Unnecessary Senseless Pounding, Seriously

Unnecessary Senseless Pounding, Seriously

Julia Diana Bobbi is sitting in her office typing on her computer. Liz comes in to talk to Julia. Throughout this scene, Hunter Red is pounding away on the office door of his boss, Rodger Red, and yelling "Rodger!" Hunter Red's fruitless yelling and pounding is especially pronounced during the lulls in the conversation.

Liz- Hey.
Julia Diana Bobbi- Hey.
Liz- What are you working on?
Julia Diana Bobbi- Nothing in particular. I'm actually doing some research.
Liz- About what?
Julia Diana Bobbi- The financial situation that Redertainment is currently in.
Liz- The one that has Hunter so aggravated right now?

Lull in the conversation.

Julia Diana Bobbi- Yeah. I figures, rather than just pounding on the door and yelling, I'd do something productive.
Liz- Yeah. I mean, while pounding and yelling can give you a good aerobic workout, it not really doing anything to get answers about what's going on.

Julia's printer begins to spit out paper.

Liz- What are you printing there?
Julia Diana Bobbi- R.C.O.A. financial reports.

Julia picks up the paper from her printer and reads it over. She them begins to mark it up as she talks to Liz.

Julia Diana Bobbi- It looks like if we eliminated The Dating Show, Human Zoo, and whatever this "Project Journal" is, we can save a lot of money.
Liz- Yeah. Given that the host of The Dating Show is in jail, where he belongs, and Human Zoo has been out of production for yeas now, those can be easily done away with.

Julia then flips over to the second page of the financial reports and promptly gets a shocked look on her face.

Julia Diana Bobbi- Frick!
Liz- What?
Julia Diana Bobbi- Look at how much this company is spending on pension and retirement packages.

Julia shows the page to Liz, who then gets a shocked look on her face.

Liz- Holy fuck!
Julia Diana Bobbi- Exactly.
Liz- Why the fuck is this company spending that much money on retirement? And who is that money going to?

More paper starts to spit out of Julia's printer, which she takes out of the printer and reads.

Julia Diana Bobbi- Apparently, the money is just going to a fund that is not being used by anyone. According to this report by Anthony Severe, the reason so much is being contributed to the retirement fund is that one of the former bosses here, Seifer Kinneas, set up a system to pre-fund the R.C.O.A. retirement fund seventy-five years in advance.
Liz- What kind of moron does that?
Julia Diana Bobbi- The kind of moron who makes decisions while he is drunk.

Lull in the conversation.

Liz- So, how do we reverse this decision?
Julia Diana Bobbi- I don't know, but I guess Rodger could do it.
Liz- So why hasn't he made that decision? And where is he, anyway?

Lull in the conversation.

Julia Diana Bobbi- I don't know, but it might be time to find out.

Julia gets up from her desk and leaves her office. Liz sits down on Julia's desk. Then Liz sneaks a look on Julia's computer.

Liz- Anthony Severe, why do I remember that name? Oh yeah, he used to work here. He filled in for Hunter while he was off in rehab. Why is he popping up again?

Liz gets up and leaves Julia's office as the scene ends.


Interviewing Record

A Statement For The Record

In the many frantic attempts to dispute this story and condemn the people involved with the spreading of this story, the Herman Cain campaign, when commenting on Mr. Cain's recent sexual harassment allegations, stated that one of the accusers was the mother of a writer for Politico. This was based solely on both an accuser and a former writer for Politico having the same name. Despite Herman Cain's campaign manager stating that he has verified this assertion, the rumored link between the accuser and the writer was found to be false.

In an attempt to squash any connection that may be made in the future about any issue that may or may not come to light, I, Hunter F. Red, would like to state, for the record, that I am not related to the following people:

Torii Hunter, Rielle Hunter, Howard W. Hunter, Hunter S. Thompson, Red Auerbach, Kuilix, Red Skelton, Amazing Red, Redd Foxx, Red Green, Erik the Red, etc., etc., etc.

The Red Interview- Debbie Wasserman Schultz

On a lighted platform on a stage in front of an audience at The Official Office of The Redertainment Corporation Of America in Salt Lake City, UT, two chairs sit with no people sitting in them. Spurned on by a sign telling them to do so, the audience begins to applaud as Hunter Red, serving as an announcer, begins to speak.

Hunter Red(Off Stage, Not Seen)- Ladies, gentlemen, and everybody else, please welcome to The Redertainment Stage, Chairwoman of the Democratic National Committee, Representative from Florida, Debbie Wasserman Schultz.

Debbie Wasserman Schultz walks out on the stage and takes a seat to light applause from the audience.

Hunter Red(Off Stage, Not Seen)- And now, please welcome, your host for The Red Interview, Julia Diana Bobbi.

Julia Diana Bobbi walks out to the stage and takes a seat next to Debbie Wasserman-Schultz to thunderous applause from the audience. She is accompanied by the man pictured above, who stands slightly behind Julia and is not identified to this point.

Julia Diana Bobbi- Representative Wasserman Schultz, thank you for joining us today.
Debbie Wasserman Schultz- Thank you for having me.
Julia Diana Bobbi- Representative, you are sitting in a stage in Utah.
Debbie Wasserman Schultz- Yes, it is great to be here in this beautiful state.
Julia Diana Bobbi- How aware are you of the current political climate in the state of Utah?
Debbie Wasserman Schultz- Well, I am more concerned with affairs on the national level, but I am aware of the overwhelming conservative influence in Utah.
Julia Diana Bobbi- Can you tell me of the plans that the Democratic National Committee has for the upcoming elections in 2012?
Debbie Wasserman Schultz- Well, I don't want to go into much detail, but we do have some definite plans in place to make progress for liberals in the state of Utah.
Julia Diana Bobbi- Representative, do you know who you are going to coordinate with in the state of Utah in relations to the elections in 2012?
Debbie Wasserman Schultz- I know Jim Matheson will have plans for the elections next year-
Julia Diana Bobbi- I mean on the local level. Do you know who the chairman of the Utah Democratic Party is?

Debbie Wasserman Schultz thinks for a moment.

Debbie Wasserman Schultz- I don't know his name off the top of my head, but I have met him before and have a good working relationship with the chairman of the Utah Democratic Party, and look forward to working with him in the future.
Julia Diana Bobbi- You don't know the name of the chairman of the Utah Democratic Party?
Debbie Wasserman Schultz- I'm sorry, but I don't.
Julia Diana Bobbi- But if you met him, if he was standing in the room with you, you would know who he is?
Debbie Wasserman Schultz- Yes, without a doubt.

Julia Diana Bobbi motions to the man who accompanied her on stage and says-

Julia Diana Bobbi- Do you know who this is?

Debbie Wasserman Schultz thinks for a moment.

Debbie Wasserman Schultz- No, I can't say as I do.
Julia Diana Bobbi- You don't recognize him?
Debbie Wasserman Schultz- No, I do not.

Julia Diana Bobbi gets up from her chair turns to the man, Jim, who accompanied her and says-

Julia Diana Bobbi- Jim, do you want to introduce yourself to the Congresswoman?
Jim- Sure.

Jim takes Julia Diana Bobbi's seat as she walks off stage. Jim extends a hand to Debbie Wasserman Schultz to shake her hand and says-

Jim- Representative Schultz, my name is Jim Debakus, Chairman of the Utah Democratic Party.

Debbie Wasserman Schultz has an embarrassed look on her face as she shakes Jim Debakus's hand.


The Redertainment Corporation Of America Employee Spotlight: Hunter Red

Job Title:
Writer, Satirist, and Potential Lunch Winner for The Redertainment Corporation Of America

What was your favorite TV show as a child?


Have you ever met a famous person? Who?

I live in a cultural black hole. Therefore, no one interesting ever comes here.

If you were alone on a island with one CD, who's would it be?

Kylie Minogue's latest album, Aphrodite. What's with that look? DON'T JUDGE ME!!!

Where do you wish to retire?

The Galactic Leyline

What is your favorite novel or author?

It is entirely too arrogant to say that I am my favorite author. That is why I am going to say HUNTER FUCKING RED IS MY FAVORITE AUTHOR.

If you could go anywhere in the world where would you go?

Your Mom.

What would you do with a million dollars?


Please add one fun fact about yourself.

I might be out of a job come winter. Oh joy. (Sarcasm Emoticon)

Smoking Spam And Perry Como

The Creative Process At Happy Madison

At a meeting in an office in Culver City, California, higher executives at Happy Madison Productions meet for another meeting to brainstorm ideas for their next project. These people are Adam Sandler, Barry Bernardi, Allan Covert and Tim Herlihy. They meet around a large table with a certain object in the center, pictured below.

The star of Happy Madison Productions, Adam Sandler, sits at the head of the table and begins the meeting.

Adam Sandler- Okay fellas, we've had a lot of success lately, made a ton of dough, but now the time has come to come up with another blockbuster idea.

The other people around the table nod and make noises affirming what Mr. Sandler just said. Adam pushes a button on the intercom sitting in front of him and says-

Adam Sandler- Steven, would you bring in the happy lettuce?

An intern, Steven, enters the room carrying a large bag filled with what appears to be oregano. However, what is in the bag is not oregano. Steven begins loading the "oregano" into the object at the center of the table and lights it. The intern leaves the room as three of the executives, all but Sandler, begin to breathe deeply from the object at the center of the table.

Adam Sandler- Okay guys, let's brainstorm.

Barry Bernardi takes a drag from the object containing the "oregano" and says-

Barry Bernardi- What if we do a movie where you are talking care of a kid, but it's not your kid, it's John Stewart's kid.

Adam looks at Barry and says-

Adam Sandler- We did that already, it's called Big Daddy.

Allan Covert takes a drag rom the object containing the "oregano" and says-

Allan Covert- What if we do a movie where you inherit a fuckton of money and bang Wynona Rider.

Adam looks at Barry and says-

Adam Sandler- We did that already, it's called Mr. Deeds.

Tim Herlihy takes a drag from the object containing the "oregano" and says-

Tim Herlihy- What if you play a hockey player who plays golf!

Adam looks at Tim and says-

Adam Sandler- We did that movie, in fact YOU WROTE IT.

Barry takes another drag from the object containing the "oregano" and says-

Barry Bernardi- What if you marry Kevin James.

Adam looks at Barry with hate in his eyes and yells-

Adam Sandler- We did that movie already and nobody saw it!
Barry Bernardi- No, I mean just doing it. It's legal now in New York, Conan just got married there.
Adam Sandler- No, he just performed a marriage there. Come on guys, we've got to come up with a good idea.
Tim Herlihy- Why?
Adam Sandler- Why? Why! I'm tired of being a laughing stock!
Allan Covert- Why?
Adam Sandler- Because I want to be a respected actor.
Barry Bernardi- Why?
Adam Sandler- Are you people too high to ask any other questions?

There is a short pause.

Tim Herlihy- I'm not.
Adam Sandler- Then contribute to this discussion beyond just asking why.
Tim Herlihy- Okay, but first-

Tim takes a drag from the object containing the "oregano", then speaks.

Tim Herlihy- Man, that's good. Anyway, why do you want to make respectable films? All of the movies that Happy Madison has produced have been panned by critics, but that hasn't stopped them from making money. Every project we've greenlight has made money hand over fist. Why stop now?
Adam Sandler- Should we not be more concerned about making good quality films rather than making money?
Tim Herlihy- Rather than making money?
Adam Sandler- Yes.
Allan Covert- Dude, aren't you a registered Republican?

Adam takes a second before he answers.

Adam Sandler- Yes.
Barry Bernardi- Dude, that's sick!
Tim Herlihy- Adam, what is the driving force of the Republican Party?

Adam takes a second before he answers.

Adam Sandler- Money.
Tim Herlihy- Yes, making fat stacks of sweaty cash, even if that comes at the great loss of quality.
Adam Sandler- So?
Barry Bernardi- Don't you want to be a good Republican?

Adam thinks for a moment. Then he takes a drag from the object containing the "oregano" and says-

Adam Sandler- I guess you're right. Okay, how about this, there's a movie about a brother and sister who fight a lot, except I play both the brother and the sister. And we cast Al Pachino and make a lot of inside Hollywood jokes!

All the people around the table shout "Brilliant" as they begin to go through the process of producing Adam's new Hollywood movie idea, as well as smoking the rest of their "oregano".


The Redertainment Corporation Of America Employee Spotlight: Rodger Red

Job Title:
Owner, President, and Chief Executive Officer of The Redertainment Corporation Of America

What was your favorite TV show as a child?

We didn't have TV when I was a kid. We barely had radio.

Have you ever met a famous person? Who?

I met President Harding when I was just out of college. I said hello to him and he screamed at me to get him a goddamn drink.

If you were alone on a island with one CD, who's would it be?

Is there a best of the Perry Como Show CD?

Where do you wish to retire?

I'll retire when I'm dead. Even then, I'll probably still be working.

What is your favorite novel or author?

I remember reading C.S. Lewis's Narnia series when it was released. Tolkien is nothing compared to Lewis.

If you could go anywhere in the world where would you go?

I'd like to visit Monaco again. The place has never been the same since Princess Grace died.

What would you do with a million dollars?

I already have a million dollars.

Please add one fun fact about yourself.


Hello Stranger, Hunter Red

You remember or not, but Hunter Red is here

I am only 28 years old
If you still remember, we met in a mall a week ago
That was quite offensive, but I got book for you from my naughty sale
You can download it from Amazon, you will like the girls there!
Priest science blue
Liquid care gate knot correspondent

If you want, we can repeat it anytime. Bye!

Review Of An Infamous Film

Review: A Serbian Film

Just before Valentine's Day of this year, I watched I Spit On Your Grave, the review of which turned into a fitting blog post for how I was feeling at the time. Shortly thereafter, I made plans in my mind to do a similar thing with a film that had the reputation of being more grotesque than I Spit On Your Grave the following Valentine's Day. This was a film that, I thought, would require me to scour bittorrent sties to find a good, clean download of this film in a format I could readily play on my laptop.

On October 29th, 2011 that changed. While watching a clip from Attack Of The Show on Hulu, I learned that this film is available, legally and legitimately. After a search on Amazon, I found that this film was available on one day delivery in a price range that fit into my budget. This is why I bought and watched A Serbian Film. Don't believe me?

For the first part of the film, I didn't see anything of a nature that I hadn't seen in film before. Sure this film was about porn stars filming a pornographic movie, so some lines were crossed, but nothing that I wasn't prepared for or had not seen before. Then, at about forty-five minutes, I saw something I hadn't seen in a legitimate piece of cinema before. A man orgasming on a woman's face. This is something I had seen in pornography many times throughout the years, never once had I seen it in a cinematic film. After that, the film seemed to go downhill, something which was not unexpected. Let me explain.

I had an discussion once with a fellow writer in a writing class I took in college where I studied writing. In this discussion, it was my viewpoint that in order for a low point to have more effect you needed to start in a high point, or at least ramp up to a high before you hit the low. This makes the low point that you achieve have more of an impact, much like a rollercoaster. However, the fellow writer I was having a discussion with disagreed with me. He felt it was important to start low and to go lower, thereby reflecting the world as he saw it. Watching A Serbian Film reminded me of this discussion.

There was a great opportunity in this film to build up to a high point before hitting the low, and then hitting the other low, and then hitting the low below the low that you just hit. However, the makers of A Serbian Film failed to capitalize on this opportunity to make their low have more of an impact, due in part to the music that is played throughout this film.

The Nine Inch Nails album The Fragile is known for being littered with tracks that, in the years since it's release, have been used in trailers for movies such as 300, Terminator: Salvation, and The Avengers. The Fragile is also known for something else: Being really uncomfortable to listen to. The music in The Fragile sounds like something out of a dreary, grotesque, depressing, uncomfortable to watch horror film. The music in The Fragile reminds me of the music that fills A Serbian Film, except taken to a further step. The music in A Serbian Film sets the mood of a dark, dank, disgusting location where hope goes to die. The problem is that if you are trying to convey characters that have some sort of optimism in their lives you don't want to use music like that. Of course if the filmmakers had tried to convey such a optimistic viewpoint, audiences may have walked away form this film with the impression that the filmmakers were trying to fuck with them. This is due to all of the things that happen in A Serbian Film after the forty-five minute point.

There was some time after I played Silent Hill 3 that I refused to lend that game to anyone. This was due to the horrific images that I saw in that game, images that changed the way that I consume survival horror games. A Serbian Film may take that place in my library of movies. I may not even acknowledge that I own it after this. After the forty-five minute point, there are many scenes involving sex, murder, rape, and blood that will shock the normal viewer. This is where A Serbian Film earns it's reputation in spades. There are many scenes that I dare not describe, but there is one climatic scene that I can vaguely describe.

Have you ever heard the infamous and legendary joke The Aristocrats? Have you ever heard anyone tell that joke in a way that just revels in the disgusting nature of that joke? Well, there is a scene in A Serbian Film that resembles that joke, but this scene is not played for jokes. Not at all. This scene also incorporates blood, murder, and eye fucking. Yes, I'm not kidding, eye fucking. This scene, the scene that involves eye fucking, is not the most obscene scene in the film, but it is one of the more explicit ones.

I don't know how to accurately sum up A Serbian Film. While I can say that I did not enjoy watching this film, the film does contain a certain draw to me after having seen it. There is a part of me that, as a writer, wants to know the depths of human depravity so that I can reproduce it and convey it to readers of my work. However, if you do not have such a drive inside you, I can not suggest A Serbian Film to you. If you do watch A Serbian Film, let me give you this bit of advice: Watch it sober, while not eating anything, and, if you can, watch it alone. Much like any good pornographic movie out there, I would feel uncomfortable watching A Serbian Film with another person in the room.