Moving In Slow Motion: 56.4% Complete

So another payday is here, and, due to rent and other obligations, I have a limited amount of money for me to not spend on myself in pursuit of Project Buy A House.  Okay, let's do the calculations.

$371.72, which is a bit more than I was expecting.

Over the past week or so, I been writing a lot of poetry.  Writing poetry means only one thing for me...

I'm not happy.  Rather than find true solutions, or overdose on writing poetry so I can be done with my feelings, I want to put distance between my conscious mind and my feelings.  This can be done with the application of one thing...

ALCOHOL!
So, let's see what kind of hooch $371.72 will buy me.

You know, I've never had a good bottle of champagne.  I've never had an occasion to drink a good bottle of champagne.  I don't have a good occasion to drink champagne now, but the price of this Krug Brut Rose Champagne is just right, and champagne does have alcohol in it, and alcoholic is the beverage I want right now.  The Utah Department of Alcoholic Beverage Control is currently selling a 750ml bottle of Krug Brut Rose Champagne for $367.89.  This would be just the right price for me to spend on something to console myself with if I was spending money on things to console myself with.  So, that leaves me with $3.83 for me to not spend on myself.

Halloween is coming up, and it's time for me to think about music for that party that I'm not hosting because parties cost money.  Also, no one wants to party at my place.  It's not that my place is bad, the location is bad because I live adjacent to the bad part of town.  If I was buying music for the party I'm not holding, I could buy Halloween Party Music by The Ghost Doctors.  You know that this is party music for Halloween because it is named Halloween Party Music.  Halloween Party Music by The Ghost Doctors is currently selling for $2.60.  This leaves me with $1.23 for me to not spend on myself.

I remember watching Homeward Bound as a kid.  Okay, to be true, I remember my sister subjecting me to this movie and me being forced to watch it because I had picked the last time and I couldn't convince my sister to watch Demolition Man again.  Currently a VHS copy of  Homeward Bound is being sold for $1.10.  This leaves me with $0.13 for me to not spend on myself.  Surely I should stop here because there is no way I can find something being sold online for thirteen cents!

And yet I did, and it's not crap!  Currently, somehow, Suzanne Collins's book The Hunger Games is selling for $0.12.  This leaves me with $0.01 for me to not spend on myself, and here I should stop, because there's no way I can find something worth buying for one cent!...... and I didn't, but man that was fun.  Almost as much fun as I bet drinking that entire bottle of champagne is.  Join me in two weeks as I torture myself once again with things that I cannot buy as a pursue Project Buy A House.  Who knows, one day this list might actually feature a house!

Moving In Slow Motion: 48.3% Complete

Another payday is here, and another opportunity to inflict punishment on myself is also here.  That's right, this is another list of things that I could have bought if I wasn't putting fat stacks of sweaty cash in the bank in order to save for a house.  Unlike last time, this payday I don't have any major bills to pay, freeing up more money for me to not spend on things that will make me immediately happy.  After paying some small bills and factoring in other incidentals...

I have exactly $875.89 to not spend on myself.  So, let's see what I am not buying this payday.

In the past week, DerrickH, one of the hosts of the popular internet radio program Dead Pixel Live, decided to buy a whole new computer.  This decision was driven by his computer spontaneously shutting off when it was asked to do things.  Buying a new laptop has been on my to do list ever since my laptop started freezing up when it was asked to do things.  Driven by my desire and DerrickH's retail experience, I have decided to see how much computer I could buy for myself if I wasn't putting the money away for a purpose that I have to keep on telling myself will work out someday.  Again, this being a responsible adult shit had better work out someday.  And by someday, I mean soon.  And by soon, I mean RIGHT FUCKING NOW!

Newegg.com is a place where people can buy computers, laptops, and other computer and laptop accessories.  There are many other places where people can buy computers, but Newegg has the added benefit of reminding users of the website of breakfast.  On Newegg, you can narrow your search to computers that fit into whatever their potential customer's budget is.  By utilizing this process, I was able to narrow down my search for potential laptops that I am not buying to a mere 711 products.  Not wanting to to try and pick the best from an amount more closely associated with a gas station, I decided to narrow my search further.  I won't go into the whole process I went through to narrow my search.  Why not try it for yourself and see the fun that you can have seeing all of the fun toys that you can buy and then explain to your wife why you bought a computer instead of food.

The laptop that I would like to purchase for myself if I wasn't putting money away for something that I swear will pay off someday is the 
ASUS U47A-BGR4 Notebook, pictured above.  This laptop has an Intel Core i7 2640M(2.80GHz), 8GB Memory, 750GB HDD 5400rpm, and other shit that I also do not understand.  What I do know is that this laptop is better than my current laptop, which also has a bunch of letter and numbers associated with it that I in no way understand.  Currently the ASUS U47A-BGR4 Notebook is selling for $494.99.  So, after that purchase that i will not be making, I have approximately $380.90 for me to not spend.

On Saturday July 6th, the day that people may actually read this post, the UFC is holding the appropriately named UFC 162.  UFC 162 will feature many sweaty half-naked men rolling around on top of eachother trying to assert their dominance over the other.  The main event of UFC 162 features Anderson Silva, who is the kind of man I wish I was but cannot be because I do not have the willpower to be a sexy athletic man who demands the respect of both men and women.  Also I cannot be Anderson Silva because I cannot afford the scientific device necessary to undergo the process of switching bodies with another person.  I can, however, afford the $49.99 it will take for me to watch UFC 162 on my Roku via the UFC.TV app.  That is I could afford it if I wasn't not spending money on things that I find to be enjoyable, and I find watching sweaty half-naked men rolling around on eachother enjoyable for reasons that I do not wish to go into right now.  So, after that purchase I will not be making, I have approximately $330.91 for me to not spend.

On July 14th, the WWE will hold their WWE Money In The Bank pay-per-view event/extravaganza.  I would very much like to see this event.  However, I very much do not want to see one of the participants in this event.

Recently, the wrestler known professionally as Jack Swagger was convicted of Driving While Intoxicated.  This arrest is not why I do not want to see Jack Swagger participate in the WWE Money In The Bank pay-per-view event/extravaganza   The reason that I do not want to see Jack Swagger is that, as a part of his conviction, Jack Swagger admitted to smoking marijuana before he left the WWE TV taping that he was arrested shortly after.  THAT is why I do not want to see Jack Swagger compete at the WWE Money In The Back pay-per-view event/extravaganza.   In fact, I want to see Jack Swagger be fired.  If I, or most any other person who watches professional wrestling, admitted to what Jack Swagger admitted to, I would be fired and my employer would have just cause to do so.

Okay, since WWE pay-per-view events/extravaganzas cost $49.99, that leaves me approximately $280.92 for me to not spend.

I like golf.  I like playing video games about golf.  The Open Championships is coming up near the end of the month, and I feel like playing a video game about golf so that I can prepare myself for watching nearly eleven hours of golf coverage in the four days that The Open Championship will be held.  Currently, the only current video game on consoles about golf is Tiger Woods PGA Tour 14.  I could buy Tiger Woods PGA Tour 14 on Playstation 3 for the low low not low price of $38.99.  That is I COULD buy Tiger Woods PGA Tour 14 for the low low not low price of $38.99 if I was spending money on things that I enjoy.  So, after that purchase I will not be making, I have $241.93 for me to not spend.

In the future, I hope to have enough money to buy a Playstation 4.  In the future, I hope that me putting money in the bank to buy a house will pay off in time for me to purchase a Playstation 4 at launch.  Failing that, I hope to have paid off enough of my credit card debt so that I can purchase a Playstation 4 at launch while also being a responsible adult.  $241.93 will greatly help toward that end.  Sure it isn't the full amount I will need to purchase a Playstation 4, but stop your goddamn complaining.  I'M TRYING!

So there it is, the list of things that I could be buying if I wasn't trying to be a responsible adult and saving money for a house.  If this list was not enjoyable to you, don't worry, putting together this list was even more not enjoyable for me.  It is my honest hope to be done with this series of blog posts in the very near future, but things rarely go well for me, so I expect this torture to go on for many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many years to come.  Sigh.

Moving In Slow Motion: 46.9% Complete

It's that time again.  Once again payday has come, and time has come to see how much money I've earned, how much of what I've made gets eaten up by bills, and how much money I have to not spend in the pursuit of Project Buy A House.  The calculations are in, and the amount I have to not play around with is...

$228.39.  Okay, that is a nice amount, and will make a significant contribution to my goal of buying a house. Now, let's see the things that I could buy with the amount $228.39, which I'm not because I'm trying to be a responsible adult.  Note that I said trying

Coming up within the next two weeks is the annual celebrations of blowing things up, also knows as Independence Day.  This is a day where Americans, in the immortal words of not-Apu, 

celebrate the independence of our country by blowing up a small part of it.  In years past, I would have eagerly driven up to (Redacted to not incriminate the writer) and come back home with (Redacted to not incriminate the writer).  In this time where I am trying to be economically responsible, this expense may seem to be unnecessary.  However, since I am short sighted in addition to being borderline legally blind, I do not see it this way.  There is another reason why buying a big cache of explodables is not something I will do this year.

I have a neighbor who, in the past couple of years, has bought a big supply of illegal fireworks and set them off in a highly spectacular fashion.  This neighbor of mine puts on a better fireworks display than anything I've seen at the community sponsored events.  And, since the West Valley City Police Department is fucking incompetent, I expect this illegal display to continue on this year.  So, $228.39 left to not spend.

The Last Of Us is a recently released video game that I've heard a lot of good things about.  Artist and sexymotherfucker Ted Bracewell said of the game, "I'm only 4 minutes into The Last of Us and it's already my Game of the Year." And you can buy The Last Of Us on Amazon.com for $50. That's right, you can buy it. I'm not going to because of this project I'm currently pursuing, but, for the purposes of this essay, let's say I have. So, $178.39 left to not spend.

Looking over a list of recently released movies on DVD, there's nothing that I feel particularly motivated to buy.  Even if I wasn't trying to save for a house, I would not buy any of these movies.  So, $178.39 left to not spend.

Looking over the Utah DABC Price List, there is currently a special on Aberlour 12 Year Old Highland Single Malt Scotch Whisky.  The alcohol store is selling this scotch at $39.99.  This is a good price on a Scotch Whisky like this, and Aberlour would look great sitting next to my half finished bottle of Johnny Walker Black, and my sixty percent finished bottle of Tanqueray.  If I was to buy this bottle of whiskey, I would also be buying another bottle of Radio From Hell Red As Hell Ale for $3.96.  So, $134.44 left to not spend.

Speaking of Radio From Hell, it was recently announced on that show that the X96 Big Ass Show is going to be held on August 24th at the Gallivan Center.  $134.44 sounds like a good amount to spend on a show that is always fun to go to.  This would be a good amount if I was for sure going to this show.  As it stands, I may have to go through some spectacular financial gymnastics in order to go to this show, but that is what happens when you pursue a goal in a masochistic manner.

So, there you have it.  I took $228.39 of money that I'm not spending and made a list of things that I will not be buying with the money that I'm not spending.  Don't worry, next week I will not have rent to pay, freeing up more of the money that I have earned for me to not spend on things that will make me immediately happy.