****- Sexiest Bottle Blonde Zombie Of the Year

Blog Post Of The Year

This week People Magazine’s annual Sexiest Man Alive issue hit the newsstands. For the third time, part time pirate Johnny Depp has been bestowed with this award. While People Magazine is the most prominent it is not the only magazine bestowing a (BANKIEST) (BLANK) award. The following is a list of other awards that either have been or will be awarded shortly.

Geek Magazine has named Seth Green the Sexiest Geek Alive for the third time.

Oprah Magazine has named Oprah Whinfrey the World’s Greatest Woman Alive for the ninth time.

Ed Hardy Magazine has named Jon Goslin the Douchest Man Alive for the first time.

RCOA Monthly has named Hunter Red Douchebag Blogger Of The Year for the fifth time.

Natalie Portman has been named Sexiest Woman Alive by Hunter Red Digest for the forth time.

Kerry Jackson Magazine has named Marcus Sexiest Comedian Alive for the second time.

Kickboxing Enthusiast has named Heidi and Spencer Pratt the Couple Most Deserving Of A Face Kick for the fourth time.

And finally Ted Haggard Magazine has named Carrie Prejean Hypocrite Of The Year for the first time.



Forgive Me- 11/21/2009

Palin event leaves some out in the cold, unhappy

I left anxious fans yearning for my autograph waiting in the rain.
Forgive me.
Besides, there may have been an unworthy liberal amongst you.



The Twilight Saga: Cerebral Hunger

By now everybody in the Western hemisphere has had some sort of interaction with the works of Stephanie Meyer. Whether it’s reading the book Twilight, going to see New Moon in the theaters, or watching the Cody Deveraux parodies on The Tonight Show, The Twilight Saga is pretty much inescapable right now. Even while new Moon is raking in millions upon millions of dollars at the box office, plans are being finalized for the next film in this series. Rather than follow the plot of the next book in this series, Eclipse, Summit Entertainment has decided to create their own entry in the Twilight Saga. Details on this movie have been sparce until now. Here, exclusively on Redertainment.com, are the early details on The Twilight Saga: Cerebral Hunger.

The Twilight Saga: Cerebral Hunger deals chiefly with a character by the name of Ana Clark. Ana is not directly mentioned in any of Stephanie Meyer’s Twilight books, but is indirectly mentioned as a student at the high school Bella attends. As it turns out, Ana is one of the many supernatural students that fill the halls at Forks High School. Ana Clark is a zombie.

Like the rest of the supernatural creatures in The Twilight Saga, the zombies in Cerebral Hunger don’t follow the established rules about zombies. Rather than being a slow walking mindless creature driven only by her desire to consume brains, Ana is a genius track star who is driven by a need to succeed in every avenue of her life and consume brains. Many will dismiss this alteration to the zombie lore but they will be crushed by the legion of Twihards who will accept this definition of zombies as the only one that has ever been.

Rumor has it that Gossip Girl star Blake Lively has been tapped to fill the role of Ana Clark in The Twilight Saga: Cerebral Hunger. It is unknown at this time how The Twilight commitment will affect her status on the CW drama. It is known that by taking this role the Parent’s Television Council will have something new to bitch about.

The Twilight Saga: Cerebral Hunger is expected to start filming soon with a release expected somewhere around Holiday 2010. Expect the hype machine to kick in sometime in June with Paterson/Stewart marriage rumors expected to roll out in mid-September.



Eminem > Modern Warfare 2



Eminem is one of those artists I’ve been following since Junior High. I own all of his major label releases, the two D12 major label CDs, the 8 Mile Soundtrack, and a smattering of other recordings featuring Eminem. If you put all the music I own by Eminem into a single playlist it would be exactly 11.1 hours long.

It took me exactly 5:32:56 to finish the single player campaign of Modern Warfare 2. In short, it would take you longer to listen to Eminem’s entire catalog than it would take you to beat the single player campaign of Modern Warfare 2. I just find that interesting.

****- Lying For Chloe Frazer

Too Low For Zero- Track #2

Hunter Red is working in his office when his secretary, Liz, pokes her head in through the office door.
Liz- Hunter.
Hunter- Yes?
Liz- Your ex-girlfriend is on the phone, should I put her through?
An overwhelming feeling of dread comes over Hunter at that moment. Hunter can barely articulate what he says next.
Hunter- Yes, put it through. I knew this was going to happen eventually and the longer I put it off the worst it gets.
Hunter picks up the phone expecting his most recent ex-girlfriend, Gwen Scarlet, to be on the other end.
Hunter- Hello?
Voice On Phone- Hi Hunter, it’s been so long, how are you?
The voice on the phone is not Gwen, it’s another one of Hunter’s exes, Carrie Prejean.

Hunter- Carrie? Wow, I didn’t think I’d ever hear from you again. How are you?
Carrie- Great. I did the whole pageant thing, I met Donald Trump-
H- How many times did he hit on you?
C- 57. Anyway, I kind of need a favor from you.
H- Okay, what kind of favor do you need from me?
C- Well, I’ve got this book coming out-
H- Which you’ve named after an Elton John song.
There is a short pause.
C- Really?
H- Yep, a rather famous Elton John song.
C- Aw damn it! Anyway, I need to promote this book and I need something more than just interviews.
H- Okay?
C- Do you remember that vacation we went on together?
There is a short pause.
H- Yeah. The one where we had lots of ungodly sex and took lots of pictures and videos of each other nude or semi-nude?
C- Exactly.
H- What about it?
C- I want to release one of those videos online.
There is a short pause.
H- Why?
C- To spark a mini-scandal that will get my name in the news and increase sales of Goodbye Yellow Brick Road.
H- You mean I’m Still Standing.
C- Oh yeah, that’s right.
H- Well, I’m okay with that. I’ve been looking for a way to get my big red penis on the internet.
C- Actually, the video I want to release doesn’t have you in it.
H- It doesn’t.
C- No.
H- Well then which one do you mean?
C- The video of just me masturbating.
There is a short pause.
H- Ah yes, I remember it well.
C- I figured you would.
H- So why do you need my permission to release it? You shot the video with your camera on your film in a room you paid for. Why do I need to be involved?
C- I’m not looking for your permission, I need you to lie for me.
H- Do you mean lying in the biblical sense or lying like Dick Cheney does constantly?
C- The second one, although I do disagree with you about that.
H- Oh course. So, what do you need me to lie about?
C- I need you to lie about how old I was when I made that video.
There is a short pause.
C- Hello.
There is a short pause.
H- How old do you need me to say you were?
C- Seventeen.
H- Seventeen? Why seventeen?
C- So that websites that are weary of child pornography laws will either not host the video or quickly take it down.
H- But doesn’t that defeat the purpose of releasing the video?
C- No. The very existence of that video will generate the controversy that I need. Whether anyone really see it or not is irrelevant. Besides, if people actually see the video they might dismiss it as a waste of film, just like the Kim Kardashian sex tape.
H- Okay, I can see your point.
C- So will you lie for me pookie?
H- Not a chance schnookums.
C- Why not? I thought an amoral atheist like you would enjoy deceiving people?
H- But if I tried to deceive people like this, I would fail.
C- Why?
H- do you know how much of a dork I was when I was seventeen? No one would believe I could pull a girl as hot as you back then.
C- No one would believe you could pull a girl like me now.
H- True, but it’s more unbelievable back when I was seventeen.
C- So you won’t lie for me?
H- Nope.
C- What if I agree to lie with you once again?
H- Sorry, I already have a significantly hotter woman who I already lie with on a regular basis.
C- You engage in pre-marital sex?
H- You betcha.
C- Heathen!
Carrie hangs up the phone, ending the call. Hunter takes the phone away from his ear, looks at it and says-
H- Hypocrite.
Hunter hangs up the phone and goes back to work.

END SCENE



Uncharted 2 Review

I don’t know if I’ve mentioned this before but I suffer from Cynophobia. Cynophobia is the psychological term for fear of dogs. I have a crippling paralyzing fear of dogs, ALL dogs. Big dogs, little dogs, dogs that climb- wait, I’ve done that joke recently.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

Nothing I have don’t to address this problem has seemed to work. Traditional clinical therapy, anti-anxiety medication, experimental therapeutic strategies, discredited approaches, none of it has come close to working. I find it incredibly frustrating that I have yet to find an effective strategy to deal with my cynophobia, especially since many of my neighbors own creatures that bring me much fear.

Look out, it’s going to eat you!

The only solace I can find in the admission by others of their own crippling psychological fears. An example of this came at the end of Uncharted 2: Among Thieves. In the final scene of this completely beautiful game experience, Nathan Drake admits to being absolutely afraid of clowns. Drake admits that on a scale of one to ten, four being Elena dying and eight being the nearly invincible horned creatures that stalk Drake though the ending passages of the game, clowns rank as a ten in terms of scariness. Oh shit, is that a spoiler? Damnit!

Uncharted 2: Among Thieves: A