****- Distorted Impressions of Trent's Apple

Brutal Legend Demo Impressions

The following is a series of tweets I put out while playing the demo for Brutal Legend. @Redertainment

Beginning the Brutal Legend Demo now.9:09 PM Sep 21st from TweetDeck

Jack Black swearing FTMFW!9:12 PM Sep 21st from TweetDeck

I am so buying the soundtrack to Brutal Legend. The game as well, but definitely the soundtrack.9:15 PM Sep 21st from TweetDeck

I haven't enjoyed a demo this much since the NBA Street demo. Awesome.9:21 PM Sep 21st from TweetDeck

Dear Activision: You passed on Brutal Legend? YOU SUCK!9:24 PM Sep 21st from TweetDeck

Have I mentioned recently that the Brutal Legend Demo is fucking awesome? It is, I've just been distracted by iTunes 9.0. Damn you Apple!9:41 PM Sep 21st from TweetDeck

Dear EA: You have brought me three great gaming experiences this year. Tiger Woods, Mirror's Edge, and Dead Space. Make that four.9:44 PM Sep 21st from TweetDeck

How keep on saying "counterweights" as if that is supposed to help me. I don't know how to drop the counterweights!9:51 PM Sep 21st from TweetDeck

irweak. Looking up walkthrough9:57 PM Sep 21st from TweetDeck

@BobbyBlackwolf Scribblenauts? Nah, I'd rather play the Brutal Legend Demo. At least that game is awesome to play while drunk.10:06 PM Sep 21st from TweetDeck in reply to BobbyBlackwolf

I think I found one. http://bit.ly/cAXqC 10:14 PM Sep 21st from TweetDeck

Okay, I finished that part. It's amazing how simple that was. I really should have figured it out sooner.10:21 PM Sep 21st from TweetDeck

Fully pauseable cutscenes FTW.10:21 PM Sep 21st from TweetDeck

It's over? You're right, I haven't seen shit, but I want to!10:22 PM Sep 21st from TweetDeck

I'm gonna play this again!10:23 PM Sep 21st from TweetDeck

Just finished the Brutal Legend Demo again. Might go back for a third go around in the morning.10:45 PM Sep 21st from TweetDeck

Dear Apple:!!!

In this space originally was a complaint letter about some of the changes made in iTunes version 9.0, specifically the way podcasts were synced. However, on Saturday I downloaded a new version on iTunes that fixed the problem. So thanks Apple. You heard people bitching about something and fixed what they were bitching about. Things are good now.

Halo 3: Useless God Damn Acronym

Seifer Kinneas, President of the Redertainment Corporation Of America, is sitting in his office. Seifer presses a button on his desk and yells-

Seifer- (In a loud obnoxious tone) Hunter, get in here!
Hunter- Sir, you don’t have to yell through the intercom, it amplifies it for you.
Seifer- I like yelling so I will continue yelling.
Hunter- So, what do you need me for?
Seifer- You’re a video game nerd right?
H- Yes.
S- I need some help with this game I’m playing.
H- What is it?
S- Halo 3 Odst. (Seifer attempts to pronounce the acronym as an actual word.)
H- Odst?
S- Yes, Odst.
H- Sir, it’s an acronym. It’s pronounced O-D-S-T.
S- Okay, then I need you help with Halo 3 O-D-S-T.
H- Okay, what do you need help with?
S- I need you to teach me how not to suck at this game.
H- I can’t help you with that.
S- Why not?
H- I suck at Halo
Seifer looks at Hunter like Hunter had just said the most bizarre thing in the history of man.
S- But you’re a video game nerd.
H- Yes.
S- And you suck at Halo?
H- Yes.
S- But I thought all video game nerd were good at Halo?
H- Not me.
S- Why not?
H- I guess I don’t play Halo enough as I prefer games with good stories behind them.
S- But Odst does have a good story behind it. You see alien, you kill alien. What’s better than that?
H- I guess I need something more than that.
Siefer is visibly depressed at this.
S- Okay, you can leave then.
Hunter then walks out of Seifer’s office.
S- (In an obnoxious and loud tone.) Wait, come back!
Hunter walks back into Seifer’s office.
H- What?
S- What does O-D-S-T stand for?
H- Oh Damn this is the Shit Trent.
S- Okay, be gone with you.
Hunter walks out of Seifer’s office again. Seifer picks up the phone, dials, waits for someone to pick up, and says-
S- Hey Grandpa, you wanna play Halo 3 Oh Damn, this is the Shit Trent?
Siefer has this sincere looking smile on his face as the scene ends.

The Official Bullhorn of the Redertainment Corporation Of America

On Thursday, September 24th, 2009 the NBC Nightly News with Brian Williams broadcasted from Pittsburg, Pennsylvania, site of the most recent G-20 Summit. During the broadcast a protester on a bullhorn was heard in the background. Due to the dynamics of your garden variety bullhorn, the message the protester was trying to convey was distorted to the point that it was incomprehensible.

After diligent work in the audio labs at the Redertainment Corporation Of America, we have managed to decipher the message the protester was trying to convey. Here is an audio transcript of that message.

“Ladies and gentlemen, could I have your attention for a moment. I just want to take this opportunity to tell people how great this book I just read is. The Hawk: Consequences Of Mayorust, available for free at Redertainment.com.”

After that the protester kept repeating this message until the broadcast was finished. The identity of the protester is unknown at this point. However it is noteworthy that R.C.O.A. reporter Robin Anderson was out of the office on the day the protester was trying to convey their message. Miss Anderson’s whereabouts during this period is unknown at this point and a phone call to the offices of the Redertainment Corporation Of America, specifically extension 115, would be very much appreciated.

****- Heretical And Incendiary Complaints

King of Pricks

Last Sunday Kanye West interrupted Taylor Swift’s acceptance speech at the MTV Video Music Awards and said something that garnered him much scorn and ridicule. I cannot provide an accurate account of what happened as I stopped watching the VMAs when I was twelve. Also at this event, Mr. West declared himself to be the new King of Pop. This nickname was quickly dismissed because one cannot bestow a nickname on themself, someone else must do it for them. In the days after his appearance on the VMAs, Kanye West set out to do just that.

The title of “King of Pop” in relation to Michael Jackson was popularized by Elizabeth Taylor when she presented him with the Soul Train Heritage Award in 1989. This is a moniker that stuck with Michael until his death. Believing this to be the only person who could rightly bestow such an honor, Kanye West visited Miss Taylor at her home on Monday before his appearance on The Jay Leno Show.

Kanye spent several hours begging and pleading with Miss Taylor to release a statement giving him the title of “King of Pop”, however the Hollywood icon refused. Her reasoning for this was twofold. One: Miss Taylor believes she no longer has the clout to bestow such an honor and suggested he seek out someone more current to do it. Two: She has no idea who Kanye West is.

In a final, desperate attempt, Mr. West threatened to put Miss Taylor in a wheelchair if she didn’t name him the “King of Pop”. Miss Taylor’s response was, “I have scoliosis. I’m already in a fucking wheelchair.”

Mr. West was visibly depressed by his failure to attain the moniker “King of Pop” on this attempt. However, he is comforted by the fact that he has the honor of going to bed every night with the person he feels is his soulmate, his eternal love, the one who he treasures above all others, himself. Meanwhile, in a statement, Academy Award winner Helen Mirren declared Jay-Z to be the King of Pop. Miss Mirren ended her statement with “Suck on THAT Kanye!”

The Hawk: Consequences Of Mayorust Review

The Hawk: Consequences Of Mayorust

My latest book, The Hawk: Consequences Of Mayorust, has been out for a few weeks now and has garnered little interest. Perhaps this is because a proper review has not been done for my book, The Hawk: Consequences Of Mayorust. Well, I asked R.C.O.A. reporter Robin Anderson if she would do a review for The Hawk: Consequences Of Mayorust and she agreed. So here now is Robin Anderson’s review of The Hawk: Consequences Of Mayorust.

A Review Of The Hawk: Consequences Of Mayorust by Robin Anderson
I have been asked to write a review of The Hawk: Consequences Of Mayorust. However, I feel I am unable to do so objectively as I have recently entered into a romantic relationship with the book’s author, Hunter Red. I do sincerely apologize to the people that I have disappointed and ask for their forgiveness. Thank you.

So there you have it, a review for my book The Hawk: Consequences Of Mayorust. In the interest of objectivity I didn’t read the review before adding it to the story, but I’m sure it was great and will drive many people to read The Hawk: Consequences Of Mayorust. Again, The Hawk: Consequences Of Mayorust.

Blender + EGM = Maxim

I’ve become aware that former subscribers to Blender magazine will be receiving issues of Maxim magazine to make up for unfulfilled issues in much the same way former subscribers to Electronic Gaming Monthly are. This is fitting because I’d rather take the issues of Maxim I’ve received and put them into a blender. By the way, a Maxim Milkshake is a great source of fiber.

I wanted to provide an adequate setup for this next picture, but fuck it, LOOKIE AT THE HOT CHICK!!!

Beatles Rock Band Complaints

As many of you are no doubt aware, on September 9, 2009, The Beatles Rock Band came out alongside a remastering of The Beatles music. Since its release most reviews have been positive with very few negatives being said about this game. The most significant complaint I’ve heard about this game is Bobby Blackwolf’s observation of the changing of the fret colors when superstar mode is enabled.

There is one significant complaint that I have about this game that I have not heard addressed anywhere. This is a complaint that is encountered even before a person plays the game, the cost. The Beatles Rock Band complete band setup costs two hundred and fifty dollars.

To any person who lives on a budget or any person living in this current economic climate, two hundred and fifty dollars is a lot to spend on anything. Two hundred and fifty dollars is what many people pay every month on their car loan. Factor in the fact that most video games cost sixty dollars and two hundred and fifty dollars for one game seems even more outrageous. For two hundred and fifty dollars I could buy four games that can provide me a more eclectic and satisfying experience than one music game ever could.

Yes, if you’re a big The Beatles fan or a fan of the Rock Band games you’ve already gotten the money together to buy the game. However you can say that about most anything. If a KoRn Rock Band game was coming out, I would buy it. If Amanda Palmer was in concert in a venue near me I would move heaven and earth to be there. However, not everyone holds my point of view about these acts, and not everyone is excited to the point of orgasm by The Beatles Rock Band. Perhaps the price will fall in the future and The Beatles Rock Band will be more appealing to me, but until then, I have no intention to buy this game.

The Sky Is Falling!!!

On September 12th, 2009, a series of rallies were held in locations across the United States. These rallies were held to protest President Obama and many of the policies that he has enacted, proposed, to enact, or are rumored to enact. Depending on who you ask, these rallies drew between five hundred to 98.456 million people.

One of the 9/12 rallies was held in Salt Lake City, Utah, not far from the offices of the Redertainment Corporation Of America. The following is one of the speeches that was given.

“Ladies and gentlemen, I felt something on my way over here today. I was listening to the radio and I heard about the various things that were being proposed in Washington, and I was struck with a thought. Socialism is coming. Socialism is coming and when it does it will mean the end of us all.

“So we need to go to Washington, to go the king that Barack HUSSEIN Obama wants to set himself up as, go to King HUSSEIN and tell him that socialism is coming and we want nothing to do with it. We need to tell King HUSSEIN that we want our country back and we will revolt against King HUSSEIN’S communist, fascist, socialist agenda!

“Ladies and gentlemen, socialism is coming but I’ll be damned if it happens under my watch.”

The crowd began to cheer as the woman giving the speech left the podium. Approaching the podium, event organizer Darren Raine said, “Thank you. Ladies and gentlemen, a round of applause for Miss Chicken Little.”

****- Yelling Fire In A 1960's Reality Show

Yelling Fire! In A Crowded Office

Hunter Red is entering the offices of the Redertainment Corporation of America. As he’s walking through the office he sees a new woman, in the office, pictured below. Hunter goes over to talk to her.

Hunter- Hi. I’m not really observant, are you new here?
Robin- Yes, I’m Robin.
Hunter and Robin shake hands.
Hunter- Nice to meet you. When did you start here at R.C.O.A.?
Robin- Actually, I’ve been working for Redertainment for several years.
Hunter- Wow, I really need to work on remembering things.
Robin- No, this is my first day working in Salt Lake, I usually work in LA.
Hunter- Ah, so what do you do?
Robin- I’m a reporter.
Hunter- What do you report on?
Robin- I keep tabs on the new pornography that’s being produced. Have you n ever ready my pieces on porn?
Hunter- Read porn?
Robin- Well, I’ve been reading your stuff for a while now. I thought Consequences Of Mayorust was excellent.
Hunter- Thanks, now if only someone outside of R.C.O.A. would tell me that. So, what brings you up here? I’m unaware of any good porn being produced here.
Robin- Actually, I’m only up here until the fire near LA is under control.
Hunter- You left because of a fire?
Robin- Well it’s a really big fire and I was concerned about the impact it would have on my health.
Hunter- Yeah, catching yourself on fire is definitely very bad for your health. Well, I’ll let you get back to work, it was very nice to meet you.
Robin- Same here. I look forward to working with you in the future.
Hunter walks away from Robin’s desk and over to his office. Once Hunter sits down he begins digging around in the drawers in his desk. Hunter pulls out a large candle and a lighter. Hunter puts the candle on his desk, lights it, then looks out the window for some time. Hunter then looks back at the candle and says-
Hunter- Holy shit! There’s a fire! I’m going to Seattle!
Hunter quickly bolts out of his office, leaving the candle burning on his desk.

Don Draper Is Dreamy

In an effort to increase our standing in the ever increasingly competitive corporate environment, the Redertainment Corporation Of America has hired a Madison Avenue ad agency to run a series of advertisements for us across many different forms of media. The ad agency we have hired is Sterling Cooper(Link To Mad Men Wiki). During one of our meeting with Sterling Cooper, we came across an ad campaign from one of their other clients. After seducing one of their secretaries and sneaking into their offices, a la Sam Fisher, we managed to steal documents relating to this client’s new ad campaign. This campaign is not for an existing product but for one set to be unveiled in time to be in stores by Holiday 2013. Over the next weeks and months we will present this new campaign, at least until we are mortally threatened to stop.

We at Sony are proud of the role we play in bringing quality entertainment to people across the world. We pioneered personal musical entertainment with the Walkman. We brought video games to millions of homes with the Playstation, Playstation 2 and Playstation 3 computer entertainment systems. Finally, we brought high definition movies, televisions shows, sports, and concerts home to our customers with our Bravia line of high definition televisions and our many Blu-Ray movie players, including the previously mentioned Playstation 3.

Now the time has come to revolutionize things again. This time by moving things forward while maintaining elements of the past. Ladies, gentlemen, and everybody else, introducing the Playstation 4.

What will the Playstation 4 do that no other media device has yet to do? Let me explain. When the Playstation 3 was first released it was able to play Playstation, Playstation 2, and Playstation 3 video game discs. After some time we decided to eliminate the ability to play Playstation 2 video game discs on our Playstation 3 computer video game system. The response to this was decisive and universal. Our customers did not like this decision at all. Our customers saw a value in backwards compatibility that we had unfortunately overlooked. This was a mistake on our part, one which we will make amends for with the all new Sony Playstation 4.

The Playstation 4 computer video game system will be fully backwards compatible with all Playstation, Playstation 2, Playstation 3, and all future Playstation 4 video game discs. In addition, the Playstation 4 will be able to play CDs, DVDs, HD-DVDs, and Blu-Ray movie discs, and we aren’t stopping there. Like we stated earlier, we will make amends for overlooking the value of backwards compatibility, and we intend to give our customers the best value for their hard earned dollar.

We at Sony are proud to announce that the Playstation 4 computer video game system will be the first high definition media device to play VHS cassette tapes in stunning 1080p. You will be able to play old television shows, treasures sporting events, and memorable home movies in the kind of vivid and stunning clarity that you never have before. And that’s not all.

The Playstation 4 will also be compatible with Laserdisc movie discs. This means that with the Playstation 4 you can watch three different formats of the science fiction classic Star Wars, as well as other world class pieces of classic cinema.
In addition to Playstation, Playstation 2, Playstation 3, Playstation 4, Blu-Ray, DVD, CD, Laserdisc, and VHS media delivery devices, the all new Sony Playstation 4 will play cassette tapes, Mini-Discs, Betamax tapes, vinyl records, 8 track tapes, and kinetoscope film based media devices. All at the low price of $1499.99. Why is that a low price? Because we are losing $3000 every time we sell a Playstation 4.

Playstation 4: We Play EVERYTHING!

s3ria1 ki113r5!

Sony recently announced that they will be launching a reality show over PSN. This reality show will “have aspiring game testers duking it out reality-style for the privilege of working for Playstation’s San Diego QA department.”.

Sony has chosen to partner with 51 Minds Entertainment for this project. 51 Minds Entertainment is the production company responsible for Megan Wants A Millionaire and I Love Money 3. We have been given exclusive details about some of the people who will be featured on this Sony reality show project.

****- Red Complains About Utah Politics, AGAIN!

Gov. Gary Herbert’s Comments on 8/27/2009

After his first press conference on August 27th, much was made about new Utah Gov. Gary Herbert’s comments about homosexuality. Here are those comments in full.

ROD DECKER, KUTV-2: Salt Lake City, the Becker administration, is talking about a non-discrimination ordinance to specifically say one can’t discriminate against people on the basis of sexual preference in housing and employment. Some legislators are saying, if they do that, we will want to enact a state wide standard that may well be different from the Salt Lake standard. Would you support a state wide standard if Salt Lake City enacts a non-discrimination ordinance?

GOVERNOR HERBERT: Well, I haven’t seen the ordinance, so I don’t know what the ramifications of that ordinance are, and I hate to speculate on what I would do without having a chance to read it, understand it, and see what the ramifications or the potential unintended consequences of that would be. I believe in local government. I believe that we ought to build ordinances and policies, ground-up. Bottom-up, not top-down. And most instances government closest to the people reflects the people’s will a lot better. So I would be patient and wait and see what comes up. The legislature will react as they typically do on these issues, but I’m not prepared to weigh in on that yet.

LISA RILEY ROCHE, DESERET NEWS: What would you have a problem with, Governor, in terms of an anti-discrimination ordinance based on sexual preference?

GOVERNOR HERBERT: Well I don’t think we should discriminate against people. I think people ought to be treated with respect. There’s nothing that causes me as an employer to say “well, I don’t want to hire you because—“ if you’re willing to follow the rules of my business and represent me in a fair and effective way. So I think we need to not discriminate against people when it comes to, you know, civil rights issues. I am reluctant for anybody to be put into a protected class. That seems to be where this road sometimes goes down, and that causes me some concern. But you know, we don’t have to have a rule for everybody to do the right thing. We ought to just do the right thing because it’s the right thing to do, and don’t have a law that punishes us if we don’t.

JEFF ROBINSON, KCPW 88.3: But then again, Governor, we already do for religion and race and ethnicity. So why not expand it? If you don’t believe anyone should be discriminated against. GOVERNOR HERBERT: Well, where do you stop? I mean that’s the problem of going down that slippery road. Pretty soon we’re going to have a special offer blue-eyed blonds. And I’m not sure that that’s the case. Or people who are losing their hair a little bit, there’s a special classification that we put them in. JEFF ROBINSON, KCPW 88.3: I would support that. GOVERNOR HERBERT: See, there’s some support for about anything we put out there. And I’m just saying, you know, we end up getting bogged down sometimes with minutia of things the government has really no role to be involved with. ROBERT GEHRKE, SALT LAKE TRIBUNE: So should sexuality, sexual orientation be a protected class? GOVERNOR HERBERT: No.

Minutes later, Gov. Herbert answers another question about homosexuality.

ROBERT GEHRKE, SALT LAKE TRIBUNE: You said earlier that you don’t believe sexual orientation should be a protected class. Can you explain your thinking a little bit on that, and why that differs from the other protected classes?

GOVERNOR HERBERT: Again, that warrants a long, detailed explanation and discussion. I just think we go down a road that makes it difficult for employers to actually conduct their business with protected classes, where things that you don’t know when you hire people, and all of the sudden something changes, and all of the sudden they say, “well, you can’t fire me, because guess what.” And I think that presents a significant problem in our business community. That being said, again, I don’t think people should be discriminated against based on that. I just don’t think we need to have a law that ensures that.

Taken out of context, any of these comments can be seen in a negative light, but read in full they reveal what Gov. Herbert feels about homosexuality. I believe Gov. Herbert hold a viewpoint that is considered moderate in the conservative field. He believes that homosexuals should not be discriminated against but also that they should not become a special class and that, according to him, creating laws to protect homosexuals would create that special class. This viewpoint in more liberal states this viewpoint would amount to a scandal, but in Utah this viewpoint is rather progressive when compared to the viewpoints of many members of the Utah State Legislature. Although I disagree with Gov. Herbert in his views about creating laws to protect homosexuals, after watching and reading his comments in full, I feel Gov. Herbert is more reasonable than I thought he was before.
I do also believe that Gov. Herbert has the capacity to sign into law legislation that would create certain safeguards for homosexuals. I base this on this answer to a report’s question about creationism.

CHRIS VANOCUR, ABC-4: Governor, since this is your first press conference, here’s a bit of a softball. Two-part question.

GOVERNOR HERBERT: I appreciate softballs.,P. CHRIS VANOCUR, ABC-4: One, would you kind enough to remind Utahns whether you believe in creationism or Darwinism, and two, do you think both should be taught in Utah schools?

GOVERNOR HERBERT: I appreciate that softball, there, Chris. You know, personally, what I believe is probably irrelevant to what the government should be involved with. I’m a devout believer in a supreme being and that God has created the opportunities for us as his children to work together and to learn and progress and I think learn important things here in our mortal existence. That being said, I think school is designed to teach scientific methods, and I think that our state board understands how to create curriculum that’s appropriate. It’s always something that can be discussed with our legislative branch, and with the people of Utah, but I think science should be taught in school, religion should be taught in the chapel or the synagogue.

What this says to me is that while he does not necessarily believe in a certain viewpoint he can get behind making that viewpoint into law if it is for the public good. This signifies to me that Gov. Herbert has the capacity to sign into law protections for homosexuals without actually believing in them if he can be convinced they are appropriate and for the public good. Only time will tell if this viewpoint is one Governor Herbert acts on for the public good of all.

Buttars Comments 8/24/09

Sen. Chris Buttars vs. anti-discrimination bill

"I don't think anybody should be discriminated against," said Buttars, R-West Jordan. "But in America, we have never given special privilege or protection to little groups. We give them to the entire nation."

Buttars, however, said the LGBT community doesn't fall under the same protective umbrella as race, age and religion, which "affect everybody."

"We've never done what they're asking," he said, "nor have I seen any evidence that it needs to be done."

The Human Rights Commission of Salt Lake City released a report last month detailing incidences of discrimination in the city, many of which involved LGBT residents, but Buttars questioned the validity of some of those claims.

"I have never seen any facts to back it up," he said. "They want to say they're being hurt more than someone else, I guess. If anybody had a right to special protection it would be Mormons; they've been persecuted but not as bad as the American Indian. But they're not pounding on the newspaper's door. Or the Jewish people; the Jewish people have lots of people hate them. I love them. But you know that's true."

I wish that either The Daily Show or The Colbert Show was running this week because they could have done a great piece about this guy based on this comments alone. Maybe with enough national media attention the leaders in the Utah State Legislature would finally do something to silence/remove Chris Buttars. Does anyone know of an email address where I could ask/plead/beg John Stewart to do a story about Chris Buttars? Thanks.

Also, when I say that Gov. Herbert is progressive compared to other politicians in Utah, this is who I’m comparing him to.

Non-Erotic Donkey Video

On Wednesday, two bloggers were arrested in Azerbaijan after they posted a video of a donkey giving a news conference on Youtube. Unlike other donkey videos on the internet, this video was not erotic but rather a comment about the current political climate in Azerjaijan.

In other news, a storage facility owned by the Redertainment Corporation Of America was broken into and all the contents stolen. Among the equipment in the storage facility was equipment used to shoot and upload videos onto Youtube. This came just hours after Seifer Kinneas, President of R.C.O.A., was seen picking up an giant douche costume from a local costume store.

In response Mr. Kinneas said, “I don’t need a costume to look like a giant douche. Just make me look like Mike Waddoups and we’ll be in business.

The Salt Lake City Police Department has no suspects in this case but the words “Don’t Mess With The Utah Eagle Forum” were written on a wall in the storage facility. Police have no idea what this could mean.

Hunter Pimps His Book AGAIN!

Look at this manchild. Look at how sad and pathetic his life is. He would really enjoy it if you would read his totally free book that you can get right here. He would also like you to smack him on the back of the head to stop him from speaking in third person.