Red Returns It is Monday, and Hunter Red is making his return to the offices of The Redertainment Corporation Of America. As he enters the building, he runs into the security officer of The Official Offices of The Redertainment Corporation Of America, a man named 5toz Orgy.
5toz- Hunter! Hunter- Toz, my man.
The two share a friendly hug.
5toz- How ya doing my man. Hunter- Not bad, you? 5toz- Can't complain, can't complain. Hunter- Yeah. What about this snow man? 5toz- I know. My kids and I had a blast making snow forts and snow angels yesterday. Just then, a woman, pictured above, enters The Official Offices and approaches 5toz and Hunter and says-
Woman- Excuse me, I wondering if you can help me. I'm looking for The Redertainment Corporation Of America. 5toz- You found it. Woman- Oh good. I've been wandering around, lost in this wind and cold, looking for this place. Hunter- Yeah, this building is rather hard to find, unless you're told exactly where it is. Even then it's a crap shoot. Woman- Are you Rodger Red? I'm supposed to be meeting with him right now. Hunter- No, I'm Hunter. Rodger is upstairs. Woman- Oh thank you. I'm Julia. Hunter- Nice to meet you. 5toz- Well, I'm going to let you two go. Hunter- Yeah, have fun today man. 5toz- You too.
Hunter and Julia make their way to the elevator. Upon entering the elevator, they are met with muzak. Julia gets a weird look on her face upon hearing it.
Julia- What is this? Hunter- It's muzak. Julia- Yeah, but this muzak sound funny. Hunter- It's Dethklok muzak. Julia- What's Dethklok? Hunter- It's this metal band that totally brutal, unabashedly kick ass, and totally fake. Julia- Fake? Hunter- Yeah. Have you never heard of Dethklok? Julia- No, I usually stick to more mellow music, like Dido and Kylie Minogue. Hunter- Oh.
The elevator opens to the work offices of The Redertainment Corporation Of America.
Hunter- Okay, just check in with the receptionist, Liz, over there. If you have a meeting with Rodger, she should be expecting you.
Hunter and Julia part ways as Hunter goes into his office. Hunter turns on the lights of his office, looks around for a bit, then says-
Hunter- Where's my computer? Rodger(In the work office area)- Hunter, Anthony, come out here, I want to introduce someone to you. Hunter steps out of his office and is met by Anthony, pictured above.
Hunter- Anthony. Anthony- Hunter. Hunter- Do you know what happened to my computer? Anthony- I assumed you weren't coming back, so I took it out of your office. Hunter- What made you think I wasn't coming back? Anthony- You were gone for three weeks. Hunter- Yeah but I was still working. Also, if I wasn't coming back, why would I leave all my video game figurines here? Rodger, pictured above, grabs Hunter and Anthony's attention.
Rodger- Excuse me. I thought I'd call you out here to introduce to you the newest employee at The Redertainment Corporation Of America, Julua Diana Bobbi. Julia- Hello. Anthony- Hey, that's great. Is she going to be my secretary? Rodger- No, she's a writer and a television host. Anthony- And I'm sure she can make a great cup of coffee.
Rodger is visibly annoyed by this comment from Anthony.
Rodger- I was going to do this privately, but since you're insistent on disrespecting our new employee, I have another announcement. Anthony- What's that? Rodger(To Anthony)- You're fired.
Anthony is visibly shocked by this.
Anthony- I'm fired? Rodger- Yes. Anthony- Me? Rodger- Yes, you Anthony Severe. Anthony- But- but- but- Hunter- Does this mean I can walk right into Anthony's office and take back my computer? Rodger- Yes, but it's no longer Anthony's office, it's Julia's. Julia- Wow, I get my own office? Hunter- Everyone gets their own office. Even Liz has an office for- Wait, what do you do in your office, Liz? Liz- Nothing much. My office mostly houses my shrine to Don Draper. Anthony(Getting audibly angry)- Wait a damn minute! If you're going to fire me in this public setting, then I am going to demand to know why, in this public setting, why I am getting fired. Rodger- Theft of office supplies.
Anthony is confused by this.
Anthony- Because I took Hunter's computer out of his office? Rodger- No, because when I was over at your house for that wine tasting the other night, I saw a box of Official Redertainment Corporation Of America branded pens on the desk in your office. Anthony- What were you doing in my office? Rodger- I was looking for a pen. Anyway, what was twenty minutes is now fifteen. Get to getting out, Anthony.
Anthony storms off angrily while Rodger goes back into his office.
Julia(To Hunter)- So should I wait untill Anthony clears out before I go in his office? Hunter- Probably. He might start indiscriminately tearing shit up, so it might take a couple of days to clean up. Julia- Okay. By the way, could you not swear around me. I'm conservative and a Mormon.
Julia walks into Rodger's office to discuss her employment. Hunter gets a weird look on his face.
Hunter- This should be fun.
END SCENE
The Third Annual Four Star Gaming Awards: Nomination Special
The nomination process is now open for The Third Annual Four Star Gaming Awards, and you the reader can participate! Simply submit your winner in any, or all, of the catagories listed below. You can even submit the reason why you think your choice should win. Nominations for The Third Annual Four Star Gaming Awards will close on Monday, December 20th, with the award ceremony scheduled for Monday, December 27th. You can submit your winner to the following places:
Twitter: @Redertainment Facebook: Send a message to Hunter Red Email: redertainment@live.com Or submit a comment or reply wherever you are reading this.
Award Categories Game Of The Year Xbox 360 Game Of The Year Playstation 3 Game Of The Year Nintendo Wii Game Of The Year Downloadable Game Of The Year Biggest Gaming Disappointment Of The Year Best New IP Of The Year Non-Gaming Thing Most Deserving Of An Award
I recently bought Marcus- The Hand That Feeds at one of Marcus' shows. I went to the taping of this comedy special in March. Marcus, who was running concessions for himself, told me that I make an appearance in one of the crowd shots on this DVD. This excited me. So I watched this very fine comedy special and documented my various appearances. I do this because I am completely vain.
At 0:56:12, there is a camera pan of the crowd. In the upper part, between a guy in a baseball cap and a guy in a white shirt, there's a guy in a white shirt with red sleeves. That's me in my Dead Pixel Live shirt. If you can recognize me, you get a cookie.
At 1:12:53, I appear laughing at Marcus' joke about him not knowing about the latest social network thing. Then I stroke my goatee. I am baffled as to why I stroked my goatee. If you can explain to me why I stroked my goatee at that moment, you get a cookie.
At 1:21:20, a slow zoom out of the crowd begins, first focusing on two guys wearing hats, and, as it pulls out, moving slowly right. At 1:21:23, I come into frame. Again, red sleeves, Dead Pixel Live T-Shirt, this time you can see the watch I wear on my right hand. No goatee stroking this time.
At 1:48:44, right near the end, there's a pan of the audience. I'm close to the middle of the beginning of this shot. No goatee stroking, just big hair.
That is all. By the way, go see Marcus because he is very much good. Also, buy his stuff because it is very much good. Finally, eat some Brussel sprouts, because they are very much good.
Fun With Government Debt!
I found out about this on Monday and started playing around with it. It's quite interesting. I challenge you to balance the deficit without raising taxes. It's quite difficult.
24 Hours? I started thinking about this when the whole Daily Show/MSNBC/False Equivalency thing started being tossed around. This came up when, at the Rally To Restore Sanity And/Or Fear, Jon Stewart equated Fox News to MSNBC. The people at MSNBC, most prominently Keith Olbermann and Rachel Maddow, didn't like this comparison.
This discussion caused me to ask the following question: Do we have twenty-four hour news stations any more? The answer is no. What we have is stations that run opinion based entertainment programs during the time designated as "prime time", then run filler for the rest of the day.
For a long time we did. It wasn't MSNBC, or Fox News, or CNN that filled this role, it was Headline News. However, a couple of years ago, even Headline News started airing shows like Glenn Beck and Nancy Grace. Whether it's The Rachel Maddow Show, Hannity, or Parker/Spitzer, every station that touts itself as a twenty-four hour news station has opinion based entertainment programs.
There's a part of me that mourns the loss of the true twenty-four hour news station. I used to be able to turn on Headline News if I wanted to get a sense of what was going on right now. If I had heard a snippet of a national news story and wanted to get more info, I could go to MSNBC and get that info. Hell, I could even go to CNN to get the score from last night's Atlanta Braves game. Now, if I want that information, I have to go online. Perhaps that is the reason why the twenty-four hour news station has gone away. If I can quickly, and easily, get up to the second news on my laptop, iPad, cellphone, or any other web enabled device, why should I wait for the update from the TV news outlet that may be hours old? Perhaps the former twenty-four hour news stations are evolving to meet the current desires of it's audience. If only newspapers could evolve in such a manner. Then we could get a weekly column from Glenn Beck entitled "The Liberal Menace!"
Explicit Colours! Among the games released alongside the launch of the Xbox 360 Kinect was Kinect Joyride. In this game, you can choose the colour of the car you drive. The way this is done is the Kinect camera looks at it's field of vision and asks the player to choose an object in that field of vision to base the colour off of. Based on statistics gathered by the Neilson Ratings Group, here is the top five colours chosen by the players of Kinect Joyride.
#5- Back Of An iPod Silver #4- Notebook Paper White #3- Outside Of The PS3 Black #2- Mountain Dew Green And the number one colour- #1- Penis Pink
Glorious Junk! Hello, I am Anthony Severe. Recently a big deal was made of the new guidelines put in place by the Transportation Security Administration. Namely all these panty wasted liberals are complaining about the full body scanners and the enhanced pat downs that are currently being implemented by TSA officials. I personally don't have a problem with these new security guidelines. This is because I have glorious junk. I have the kind of junk that women want to experience and men want to have attached to them. You know all those emails you get offering you pills to increase your size? You are attempting to obtain the glory that I as graced by God to have. I don't even mind the full body pat downs that involve men running their hands up my leg and brushing against my private area. This is because I know that once this guy touches my glorious junk, that man will become jealous of my glorious junk. They will recoil in fear of my glorious junk and not be drawn to it in the manner that many, MANY, women are drawn to my glorious junk. Because I am a true conservative with glorious junk, I know the true reason why people are making a big deal of the new TSA security guidelines. The reason is that they are filthy stinking liberals who shouldn't be allowed in decent society, and that they have teeny, tiny, micro penises. They feel inadequate because of their teeny, tiny, micro penises and therefore feel the need to ruin the party for all of us with glorious junk. Again, I HAVE GLORIOUS JUNK!
The Third Annual Four Star Gaming Awards: Nomination Special Hello! Anthony Severe here, picking up the slack for Hunter Red, who is still in a rehabilitation facility in Park City, Utah. The time has come for the process to start for The Third Annual Four Star Gaming Awards. The nomination process is now open, and you the reader can participate! Simply submit your winner in any, or all, of the catagories listed below. You can even submit the reason why you think your choice should win. Nominations for The Third Annual Four Star Gaming Awards will close on Monday, December 20th, with the award ceremony scheduled for Monday, December 27th. You can submit your winner to the following places:
Twitter: @Redertainment Facebook: Send a message to Hunter Red Email: redertainment@live.com Or submit a comment or reply wherever you are reading this.
Award Categories Game Of The Year Xbox 360 Game Of The Year Playstation 3 Game Of The Year Nintendo Wii Game Of The Year Downloadable Game Of The Year Biggest Gaming Disappointment Of The Year Best New IP Of The Year Non-Gaming Thing Most Deserving Of An Award
Much effort was made to put in the mechanism to allow natural light in. Natural light quickly overrun by the artificial. It makes you wonder why they put in the effort. Effort quickly put to waste by that which was already there and is preferred by most. I don't even like the natural light. Mostly because I can't distinguish it from the rest.
Deal With It
Don't think I don't notice you. Don't think I don't know you are there. Don't think I don't know what you are doing. Don't think I don't feel that. Don't think I don't notice the various debris that you throw at me. Don't think I don't know that you are aiming at my head, but mostly missing. Don't think I don't know that you are aiming at my head, and occasionally connecting. Don't think I don't notice you, I just choose to ignore you. I know you want me to move. I know you want to be rid of me. I know you want me, in my despair, to leave this situation that you are making even more hostile to me. I know you want me gone, if not from this world, at least this place. I know all of this, but I refuse. I refuse to move from this place. I refuse to put myself is a situation more hospitable to me. I refuse to put myself in a place where I can be happy. I refuse, for I know that if I relent, you win. I refuse to allow that to happen. I know what you want, don't think I don't, I refuse. I will always refuse, deal with it.
Grandpa Buys A Building Hi. I'm Roger Red, President and CEO of The Redertainment Corporation Of America. I've been around this great country of ours, and I've noticed something in my travels. From the ivy covered universities of the northeast to the waterlogged colleges of Louisiana, every great institution of higher learning has a program dedicated to scientific endeavors. Every institution except for the college I graduated from, The College Of Utah. You see, The College Of Utah strives for a higher purpose, a more nobel ideal. And, as a upstanding Mormon, I am glad to give my name and my money to the pursuit of that ideal. Ladies and gentlemen and liberals, I present to you The Rodger Wallace Red Institute For Creationsitic Endeavors. At this institute, world class creationists are breaking boundaries and making new discoveries in the world of creationism. Unlike other creationistic institutions, we at The Rodger Wallace Red Institute For Creationistic Endeavors do not just blindly follow The Bible. We also follow the vast wealth of knowledge in the Book Of Mormon, the Doctrine and Covenants, and the vastly influential Pear Of Great Price. As science is quickly losing relevance in our overwhelmingly conservative world, creationism and creationists are filling the void. Whereas before the truth was a constantly changing thing, not the truth is set in stone. Creationism stone.
I Don't Belong In This World
I don't belong in this world I hear them talking I hear the bigotry the anti-intellectualism the anti-thinking the tearing down of bridges the widening of rifts the insistence that we drive out the outsider the non-conformist the weird the insistence that peace can only come from purity I don't belong in this world Good.
Inappropriate Music Choices Hello, and welcome to this, The 37th Annual The Redertainment Corporation Of America Charitable Gala, Auction, and Go-Kart Tournament. I'm your emcee Anthony Severe. Before we get to the dancing and the go-karting, let's get the auction underway. Mr. Red has been gracious enough to provide music for each of the items up for bid. He didn't provide any items for the auction, but he's an uncaring liberal.
The first item up for bid is a one hundred dollar gift certificate to Takashi in downtown Salt Lake City. Takashi is regularly recognized as the finest Japanese cuisine restaurant in Salt Lake City by man publications, as well as the communist newspaper. Takashi.
The second item is an invitation to a preview of Salt Lake's first authentic German restaurant, Rosenrot. Rosenrot finally brings authentic German dishes, alcohol, and atmosphere to a population that has been craving it. Rosenrot.
The third item is a cricket bat, supplied to us by Queen's Select. Queen's Select has been Salt Lake's British import leader since 1952. Featuring authentic English candy, clothing, and novelties, Queen's Select is a must stop place for any Anglophile. Queen's Select.
Our final item up for bid is a Fortune Teller set from The Muted Assistant. This set includes a crystal ball, tarot cards, and a headscarf that is in no way connected to Muslims. The Muted Assistant, at the corner of East Temple and Redwood Road, is the premier location for hobbyist, professionals, or anyone who wants to astound the inebriated. The Muted Assistant. That's all the items up for auction, put in your bids because these items are hot. We'll get the Go-Kart Tournament started in a minute, but first, a song to get the Gala started.
Coming Soon, Writing Mama! Cooking Mama Limited's Cooking Mama franchise, starting from the humble beginnings of teaching nerds how to cook, has quickly expanded into a multi-genre, multi-platform, multi-million dollar juggernaut. In the process, the protagonist of this series, Mama, has participated in a number of domestic orientated activities, from cooking and baking, to horticulture, babysitting, and craftwork. Now Cooking Mama Limited is set to take Mama on a journey that will take their domestic moneymaker far beyond the confines of the home. However, as with all attempts to take women out of the home, conservatives have slammed Cooking Mama Limited for this endeavor. Is the Right correct in their criticism? Let's take a look at the game and see. Cooking Mama Limited's recently announced Directing Mama game takes the protagonist, Mama, into the world of filmmaking for the first time. Players can take Mama through the path of making small home made films, gritty indie flicks, low budget hollywood releases, to, if you play the game well enough, big budget blockbusters. It seems it's the gritty indie flicks portion of the game that has gotten the conservative's ire. The spokesman for the Family Video Game Advisory Corporation, Ned Flanders, Ned Flanders said of Directing Mama, "The gritty indie flicks portion of this game has the player creating movies that contain scenes that amount to softcore pornography. I am not being overly dramatic when I say that. I have watched thousands of hours of many different forms of pornography, for research purposes only, and I can conclusively say that the scenes depicted in Directing Mama fall right between sweaty fully-clothed dry humping and half-naked intercourse with flashes of penetration, right where softcore pornography is nestled." The conservative outrage over Directing Mama is expected to last for some time, mostly because there is no Grand Theft Auto game on the horizon. Many loyal followers of the Cooking Mama series have already pre-ordered this new installment of the series, and are eagerly anticipating directing Mama in their own interpretation of White Chocolate Pudding.
Elite Movie Many animation aficionados are aware of the work of Dawny and Murray. The 70s era series of animated shorts, a parody of musicians Donnie and Marie Osmond, hold a very loyal following among the people who have been fortunate enough to see it. These fans were, needless to say, thrilled with the announcement of the production of new Dawny and Murray shorts. These shorts were scheduled to be released along with Elite Movie, the latest in the series of movies from the people who brought you the Scary Movie movies. Now the release of the new Dawny and Murray shorts have been put in jeopardy after announcement of the cancellation of Elite Movie. Elite Movie, which was to be a parody of the 24 hour news cycle, was cancelled after the realization that the 24 news industry is a parody of itself. Proof of this comes in the continued employment of Nancy Grace, Glen Beck, and Ed Schultz. It is unknown what will be done with the footage already shot for this movie, but that is not the focus of the attention at this point. Fans of Dawny and Murray have organized an internet petition campaign to urge the studio set to release the new animated shorts, Entertainment Arts, either in the theaters or as a direct to DVD release. E.A. President of Animated Development, Trevor Griffin, said of a possible release, "We at Entertainment Arts are proud of the new Dawny and Murray shorts we have produced, and we do intend on making these animated works available to the public. However, let me be clear, we sunk a lot of money into Elite Movie. We spent 45 Million dollars on fake vomit alone. If we don't make some money, in some way, from this project, my ass is grass." Trevor Griffin's words have not been received well by fans of Dawny and Murray fans. Many are prepared to pay up to $60 to view these shorts, but are not happy about it.
Why?
I can see her. I can see her lying, sleeping, there. I can see her gently rising and falling bosom. I can see her long, slender, strong, legs. I can see her gently sloping curves. I can see her ivory skin, reflecting the light of morning. I can see her hair, once controlled, now flowing beautifully free. I can see her, basked in the serenity that comes with slumber. I can see her there, I am certain that I can. However, I know that she is not there. I know that she was never there. So why can I see her? Why does she haunt my life so? Why? Why? Why?
Red Review- Columbine by Dave Cullen For many of my generation, the terrorist attacks that occurred on September 11th, 2001 is the most significant event in our lives. The 9/11 Commission Report sought to explain that event. The 9/11 Commission Report lays out the events of that day in start detail. It delves into the persons responsible for those terrorist acts, their background, their motives, and their methods. It delves into the people who were supposed to stop those terrorist acts, what they missed, how they missed it, and why. The 9/11 Commission Report tells what happened before, during, and after those terrorist attacks. The 9/11 Commission Report is the most comprehensive, least biased, and definitive account of the events of September 11th, 2001. In his book, Dave Cullen, a freelance reporter in Denver, sought to create the definitive account of an event he covered. Columbine by Dave Cullen is about the events that took place at Columbine High School on April 20th, 1999. This book details why committed these acts, the victims of these acts, the families of the victims and the perpetrators, the police, the media, nearly everyone who was directly impacted by the events of April 20th, 1999. The detail that Dave Cullen goes into about actions, reactions, mental statuses, and nearly everything having to do with the events are, at times, riveting, revelatory, and uncomfortable to read. Columbine doesn't convey a perfect understanding of the tragic events of April 20th, 1999, as a perfect understanding does not exist, but it does convey the best understanding that exists today. Through his hard work and diligence, Dave Cullen has compiled what is, in my opinion, the definitive account of that is, again my opinion, the most significant event of my generation. Columbine by Dave Cullen: A+, Highly Recommended
The Third Annual Four Star Gaming Awards: Nomination Special Hello! Anthony Severe here, picking up the slack for Hunter Red, who is still in a rehabilitation facility in Park City, Utah. The time has come for the process to start for The Third Annual Four Star Gaming Awards. The nomination process is now open, and you the reader can participate! Simply submit your winner in any, or all, of the catagories listed below. You can even submit the reason why you think your choice should win. Nominations for The Third Annual Four Star Gaming Awards will close on Monday, December 20th, with the award ceremony scheduled for Monday, December 27th. You can submit your winner to the following places:
Twitter: @Redertainment Facebook: Send a message to Hunter Red Email: redertainment@live.com Or submit a comment or reply wherever you are reading this.
Award Categories Game Of The Year Xbox 360 Game Of The Year Playstation 3 Game Of The Year Nintendo Wii Game Of The Year Downloadable Game Of The Year Biggest Gaming Disappointment Of The Year Best New IP Of The Year Non-Gaming Thing Most Deserving Of An Award
Hunter is sitting in his office, wading through the massive amount of hate mail he received as a result of Capital Bush, when Rodger Red walks in.
Rodger- Hunter. Hunter- Rodger. Rodger- Good day so far? Hunter- Can't complain. Rodger- Well, prepare for me to ruin it. Hunter- Are you going to punch my fiance in the face again? Rodger- No, I'm removing you from that quiz show you host. Hunter- The Insert Absurdly High Dollar Amount Here Question Rodger- Yes. Hunter- Okay.
There is a short pause.
Rodger- Don't you want to know why? Hunter- No.
There is a short pause.
Rodger- Don't you want to know who I'm replacing you with? Hunter- Not particularly.
There is a short pause.
Rodger- I'm replacing you with Anthony Severe.
Hunter responds angrily to this.
Hunter- Anthony Severe? Are you kidding me! That conservative asshole? Rodger- Yep. Hunter- Why would he make a better host of a quiz show than me? Rodger- He owns a suit. Hunter- So do I. Rodger- A good looking suit. Hunter- I could own a good looking suit. Rodger- I sincerely doubt that. Hunter- I guess you're right.
Hunter goes back to work as Rodger continues to stand in the doorway. There is a short pause.
Rodger- Don't you want to know who his first contestant is. Hunter- No. Rodger- I bet you'll like him. Hunter- I doubt it. Rodger- It's you. Hunter- I hear that guy's an asshole. Rodger- I can't say as I disagree with that assessment.
Rodger leaves Hunter's office as Hunter continues to work. Moments later, Hunter realizes what Rodger just said.
Hunter- Does that mean I have to buy a suit?
END SCENE
The Act Review The Act is an arcade video game produced by Cecropia in the United States in 2007. The game is a unique interactive cartoon featuring the hand-drawn art of a number of former Disney animators. It was test-marketed in selected locations throughout North America in 2006, and it received generally favorable press coverage. However, the game was canceled in late 2007, and Cecropia shut its doors in early 2008. Prior to closing, Cecropia auctioned off 10 kits of the game on eBay. The kits used were Intel-powered PCs that featured a custom made JAMMA-to-PC I/O board. Other kits that were produced (40 in total) were given to members of Cecropia's staff. Also two dedicated cabinets were sold to the public, these cabinets having been used to location test the game. Most kits ended up in the hands of private collectors while at least one ended up in an arcade in Utah. This arcade is Game Grid. Game Grid is a small arcade located in a suburban mall. Along with The Act, Game Grid also offers Terminator: Salvation, a light gun rail shooter, The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift, an arcade racer based on the movie of the same name, as well as several classic arcade titles. Game Grid is located inside the suburban mall next to a store that sells board games and brain teasers and a store that sells churros. Why is any of this relevant? Game Grid is located inside Valley Fair Mall in West Valley City, Utah. Valley Fair Mall is approximately five and a half miles from my house. On Monday, September 20th, 2010 I played The Act. On Monday, September 20th, 2010, I beat The Act. On Monday, September 20th, 2010, I played a game that the vast majority of the gaming public has not played, and I beat it. On Monday, September 20th, 2010, I did something that you didn't. The Act is a fun, challenging, and different gaming experiences, that I have experienced and you haven't. The Act is the kind of game that can get people who strive for unique gaming experiences into the arcades. These arcades include the arcade that I played this game in AND YOU DIDN'T. The Act is the kind of game that should be more of in the gaming world. But, since there isn't, I will continue to be able to taunt you with things that I have done and you have not.
The Act: A+
Quiz Show with Anthony Severe
An overblown light display and cheesy, borderline annoying instrumental theme is triggered, eventually revealing a man in a really good looking suit, pictures below, sitting on a raised platform on a soundstage. Anthony- Good evening. I am Anthony Severe, the new host of the 9.0634 Million Dollar Question. We'll bring out our contestant in just a moment, but first a word form our sponsor. A video is show of the man pictured above saying "I hate you all."
Anthony- Welcome back. Our contestant tonight is an asshole from West Valley City, Utah. Please welcome Hunter Red.
Canned applause is played as Hunter Red walks out to the stage and takes a seat next to Anthony.
Anthony- Mr. Red, it must be a pleasure to be here. Hunter- It is, although I believe you were mistaken about my occupation. Anthony- Come again? Hunter- You said I worked as an asshole. Anthony- No, I said you were an asshole. The only person who can find work as an asshole is Keith Olbermann.
Genuine laughter is heard.
Anthony- Let's begin the game.
An overblown light display and cheesy, borderline annoying instrumental theme is triggered, ending up in nothing much changing.
Anthony- Question One: Who is the current career points leader in the National Basketball Association? A: Kareem Abdul Jabbar B: Karl Malone C: Hakeem Olajuwon D: Kobe Bryant
Hunter thinks for a second.
Hunter- The answer is A. Anthony- No, I'm sorry, the correct response is A, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. Hunter- But I said A. Anthony- No, you said, "A liberal screed where you quoted boisterous lesbian Rachel Maddow." So sorry. Next question. Hunter- I got that first question- Anthony- Next question!
An overblown light displayed and cheesy, borderline annoying instrumental theme is triggered, ending up in nothing much changing.
Anthony- Who won the Pulitzer Prize for fiction in 2010. A: Elizabeth Strout for Olive Kitteridge B: Paul Harding for Tinkers C: Lydia Millet for Life in Infant Monkeys D: Lore Segal for Shakespeare's Kitchen
Hunter thinks for a moment.
Hunter- The answer is B. Anthony- No, I'm sorry, the answer is B, Paul Harding Hunter- I said B. Anthony- No, you said, "Bush is a Nazi. I'd like to tear off his head and shit down his throat." Hunter- I'd never say anything like that. Anthony- You are a liberal. Next question!
An overblown light display and cheesy, borderline annoying instrumental theme is triggered, ending up in nothing much changing.
Anthony- Who is the current Prime Minister of the United Kingdom. A: Tony Blair B: Gordon Brown C: David Cameron D: Eddie Izzard
Hunter thinks for a moment.
Hunter- The answer is C. Anthony- No, I'm sorry, the answer is C, David Cameron. Hunter- I just fucking said C. Anthony- No, what you said was, "Cocksucking is an enjoyable activity, frequented by me, and all other men who support gay rights." Hunter- Not only is that wrong, it is patently offensive. Anthony- No it isn't. Hunter- Yes it is! Anthony- I am a conservative, I am perpetually right! Next question.
An overblown light display and cheesy, borderline annoying instrumental theme is triggered, ending up in nothing much changing.
Anthony- Which NBA franchise is LeBron James currently signed to? A: Cleveland Cavilers B: New York Knicks C: Utah Jazz D: Miami Heat
Hunter doesn't think over this question, but instead shoots Anthony an absolutely filthy look.
Hunter- I know what answer you want, and I am more than prepared to give it to you. Anthony- That's what she said. Hunter- The answer is Democrats are the only party that should have any power in the government. Furthermore, Democrats are the only party that should exist.
Anthony is shocked by this comment.
Anthony- I am shocked and appalled by that comment.
Correction: Anthony is both shocked and appalled by that comment.
Anthony- That is most certainly not the answer. The answer is D, the Miami Heat. Hunter- But I thought that the response I gave is the response you wanted. Anthony- Why would I want to hear a liberal and borderline facets screed? Hunter- That's it.
Hunter pulls out a handgun out of his pocket and points it at Anthony.
Anthony- He's pointing a gun at me! Hunter- I am exercising my Second Amendment rights. Anthony- By pointing a gun at me! Hunter- No, I'm pointing a gun at a point beyond you. Anthony- What point is that? Hunter- The monitor sitting directly behind you with a picture of a person I really despise at the moment on it. Anthony- Who's picture is that? Hunter- Yours.
Anthony is puzzled by this.
Anthony- So, should I move? Hunter- Unless you want me to shoot you while I am shooting you.
Anthony gets out of his chair and steps away while Hunter fires his handgun. Hunter hits the monitor, causing the monitor to be destroyed in a manner that includes a spectacular explosion. The explosion receives thunderous applause from the audience. Anthony sits back down in his chair and attempts to bring the program to a close.
Anthony- Well, that's all the time we have for The 9.0634 Million Dollar Question. I am Anthony Severe, remind you that liberalism is like polio. A disease that will soon be eradicated through the dedicated work of scientists- I mean creationists. See you next time.
The light begin to dim on the stage as Anthony Severe runs for his life.
Take your normal superhero origin story. Guy gets powers, guy realizes he has powers, guy goes out to save the world. Now factor this in: the guy has a score to settle.
Everybody wonders what it is that makes them who they are. The Hawk thought that question was securely answered. However a meeting with a boy in a hospital causes him to question everything. Why he is, who he is, what he is, and even if he is.
Eleven years after the events of Consequences Of Mayorust, The Hawk finds himself dealing with many of the same issues that many of us deal with: A less than satisfying job, co-workers of variant annoyance, and a romantic life is unhealthy at best. Thrust into all this is Madison Medina, a well meaning woman who's adversarial relationship with The Hawk morphs into a kind of friendship. Madison, in addition to learning more about herself and her abilities, help to reveal deeper problems inside the organization both she and The Hawk work for.
In every workplace there is a person. A person who doesn't talk to anyone, has walled themselves socially, and seems openly hostile to everyone. Every workplace has this person, even if you don't know of such a person, they're there. The Black Robin Christmas Carol is the story of one of these people. It delves into who this person is, why this person is, and how this person can change for the better.
There is a story. A story of pain, a story of loss, a story of unspeakable horrors, a story that has not been given it's proper attention. Some are ignoring this story. Some are unaware of this story. Some know of this story but are complicit in it's darkness. This is a story that must be told. Told so that the good can stop it and the bad can feel shame for it.
When I thought up thig blog, the name I first thought up was "Random Bullshit". Quickly I recognized that this name would put some people off. Then I thought of the name "Random Bull****". That seemed to be to much clutter. Then I was inspired with the name that dons this blog today.
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