Showing posts with label Drinking. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Drinking. Show all posts

M$ Surveys Colour Ideas

M$ Points Quadratically

On Monday, a story broke about Microsoft doing away with the Microsoft Points, which are used to buy games and other products on the Xbox 360. Most people assumed that this would lead to Microsoft going to a system where actual money is used instead of points. However, in an exclusive interview with this outlet, Microsoft Xbox Community Manager Larry Hrb has stated that the new Microsoft Points system will not be based on real money amounts. Rather, the newly titled "Advanced Microsoft Points" system will utilize the Quadratic Equation.


Mr. Hrb said, "We want to reward our customers for their loyalty to our service, as well as frequent use of our service. To that end, we will be using things like Total Points Spent, Consecutive Time Spent Subscribing To Xbox Live Gold, and Gamerscore Points Accrued. This will lead to some customers being charged more for the new Advanced Microsoft Points system, while some will be charged less. In fact, the way that the equation is set up, some of our most loyal customers will be charged next to nothing for the new Advanced Microsoft Points."
I played around with the new Advanced Microsoft Points equation, and the results were staggering. Plugging in my current stats into this equation results in me paying only fifty cents for every one hundred Advanced Microsoft Point. I also ran the numbers in preparation for letting my Microsoft Live Gold subscription lapse in March. This resulted in me paying $9.54 for every one hundred Advanced Microsoft Point.

It will be interesting to see how the gaming public will react to this move. I am predicting the same reaction that gamers have to everything that ever happens to anyone at anytime: White Hot Rage.











Perhaps it is the way that I criticize myself more than I criticize anyone else, but I've noticed over the past couple of weeks that the quality of my blogs has been slipping. Unlike when this has happened in the past, where I require long, exhaustive introspection to find the cause of my loss of quality, I can say right away what is causing this. In addition to my work for The Redertainment Corporation Of America, I have taken on side projects in order to supplement my income so that I can my more and higher qualities of beer.

To this end, I have taken a job as the Communications Director for a politician in my area. Unfortunately, I have taken a job with a politician who's political viewpoints I do not agree with. As a result, this job has required me to say things that require a high level of effort on my part, resulting in the loss of quality of my blogs.

An example of this is the recent survey sent out on behalf of my employer, Utah State Senator Grand Shaw. Grand Shaw is a Republican representing the thirtieth Senatorial district, which is located is the area near Amaron, Utah. This survey reflects what he wants to do as in his capacity as a State Senator, as well as his general world view.

Senator Grand Shaw 2012 Voter Questionnaire  

Question 1: Email Address Of The Respondent
(Email addresses used for Legislative and Party purposes)
 
Question 2: Due in part to our state's efforts to remain fiscally responsible, there is a projected state budget for this year. However, due to the growth in public education and the restraints put on us my Obamacare, our budget will still be tight. Please list the following budget priorities from 1 to 10, 1 being the highest priority:
Fund Growth In Public Education
No Tax Increases
Maintain Roads
Fund Growth For Higher Education
Public Education Teacher Salary Raises
Higher Education Teacher Salary Raises
State Employee Raises
Vigorously Fight Obamacare
Reduce Taxes
Judicial Appeal Of Roe Vs. Wade  

Question 3: The state legislature is set to revisit their approach to the State Alcohol Laws. How would you like to see these laws changed?
Nothing, I'm Happy With The Current System
Harsher Penalties For DUI Arrests
Further Restriction Of Alcohol Sales
Giving Alcohol To Minors  

Question 4: The Utah Legislature has a proposal to remove Utah from the Daylight Savings Time, similar to Arizona and Hawaii. Do you support this?
Yes
No  

Question 5: A bill has been drafted that would have Utah join the National Popular Vote Compact. This compact would compell Utah to have their Electoral College representatives vote for whichever Presidential candidate won the national vote, as opposed to which Presidential Candidate won the vote in Utah. Do you agree with this?
Yes
No  

Question 6: There is a proposal to once again affirm the State of Utah's belief in traditional marriage. What do you think of this proposal?
Yes, Traditional Marriage Is Important To Me
Yes, We Need To Send A Message That Utah Is On The Right Side Of This Issue
No, Message Bills Are An Unnecessary Waste Of Taxpayer's Time
No, I Believe In Anarchy  

Question 7: What do you think of the proposed amendment to the US Constitution asserting that corporations are not people?
I Disagree With It
I Strongly Disagree With It
I Believe In The Power Of Freedom
I Hate Capitalism And Yearn For Socialism  

Question 8: Your Comments

That is the survey that I have been working on for Utah State Senator Grand Shaw. I hope now you understand why the quality of my blog posts have been going down lately, and why I haven't been getting much sleep lately.
 



How To Abuse Google Translate

On Wednesday, stories started circulating about a possible sequel to Square Enix's 2009 release Kane & Lynch 2: Dog Days. The reports of this game, rumored to be named Kane & Lynch: Sleeping Dogs, are based on copyright filing as well as a job listing looking for people to work on an unannounced Triple A title. A little digging into this job listing reveals more about this upcoming game.

This job listing was made by a newly created division of Square Enix, Osoroshi Aidea. It appears that this game will be Osoroshi Aieda's first acknowledged title, although it appears that they have also done work on other Square Enix titles. Most notably, Osoroshi Aieda appears to be responsible for the battle system utilized in Final Fantasy XIII.

Upon finding the contact page for Osoroshi Aieda, I reached out to their Director Of Communications about the possible upcoming Kane & Lynch title, as well as other titles this division may be working on. What was sent back to me was a statement in Japanese. Not being adept in reading Japanese, I ran the statement through Google Translate. This is what came back. There may be grammatical errors as well as improper word usage, but that is what usually happens when you use Google Translate.

We at Terrible Idea are proud to bring unique and innovative ideas to our open market in the end. Terrible idea is a game studio and try to achieve a dynamic new ideas to open the minds of the public who share our gaming products. We have games like Final Fantasy franchise and Kane and Lynch, we feel that you can give a shot in the arm in an effort put into them. Square Enix's future leaders in the Terrible Idea that is very excited to see what it can produce a very bright idea is horrible.
Upon research, "Osoroshi Aieda" translates to Terrible Ideas.






 
Visiting The Realm Of Colour
by Hunter Red

I spent some time today in a realm not typical of mine. This is a realm that, while not far removed from mine, seems to live in another world entirely. I spent time in this realm, drinking in the very essence of what was around me. I sat in this realm and was enriched, invigorated, enlightened, just by being there. Being in this place sets my mind at ease in a way that is not possible in the world where I come from.

There are building, diverse in age and design, that challenge the very definition of what kind of building can hold what kind of business, school, or home. There are people here, not bound down by the expectations of who they have to be and what they have to do, who just be in the way that one would be if they could just be. There is art here, diverse in kind, media, and colour, adorning every building, openly displayed on every street corner, imbedded into every place where people can see.

Unfortunately, there comes a time when I feel compelled to leave the realm of the colour, the realm that fills me with such life, culture, and humanity, and go home, go home to the world of gray. The world where all the homes fit neatly and orderly into each other, where all the businesses fit neatly and orderly into each other, where all the people too fit neatly and orderly into each other. Home is a place where nothing is allowed to be, instead they are compelled to be normal.

Perhaps it is the fact that I only visit the realm of the colour that I think of it as so. Perhaps I think of the world of gray as gray because I have lived there for a long time. Perhaps if I visited the realm of the colour more often, or even maybe lived there, the colour would slowly become gray. Perhaps. Perhaps. I may never know if this is so, because, due to circumstances outside yet completely inside my sphere of control, I am stuck living in the gray.

Destroying Your Chance To Translate The Welcoming Riot

Welcome Back... Are You Okay?



It's Thursday morning at The Official Offices of The Redertainment Corporation Of America. Rodger Red, Julia Diana Bobbi, and Liz are busily working away when Hunter Red strolls into the offices. No one reacts to his presence, except for Julia.


Julia Diana Bobbi- Hunter! You're back in one piece.


Hunter is visibly disgusted by this statement by Julia, even as Julia is giving Hunter a hearty hug.


Hunter Red- Liz, what did you tell her?


Liz- That you were off the wagon.


Hunter Red- Yes, what else?


Julia Diana Bobbi- They tried to convince me that you were a lost cause.


Hunter Red- Fuck!


Hunter leaves the general office area and goes into his office. Julia follows him.


Julia Diana Bobbi- So, how was your trip?


Hunter Red- Great. I got a lot of work done in between going to shows and stuff.


Julia Diana Bobbi- You worked on your vacation?


Hunter Red- Sure. Why do you think Rodger isn't all over my ass about content?


Julia Diana Bobbi- Because you wrote that five part piece that we've been slowly rolling out on the website.


Hunter Red- The Reunion? Oh. Damn, I forgot about that.


Julia steps a little closer to Hunter's desk.


Julia Diana Bobbi- So, are you okay?


Hunter Red- Yeah. I got a little sunburnt walking to a strip club, but I get sunburnt anytime I walk outside.


Julia steps a little closer to Hunter's desk.


Julia Diana Bobbi- No, I mean, are you okay?


Hunter Red- Yeah. Why do you ask?


Julia Diana Bobbi- Because I'm concerned about you and your battle with alcoholism.


Hunter sighs audibly.


Hunter Red- Julia, I thank you for your concern. (Louder so that Liz and Rodger can hear)The God I don't believe in knows that no one else in this office does.


Liz- I just take the phone calls.


Rodger Red- Remember, your deadline is coming up.


Julia steps a little closer to Hunter's desk, to the point where she takes a seat on the corner of it.


Julia Diana Bobbi- Hunter-


Hunter Red- You're getting awfully close, Julia.


Julia Diana Bobbi- Oh, I'm sorry.


Hunter Red- I'm not. I don't know if I've told you this before, but you have a delectable butt.


Julia takes this compliment oddly.


Julia Diana Bobbi- Thanks. Anyway, Hunter, I'm concerned about you because I'm aware of the severe effects that alcohol can have on the-


Hunter Red- Do you know when I got back into town?


Julia Diana Bobbi- Yesterday?


Hunter Red- No, Tuesday. Do you know what I did with my extra day?


Julia Diana Bobbi- Cleared out your TiVo and drank?


Hunter Red- I visited my therapist.


Julia doesn't know how to react to this statement.


Julia Diana Bobbi- Okay.


Hunter Red- You see, I can't go to traditional AA, because of the heavy spiritual influence. Instead, the addiction therapist I went to for recovery advised that I go to a clinical psychologist on a regular basis and whenever I slip up.


Julia Diana Bobbi- So you and your therapist talked it out and your back on the road to recovery?


Hunter Red- Yep.


Julia is made jubilant by this affirmation.


Julia Diana Bobbi- Excellent!


Julia hops off Hunter's desk and gives him a hug. Hunter doesn't know what to make of this, but enjoys it regardless.


Julia Diana Bobbi- It's good to see you are dedicated to your recovery.


Hunter Red- It's good to see your butt from this angle.


Julia breaks the hug and makes her way to Hunter's office door.


Julia Diana Bobbi- Hunter, if you ever need to talk about anything, my office is right over there.


Hunter Red- Okay. Thank you.


Hunter is sincere when he thanks Julia. As Julia makes her way toward her office, Hunter says-


Hunter Red- You know, I wasn't kidding about what I said about your butt.


Julia Diana Bobbi- I know, but you, nor anybody else for that manner, will get their hands on my butt untill the night I get married.


Julia continues on her travel to her office and goes out of sight of Hunter's gaze. When she does so, Hunter digs around in his desk, pulls out an old bottle of Grey Goose, opens it and says-


Hunter Red- To that lucky, lucky, lucky man. It won't be me, but I hope that guy knows the kind of woman he's managed to snag.


Hunter takes a swig from his Grey Goose bottle then puts it back in it's drawer.


 


 


 


END SCENE


 


 


 


 


YOU DESTROYED MY CHANCE


 


 


 


 


 


London Rioting


Not being in London during the riots, nor trusting of media reports about them, I can only image what they are like. I imagine they are like this.



 


 


 


 


Lessons In Language And Communications And Talking To People



Hello. We here at The Redertainment Corporation Of America are proud to bring you these lessons in how to communicate with people in foreign lands that are not America. The following is a series of common Italian phrases that are useful if you go to Italy or other places where the Italian language is prevalent, such as Italy.



Hello.


Ciao.


How are you?


Come stai?


I am well, thank you for asking.


Sto bene, vi ringrazio per avermelo chiesto.


Excuse me, can I have some beer, please?


Mi scusi, posso avere qualche birra, per favore?


Do you have any locally brewed varieties of beer?


Avete qualche varietà di birra prodotta a livello locale?


My, that is large glass.


Il mio, che è il vetro di grandi dimensioni.


Can I have another?


Posso avere un altro?


Can I have another?


Posso avere un altro?


Can I have another?


Posso avere un altro?


Would you, perchance, know where I could pick up a prostitute?


Volete, forse, sapere dove potrei prendere una prostituta?


No, I was not saying your sister is a prostitute.


No, non stavo dicendo a tua sorella è una prostituta.


Boy, that is a shiny knife you have.


Ragazzo, che è un coltello lucido che avete.


Ouch!


Ohi!


No, that is not tomato sauce.


No, non è salsa di pomodoro.


Ouch!


Ohi!


Would you mind not stabbing me again?


Ti dispiacerebbe non mi accoltellamento di nuovo?


Ouch!


Ohi!


Yes, I would like to go to the hospital.


Sì, vorrei andare in ospedale.


What do you mean I have to settle my bill first?


Cosa vuol dire che devo saldare il conto prima?


Why is it suddenly getting dark?


Perché è improvvisamente buio?


Oh no.


Ah no.


Thud.


Tonfo.



Join us for our next Lessons In Language And Communications And Talking To People when we will be featuring Japanese. Here is a sample:



Look, vending machines!


Jidō hanbai-ki, mite!


Ew, vending machines.


EW, jidō hanbai-ki.


 


 


 


 


****-Dissapointing Yet Practically Shocking Upskirt Taliban Pics

Green Beer = Practical Jokes



I have several friends who drink. recently, I was talking with these friends about St. Patrick's Day. Now you would think that, being St. Patrick's Day, they would love to go out drinking that night. In fact, they actively avoid drinking that night.

My drinking friends refer to St. Patrick's Day as "Amateur Drinking Night". On this night, people who don't regularly drink get plastered beyond all comprehension on alcohol that tastes like piss. Green beer sucks, green plastic bowler hats suck, people dressed up in green leprechaun gear sucks, the whole night just sucks. Also, if you're not lucky, somebody throws up on you, as opposed to most nights when you have to pay for that shit.



Not being a regular drinker, I would hear their pain, but not really sympathize as I have no real frame of reference to do so. Then I saw some of the pathetic jokes that were pulled around me on April Fools Day. As a satarists, I now feel my drinking friends pain about St. Patrick's day.



April 1st: Amateur Satirists Day


An Open Letter To WWE



Dear WWE,

I've been a loyal fan for well over a decade now. I've purchased your pay-per-views, video games, DVDs, and even action figures. I've been to several live events and every day wear a Hardy Boys pendant I bought at a show.

On Saturday morning, like every week, I sat down to watch Friday Night Smackdown. I expected to get a good wrestling show with some subtle promos for Wrestlemania 25. That is not what I got. If you guys wanted to do an infomercial for Wrestlemania 25, you probably could have gotten the Shamwow guy for cheap. Although you probably would have had to keep the divas away from his as he has a reputation for assaulting prostitutes.




NHL!



On Saturday, the Boston Bruins clinched the top spot in the NHL's Eastern Division. In other news, the NHL still exists!




DSi List



BEHOLD! THE GRAND SPECTACULAR LIST OF THINGS I PLAN TO DO WITH MY DSi!!!

#1- Take secret illicit up-skirt pics while riding the train.
#2- Play games. (Maybe)

BEHOLD! THE GRAND SPECTACULAR LIST OF THINGS I PLAN TO DO WITH MY DSi IS OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Final Fantasy: Taliban Edition



People have been wondering for generations why the country of Afghanistan is so hard to conquer and the people therein so resilient. The Russians failed to conquer Afghanistan, the US is experiencing much difficulty there, the last foreign leader to succeed there was Alexander the Great around 320 BC. The answer to this question may have finally been discovered. Last Tuesday, Marines raided a Taliban stronghold outside of Taluqan. In this stronghold was discovered a cache of items used by the Taliban in their battles with many various foreign powers. Among these itmes were assault rifles, explosives, crude biological weapons, and phoenix down. That's right, the Taliban has phoenix down.



For those not in the know, allow me to explain what phoenix down is. Phoenix down is a rare and expensive drug made from bird feathers that can, when delivered to someone who is deceased, bring that person back to life. Phoenix down was first discovered in 1987 in a field near Coneria. Phoenix down is abundant and heavily used in Midgar, Dalmasca, Ivalice, and Mt. Gagazet.

According to internal Pentagon documents, phoenix down rivals opium as a leading Afghan export. Many attempts to curb the production of phoenix down have failed as the price of phoenix down has been skyrocketing to nearly $2,500 for one dose. The Pentagon also credits phoenix down as, "The only thing keeping Osama bin Laden alive."

The current whereabouts of the confiscated phoenix down is unknown. Reports have it in the possession of a deliveryman who is en route to a well connected figure who may need the phoenix down very soon. This deliveryman has only been identified as "Scooter".