Showing posts with label Grand Theft Auto V. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Grand Theft Auto V. Show all posts

Red Review- Grand Theft Auto V

It's rare that stress gets to me. My job is one without stress, I don't have a romantic life and therefore no real romantic stress, and my financial situation is quite stable. The only thing that really bothers me is my family. Sometimes I just feel my family just asks too much from me. Sometimes it seems like anytime I have some time off, or some extra money, they try to take it away from me. That is what is stressful to me, and sometimes I need to just get away from it.

I legitimately wish I could take a vacation from my family. Not my work, my family. Unfortunately I can't really choose to do one or the other. I need to get away from both because once I get away from work my family starts hitting me up to do shit for them. It's not like I can go to a hotel and still go to work while avoiding the main source of stress in my life. As a result, rarely go on vacation. What I actually do to relieve the stress from my family is drive. Driving allows me to get away from the stresses of life, if only for a little while.
Every so often I will hit the roads for a good long drive. Sometimes I pick somewhere, a restaurant or a store I've never been to, and just go there. Sometimes I just pick a direction and go. Given where I live, I can't really go West, but North, South, and East all hold have great places to see and great places to drive near.
The Grand Theft Auto series has also allowed me to just drive around in the game environment with no real structure or point. There is a simple joy to finding a nice, clear, smooth stretch of road and just driving on it. Driving on it for as long and as far as it will take you.
There is also a simple joy to hitting motorcyclist with your car. Fuck motorcyclists.
Grand Theft Auto V: A

I'd Love To Review Beyond: Two Souls, However...

Beyond: Two Souls came out on Tuesday, and the game from the developer of Heavy Rain and Indigo Prophecy has garnered mixed reviews, ranging from Five Stars from Digital Spy to a 4/10 from Metro GameCentral.  I'd love to review Beyond: Two Souls, however there are three things preventing me from doing so.
There's the Boston Red Sox/Tampa Bay Rays ALDS series that I am watching as I am writing this blog post.  Each of the games have eaten up about four hours of my night/morning, which has resulted in my DVR being abnormally full.
Then there's Grand Theft Auto V, which I am still trying to complete.  I managed to get into Grand Theft Auto Online yesterday, and found that if I truly want to experience this part of the game I need to invest a lot more time into it.
Then there's the primary reason why I haven't even bought Beyond: Two Souls as of yet: Project Buy A House.  My pursuit of this goal has been pushed back recently after my rent was increased, of which I was informed of two days before my rent was actually due. Further pushing back my pursuit of this goal is my family continuing to act as if I have a great amount of excess cash that I can bestow on them at will.  It's as if they don't realize that my money is mine and that I have plans to do things with my money that is mine.
Perhaps in the future I will be able to play and review Beyond: Two Souls.  Perhaps in the future I will accomplish Project Buy A House.  And, perhaps in the future, vivid rainbows will fly out of my ass.  Untill then, I can only dream and hope.................................................................................................................. that my family stops hitting me up for cash like I'm a fucking ATM machine.

Grand Theft Auto Diary: #10: Grand Theft Auto Onlinegate Again AGAIN

Over the weekend, I tried to play Grand Theft Auto Online again.  This time I managed to play a couple of missions, but the game ended up stalling while it was attempting to load the third of the initial missions that you undertake in order to get acclimated to the game.  At first, I was willing to blame my CenturyLink DSFUCKINGL for my difficulties with Grand Theft Auto Online.  Now, I blame Rockstar Games.

GTA Online patch now live on PS3


Sure it is.  You know, I'll believe it when I see it.

Grand Theft Auto Diary: #9: GTA Onlinegate Again

Yesterday I attempted to play Grand Theft Auto Online.  Emphasis on attempted.
Before I attempted to play Grand Theft Auto Online, I turned on my iPod and hit shuffle.  What came up was Pink Floyd's Shine On You Crazy Diamond, which is posted above.  One of the several cuts I have of this song is the complete twenty-six minute version of the song.  When I logged into Grand Theft Auto Online, the synthesizers from Part One of this song were just starting to warm up.  Knowing the persistent problems I have with my CenturyLink DSFUCKINGL, and the general problems I've seen reported with Grand Theft Auto Online, I knew I needed to be patient and wait.  And wait.  And wait.  And I waited, untill the song I was listening to ended.  My attempt to load up Grand Theft Auto Online took longer than twenty-six minute five second song that I was listening to when I started it.

Grand Theft Auto Online title update hits tomorrow, Rockstar hopes


Yeah, sure.  I'll believe it when I see it.

Grand Theft Auto Diary: #8: GTA Onlinegate

On Monday, Rockstar Games launched GTA Online. Well, to be more exact, Rockstar Games attempted to launch GTA Online. Rockstar Games delayed the release of GTA Online in order to prevent the kind of server overload seen with the launches of SimCity, Diablo III, and every other online dependent game. Did the delay do any good?
No.  On Monday, people started hitting the servers for GTA Online, and the connection issues, bugs, and other assorted failures came along with it. In response to this, Rockstar Games released a statement asking for patience as they deal with these problems.
PATIENCE! THIS IS THE INTERNETZ!!! THERE BE NO PATINCE HERRE! PATIENCE IS FAILURE AND FAUILURE IS NOT TO BE TOLERATED! NO PATIRNCE, WE WANT PLAY GAM3 NOWZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Grand Theft Auto Diary: #7: SPOILARZZZGATE

Yeah, I didn't spend Sunday playing Grand Theft Auto V.  Instead, I watched the last eight episodes of Breaking Bad.
The last episode was, in my opinion, one of the best episodes of television in the history of human civilization.  My favorite part was when Kelly met up with Ozone and Turbo, who are in a long protracted battle with rivals Electro Rock.  The subplot involving the disapproving teacher was kind of a drag, but the prominent role played by Ice-T made this episode totally tubular.  I don't remember the ending, because I was watching it drunk and kind of passed out, but I bet it the way Popin' Pete, Popin' Taco, and Lollipop met their unfortunate demise was sick dope fo' realz.  If you haven't seen the finale of Breaking Bad, the following video clip is a total spoiler, but if you haven't seen the finale of Breaking Bad you suck and you deserve the spoilarrzzz you get.

Grand Theft Auto Dairy: #6: Awesome Musicgate

Usually when I'm playing a video game there comes a point where I get tried of the cyclical music playing in the background and turn on my iPod. I turn on my iPod to catch up with podcasts, or hit shuffle and listen to whatever, and only turn my music off at moments I think are climatic or otherwise important. That's not happening with Grand Theft Auto V for me. It's not that the music is being played over bad over and over again, it's that the music is good. So here are some of my favorite tracks from Grand Theft Auto V.
Most people forget that Julian Lennon had a music career. Not Rockstar Games.

It's kind of messed up that I listened to this song about casual sex when I was a kid.

It's raining as I write this. Good thing I have my CM Punk hoodie.

This song is one of the few positive memories I have from Junior High.

Do you remember the name of this song or who does it? Me neither.

Black Flag didn't have a long career, but they were hella influential.

Pretty much describes how I approached High School.

And lastly, Johnny Cash. I'm not into Country music, but I am into Johnny Cash.

Grand Theft Auto Diary: #5: Frustration In Real Life

I'm starting to really not like the missions that involve Trevor. To this point, the missions I've played that involve Trevor include either drugs, explosives, mass murder, or some form of psychosis, if not all of those things. However, there is one aspect of many of the missions involving Trevor that I really really do not like.
I hate flying. I just can't get the controls down right. I can't remember how many time I've failed a mission due to destroying the plane, but I venture to guess it's somewhere around 63,828,274. I've either crashed the plane into the ground, crashed the plane into an object, blown up the plane, gotten shot down, or done something else involving the plane the results in the plane somehow blowing up. For me, flying planes in Grand Theft Auto V is nearly as frustrating as golfing in Grand Theft Auto V.
Yes, I know flying is harder than driving. I know that there is a reason why flying lessons are given by experienced people who know what they're doing, as opposed to the football/baseball/basketball coach of whatever school you're going to. I know the act of flying is a much more spectacular feat than merely going fast on the ground. I don't care. Flying in Grand Theft Auto V should be way easier to do than flying is in real life. Why?
Stealing a car in Grand Theft Auto V is easier than stealing a car is in real life.
Murdering someone and getting away with it in Grand Theft Auto V is easier than murdering someone and getting away with it in real life.
Evading the police in Grand Theft Auto V is easier than evading the police in real life.
Buying a gun in Grand Theft Auto V is easier than buying a gun is in real life, even though it is really fucking easy to buy a gun in real life.
Blowing something up in Grand Theft Auto V is way easier than blowing something up is in real life.
Getting a stripper to come home with you in Grand Theft Auto V is easier than getting a stripper to come home with you in real life.
Dan In Real Life in Grand Theft Auto V is way more enjoyable than Dan In Real Life is in real life.
For all these reasons, and more, flying in Grand Theft Auto V should be easier than it is. Also, coming up with a good ending for a blog is easier in Grand Theft Auto V than it is in real life. All I have to end this blog with is a random picture of a kitten.





















Grand Theft Auto Diary: #4: Golf Mini-Game Review

Of all the sports that I have played in video game form, the one I have played the most is golf.  One of the few PC games I have really gotten into was a golf game.  When I was in college, my friends and I talked about how good, or bad, in my case GOOD, we were at Tiger Woods PGA Tour 2004.  The only sports video game that I pick up on a yearly basis is Tiger Woods PGA Tour.  The devotion that many people have toward football, soccer, and even hockey video games, I have toward golf video games.
The reason Tiger Woods PGA Tour has hooked me so deep is the gameplay.  I'm one of those gamers who thinks gameplay is THE critical element to a video game.  Not graphics, not sound, not story, not online connectivity, not anything else, gameplay.  If a video game does not have good gameplay, in my opinion, the game sucks, and I think Tiger Woods PGA Tour has the best gameplay experience in sports video games.  The amount of control that the player has over every single shot that is taken throughout a round of golf is astounding to me.  Every big and little detail of the shot can be controlled by the player.  From big changes that address how the player can shape their shot to address trees and other obstructions, to little changes to the ball's trajectory, spin, and the angle the ball falls at as it approaches the playing surface.
The difference between the amount of control that the player has over the golf ball in Tiger Woods PGA Tour is especially apparent when compared to the amount of control the player has in other golf video games.  Let's take, for example, Golf for the NES.  I remember playing this game as a small child, and no matter how much time and effort I sunk into this game, I still sucked at it.  I was not alone is this.  The adults I was around who also played this video game also sucked at it.  Even my dad, who actually plays actual golf in the real world, sucked at this game.
The problem with Golf for the NES is gameplay, and how much control the player has over where the golf balls ends up.  In short, the player has little to no control as to where the golf ball will actually end up.  The combination of power bars, limited ability to know where exactly you are sending the ball, and a seemingly randomness to how things like wind, lie, and elevation changes will affect how the ball travels, only add to the lack of control the player has over the golf ball.  While frustration is the name of the game for many people who play actual golf in the real world, frustration is the only thing that most people who play Golf for the NES experience.  This apparent lacking in the gameplay experience of the game is why I much prefer the gameplay that is presented in Tiger Woods PGA Tour to the gameplay that is presented in Golf for the NES.
The gameplay that is presented in the golf mini-game in Grand Theft Auto V more closely resembles Golf for the NES than Tiger Woods PGA Tour.  The gameplay in this golf mini-game is dependent on power bars, which is something that, in my opinion, is something that really should be done away with.  Also, the wind appears to have a sometimes minimal and sometimes substantial part of how the flight of the golf ball will be altered during flight.  Factor in the seemingly randomness that comes with how lie affects how the ball travels, and what is presented here is a exercise in frustration.  While the player is able to see where the golf ball might drop before they take a shot, the spot that is shown is where the ball will initially drop, not where the golf ball might actually end up after it stops rolling.
While admittedly you can't expect the best golf experience out of a mini-game in a world where the point is to rob, shoot, kill, rob, shoot, and kill people, I expected better than this.  While I may have been spoiled after the great experience that was Rockstar Games Table Tennis, the disappointment I feel about the golf experience in Grand Theft Auto V does not give me a good feeling about the other mini-games in this games.  I guess I'll have to go back to killing random people because they are there and banging semi-attractive strippers because I somehow filled up their satisfaction bars.
Grand Theft Auto V: Golf Mini-Game: C-

Grand Theft Auto V Diary: #3: Strippergate

There is something I touched upon in my second Grand Theft Auto Diary which I'm going to talk more about now. This is something that I think people are going to make a problem about. If people don't make a problem about the cougar possibly causing animal, people will make a problem out of this. 
After the first mission in Grand Theft Auto V is compete, and you get ability to direct your character to wherever you want to go, you can go to a strip club. In the strip club, you can see topless women dancing provocatively without anything covering their nipples. That description is very scientific because I am suppressing my urge to say "BOOBS! BOOBS! BOOBS! BOOBS! BOOBS! BOOBS! BOOBS! BOOBS! BOOBS! BOOBS!!!"


 
 This is the controversy that Conservatives will create once the one about the disputed link between video game violence and violent actions does down. That disputed link is disputed, the topless women that can be accessed early on in the game cannot be disputed. The only defense that video game advocates have against there being nudity in video games is that certain video games, including Grand Theft Auto V, are not for kids. The problem is that argument is one that conservatives do not and will never believe. Conservatives believe that all video games are for kids, ALL OF THEM. Conservatives believe that all video games are for kids the same way they believe all cartoons are for kids. 

Grand Theft Auto Diary: #2: Gassy Strippers


There's something I've been thinking about as I've been driving around in Grand Theft Auto V. I've had similar thoughts as I've both read and watched the Walking Dead, and it's something that may take me out of the experience of this game.


Why aren't I running out of gas? Why am I able to drive from one point far in the northern part of the map to one part in the southern part of the map without me running out of gas? Why is it that only other cars, people, traffic lights, houses, and other physical impediments preventing me from driving around at will?


Perhaps it is that I drive a big fucking SUV that makes me think of this. I mean my car sucks down gasoline like an alcoholic sucks down booze. Yes, having to stop and get gas would be a detriment to the video game experience, but why not make it a part of the video game experience? If we are striving for realism in games, why not go for all of reality, including the parts we do not like?


I also like this part of the reality that is in the game. :)

Grand Theft Auto V Diary: #1: Cougargate

There is something I saw in my playing of Grand Theft Auto V today that stands out as a point of concern for me. As I was riding a dirtbike through one of the large hills in the game, I saw a cougar.

No, not that kind of cougar.


No, not that kind of cougar.


What the fuck is that?


Yes, that kind of cougar. In Grand Theft Auto V there are cougars. Now, in my first encounter with the cougar, I tried to avoid it, mostly because I didn't know if it would want to kill me or if I could defend myself against it. But, the very presence of a cougar in Grand Theft Auto V is concerning to me.


Back in 2006, I wrote a satirical post about a guy getting away with clubbing baby seals by saying he was influenced to do it by Grand Theft Auto. In this post, my argument was that it's people that people could start to get away with things by claiming they were influenced by a video game. I could make a similar argument today. As we have seen in the wake of the shootings on Monday, as well as in the weeks leading up to the release of Grand Theft Auto V, video games can be blamed for everything. Video games are becoming the scapegoat of the current day.  If some sick deranged guy tortures a cat, and it turns out that he owns a copy of Grand Theft Auto V, we will see the media blaming that sick deranged guy's sick deranged actions on Grand Theft Auto V because Grand Theft Auto V has cougars in it.

And yes, I know what some of you are saying right now. 
"Hey! Red Dead Redemption and Assassins Creed 3 had cougars in it that you could kill and were given an incentive to kill them, and those games weren't blamed for animal abuse." 
You are correct, but Red Dead Redemption and Assassins Creed 3 are not the magnet of criticism that the Grand Theft Auto series is. Even if they don't know of what they are talking about, pundits will blame Grand Theft Auto for violence because those pundits know that their audience knows that name and knows of the alleged link to violence. Red Dead Redemption and Assassins Creed aren't that well known or that well recognized, so therefore those games don't get blamed for everything the way Grand Theft Auto is.