Mr. Driller XBLA Review

I received a call the other day from a reporter from the Salt Lake Tribune. He was looking for a Kenyon Blake, my father, in hopes of getting a comment on the Crandall Canyon Mine Disaster, and his views on Bob Murray. My family gets calls like this ever so often, so I had to set him straight.

Kenyon Blake is the name of a man who warned of an impending mine explosion in South-Eastern Utah. The mine did in fact explode, taking the lives of many of the miners that worked therein. Kenyon Blake was heralded as a whistle blower and a hero until his death in 1963. My dad was born in 1964. So this reporter looking for a quote was clearly mistaken. He apologized for the mistake and asked me what I thought of the situation. Here is what I said.

As evidenced by the fact that Bob Murray was in Dick Cheney's secret energy meeting, and his recent contributions to various Republican campaigns, Bob Murray is a Bush Administration insider. He has influence in politics, and influence in politicians. This is why Bob Murray will never be brought truly to task for the Crandall Canyon Mine Disaster. He will continue to hide out, lay low, and not appear in any public forum. This is simply bullshit. This is further proof that the Bush Administration is not concerned with the public good, but with the production and hording of massive amounts of money. The $1.34 Million fined is a joke, these people piss that kind of money. There will never be any true punishment for the disaster that took the lives of six miners last year. That is bullshit.

The reporter thanked me for my thoughts, and terminated the call. Afterward, I got back to what I was doing before, clearing off my 360 of Xbox Live Arcade demos. One of the demos I saw was for Mr. Driller XBLA. I played the demo and bought the full game afterward. The bright colors, energetic characters, and generally upbeat attitude are in stark contrast to the perpetually dark, persistently corrupt, and wholly depressing state the mining industry is currently in, I found the game easy to play, challenging without being frustrating, and a complete blast to play.

I would recommend this game to all who can obtain it, if not just to try it out. I would also recommend, despite me being a atheist, that Bob Murray go straight to hell.

If you see this man, please, punch him in the face.

Mr Driller XBLA: B

MGS 4: Review

Note: There are some passages in this review that may be considered a spoiler. If that offends you, learn to deal with it and read on.

I entered playing Metal Gear Solid 4 with a great deal of skepticism. This game received a massive amount of hype, and many things with a lot of hype fail to live up to it. After playing through MGS4, here are my findings.

Graphics: There is a high standard of graphics that most games aspire to. Many games come close to that mark. Some fail miserably. A select few actually attain that high standard. Metal Gear Solid 4 is one of that select few. The cinemas look phenomenal, near photo realistic. The game environments maintain that high standard. There is one overall word to describe the graphics in Metal Gear Solid 4: Elite.

Gameplay: In the past, a principal complaint of the Metal Gear games has been the control scheme. In previous games, the control scheme felt at times to work against you, not with you. That is not the case with Metal Gear Solid 4. This control scheme is truly optimized for this type of game. The only complaint I have about the control scheme is this: When I fire a gun, I pull a trigger, not push a button.

Story: The previous Metal Gear games have laid out a lot of plot strands and laid out a whole mess of plot points. Metal Gear Solid 4 was said to deal with all of this. It does. MGS4 connects all the points, introduces some stabilizing points, takes all the strands and weaves them, not into a larger, more complicated rope, but a fine mesh blanket that is comfortable and satisfying. Unlike the games that came previously, Metal Gear Solid 4 unveils it's story like a great drama. The beginning is intriguing, the climax is riveting, and the ending is epic. This story feels complete. Also, the ability to pause any cinema is a god send. Without this feature, I'm sure I'd have missed out on some of the best cinemas in video games. This may be the end of the story of Solid Snake, however this may not be the end of the Metal Gear series. After all, this story takes place in the real world, and, despite out best efforts, the real world often cycles around to war.

Overall: Previously, I had stated, in a sarcastic tone, that there would not be an elite Playstation 3 title until 2009. Previously, I had stated, in all seriousness, that I had never had a truly great gaming experience on the PS3. Both statements are now false. Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns Of The Patriots is an elite Playstation 3 title that is a truly great gaming experience. Metal Gear Solid 4 is the best game released to date on the Playstation 3. In the future, if anyone wants to know a great game on the PS3, I will offer to lend them MGS4.

Grade: A

Additionally, it's also great to know what kind of animal I really am. My girlfriend calls me a teddy bear, but that is so cliche. MGS4 however has told me the animals that most exemplify my personality. I am an Inchworm, a Hyena, a Giant Panda, and a Scorpion.

He's Got The Cure, For Cancer

In 1993, the Huntsman Cancer Institute opened at the University of Utah. Named after billionaire Jon M. Huntsman Sr., the facilities goal is to "to understand cancer from its beginnings, to use that knowledge in the creation and improvement of cancer treatments, to relieve the suffering of cancer patients, and to provide education about cancer risk, prevention, and care." The Huntsman Cancer Institute is credited with moving forward the progress of treating, and possibly curing the scourge that is cancer.

On Friday, the Huntsman Cancer Institute announced the discovery and implementation of a new technique that is set to replace chemotherapy. This new therapy, given the name Virus Buster, was developed by an Italian doctor who is a relative new comer in his field. In a statement, Dr. Mario explained how the new technique works.

"Rather than flooding the body with poison that effects the entire body, the Virus Buster technique sends in cancer and other pathogen fighting substances one by one. We attach tiny magnets to the substances and remotely control their placement down to the micrometer. This technique is highly effective while having minimal side effects on the human body. The only concern with using this technique is overdosing the body with disease fighting substances, which can lead to death.

News of this technique has spread slowly. Health insurance companies have been slow to adopt this technique. This is due to the it's low profit margin and the fact that it works. Scientists in China have stolen this technique, altered it slightly, and sold it on the black market for pennies on the dollar under the name YATC.

MGS 4: Second Impressions

I usually do my laundry once a month. It's not because I'm lazy, I have a ton on clothes and I live alone. When I do have to do my laundry it takes all weekend, which prevents me from running to the store and buying some weak ass Utah porn. However, last weekend I got sick. I knew I was sick when I pulled over to the side of the road to throw up. This caused me to postpone my monthly laundry weekend, as well as add some bed linens to the chore.

However, I needed clothes, desperately. I was reduced to wearing the panties my friend got me when she thought I was gay. I didn't like the insinuation that I cross dress, but I did like the fit. I figured that i could do my laundry throughout the week, during the time I had set aside for playing Metal Gear Solid 4: Obscenely Long Subtitle. I usually don't like doing two things at once, but I figured it was time to live up to my New Year's Resolution of being less lazy.

I had just finished the second act of MGS4:OLS and paused the cinema just at the beginning to start another load. After starting the dryer, loading the washer, adjusting the temperature, adding fabric softener, and folding what I has just dried, I sat down and restarted the cinema. I could still hear the hum of the washer as characters were going on about things that would spoil the plot of the game. Then a peculiar thing happened, the hum stopped. The washer had stopped and I needed to start another load. So, I paused the cinema and-

That's right, cinemas in Metal Gear Solid 4: Tactical Espionage Action: Guns Of The Patriots lasts longer that it takes to do a load of laundry. Somehow, I'm not surprised.

MGS 4 First Impressions

There's an activity that is still (barely) legal that I engage in on rare ocassions. I engage in this activity after concerts, sporting events, mixers, or even when I just need to relax. Sometimes this activity involves other people. Yes, ladies, gentlemen, and everybody else, I engage in the highly taboo act of smoking.

Now, I don't smoke marijuana. It's not because I think it's wrong, I live in Utah and I don't know where to find a hookup. No, I smoke a plant that is more destructive, addictive, and pointless, tobacco. I hit up my local smoke shop, find a cigar that looks the most like a black man's penis, pay the hippie behind the counter, and go along my merry way. I know most people think it's wrong, but if I followed along with what everybody thought was right, I'd be aggressively searching for some Mary Jane to make myself happy.

Before I started playing Metal Gear Solid 4: Obscenely Long Subtitle the last time I has smoked was June 16th after I attended Monday Night Raw. I nearly got in three accidents, spilled ash on myself, and burned myself with my butane lighter. It was almost worth it. The next time I had planned was on September 3rd, after I communed with my lord and savior. That was until last Monday, when I started playing MGS 4:OLS. I cleared out my whole afternoon, got my popcorn, Coke, and settled in for the long ass install, followed by a long ass opening cinema. However what I got was a surprisingly short install. It took only eight minutes, not the length of a episode of Coupling as I had been lead to believe. So I was treated to, not a recap or behind the scenes video, instead to eight minutes of Old Snake smoking.

Now I smoke two packs a day and have this growing black thing in the back of my thought. Damn you Old Snake.

Fable 2 AO?

In the wake of the organization Mothers Against Drunk Driving calling for Grand Theft Auto 4 being re-rated AO another lesser known organization has been making waves in the gaming industry. The American Association Of Cynophobia has called for the yet to be released game Fable 2 to be rated AO with the rating descriptor "Intimidating Animals".

The AAOC is calling for this rating because of the "persistent possibility of possible canine assault" because of the dog that follows your character throughout the game experience. AAOC President Stephen King said, "Dogs are crazy animals. They can go nuts at any time. Look out behind you!" When it was revealed the thing he was warning me about was a kid imitating a dog, Stephen said, "Stay here. I'll get my gun."

The AAOC's actions may have been spurred by long time member Hunter Red. Upon first viewing of the Fable 2 videos from GDC, Mr. Red's comments were "OHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGOD!!! There's a fucking dog on the screen! Look out!" When told to shut up, Hunter responded, "Fine! When a virtual dog is ravaging my real life corpse, you can explain to people why you didn't take me seriously!"

It in unknown what Lionhead Studios' response will be, however an achievement has been leaked for the game. The achievement is called "Entirely Avoided Being Cujoed".

The War on Haloism

On November 15, 2001, combat operations began in the conflict known as "The War on Haloism". In the initial push, over five million soldiers fought valiantly and successfully for their general, Gen. Jacob Keyes, and President Harold Ryan.

On May 1, 2003, President Ryan declared that "Major combat operations were over. Hurray!" Boy was he wrong. In fact, it was the beginning of the conflict that would define Ryan's Presidency.

After years of being held apart by the fanatical dictators Robin Atkin Downes, Hamilton Camp, and Michael Wincott, the long standing conflict between the two most prominent ethnic groups, The Reds and The Blues, erupted in levels unforeseen by the Ryan Administration. This conflict has pitted brother against brother, sister against sister, and n00bs against the p0wned. Despite the efforts of great military minds like Joel Goldsmith, Gabe Newell, and Gary Dale, this conflict still rages on, claiming the lives of an estimated 14.2 million fanboys.

To help lessen the violence, top UNSC officials have instituted a number of strategies to keep troop levels high. This includes lowering entry standards, offering better benefits, and a controversial practice known as "stop loss". This practice has fueled protests against The War on Haloism, the Ryan Administration, and the so called "Microsoft Agenda".

One veteran of The War on Haloism, who only wants to be indentified as "John 117", described his USNC service to me. "I thought after the first go around I'd be done. However, because of the so called "phenomenal success" I had the first time, I was put back in the field a second time. The conflict was different the second time around, but not necessarily better. By the end of my second tour I was left in a lurch. I didn't know who I was or what my future held for me. I did know one thing, a third tour was inevitable. On September 25, 2007, I shipped out for my third tour. The third tour was much better. I don't know if it was because of the injection of more soldiers, or the new tools available to me, but the fight was, at least for me, a more pleasurable experience. I keep on hearing rumors that I'll be called on again to serve a fourth tour. As great as my experience was the third time, a fourth tour might be a bit much. I've lost a lot of friends along the way, but, all in all, I think i've grown as a person out there. I just hope when this all ends, my girlfriend Cortana is just as hot as I remember her.

It is unknown just how The War on Haloism will play out. Even as the Red Vs. Blue conflict continues to rage on in perpetuity, the Ryan Administration is ramping up it's rhetoric for a new war. Although this was seems to have nothing to do with the original conflict, the Ryan Administration is, none the less, referring to this new conflict as "Halo Wars".