Grand Theft Auto Diary: #8: GTA Onlinegate

On Monday, Rockstar Games launched GTA Online. Well, to be more exact, Rockstar Games attempted to launch GTA Online. Rockstar Games delayed the release of GTA Online in order to prevent the kind of server overload seen with the launches of SimCity, Diablo III, and every other online dependent game. Did the delay do any good?

No.  On Monday, people started hitting the servers for GTA Online, and the connection issues, bugs, and other assorted failures came along with it. In response to this, Rockstar Games released a statement asking for patience as they deal with these problems.

PATIENCE! THIS IS THE INTERNETZ!!! THERE BE NO PATINCE HERRE! PATIENCE IS FAILURE AND FAUILURE IS NOT TO BE TOLERATED! NO PATIRNCE, WE WANT PLAY GAM3 NOWZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's Contest Time!!!

On Tuesday, reports started circulating about Electronic Arts possibly allowing consumers to craft and distribute user generated content in SimCity.  This speculation comes after a post on a Electronic Arts forum, which was taken as truth because everything posted on a forum is true.

In advance of this upcoming move, I am proud to announce the First Ever SimCity Giant Dick Challenge!  The contest is simple: The first person to post user generated content in SimCity that is phallic in nature will be given a prize.  That prize: 103,900 Zambian Kwacha!

Disclaimer: Prize is available to all residents of the United States of America, including all Territories and Military Bases.  Actual prize value is USD $20.  In order to win you must be the first person to deliver the requirement of the contest in person at The Official Offices Of The Redertainment Corporation Of America, 350 N. State St., Salt Lake City, UT  84114  Prize must be claimed by October 1, 2013.  Actually, this is not an actual contest.  This is a hoax.  Submissions looking to claim the prize will not be acknowledged, unless submissions also include pictures of Carly Pope naked.  Disregard that last sentence.  Do not send any pictures to the address that was attributed as The Official Offices Of The Redertainment Corporation Of America, as sending pornography to the Utah State Capitol can be considered to be a crime.   Please, no fat chicks.