The Problem With Google

Ex-ESPN Employee: My Boss Kept "Sexually Provocative" Pictures Of Me

Here is the problem with posting a story like this: People like me have Google.  People like me use Google.  People like me can use Google to search around for things online, things like embarrassing sexually suggestive pictures of people.  People like me can then not find those pictures, but can find out things about one or more persons involved in the story that can have negative consequences for the people the story is about.  People like me can use Google to find out things about people that is none of their fucking business.  Then again such actions are not the fault of Google or the people posting the story, it is the fault of the people who use Google for such purposes, but still people can use Google for these purposes.

I don't really have an ending for this.  Hey look a kittie!

Iadfadsf'm Druainakdk!

I don't have a lot of good ideas when I'm drunk.  Last night I watched WWE Payback while drunk.  The event itself was good, it just wasn't a good idea to catch the late replay of it on the WWE Network.  By the time the main event came around I was falling asleep because that's what I do when I'm drunk and it's after midnight and I'm in my comfy chair.

This also wasn't a good idea.  Sure constructing it took a certain level of ingenuity that I'm honestly proud of, but the materials I used is something that I look back on with regret.  I mean Red Bull and Jagermeister?  Why couldn't I have broken out my stash of Monster and Michelob Ultra?  At least that would have had an alliterative affect to it.  I don't really have an ending for this, so, hey look a kittie!

I've Been There

There are instances where you see something on the news and you leap up and say, "I'VE BEEN THERE!"  It can happen often to people who watch the local news and are active people in their community.  This can be both a good thing and a bad thing, but when things like this happen it is always significant to the person watching the story.  Instances like this are rare for me.  This is not because I don't watch the local news, because I do, every night.  I just don't go out and do things that often.  You can blame Project Buy A House, or me being a hermit, but rarely do I see a news story and go, "I've been there."

Utah strip-club shooting suspect nabbed — along with meth, heroin

Yep, I've been there.  I've been to that strip club where the shooting happened, and the suspect in that shooting was later caught with hardcore drugs in his possession.  I don't go to that strip club often, but I have been there.  This is an example of an instance where "I've been there" is bad, but it could be worse.

Gunman Kills Five People at Trolley Square
"According to local TV station KTVX, several witnesses reported that most of the shooting took place on the ground floor near the Pottery Barn store, though the majority of the dead were found in Cabin Fever, a card store."

Yep, I've been there.  Before the Trolley Square shooting, I went to the card store that was the focus of the incident.  In fact, unlike the example involving the strip club, I still go to that card store.  Cabin Fever is a great place to get funny little cards for any holiday, as well as gifts for any number of occasions, ranging from birthdays, Christmas, baby showers, to house warming parties.  Recently, I bought a card for Mother's Day at Cabin Fever.  Some people might think that it's corny for men to buy cards for their mothers for Mother's Day, but the cards at Cabin Fever make for a great present that exhibits your unique personality.

Where am I going with this?  Hey look, a kittie!

Polethreat!

In recent years we have seen many stories of people walking into a mall carrying an assault rifle.  These stories include one out of Beaumont, Texas, Riverdale, Utah, Montgomery, Maryland, and Portland, Maine.  Incidents like this have resulted in arrests, panic, and much controversy.  Typically questions are raised as to whether or not people should be able to openly carry guns of any kind.  There is also discussion as to whether or not the display of such weapons should be seen as a threat.  Advocates for open carry laws say that the sight of such a weapon in itself should not be seen as a threat, and that the typical person who owns a weapon of this kind will not use it in a urban setting.  People who are uncomfortable with the open carry of assault weapons point out that, in a normal urban setting, it is typically unnecessary to carry an assault rifle with you, and that people typically have a fright response when they see a person with an assault rifle.  At this point the debate usually devolves into what constitutes a weapon people should be frightened of, and that any object could potentially be frightening to any person at any time.

Marathon Bombing Suspect's Friend Threatened FBI Agent With Long Pole: Report

For example, if you are an FBI agent and you are questioning a suspect who has suspected terrorist ties, you could see that suspect brandishing a long pole as a potential threat, a threat that warrants the use of lethal force.  Sure, you are an FBI agent that has extensive training in how to deal with threats, and there are multiple FBI agents in the room with you, but this guy has a pole!  Isn't it reasonable to see a man with a pole as a potential lethal threat?  Okay, you say no now, but when you see a man with a large pole walking around a JC Penny how would you react?  Okay, you wouldn't think it significant, but someone might, like an FBI agent for example who is better adept at defending themselves but is human and can also feel threats.  Where am I going with this?  Hey look, a kittie!

Grand Theft Auto Diary: #5: Frustration In Real Life

I'm starting to really not like the missions that involve Trevor. To this point, the missions I've played that involve Trevor include either drugs, explosives, mass murder, or some form of psychosis, if not all of those things. However, there is one aspect of many of the missions involving Trevor that I really really do not like.

I hate flying. I just can't get the controls down right. I can't remember how many time I've failed a mission due to destroying the plane, but I venture to guess it's somewhere around 63,828,274. I've either crashed the plane into the ground, crashed the plane into an object, blown up the plane, gotten shot down, or done something else involving the plane the results in the plane somehow blowing up. For me, flying planes in Grand Theft Auto V is nearly as frustrating as golfing in Grand Theft Auto V.

Yes, I know flying is harder than driving. I know that there is a reason why flying lessons are given by experienced people who know what they're doing, as opposed to the football/baseball/basketball coach of whatever school you're going to. I know the act of flying is a much more spectacular feat than merely going fast on the ground. I don't care. Flying in Grand Theft Auto V should be way easier to do than flying is in real life. Why?

Stealing a car in Grand Theft Auto V is easier than stealing a car is in real life.

Murdering someone and getting away with it in Grand Theft Auto V is easier than murdering someone and getting away with it in real life.

Evading the police in Grand Theft Auto V is easier than evading the police in real life.

Buying a gun in Grand Theft Auto V is easier than buying a gun is in real life, even though it is really fucking easy to buy a gun in real life.

Blowing something up in Grand Theft Auto V is way easier than blowing something up is in real life.

Getting a stripper to come home with you in Grand Theft Auto V is easier than getting a stripper to come home with you in real life.

Dan In Real Life in Grand Theft Auto V is way more enjoyable than Dan In Real Life is in real life.

For all these reasons, and more, flying in Grand Theft Auto V should be easier than it is. Also, coming up with a good ending for a blog is easier in Grand Theft Auto V than it is in real life. All I have to end this blog with is a random picture of a kitten.

****- Reviewing Zombified Obstacles

Borderlands Review

Of all the games I’ve played this year, my favorite is Fallout 3. The first person action, the heavy RPG elements, the blues and jazz music played throughout, there are many things about Fallout 3 that just sucked me in. The aspect I liked most about Fallout 3 is the personality. The main driving plot, the differing cities you can visit, the rich conversations you can have with the NPCs, all of it just gave a depth and warmth to this world that is rarely seen in many other games. Maybe it’s the intellectual in me talking here but I appreciate games with a deep rich narrative.

Borderlands reminds me a lot of Fallout 3 if they stripped all of the personality out of that game. That’s not to say it’s a bad game. The inclusion of multiplayer in Borderlands is something that I was craving while I was playing Fallout 3. Watching a character easily thirty levels higher than you are steamroll through the environment while amazing that player with your ability to set enemies on fire with your sniper rifle is one of those gaming memories I hope to hold on to forever.

The weaponry in Borderlands is also more cartoonish in a good way. Grenades that deliver an electrical shock upon exploding, caustic revolvers that shoot man consuming acid, and sniper rifles that set people on fire are just a small sampling of the great bounty of weapons you can use to slaughter the denizens of the Borderlands. Sure none of it is at all realistic but if you want realism get a real gun and shoot real people. (Please note: Hunter Red does not advocate shooting people, it was merely a joke. :) )

Borderlands is a great game, one of my favorite to be put on the 360 this year. However, put it up against Fallout 3 and its flaws become fairly evident. Then again, given my opinion of Fallout 3, I could say that about any title. Borderlands is like Left 4 Dead in a way. I can go in, indiscriminately tear shit up, and then go about my day. Borderlands is a game I’ll be holding on to and pop in any time I want to set animals on fire. (Please note: Hunter Red does not, repeat NOT, advocate setting animals on fire.)

Borderlands: B-



Hunter Red: Poet
Emo’s Diner
By Hunter Red

I see a guy across the way
Who looks very much like me
But he is different in one key way
He is truly, deeply happy

The both of us order the same meal
Pancakes made in a homestyle way
I try to watch him but can’t, you see
There’s an obstruction in the way

We each go over our days
Work, school, TV
His overview takes longer, though
Not for increased quantity

I turn up my metal while I wait for my order
Mine takes one song
The order from across the way takes longer
His takes three songs

I tear into my pancakes
And eat them slowly
It’s not that I’m not hungry
No one’s home waiting for me

The waitress comes by to refill our drinks
I get a Coke
The guy across the way gets a Sprite
And a Cherry Coke

I eat my meal in silence
The other guy does not
The other patrons think I’m unusual
The other guy they care not

They guy across the way gets up to leave
The obstruction does us well
It’s hard not to look at the obstruction
As she looks so well

I see a guy across the way
Who looks a lot like me
The difference, he has her
I have only me



Borderlands: The Zombie Island Of Dr. Ned Review

Remember the review of Borderlands I just did? (If not, go to the doctor and get your memory checked.) Remember the general complaint I had about Borderlands having no personality? Guess what? Borderlands: The Zombie Island Of Dr. Ned accomplishes something I thought was impossible. This DLC has less personality than Borderlands. Yes, less than zero.

In the original game, when you encounter an enemy they will hoot and holler and scream about how they’re going to kill you. Also the enemies tend to come out of logical locations and there are a limited number of them. The enemies do respawn but it generally take some time to do so. This is changed in The Zombie Island Of Dr. Ned.

First of all, all of the humanoid enemies from Borderlands are replaced with zombies. Many different kind of zombies but most are slow, dumb, and relentless, even in the face of physical obstacles. The result of this is a class of enemy that is really, really, boring. Also these enemies can spawn from anywhere at anytime in a seemingly unlimited amount. So throughout The Zombie Island Of Dr. Ned you have to deal with an unpredictable, unrelenting, and uninteresting enemy. This kind of enemy would make any game suffer and it does exactly that to Borderlands: The Zombie Island Of Dr. Ned.

Remember the end of my Borderlands review where I mentioned Left 4 Dead? I didn’t do that intentionally, I wrote the first review without even knowing what the DLC was, but now it seems fitting that I did. The zombies in Left 4 Dead made that game interesting, the zombies in Borderlands: The Zombie Island Of Dr. Ned have the opposite effect, and the grade that I dive this DLC reflects that.

Borderlands: The Zombie Island Of Dr. Ned: C



The RCOA Official 2009 New Year’s Eve Toast
(Lift your glass with a drink in it into the air)
To 2009,
Goodbye, and GOOD RIDDANCE!
(Drink your drink then smash the glass on the ground)

Andy Samberg - I Threw it On The Ground - watch more funny videos

L

****- Death, Flames, and Rubber Gloves

Tiger Woods PGA 10 Wii Review

Hunter Red is at his doctor's office waiting to be examined. Hunter is sitting on the exam table when his doctor, Dr. Whitmore, enters with Hunter's chart in his hand.

Dr. Whitmore- So, Mr. Hunter-
Hunter Red- It's Mr. Red. My name is Hunter Red, Red is my last name.
Dr. Whitmore looks at the chart and says,
W- Sorry, I thought that was a typo. So, Mr. Red, it says here you're experiencing some arm pain.
H- Yes, my right shoulder is sore and some times my bicep will twitch on it's own.
W- Okay, lets have you take off your shirt and hold your arm out to the side.
Hunter does what the doctor asks and Dr. Whitmore starts to examine Hunter's arm.
W- Do you get much exercise Mr. Hunter?
R- Not really.
W- You play sports much?
R- No, I kind of really suck at them.
W- So, what were you doing when you started experiencing this discomfort?
R- I was playing the new Tiger Woods PGA.
W- What is that?
R- It's a video game.
W- You know, if you injure yourself playing a video game, you might be really out of shape.
R- Well I was playing it on the Wii, and on the Wii version of the new Tiger Woods game, you have to actually make the swinging motion.
W- So you actually have to swing to play the game?
R- Yeah.
W- And how well does that work?
R- It's kinda good. I haven't gotten down how to do a eighty or seventy-five percent swing, and putting is a pain in the ass-
W- Putting is a pain in real life.
R- Yeah but I've seen it done better ways in different games. Even the 360 version of this year's Tiger Woods has a better putting mechanic. You play golf Doctor?
W- Yeah, in real life, not in a video game.
R- What's your lowest round?
W- Full 18?
R- Yeah.
W- I shot an even par 72 once. I got really lucky that day. How about you?
R- Oh, I've never been golfing in real life.
W- No, I mean in this video game.
R- Oh, I shot a 57 at St. Andrews.
W- Was this just a one time occurrence like with my 72?
R- No, I've shot it five times. I just have to hit it the ball really close to the pin so I don't have to putt for too long of a distance.
W- Ah. Well, I see no real problems with your arm, it just seems like you don't get much exercise and started swinging your arms a lot.
R- Uh-huh.
W- Just give your arm a few days rest, but after that, stretch properly and get a good amount of exercise.
R- Okay.
Hunter hops down off the table and puts his shirt back on.
R- By the way, how much will this visit cost me?
W- Well, you have insurance, so it shouldn't cost you no more than $150.
R- $150? Why does it cost me so much?
W- Because you have insurance. If you didn't have insurance it would cost you considerably much more. Hope to see you again soon Mr. Hunter.
R- It's Mr. Red.
THE END

Tiger woods PGA Tour Wii: B-



The Truth Behind The Story

This week Eric Lempel, PlayStation Network's SCEA director of operations, said that there are no plans to go forward with offering on demand games in the future. Mr. Lempel blamed this on the substantial size of the games on PS3 thanks to the size capabilities of Blu-ray discs. He then went on to spout more propaganda about the wondrous glory of Sony, PS3, and Blu-ray technology.

Bullshit. First of all, outside of Metal Gear Solid 4, I can't think of any PS3 game that fully utilizes the storage capacity of the Blu-ray disc. Most come way short. Even so, with MGS4 they could download each chapter at the points that they installed the chapters regularly. Sure the downloads would take a long time, but that's due to the incompetent online architecture that is PSN, and therein lies the real problem.

If people were expected to utilize PSN more in their use of the Playstation 3 more people would come across the persistent problems that plague PSN. Inconsistent speeds, problems connecting and staying connected, far too frequent firmware updates, the length of time it takes to download and install things, and so on and so forth. More people using the service would lead to more bitching about the service. This is really why on demand games, Netflix instant streaming, and other bandwidth intensive activities are not possible right now. Sony must know the persistent problems that plague PSN, if they don't they are highly irresponsible. Almost as irresponsible is Sony not dealing with the problems and instead sweeping them under the rug and acting like they don't exist.

I really don't have a good ending for this rant. Hey look, a kittie!




Fallout 3 Point Lookout DLC Review

Like any other metropolitan area, the Salt Lake Valley has several malls. The one closest to where I live is called Valley Fair. I went out there the other day because I needed some shoes.

After weaving my way through the construction zone that is 3500 South, I entered Valley Fair parking lot and found a space quite easily. There were a smattering of cars in the lot, none bigger or better looking than my beloved Rubicon. I entered JC Penny's through the main entrance and immediately noticed how few people there were around. There were employees there, manning the tellers and arranging merchandise, but not much of anyone else. There weren't even any perverts staring at the lingerie clad mannequins.

I got my shoes, quickly I might add, then started back the way I came. That is until I felt some hunger pains and headed for the food court. When I left JC Penny's I saw more of what I had previously seen, a space with no people in it. The sound of my footsteps echoed like I was walking in an abandoned cavern, which I practically was. I saw employees, filling out Sodoku puzzles, playing handheld games, fiddling with their nails, and doing other things one does to kill time.

I got a slice of pepperoni and a Pepsi and sat down to eat it, easily finding a table. As I ate, the overwhelming thought I has was, "This place is dead." This is the same thought I had while I was playing the new Fallout 3 DLC, Point Lookout. Outside of those necessary to drive the quest forward and the one merchant on the boardwalk, there are no people in Point Lookout. Granted the Capital Wasteland wasn't brimming with people, but at least there were NPCs milling around with nothing to do in the bigger cities. The boardwalk in Point Lookout is as devoid of life as Valley Fair mall in West Valley City, neither of which are good signs for the future.

Fallout 3 Point Lookout DLC: B

****- The Dominant And Purvasive Dance Trend Continues

The Real Pervasive Threat

Lately, North Korean and their dictator Kim Jong Il have been making waves internationally by testing a number of high explosives. These tests have ruffled the feathers of many nations, including the United States. However, a high level Pentagon source says that Kim Jong Il is not the most troubling figure out there with high explosives. In fact this source says the real pervasive threat may come from a place closer to home.

This is Adam Webb, a thirty-five year old resident of South Jordan, Utah. Adam is an accountant who spends his time working, raising his three children, and playing with his dog Mylo. Mr. Webb appears to be your normal American living his life happily and within the law. However, my high level Pentagon source alleges that this man is far more of a threat than he appears, and the source of that threat may be concentrated in Mr. Webb's backyard shed.

My source, who only wants to be identified as Felt, claims that over the past weeks and months Adam webb has made numerous trips to purchase and smuggle home a large supply of high explosives. Felt claims that not only does Mr. Webb have more resources at his disposal than the entire nation of North Korea, but as of June 7th, Mr. Webb has more explosives at his disposal than the entire military of North Korea.

I reached Mr. Webb for a comment on this. He said, "No, there is no way that I have been going up to Evanston, Wyoming on a weekly basis to buy fireworks that are illegal in Utah. No, that is totally not true, nudge nudge wink wink."

This may end up to be another case where the claims made by my source Felt may be unverifiable. I do look forward to going to Mr. Webb's Fourth of July BBQ where he promises explosions, meat, explosions, beer, explosions, and explosions. Should be a blast.




Monopoly PS3 Review

My father taught me many things. How to shave, how to throw a baseball, how to get rejected by women, etc. One of the most treasured things he taught me how to dominate at the board game Monopoly. Basically, he taught me how to be a complete and unapologetic dick while playing the game. Reject all deals proposed to you, propose deals that are to your overwhelming advantage, do and say things that are aggressive, arrogant, and self-centered, and don't be afraid to offend people in the pursuit of utter victory.

Through use of these tactics, I have gone nearly ten years without losing a single game against anyone. I have not always been dominant in my victory, but I have ALWAYS won. However I've paid a price for these victory. I've played against many people who were my friends before the game and despised me after it, including several women that I was interested in romantically. This has caused me to enact a policy for myself: Don't play against anyone you like. In essence, if I play Monopoly against you, you can rest assured that I hate you.

I have played many different versions of Monopoly in video game form. NES, Playstation, Cell Phone, iPod, iPod Touch, and most recently PS3. I know that games of Monopoly take a long time to play out, sometimes months, but I expected video games versions of Monopoly to take not nearly as long. That was not to be. The PS3 version of Monopoly takes a long time to play out, especially when you involve the maximum of four users, to the point where I recognized my inevitable victory several hours before it happened.

That stands as my only complaint about this game, and if you know anything about Monopoly, you've grown to accept that as the norm. The graphics, sound, interface, and offline multiplayer are all excellent, and something that you will experience for months at a time.

Monopoly: B-



Deaf Ears

Have you ever been watching a movie or a television show with someone and the person you're watching it with keeps on interjecting? Whether it's reading the subtitles of a foreign movie, pointing out the actors in a TV show, saying this is a legendary scene in a movie, or even reminding you of the plot of the movie your are watching, isn't this just really annoying, Mom?

Why am I writing about this here? Not only is this highly personal, but this won't reach the intended audience as my Mom doesn't read my blog. I'd be better serves turning this into a Facebook post. But then I'd have to endure all the shit my Mom sends me. Not things I don't like or things that are crap, things that are SHIT.

For example, my Mom sent me a polygamous wife in Facebook. Why? Is she trying to make a comment about the status of my romantic life or does she think this might be fun? Because when I think of the horribly abusive environment that seems to persist in many polygamous cultures, fun is not what springs to mind.

I'm not really going anywhere with this and I feel the need for an ending right now. Hey look, a kittie!




NOW IS THE TIME ON SPROCKETS WHERE WE DANCE!





The Trend Continues

A couple of years ago, Nintendo came out with their motion control technology. It wasn't perfect and they've since tried to perfect it with add-ons, but Nintendo's product accomplished something. It got people talking about, interested in, and ultimately doing something with motion control. In short, Nintendo got people started.

This year at E3, Microsoft introduced their own motion control technology with Project NATAL. Microsoft strove to mature the concept of motion control by taking the toy out of our hands and make controls more free form and open. In short, Microsoft serves us as we get older.

Also at this year's E3, Sony unveiled it's motion control technology. It consisted of a stick with a ball on it. Sony's technology looks amateurish, lacking, and unappealing. In short, Sony failed.

Nintendo got people started, Microsoft serves us as we get older, and Sony fails. The trend continues.