Vacation, All I Ever Wanted

Occasionally I like to think about what my dream vacation would be, particularly when I spend my weekend doing shit I really don't want to do.  More often when I dream like this I think of going to Vegas and seeing a bunch of shows, or going to New York and seeing the Daily Show.  It's not that I want to go to a place and relax or go to a place just to go to a place, I want to go somewhere and do something.

American IPAs, Ranked

Or I could go to multiple places and get shitfaced.  I guess I'm weird that way.

Things That I Must Buy

There are some things that you find out about and instantly think "I'm going to buy this!"

Fleshlight Finally Made An iPad Case That You Can Have Sex With

Despite what you may think, this product is not one of those things that I have to go out and get.  This just strikes me as an attachment that allows you to use other attachments that cost more money and have to be replaced on a regular basis, resulting in you spending more money on products for this company.  Things like that don't appeal to me at all.

This, on the other hand, is one of those things I have to go out and buy.  How can I resist seeing Louis C.K., Sarah Silverman, Whitney Cummings, and Hannibal Buress in a venue that is right up the street from me?  There's just one problem.

Both of these events take place on September 6th.  Since both take place at the same time, I have to choose one or the other.  Or..........

Because there's an 11 AM performance, I can choose both!  September 6th is going to be a good day.

Mistaken Development

There are sometimes that you come across something that you interpret as something that you want, but when you read further it totally isn't.

Afro Samurai 2 currently in development

THERE'S ANOTHER SEASON OF AFRO SAMURAI IN DEVELOPMENT!?!?!?!?!  Oh wait, it's a video game, not another season of that anime that I love but only got five episodes of plus a movie.  Sigh.

I'm Putting Together A Collection

People are talking about Tom Carson's review for the movie Third Person, starring Liam Neeson and Olivia Wilde.  Specifically people are talking about Tom Carson's objections to Olivia Wilde playing the role of a writer.  Quoting from Carson's review:

She's supposed to be a writer too, but your belief in that won't outlast Wilde scampering naked through hotel corridors once Neeson playfully locks her out of his room. With that tush, who'd need to be literate? Who'd want to?

While the debate goes on as to whether or not Olivia Wilde is a smart and articulate person while also being hot as balls, Tom Carson's objections bring up an interesting question in my mind.

What does a writer's butt look like?  While we think of writers as bookish, shy, demure, and generally unattractive people, those are all stereotypes.  Writers run the gamut from confident people with well defined features and long silky hair to trollish imps who people wish would stop dicking around and get the fuck to work.  As near as I can tell there is no good consensus out there as to what a writer's butt looks like that is not reliant on stereotypes.  I am looking to change that.

I am looking to put together a collection of pictures of writer's butts.  I'm not looking for paparazzi shots or the kind of pics that would fill the gossip rags if the gossip rags gave a fuck about writers.  Rather I am looking for writers to document their own posteriors for posterity, as well as to better inform the public about the general form of some of the most deep thinkers of our time.  I'd like to see submissions from some of the greatest writers of our time, specifically I'd like to see derrieres of Neil Gaiman, Nicholson Baker, and Margaret Atwood.  I'm doing my part.  Here's mine:

The Quest To Increase My Sexiness Quotient

As a man who aspires to be good looking, I follow the men's fashion scene so that I can know what the hot trends are among the people who are way more good looking than me.  That is why I read magazines such as Esquire and GQ.  Through these publications I not only learn what clothes these publications think women find attractive, but also what kind of alcohol, cars, furniture, and even television shows will just make a woman swoon, according to them.  I don't have the nearly infinite amount of money necessary in order to pull off the kind of look that is promoted as sexy by these publications, so I am looking to diversify my fashion intake.  I am actively looking around the internet for ways to improve my general sexiness quotient while also staying within my modest budget.

The Fashion Tip You Should Take From Mindy Kaling

I don't think this would help me.  I don't think the kind of women I want attracted to me would appreciate it if I wore a just-above-the-knee shift dress, whatever that is.  Sigh.  And so, my quest to become sexy continues.

Adventures In False Advertising With Kate Upton's Butt

Occasionally you come across something that you initially think is one thing but totally is not.  This can be a traumatic experience if you have a lot of emotional investment in that particular things, but more often than not it serves as a learning experience.  You learn about the kind of things that people can use to deceive you, and, hopefully, learn to either avoid those things or use those things as warning signs when you have dealing with other people.

Websites are well known for utilizing these kind of deceptive tactics.  Often a website will call itself something or have an article with a title that tricks the reader into clicking on that website.  In most instances this is done to increase ad revenue, as is the case with the title of this article, and, I believe, the title of this article posted on The Huffington Post:

The 7 Biggest Buts In History

A Problem I Can't Have

There are sometimes that I wonder what it would be like to be a major league baseball player.  Being on the road might be a problem, and I'd surely have to start buying sunscreen in tubs in bulk, but being able to be paid a lot of money to play a game I played as a kid is any person's dream.  Sure the average playing career might not last that long, but with the correct financial planning I think I could make the amount of money I'd make last a lifetime.

Kate Upton's Curs'ed Boobs Are Bringing Sports Stars to Ruin

I'd also like to have this problem.  Yes, I'd like to have the problem of a woman most men idolize being possible detrimental to my career.  Very much so.

News From THE FUTURE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LAS VEGAS, NEVADA, April 12th, 2015

We've all heard the adage of how it's illegal to shout fire in a theatre.  Well now someone has actually been charged with it.  A 33 year old man has been arrested and is being charged with causing a public disturbance and false reporting of an emergency after reportedly yelling "I have a fire" inside the Century Orleans 18 theatre during a showing of Fast & Furious 7.  The man is currently being held by Las Vegas Police and is currently awaiting bail.

People who were in the theatre at the time this incident took place tell a tale that may seem to be completely innocent.  Witnesses have told this publication that a group of men were sitting in the theatre just before the movie started, and were playing with their phones.  According to eyewitness account, when one of them asked, "What kind of phone do you have?", one of them replied "An iPhone," another "An Andriod," and the suspect replied "I have a Fire."  Apparently somebody overheard this conversation and panicked at the sound of somebody saying "I have a fire" in a theatre.

The suspect in this case has yet to be identified and is expected to bail out later today.

Distinct Impressions Made Through Photography

Sometimes you look at a picture of someone and instantly know what one of the roles they play in this world is.

Coal Miner

Computer Professional






News Anchor

Sexual Deviant



There are a few times in life when you see something and you have only one response to it.  Sometimes it's when you see something shocking.  Sometimes it's when you see something mesmerizing.  For me, in this case, it's when I see something that I feel was a long time coming and served as a blight on the people who allowed it to go on.

Arizona AG asks judge to shut down polygamous towns’ police force


Questioning The Curve

There's something I saw last night as I was watching the San Antonio Spurs win the NBA Championship last night.  It was one of the many commercials promoting a product that, when I saw it, I was befuddled by.

The commercial was for a curved TV being put out by Samsung.  After watching this commercial I asked the following question on Twitter:

I ask again, why do we need curved TVs? I've been told it's wrong to think it's so men could have a TV shaped like their dick. So, why?

Netvibes: Now On iOS

After the shutdown of Google Reader in 2013, many people who utilize RSS Readers to get their news looked for alternatives that still allowed them to keep up to date on what's happening on the intertubes.  In my search for an RSS Reader, I found Netvibes.

Netvibes works great for me.  I can pull Netvibes up on my phone and, with it's sleek interface, I can easily navigate around my various news feeds, porn tumblers, and other assorted internet things, and stay informed on what's happening in my world while I am at work, leisure, or even when I'm out shopping.  Sure Netvibes didn't have a dedicated app, but I was able to add the Netvibes link to my home screen on my iPhone and iPad.  Some people have a problem with this.  Some people are absolutely adamant that they want a dedicated app that they can utilize for their RSS needs.  When asked why, these people have little to no real reasons why they need a dedicated RSS app, but they want one nonetheless.

Take Your Dashboards Anywhere with the New Netvibes App for iOS

Now those people can shut up.  Now those people can stop their whining about how they need a dedicated RSS app for their RSS needs and just use Netvibes.  Sure many of these people may still complain about how there isn't an Android app, but those are the kind of people you just can't satisfy.  Also they suck.

Death From The Last Guardian 1979

For years, fans have been waiting for news about this most treasured of projects.  There have been rumors going around about this project and the team behind it.  Some have said that the team has broken up.  Some have said that the project has been abandoned.  Some have refuted these claims.  Some have even said that this project, and the team behind it, is alive and well.  Like many fans, I have been following news of this project and this team very closely, and news that I received this week served as both a welcome update and something that I can scarcely believe.  But I want to believe.  I want to believe with every fiber in my being.

Death From Above 1979 Detail First Album in 10 Years

Oh, Death From Above 1979, you have no idea how welcome news this is.

Hackers FTW!

There are few things that I like more than hearing about the exploits of hackers.  These noble denizens of the intertubes seek out vulnerabilities in the websites that we use each and everyday, then, depending on the colour of hat that they wear, either report of these vulnerabilities of use these vulnerabilities to their advantage.  I do not currently have the tools that all of the hackers have, but after I accomplish Project Buy A House I will go about getting myself the necessary tools to become a supreme anti-neophyte super elite hackorz!  However, for now, I am forced to troll the intertubes looking for more stories to feed my as of yet fulfilled urges.

For a hacker like me, famed Pinehurst was overwhelmingly difficult

Wait, you can hack a golf course?

After Careful Observation...

On Monday, the 2014 Electronic Entertainment Expo kicked off, and many of the biggest players in the video game industry held press conferences where they detailed the products, services, and initiatives that they plan to unveil in the near future.  I watched three of the press conferences that were held by: Microsoft, Electronic Arts, and Sony.  During these press conferences I was struck, not by what was presented to me, but by the reactions that I observed online.  So, rather than report on what went on during these press conferences, I'm going to report on the reactions among video game consumers to these press conferences.  After careful observation, I am able to distill these reactions and present them to you in a short concise manner.  Okay, here goes:

Microsoft Press Conference

Call Of Duty: Advanced Warfare

Sunset Overdrive


Star Wars: Battlefront

The Sims 4

EA Sports PGA Tour


Little Big Planet 3

Sony Press Conference

Statements Of Significance

Occasionally you come across a statement that is so significant that it changes your perspective on the world.

Report: Long Island Medium Cannot Actually Talk to Ghosts

This is not one of them.  No shit.