Things I Will Never See

There are things that I know that exist in this world that I will never see.  This goes beyond the usuall one million dollars in hard currency stuff.  This is stuff that most reasonable men could go out and see that I will never actually go out and see.

Glow in the dark underwear?  Never gonna see it.

Underwear with build in insurance?  Never gonna see it.

Two different kinds of orgasms?  Never gonna see it.

Backdoor Teen Mom?  Never gonna see it.  I mean that, NEVER GONNA SEE IT.

Pictures of someone's disgusting house?  Never gonna see- wait I just clicked on it.  Yeah, kind wish I hadn't.  Ew.  Disgusting.  Ew.

More Evidence Of The Evident

The more evidence I see, the more I am convinced Hot Topic is not punk rock.

Imperfect Execution

There are ideas that people have that are not quite fully formed.  They are the germs of good ideas, they just need to sit for a while untill they become perfect.  This is the reason I'm not currently engaged in the writing of a piece of longform narrative fiction.  Bad Love Poetry is coming along, but it's not the kind of narrative work that I've done in the past.  A similar thing can be said about a series of pictures recently posted on China's social networking leader, Weibo.

A guy photoshopping himself into childhood pictures of girlfriend isn't an entirely bad idea.  It is an idea that need a little bit of tweeking.  What is that tweek?  If you are going to photoshop yourself into childhood pictures of your girlfriend, use childhood pictures of yourself when you are doing it.  Doing that would have made those pictures sentimental, significant, and not the source of internet ridicule.  Of course if this guy had done that his photoshop work wouldn't be getting the amount of attention it's getting, but in some ways that's good.

More Golf Video Game Options

Remember the other day when I said that I'd rather play Tiger Woods PGA Tour 14 instead of buying the new Mario Golf: World Tour?  Well, I played Tiger Woods PGA Tour 14 yesterday and I didn't like it.  The controls are a little to temperamental for the way I'm used to playing the game.  A little too much analog stick control is needed in order to master the game, and I don't have the patience to go through with it.  I'm thinking of digging out Tiger Woods PGA Tour 12 and playing that again seeing as I rather enjoyed that year's model of the game.  That is, unless someone can come along with an alternative.

Sold! Now, where can I buy it?

Alan's Discount Stuffed Animal Emporium

As a single guy, I am aware of the strain that comes with having to dine alone.  Not only is this awkward for myself, but the wait staff is also less than happy to see me walking in alone due to the loss of potential sales that come single dining.  Finally a restaurant has come up with a solution to my problem.  That's my problem, not the wait staff's problem, mine.  Recently a story started circulating about the Moomin Cafe, a restaurant in Japan where you dine with the stuffed animals from the Moomin series.  If you come to this restaurant, and you are dining alone, the wait staff will inform you that there is somebody who would like to sit with you, and then place a stuffed animal in the chair across from you.

This is a great way to deal with the problem of having to dine alone.  Sure it doesn't solve the problem, but it does make the diner feel less awkward about having to do so.  However, the approach taken by the Moomin Cafe only solves one part of the experience of single living.  Sure you are saved from dining alone, but what if you don't want to die alone?  Well, that's where Alan's Discount Stuffed Animal Emporium comes in!

At Alan's Discount Stuffed Animal Emporium, we have tons of unused and clean stuffed animals that you can fill your home with!  Alan's Discount Stuffed Animal Emporium features a wide selection of stuffed animals in all different sizes, shapes, and textures.  Don't want to come home to an empty house?  With Alan's Discount Stuffed Animal Emporium you can fill your family room with enough furry friends to make you about the huge gaping hole in your life.  Sure you may still technically die alone, but at least you won't have a house full of cats eating your face.  Instead, you'll have a house full of giant bunnies gently nuzzling you into the next life.

Alan's Discount Stuffed Animal Emporium: Just off the Third Street Exit, next to the old KFC where the Kmart used to be.  Don't park in front or your call will get towed.

The Clouding Of Police Officers

As children we are taught to be trusting of police officers.  We are told that is we ever need help, if we are lost, or are in danger, that a police officer can be of great help when we are in our time of need.  However, as time goes on, skepticism clouds the minds of many people.  What we are taught as children becomes something to be mocked, dismissed, and ignored.  Through this cloud of skepticism, the police officer falls from the role of protector, aide, and friend into the role of a simple human, a drain on our resources, and a potential threat.  Unfortunately, some police department reinforce this clouded viewpoint.

Recent years have not been kind to the West Valley City Police Department.  From their perceived ineptitude in the investigation of the Susan Powell case, the tossing of dozens of drug cases investigated by this department, and the continued questions surrounding the Danielle Willard case, the WVCPD is in need of some good PR, and it appears that this department got some of that this morning.

West Valley City police help evacuate two families from burning home

This morning, several members of the West Valley City Police Department assisted in getting several family members out of their burning home.  While this may seem like a basic thing for police to do, when the public has little to no trust in you, little things like this can help build up at least a small sense of competency in the public eye.  Sure these officers have a long way to go, but small steps like can lead to many great things.  Let's just hope that things continue to move forward for this department, because any small stumble could cause any progress to evaporate.

Golf Video Game Options

With the announcement of the scrapping of Tiger Woods PGA Tour 15, avid golf video game players are looking for another way to continue playing one of their favorite games.  While The Golf Club looks like an intriguing option, the lack of a set date for the release of this title may make consumers looks elsewhere.

What about Mario Golf: World Tour?  Yes it's a Mario game with kiddie graphics, but, based on this hands-on preview, the gameplay appears to be solid.  Also, appearing to be less than serious never stopped Hot Shots Golf from being great.  Add in that Mario Golf: World Tour has a May 2nd release date, and this title seems like a great option.  Now, let's look at the price.

$30?  Thirty bucks for a 3DS title plus the already announced Season Pass for fifteen?  That may not sound like a lot for a video game, but considering that Tiger Woods PGA Tour 14 is still on sale on Amazon for twenty bucks, I think I'd rather choose last year's model.  It's not like I'm missing out on anything, all the same courses are there, the gameplay is still solid, and the roster of golfers included is still relatively current.  In fact, why do I need to buy a new golf video game this year when I can still play the game I was playing last year?  I think that's the option I'm going with.  Besides, I'm still pursuing Project Buy A House.  Any reduction in expenses will help me achieve that goal.

Why I Need To Start Waking Up Earlier

I usually don't watch the early morning news in my area because I can't be bothered to get up that early.  Sure I could DVR it but.... huh.  I guess I could do that, and I might do that after seeing this:


There are things on the internet that seem interesting, that you then go look up on the internet, that you then wish you had not looked up on the internet.  In about the past week or so, I have come across four things that fall into this category.  These things aren't pornography, and it would be really wrong to think that is was.  I'm going to link to these things right now as a warning to others.  These are the kinds of things you should not actively seek out, but if you do, please, write a blog post about it.

Rep. Bill Kramer charged with sexual assault in 2011 case

Read the Full, Lurid Sex Assault Lawsuit Against Bryan Singer

Vice For Butts

As I have said before, I really like the reporting done by Vice Magazine.  Vice Magazine does the kind of reporting you usually don't see in the mainstream press.  Outlets like NBC News, Fox, ABC, and even BBC news would never go in depth about stories such as the escalating situation going on in the Ukraine, police brutality in Kenya, and what it's like to be an illegal immigrant in Greece.  Vice Magazine can also get exclusive interviews with intriguing people who's story is little known and little told, such as the article recently done by Jake Hanrahan about the drug dealers on the Silk Road.

Vice Magazine is also one of the only places on the internet where you can get an in depth analysis of butts at Coachella.  Only through Vice Magazine can you delve into the mind of a photo journalist as he details his thoughts, drives, and aspiration, as he goes about seeking butts at one of the world's largest music festivals.  Only through articles like this can you know of the triumphs, failures, and glorious success that can be had through the pursuit of butts.  Only on Vice.

Bad On Top Of Bad

A couple of times in your life, you run across something that is unquestionably a bad idea.  Hitting a golf ball out of somebody's mouth is one of them.  It doesn't matter if the golfer in question is John Daly, a well known and trained golfer with decades of experience hitting golf balls for money.  The reason that this is a bad idea is this:

The story of the model suing Playboy after a golf stunt went wrong is one that made the rounds on the internet last month.  Given the date that the John Daly stunt occurred, the people involved in the stunt should have been aware of the botched Playboy stunt, and been more adverse to doing going forward with the stunt since major structural damage to the face due to impact with a golf driver is more likely than major structural damage to the buttocks due to impact with a golf driver.  Even the people involved in the Playboy stunt should have known better due to a previous radio stunt.

After the Hold Your Wee For A Wii contest, which resulted in the death of one of the participants, radio stations across the nation reformed the way that they handle contests, and became less likely to hold contest that involve actual physical activity.  In fact, long ago many radio stations stopped doing physical stunts altogether due to the liability that can come from such stunts, and the likelihood that the radio station, as well as it's corporate ownership, will get sued.  The Hold Your Wee For A Wii contest is why the Playboy stunt was a bad idea, and the Playboy stunt is why the John Daly stunt was a bad idea.  It's bad on top of bad.  Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to watch the video of the Playboy stunt over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over.

I Want To Wonder

There's a part of me that wants to be in a place where I can feel an overwhelming sense of wonder.  This wonder can come from breathtaking sights unfolding in front of me, the minute intricate details of nature, or being told about concepts, processes, or even just basic concept that I do not understand.  I believe that is what intrigues me so much about Cosmos.  Do I understand what is discussed on that show?  Not all of it.  Do I want to?  Yes.  I'd like to gain a better understanding of the world around me, the things in it, and the people that surround me.  I'd like to get a better grasp on the who, what, where, and, most importantly, the why.

Forests Around Chernobyl Aren’t Decaying Properly

I don't know why this is happening, but I'd like to find out.

Subtle Statments

There is something that I do on twitter sometimes to blow off steam.  I post things that are not directly about what I want to vent about, but make a statement that people can get behind, even if they do not understand what I mean by it.  Sure the people I am venting about may not get the message, but I doubt they are listening to what I say anyway.

Project Buy A House In Peru

Recently I was accused of breaking copyright law by my ISP.  While I am not admitting anything, I will say that my Media PC is full of music that I own but have not listened to recently.  Rather than seeking to download music in a completely legal and legitimate manner, I am looking for places where I could get away with piracy.  Not that I engage in piracy, because piracy is wrong.  (Look out, they're watching!)

Again, I turn toward an article on Vice Magazine.  In a post entitled Peru's DVD Pirates Are Its Top Culture Dealers, Derek Mead gives details of the thriving bootleg market in Peru, as well as the high amount of piracy that goes on in that country.  This makes me sincerely think about moving to Peru.

What am I going to do in Peru?  Simple, pirate!  I am perfectly willing to sit in a booth all day surrounded by bootlegged/pirated material with a DVD burner humming in the background.  Sure this might not be the most profitable business in the world, but the difference in the cost of living between here and Lima makes up the difference.  Besides, I've been looking into Buddhism and the concept of doing away with material possessions is appealing to me.

Sure explaining my move to people might be difficult at first, but people never really understand why I do anything.  Hell, I'll probably end up having an hour long discussion of why I'm going to go see The Raid 2 on Sunday.  Would having to explain why I want to move to Peru be any worse than having to explain why I want to go see a movie?  Would having to explain why I want to move to Peru be any worse than having to be grilled about why I want to do anything at any time for any reason?  Of course not.  Now, what's the Peruvian equivalent of

Watching The Masters

I'll be spending the weekend watching The Masters.  It started yesterday with the Par 3 Contest.  I find the Par 3 Contest to be an enjoyable event to watch, with the relaxed atmosphere, the respect shown to previous champions, and the participation of the various family members of the golfers involved.  I'm looking forward to watching all of the coverage of The Masters over the weekend, and I don't think there's anything that could take me away from it.

Okay, check that, I'm buying a big ass TV to play Street Fighter on.

The Ultimate Warrior 1959-2014

I both like and don't like that I keep on finding out about deaths on social media.

Celebrities Shining A Light On Problems

There are problems in this world that have gone neglected for far too long.  Through this neglect, these problems get worse, sometimes on an epic scale, sometimes spurning new problems in different locations, sometimes tragically causing the victim of the problem to disappear.  Thankfully, we have celebrities.

Celebrities around the world work, not only on furthering their own interests, but also to make the world a better place.  Through their celebrity, many artists, actors, musicians, models, and other talented people bring to light many of the world most longrunning and dire problems.  They do this not because it's a chance to get publicity for themselves, they do it out of the kindness of their hears.

Without celebrities we would not know about the still ongoing situation in Darfur, the plight of animal abuse across our great country, that vaccines could give your kids any number of diseases, other than the ones that you are vaccinating them for, or how people shouldn't take pictures of you while you are asleep.  Many will scoff at these causes, but celebrities are doing a great service to the world, more work than you do with your petty derisive twitter messages.  Also, free Mumia.

Another Sick Day

Today's another sick day for me.  I've been sneezing more than usual, my nose is running, and now I'm coughing up something that I can't quite eloquently describe.  I should have taken it easy yesterday, but I didn't due to WWE Wrestlemania.  I'd like to be done with this cold, so I think I'm going to take it easy today.  I'm going to wrap myself up in a afghan, turn on my TV, and stretch out in my chair for a long afternoon's nap.  There's not anything that can motivate me to do otherwise.

Demi Lovato Basically Rolls Her Eyes at Latest Nude Photo Scandal

Okay, I'm getting up.

The Unofficial AllGames Group Update: Day #9: The Finale

On Saturday, it was determined who would play in the 2014 NCAA Men's Basketball Championship Game.  The Kentucky Wildcats will face off against the UCONN Huskies, and no one in the Unofficial AllGames Group made this pick correctly.  In fact, no one in the Unofficial AllGames Group picked either team to make it to the Championship Game.  None.  This means that the standing from the last update stay the same, and will continue to stay the same through to the end of the tournament.

In first place in the Unofficial AllGames Group is DoomPlague.  DoomPlague ended up earning 740 points, putting him in the 91st percentile of all the brackets filled out for the ESPN Tournament Challenge, a feat no other entry in the group got close to.  DoomPlague earned the most points in all of the rounds of the tournament, except for the first round where he was only twenty points off the pace.  DoomPlague is the winner of the Unofficial AllGames Group.

Second place in the Unofficial AllGames Group goes to Cgu11.  Third place in the Unofficial AllGames Group goes to mattober100 and dcNate.  Fifth place in the Unofficial AllGames Group goes to joedigitech.  Sixth place in the Unofficial AllGames Group goes to ShadowNextGen and mattober100.  Eighth place in the Unofficial AllGames Group goes to Hectzilla.  Ninth place in the Unofficial AllGames Group goes to dcNate.  Tenth place in the Unofficial AllGames Group goes to Redertainment.  Eleventh place in the Unofficial AllGames Group goes to dcNate.

There's A Well Light Strip Club?

There's a post on Vice Magazine that I read about a week ago that still sticks in my mind.  It's an article by Mitchell Sunderland called  I WORE A SPANDEX DIAPER TO A STRIP CLUB SO I COULD COME WHILE RECEIVING A LAP DANCE.  No, really, this is an real article about an real product that really exists.  Really.

What disturbs me about this article is not Mr. Sunderland detailing his experience at a gay strip club.  Actually, I found it enlightening to learn of the experience of going to a gay strip club.  Personally, my experiences with gay strip clubs are limited to the movie Pecker.  Nor did it disturb me to read of the various sex acts that Mr. Sunderland received while at the gay strip club.  Frankly, it made me wonder what it would be like to go to a strip club like this, or any strip club that is not regulated within an inch of it's life.

What disturbs me about Mr. Sunderland's article is the pictures.  No, not the fact that the pictures detail his experience at the gay strip club, but rather that the pictures are good.  These pictures are well light, artistically framed, and seem to be taken freely and openly.  This is not the experience I've had with the strip clubs I've been to.  Not only are camera expressly banned in all of the strip clubs I've been to, but the lighting therein can be best described as anti-lighting.  Granted these pictures look like they were taken with a flashbulb that puts out more light than a nuclear bomb, but still there's light!  In the strip clubs I've been in the main source of light was the cell phones of the people checking their messages as the emaciated blonde woman in front of them goes through her hourly routine.

All of this makes me sincerely want to go experience for myself what Johnny's Fort Lauderdale is actually like.  Now, I don't want to tell people that I'm going to Florida just so I can go to a strip club.  So, what can I use as cover for my excursion?

Game Nation

Uhhhh, Sick

Oh man, I feel like hell.  My throat is sore, my neck hurts, I'm practically asleep, and my entire body feels sore.  I don't think I'm sick, I don't hang around enough people in order to allow that to happen.  It feels like a hangover, but I don't remember drinking anything.  I should check my phone and figure out what happened last night?

Why am I never awake for this shit?

Reprehensible Kinky Behavior

The problem of college students getting drunk and causing a ruckus has been a problem for a while, but the problem as it relates to collegiate athletes became acute when accusations were made against the Duke Lacrosse team in 2006.  While the athletes accused were ultimately exonerated, the whole incident cast a paul over Duke, lacrosse teams in general, and collegiate athletes as a whole.  Personally, I think the problem of college students engaging in such behavior speaks to the irresponsible nature of the youth of today.  Kids today simply do not understand the breath of scope of the results of their actions, and the culture today of permissiveness and quick repentance only encourages such behavior.  This generation may be lost, but it is my hope that the next generation of kids learn from their elders mistakes and approach their lives with respect and decency.

Penn Women's Lacrosse Players Accused Of Damaging Bar, Exposing Genitals

Wait, there are also women engaging in this behavior?  Never mind, I want to fully encourage this behavior in every place and venue.  Especially online.  Please.

Questioning Tinder

Questioning Tinder
by Hunter Red

I’ve sent out several messages this morning
At least I think they’re messages
I don’t know
I think “Like” is a message
It’s not like “Don’t Like” is a message
Unless it is
Oh shit!
Do people see when I don’t like something?
I mean it’s the internet, and people can ignore shit on the internet
But some people get really upset over shit they see on the internet
Am I cyberbullying by saying “Don’t Like”?
Am I cyberbullying by saying “Like”?
Am I a cyberbully?
Am I a stalker?
This internet messaging is weird

I’ve sent out several messages this morning
No responses yet
No responses yet
No responses yet
Why no responses yet?
Am I that unpopular?
Is it the pics I posted?
Is it the info I put in my profile?
I don’t want to give away too much info, but did I tell enough?
Why no responses yet?
I mean, sure it’s been ten minutes
But some people are connected constantly

I’ve sent out several messages this morning
I hope I get a reply
Also, what the fuck is Tinder?
Are they going for a tinderbox, which you use to light fires,
Or is it like a tinderfoot, which I think is a scouting things but I’m not sure.
Which one am I hoping it is?
A fire or a thing for kids?
Is neither an option?
I mean, this is supposed to be a dating app
I don’t want to date fire
And I really don’t want to date kids.
Okay, maybe fire, but definitely not kids

I’ve sent out several messages this morning
Maybe I’ll get a response
Maybe I’ll be popular
Maybe I’ll get lots of responses
How much of a charge does my phone hold?
If I get a fuckton of messages, will my phone die by lunchtime?
Will this impact my bill?
If I get a lot of messages, will I go over my data limit?
I don’t want my carrier to charge me for overages
But I could take money out of my budget for overages
Do I really want to do that?
Maybe if I get some
I can finally budget out something for sex
What’s the usual single man’s budget for sex?

I’ve sent out several messages this morning
Here’s hoping for something good
Should I be drinking at this time of the morning?

Project Buy An Big Ass DVR

As a part of Project Buy A House, I've been looking at how different things will impact my budget.  This includes increased gas consumption, the cost of living in the places I'm looking at, how much it costs for an escort to visit your home, and the price of cable television.  It's not that I'm displeased with my current television service, it's jut that I'm displeased with my current internet service and many of the services in my area bundle TV and internet together for the purpose of making it more of a pain in the ass to switch.

I don't have Google Fiber in my area, yet, and the biggest provider of high speed internet in my area is Comcast.  Sure I could look into UTOPIA service, but I'd like to not limit where I want to buy a house to the extremely limited are where UTOPIA is available.  I could go with CenturyLink, but that's what I have now and I've already annoyed the people who follow me on Twitter bitching about it.  So, Comcast it is, but, as the responsible adult that I would like people to think I am, I don't want to know the introductory rate that is shown on the Comcast website for bundled cable TV and internet service.  What I want is the rate that I will be paying after the year long introductory rate.  Thankfully there's a service for that.

One of the things that popped up on my screen was a live customer service popup talk thing.  The person on the other side of the live customer service popup talk thing seemed to be very cheery and helpful as most people who are paid to be cheery and helpful are paid to be.  I asked the customer service person on the other side of the live customer service popup talk thing what the price of the particular service offered by Comcast would be after the initial introductory rate.  The response from the customer service person on the other side of the live customer service popup talk thing was what was my current address.  I replied that I was looking for to get into a new home, that I didn't know where that new home was going to be, so I didn't have an exact address, but I did know the general area of where I wanted to live.  Apparently that was a problem.

Why do I need to know where I am going to live in order to know what the price of Comcast's bundled internet and cable television service is going to be after the introductory rate?  Why isn't that information available on their website?  And why couldn't the customer service guy on the other side of the live customer service popup talk thing just give me that price?  I am trying to live within a budget, and the price of cable TV and high speed internet will factor into that budget and affect the monthly mortgage that I am comfortable with paying.  Why should I have to be already committed to knowing what house I am going to buy before know the price of Comcast's bundled service?  Man, I really wish I had another alternative that I was comfortable with other than Comcast that I can contrast this with.

Verizon's Quantum TV DVR Records up to 12 Channels at Once

Unfortunately, I can't have nice things, like Verizon's ultra-fast internet and TV with a motherfucking big ass DVR that can record all of the things at once.  Sigh.