Crap. One of the games that was shown was Your Shape: Fitness Evolved, a game that received a better exhibition during Microsoft's E3 Press Conference earlier that day. Another game that was presented was Battle Tag. This is a game that is promised to bring an experience to home consoles that has never been had before The ability to simulate shooting your friends without harming your friends. That is something that has truly never been done before. Really. (Halo, Call of Duty, Battlefield: Bad Company, Team Fortress, Unreal Tournament, Counter-Strike, and so on, and so on, and so on...)
Where is the Vitality Sensor that I was so looking forward to sticking my penis into? Robin is very much looking forward to Playstation Move. She won't tell me why. Finally, the Redertainment Corporation Of America held a press conference on Wednesday. There is was announced that The Black Robin Christmas Carol, the next book by Hunter Red, would be made available for free at Redertainment.com on Monday, November 1st. As is typical with the work of Hunter Red, no one cared. Tear.
The Plan Of Nintendo Rumble Salvation Rumors have been flying recently about Nintendo’s plans for a possible DS 2. After digging around in a 2005 patent filing, a diagram has been found that could possibly be a schematic for a rumble system for a handheld console. Now this diagram may be too complicated for people with limited knowledge of electronics and the trade of electrical engineering. So, after asking several electricians for a more approachable way to explain this, the following diagram has been produced.
Apparently the whole rumbling system begins even before the player plays a game. However, due to a “Veil of Failness”, not much is known for certain about this aspect of this rumbling process. When the player starts to play the game the player must meet a certain number of parameters to achieve even a small level of rumbling glory. All can achieve rumbling glory, but only a select few can achieve the full glory that is Perfect Rumbling.
After several more steps, including the possibility of being saved after the character you portray unfortunately dies, there are three levels of rumbling glory that can be attained. The first is the previously mentioned Perfect Rumbling, which is hard to achieve and may never be realized by most gamers. The second is Acceptable Rumbling, which is all right, but given the awesomeness of Perfect Rumbling, Acceptable Rumbling is barely acceptable. The final is Fail Rumbling, which feels like nothing more than a slight tapping and actually makes more noise than movement. Fail Rumbling is reserved for the worst of the worst, the baddest of the bad, the most failtastic of the fail. You’d have to be a pretty fucked up player to achieve Fail Rumbling.
As a Nintendo DS 2 has yet to be announced or even acknowledged by Nintendo, it is unknown where, when, and how this new rumbling system will be implemented. It is also unknown if the rumbling system mentioned in this story will actually be like this when gamers encounter it. I guess we’ll just see whose system of lemming like belief is correct.
Dear God Why?
Another Reason To Avoid UAE, other than the whole being a searing desert thing. On February 22nd, the United Arab Emirates banned the importation and sale of the PS3 title Heavy Rain. In a statement on this ban, UAE Culture and Communications Minister Farooq Aziz said the following:
“The reason the Culture and Communications Ministry has banned the video game Heavy Rain is not the fully nude woman you can view at about three hours in. Nor is it the naked man ass you can view at about ten minutes in. Nor is it that you can make the playable characters urinate on a frequent basis. The CACM banned Heavy Rain because of Quantic Dream’s flagrant and grotesque depiction of women as humans.
“The United Arab Emirates hardline interpretation of the holy Qur’an dictates that we treat all females as objects with no more rights and privileges than a fern. The UAE CACM also insists that all media that is imported conforms to our interpretation of the Islamic faith, the one and only true faith as revealed to the prophet Mohammed, praise be unto him.
“Quantic Dream’s depiction of its female characters with realistic emotions and realistic drives and desires offends us deeply as it runs in conflict with our preferred depiction of women. That being emotionless vessels for our male heirs and unworthy female subjects. Untill Quantic Dream conforms to that standard, Heavy Rain will not be permitted in our country. That, or until they bribe me.” In other news, the state of Utah has also banned Heavy Rain for similar reasons as the United Arab Emirates.
On Friday, Dead or Alive Paradise director Yoshinori Ueda stated that his upcoming game is not softcore porn. As a result, ,many pre-orders for this game on Amazon.com have been cancelled, resulting in the game moving from 14th most popular to 2,456,744th.
Heavy Rain First Impressions I bought Heavy Rain on the day it was released. The first thing I needed to do upon putting Heavy Rain into my PS3 and starting it up was to download an update. If this was a 360 game and I was dealing with Live, this process would have taken just a couple of minutes. Unfortunately this was a PS3 game and I was dealing with PSN.
The first time I tried to download this update the download started but stopped and didn’t get started again for seemingly no reason at all. The second time it stalled before even starting the download for, again, seemingly no reason at all. The third time the download started and kept on going, but the speed at which it was downloading was unacceptable. I was able to watch an entire episode of The Dish in the time it took to download the update. Once the update was downloaded the next thing to do was install Heavy Rain to the PS3’s hard drive. Unlike other games where they give you a progress bar or Old Snake to look at, Heavy Rain actually gives you something to do. Included in the package with Heavy Rain is this square piece of paper. During the installation process, you are given instructions on how to turn this piece of paper into this. By the time you are finished crafting this piece of origami, the installation should be complete. This whole process, infuriating at first and somewhat rewarding at the end, took about an hour. An hour I could have spent playing the game. Let’s just hope the actual playing of Heavy Rain offers more rewards than just a paper artform to put next to my Modern Warfare 2 night vision goggles.
Shawn I remember happier times with my dad. In the backyard playing helicopter and airplane with him and my brother. Watching him draw buildings that people could live and play in. Even him comforting me as I mourned the loss of my pet bird are things that I look back on fondly now.
After the accident that took my brother away, my dad never seemingly got up. He looks depressed, isn’t maintaining himself the way he used to, and even walks around like he doesn’t quite have a handle on how to do so fluidly. He doesn’t even eat well, not that the microwaved chicken is anything to salivate over.
I know he means well, I can see the remorse for his failings in his eyes as he tucks me in at night. Perhaps one day he will pick himself up and find a way out of this perpetual downpour. At least then he might shave off that short scruffily beard he’s grown.
Heavy Rain Second Impressions Video games tend to follow a similar basic structure: Level, level, boss, level, level, bigger boss, level, level, bigger boss, level, boss, bigger boss, final boss. Nearly every video game does this. Mario, Metroid, Mega Man, Zelda, Metal Gear, Final Fantasy, World of Warcraft, and on and on and on. Before its release, Heavy Rain was talked about not being a video game. I don’t know why this is because Heavy Rain follows basic video game structure, it’s just presented differently. Inner monologue, dialog between characters, fight scene, discovery of a plot point, discussion of the plot point, fight scene, character development, plot development, fight scene. I’m not saying that this is a bad thing. This kind of basic video game structure can produce a challenging and compelling video game experience, if it is done well. Heavy Rain appears to be utilizing this structure very well, so far…
Like all of the other next-gen systems, rumors of the successor to the Nintendo Wii have been going around since the console's release. Some have even joked, "The next Nintendo platform, the Urinate, will consist of three Gamecubes duct taped together." Gamers have been crying out for a true next-gen high-def console from Nintendo, however Nintendo has seemingly ignored them. Nintendo has seemingly taken a cue from Capcom's latest release Mega Man 9. At this weeks Tokyo Game Show, Nintendo unveiled to the public their next console: The Nintendo Super Wii.
Among other features, the Nintendo Super Wii has a 16 bit core, can output 32768 colors, and has a 16 bit stereo output. The Super Wii does feature an internal storage of 8 GB, equal to the size of the hard drive in the original Xbox. The Super Wii is not expected to have online capabilities, but that may change depending on whether or not the internet can be purged of all content not suitable for children. My guess would be no.
Reaction from the gaming public has been mixed. AGISoundboard has been quoted as saying, "WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT SHIT!!!" ArvicolinaeLemmini said, "I love Nintendo and all that it does. I look forward to once again putting on my PJs, getting some cereal, and playing Super Mario all day long. Just like I did 20 years ago, in the same house too!" And finally, IHEART360 said, "Nintendo? Fuck that! I look forward to the day that Nintendo collapses, Microsoft buy them, and they release a game where i can use Master Chief to ruthlessly slaughter that bitch Mario. All hail Xbox!!!"
The Nintendo Super Wii is expected to be released in time for Holiday 2009, however, given Nintendo's track record, it will probably be readily available in Spring 2011.
By the way, for those of you who care, I now own my own website Redertainment.com Following in the steps of Peter Molynuex, I plan to have it up now, and in about a week or so, add stuff that is funny.
Take your normal superhero origin story. Guy gets powers, guy realizes he has powers, guy goes out to save the world. Now factor this in: the guy has a score to settle.
Everybody wonders what it is that makes them who they are. The Hawk thought that question was securely answered. However a meeting with a boy in a hospital causes him to question everything. Why he is, who he is, what he is, and even if he is.
Eleven years after the events of Consequences Of Mayorust, The Hawk finds himself dealing with many of the same issues that many of us deal with: A less than satisfying job, co-workers of variant annoyance, and a romantic life is unhealthy at best. Thrust into all this is Madison Medina, a well meaning woman who's adversarial relationship with The Hawk morphs into a kind of friendship. Madison, in addition to learning more about herself and her abilities, help to reveal deeper problems inside the organization both she and The Hawk work for.
In every workplace there is a person. A person who doesn't talk to anyone, has walled themselves socially, and seems openly hostile to everyone. Every workplace has this person, even if you don't know of such a person, they're there. The Black Robin Christmas Carol is the story of one of these people. It delves into who this person is, why this person is, and how this person can change for the better.
There is a story. A story of pain, a story of loss, a story of unspeakable horrors, a story that has not been given it's proper attention. Some are ignoring this story. Some are unaware of this story. Some know of this story but are complicit in it's darkness. This is a story that must be told. Told so that the good can stop it and the bad can feel shame for it.
When I thought up thig blog, the name I first thought up was "Random Bullshit". Quickly I recognized that this name would put some people off. Then I thought of the name "Random Bull****". That seemed to be to much clutter. Then I was inspired with the name that dons this blog today.
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