Complain About This! Bitch!

Frighten The Corporations!!!
On Monday, a story broke that a person that had bought Mass Effect 3 and played through to it's much discussed ending filed a complaint against Electronic Arts with the Federal Trade Commission.  This development has caused further discussion about the role of gamers as consumers and whether they have a right to complain about the endings of games.  Personally, I think that gamers are totally within their rights to complain about the endings of media properties in this manner.  Sure we could complain about banks being stingy with credit, politicians passing laws that do not solve the underlying problems of our society, and religious figures having an undue influence over the political process, but this is something that we can actually do something about.  When media companies hear the cries of their consumers, they act.  Banks, politicians, and the clergy could give a rat's ass about what anyone else thinks.

This stance about filing complaints about the ending of media properties has lead me to file a formal complaint with the Federal Trade Commission over the following:
The ending of the series finale of The Sopranos.  Cut this to black!
The ending of the series finale of Seinfeld.  Send this to jail!
The ending of the series finale of Lost.  Limbo this!
The ending of the series finale of Newhart.  Wake up in bed with this!
The ending of the series finale of St. Elsewhere.  Stare into a snowglobe with this world in it!
The ending of the play Romeo and Juliet.  Commit suicide in eachother's arms with this!
The ending of the trilogy of Lord Of The Rings movies.  Make me fall asleep to this!
The ending of the book The Hawk.  Walk away from this!
The ending of the movie The Crying Game.  Drop your pants and reveal you have this!
The ending of Brett Favre's career.  End your career in Minnesota with this!
The ending of the original version of the  NHL franchise the Winnipeg Jets.  Move to Phoenix with this!
The ending of the arcade game Pacman.  Go all glitchy with this!
The ending of my dinner from Wednesday night.  Julienne this with roast beef and rice!

Your Profits Look Like Tyrion Lannister Compared To Mine!
On Thursday, a story broke about the profits GameStop earned in the past year.  GameStop's total global sales reached $9.55 billion for the fiscal year 2011, a "modest increase" from the same period last year, in which the company reported "all-time high" revenues of $9.47 billion.  This story, and the description of profits of this size as being "modest", has earned a round of mocking from the gaming public being delivered toward GameStop, the likes of which had not been seen against this retailer since Wednesday.  Apart from the derision delivered to GameStop, this story evoked a unique response from one of the biggest corporations in the world.  This response was not from Best Buy, Toys R Us, or one of the other video game retailers that compete against GameStop.  This response was delivered by Exxon.
Exxon CEO, Rex Tillerson, distributed the following statement to news organizations on Thursday:

"On Thursday, we caught wind of the modest profits that GameStop has seen in the previous year.  While an increase of $339.9 million over the past year is nice, we at Exxon ask that GameStop get that weak shit out of here.  $339.9 million?  In a year?  HA!  We made $339.9 million yesterday!  Are you fucking kidding me?  You think total profits of $9.55 billion is an achievement?  That's just a start for us.  That's just weak sauce for us!  Do you know how much money we have in our banks just waiting for us to spend it?  $57,394,758,397,679,309,854.01  Yeah!  How do you like me now!  You didn't think that much money existed in the world, did ya!  Well it does, bitch!  We not only have more money than God, we bought God three years ago!  Exxon is your God now, bitch!  You betta recognize!  So before you think that $339.9 million is an achievement, just remember, Exxon made that much money in the time it took you to read this statement.  Bitch!"
In response to this statement, GameStop CEO J. Paul Raines was found sitting in his shower crying.

Kickstarter My Heart

Kickstarter My Heart
In recent weeks, the social funding website Kickstarter has been getting a lot of attention.  Most prominently, the recent announcement that Double Fine had raised over $3 Million on the site.  This amount of attention has made Kickstarter a very appealing to me.  This is why I have created my own Kickstarter page. 
The Project Journal Kickstarter page is a Kickstarter page with the purpose of funding the project I'm currently working on, codenamed Project Journal.  Not many details about Project Journal have been released, but I can tell you Project Journal is a thing that I am really working on.  There is no release date for Project Journal, other than the release date for Diablo III, which is tomorrow.  Tomorrow, tomorrow, you'll get Diablo III and Project Journal tomorrow, you're only (yet always) a day a away.
There is no funding necessary for the development of Project Journal, nor is there funding necessary for the publishing of Project Journal.  What is needed is money to pay for advertising.  It is my honest belief the reason The Hawk, The Hawk: Consequences Of Mayorust, and The Black Robin Christmas Carol weren't financially successful is that they were not advertised adequately.  My goal is to change that with Project Journal.  My goal is to create advertising for Project Journal that will make my work better known to the general public.  I already have contacted a prominent Madison Avenue advertising firm, Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce, and received a bid of $100,000 for the project.  The amount of money I want to raise is $200,000, because if some is good, more is better.
Like many other Kickstarter projects, I have incentives for people who donate in certain amounts.  Here is a list of those incentives.
For a $20 donation, I will send you Project Journal when it is released.  The picture shown above should not be taken as a clue that Project Journal is a book.
For a $50 donation, I will send you two books.  Which two books are up to me.  Books may or may not be written by me.
For a $100 donation, you will receive all of the books that I have released up to this point.  I may also throw in Project Journal, if in fact Project Journal is a book.
For a $250 donation, I will send a stripper to your house.  How you plan to explain this to your significant other is your problem.
For a $500 donation, I will send a good looking stripper to your house.  How you plan to explain this to your significant other is your problem.
For a $1000 donation, a character in Project Journal will be given a name of your choice.  The character that I have chosen is a villainous character, a character who whips a small boy to death, then whips, beats, and chokes a prominent female character to death.  Wouldn't it be awesome to, as you experience this gruesome despicable action as a part of Project Journal, be able to say, "That guy is named after me!"
For a $2000 donation, the prominent female character that is choked to death by the villainous character, which you can name with a donation, will be given a name of your choice.  There can be some joy is naming a character that is ultimately killed after a person in your life, but not a joy that you would admit to.
For a $5000 donation, you will receive a copy of Project Journal, but this time the copy of Project Journal you receive will be signed and include a slinky.
For a $7500 donation, you will receive a metal slinky.  Just the slinky and nothing else.
For a $10,000 donation, you will receive a T-Shirt that reads "I gave some random guy on the internet $10,000 and all I got was this T-shirt".  The T-Shirt will be made of silk from the endangered Dolorian silkworm.  Most garments made from materials from this animal sell for $50,000 to $137,590.  T-Shirts will be provided by Hect Dogg Industries.
For a $25,000 donation, you will get to name Project Journal.  Currently Project Journal does not have a set name.  A donation of this size will give you the right to name this project.  You can name it anything, assuming that it does not offend the liberal sensibilities of the writer of Project Journal.  Suggestions include: "Dan Rulez"  "I Love You Heather Morris"  "Ryan Leaf Is A Jackass"  "Tedakin Is A Sexy Motherfucker" and "Boobs"
For a $50,000 donation, I will come over to your house.  I'm not going to do anything, I will just go there and let you bask in the awesomeness that is Hunter F. Red.
Won't you help a young starving artist get the exposure he so richly deserves?  Also, will you help me too?  Young starving people are nice, but can I have your money as well?  You can find the Project Journal Kickstarter page at this link.

Angry Birds Touching Politicians

Touching Politicians

Late on Super Bowl Sunday, February 5, 2012, I sent an email to my various representatives in Congress.  I sent an email to Senator Orrin Hatch, Senator Mike Lee, and Representative Jason Chaffetz, inquiring for information about the Postal Reform legislation currently going through congress.  I went into this being openly skeptical.  I thought that if I received a reply it would take a long time to do so and would not answer the question I asked.
On February 9th, 2012, I received a phone call from the office of Senator Mike Lee.  An actual phone call from a staffer in Senator Mike Lee's office on the Thursday after I sent the email.  This staffer, Robert Ackson, gave me an exact web address as well as instructions as to where I could find the information that I was looking for.  Later on, I looked up this information and found that the instructions I had received were correct, easy to follow, and gave me the information I was looking for.  As I said to Mr. Ackson, I was pleasantly surprised to have received this call, having received it so quickly, and that I had gotten the information that I had requested.  I have to give credit to Senator Mike Lee as well as his office and congressional staffers for the work they did in answering a constituents questions.
On February 28th, 2012, Representative Jason Chaffetz's office sent me the following email.


For updates on any bill, you are able to go to the website  Here you can search bills that have been proposed or voted on.  Thanks for your email to Congressman Chaffetz.  We really love hearing from our constituents.

Susannah Hertz
Congressman Jason Chaffetz

While Representative Chaffetz's office did direct me to a place where I could find the information I was asking for, clearly Senator Lee's office served me better to that end.  I do thank Rep. Chaffetz's office for getting back to me about this matter.
On March 5th, 2012, I received a letter in the mail from Senator Orrin Hatch's office.  Yes, a letter.  Sen. Hatch's office responded to an email with a letter.  An actual physical letter.  Don't believe me?
The actual letter Sen. Hatch's office sent me.
In this letter, Senator Hatch tell me of the currently pending legislation having to do with Postal Reform, going as far as stating the actual name of the bills in question, as well as the reference numbers(Real Term) for those bills.

Senator Hatch then went on to give me his personal views about the currently pending Postal Reform legislation.  This is not what I asked for.  I did not ask for the views of my various representatives, I asked for an update about the legislation.
What this example shows to me is the dedication that the various people who represent me in Washington hold to serving their constituents in a correct and responsive way.  Senator Lee and his office gave me the answer I wanted in a easy in very clear way in four days.  Representative Chaffetz gave me a less than adequate answer in twenty-three days.  Senator Hatch did not give me the answer that I wanted and did so in twenty-nine days.  I will be taking this knowledge with me when I step into the voting booth this November.

Bird Screens 
In talking about the upcoming Angry Birds Space, chief marketing officer Peter Vesterbacka said about the game, "With all our games, we're going for all the screens: Smartphones, tablets, TVs, the web, so we really want to bring Space to all the screens as well,"  Mr. Vesterbacka specifically stated that he wanted to get Angry Birds on Sony's Vita handheld console.  While getting Angry Birds on the Vita is still being worked on, Rovio has managed to get it's wildly profitable game on another kind of screen.
On Saturday, Rovio announced that Angry Birds will soon be available on drug screening administered by Drug Testing USA.  Soon when you apply for a job, apply for foodstamps, or seek to play for your school's basketball team, the drug test you will be compelled to take will now allow you to play Angry Birds.  Drug Testing USA spokesman Wallace Wolodarsky said, "When Rovio approached us about implementing Angry Birds into our drug screening process, we thought it was a joke.  We thought it was some comedian taking the quote "We want Angry Birds on every screen possible" to the extreme.  However, once a representative from Rovio showed us how Angry Birds could be implemented in a way that does not result in a contamination of the drug tests we administer, we were more than willing to be a part of the Angry Birds revolution."  When asked how Angry Birds could be played while a drug test is being administered, Mr. Wolodarsky said refused comment.
In fact several inquiries into the process by which Angry Birds can be played on drug screens went without a reply.  To this point, no one that I have talked to can think of a way that Angry Birds can be played while a drug screening is being administered.  In fact, the asking of this question resulted is this reporter being slapped by many random people he talked to on the street.

SAC Hunter

\/\/|-|173 5upr3/\/\31(157
Cover of the game that will be included in the game.
This week, Rebellion announced a unique pre-order bonus for it's upcoming game Sniper Elite V2.  If you pre-order the game, you get Hitler.  Yes, Hitler.  No, not Mr. Hilter from Monty Python, Hitler.
Not the man who will be included in the game.
Adolf Hitler will be included in the multi-player aspects of Sniper Elite V2.  You won't be able to play as the infamous German leader, instead you will be tasked with killing Hitler in a scenario reminiscent of Inglorious Basterds.
Not the man who will be included in the game.
There has been the typical response from anti-Semitic groups, afraid of glamorizing the most infamous criminal in history, or in presenting this man in a cartoonish light.  However, there has been a response from a group that does not often give public comments.  On Wednesday, this publication received a statement about this story from the Soldiers Of Aryan Culture.
The logo of the Soldiers Of Aryan Culture, which will not be included in the game.
Soldiers Of Aryan Culture, founded and headquartered in Utah, deals mostly with drug running, intimidation of minority groups, and the secret support of the Utah Eagle Forum.  Usually this group remains quiet, not wanting to be publicly associated with one another in case a member of this group gets arrested.  In a departure from this approach, Soldiers Of Aryan Culture spokesman, Thomas Wright, sent a statement asserts the group's belief that the much reviled German leader was an integral part of 20th Century History and a still great force in the world.  The statement reads as follows:
"Given this great leader's great role is the greatest movement known to man, to show the Fuhrer in such a way is disrespectful to the good parts of the human race.  The ascension and the purification of the white race is a slow but essential part of creating a more perfect society.  The depiction of a leader of this movement is an affront to civilized society, and should be condemned by all people who seek to live in a world free of the impure thoughts and actions perpetuated by impure people."
The logo for Rebellion Games, which might be included in the game.

When reached for comment about this statement, a PR director at Rebellion Games said, "What?  Is this a joke?  Are you fucking kidding me?  Stop wasting my time with this shit."  The PR director then hung up the phone.
Reaction to this pre-order bonus among the gamer community has been rather positive.  One gamer in particular, known online as "|-|UG0571GL17Z" said, "I look forward to teabagging this fucktard over and over and over and over..." This gamer repeated saying "and over" for several pages.

Adventures In Disappointment
Last weekend I decided I wanted to move.  I got my tax return back, I've been tired of my current place for a while, and, damn it, I'm ancy.  I started searching for a new apartment on the Apartment Guide iPad app.
This app allowed me to delve into hundreds of listings in my area, find a number of apartments that suited my tastes, and send messages to various agents.  Through the process of using this app, I found fifteen apartments that suited my tastes.  After sending out fifteen messages and receiving replies to six of them, most within hours of me contacting them, I went hunting.  Friday was spent going to six different locations, looking at nine different apartment, and finding a lot of information.  I was able to figure out what my options were, and found three apartment that I liked. 
Like the responsible adult that I am, the next step was budgeting.  Included in my budgeting was things like increases in food and gas, increases in entertainment, and possible increases in rent, as well as various other expenses.  After taking a dutiful look at the numbers, I came to a conclusion.
I'm not moving.  I simply can't afford it right now.  I want to.  Oh God I don't believe in, I want to, but I can't do it right now.  Maybe in the future, after I pay off more of my debt and put more money away in savings, I can do it, but just not right now.
It's unfortunate that I can't move right now.  I was looking forward to getting in touch with new surrounding, neighbors, and even myself.  Moving is a goal that I think I will still hold for myself, I just need to work a little longer to get there.  Hopefully not too much longer.