Nearly A Thousand Headcrabs Released In Rural Neighborhood

Residents of St Austell had a good excuse to leave church early on Saturday. Church goers were aroused from the pulpit to go out and catch a number of headcrabs released from a local headcrab farm.

Vandals released nearly a thousand headcrab Sunday from a farm that specializes in raising headcrabs for clothing and accessory purposes. These were released by the recognized terrorist organization Alien Liberation Front or ALF. Most of the headcrab were caught and returned to the farm unharmed, however about 10% were found dead. Most of the dead headcrabs were either smashed with crowbars or attached to dumb people.

Residents in St Austell said this was quite a scene. Dahlia Malloy said, "The Bishop told us to go home and help round up these creatures. When I got home, I saw one on my porch. I was like "Ahhh! Don't infect me with your alien, homosexual thoughts!" One boy, described as retarded, said, "I saw one in my yard and I said, "Look an otter." I thought it was an otter."

A representative from the Fur Commision United Kingdom (FCUK) released a statement today. "These actions taken by this terrorist organization do nothing but harm the animals they mean to "liberate". These animals can't even survive out of their pens. The FCUK fervently condemns the actions taken by the ALF. Are you laughing? What are you laughing about? The FCUK takes this very seriously!"

Officials are investigating who from the ALF was responsible for this headcrab release. Police have issued warrants for ALF members Tom Patchett, Paul Fusco and Gordon Shumway. Police are also asking for the public's help in identifying the person featured in this video.

The Red Interview- Professor Robert Tennant

Good evening. This is The Red Interview, and I am your host Hunter Red. This week our guest is Doctor Robert Tennant. He is a professor of Physics at Oxford and a member of the International Organization of Christian Physicist (IOCP). Doctor Tennant currently resides in Cardiff with his wife and seven children.

Hunter Red- So Doctor Tennant, what kind of video games do you play?
Professor Robert Tennant- Excuse me?
H- What kinds of video games do you play?
P- Um, I don’t play video games.
H- Excuse me? I contacted you about doing an interview for my video game blog. You seemed very enthusiastic about it.
P- I’m a physicists. Most people aren’t interested in interviewing physicists.
H- I don’t run a physics blog.
P- I’m sorry.
H- You know, that’s fine, we can talk about other things. What do you think of Pineapple Express?
P- Excuse me?
H- Pineapple Express?
P- What is that, some sort of train?
H- No, it’s a movie.
P- Oh, what’s it about?
H- It’s about these two guys who are trying to evade some dope dealers.
P- What are they, making dynamite?
H- No. What does dynamite have to do with dope?
P- Dope is the term used for the material they add nitroglycerin to make dynamite.
H- Oh, I didn’t know that.
P- Most people don’t.
H- Well, I meant marijuana. Pineapple Express is considered a drug movie.
P- Oh. You don’t smoke that stuff, do you?
H- Sometimes, at parties? Do you?
P- Hell no.
H- Really, why not? Did you have a bad experience?
P- No, I’m Mormon.
H- So, you’ve had no experiences?
P- I’m out of here.
H- Thank you for your time Doctor.

Well, that’s it for The Red Interview for today. Join us next time when our guest will be Uwe Boll and our topic will be beating film makers with a club. See you then.

Who Killed Amanda Palmer Review

There is a certain type of women who I can fall for in an instant. These are women who are highly intelligent, undeniably beautiful, and funny while maintaining their dignity. Two women who instantly come to mind that posses these qualities are Natalie Portman and Amanda Palmer.

I fell in love with Amanda Palmer the first time I saw her. I had been listening to The Dresden Dolls for some time, but it wasn't until I saw Amanda and her bandmate Brian Viglione that I truly started to appreciate The Dresden Dolls and Amanda Palmer. Through her music, Amanda expresses a quirkiness that is much sought after but rarely found, along with a natural fragility and a lack of boundaries. The Dresden Dolls are a great band that I would recommend to anyone.

Amanda Palmer brings the same approach to her first solo album Who Killed Amanda Palmer This album has a delicateness and emotional rawness that had me on the verge of tears. Who Killed Amanda Palmer's mix of piano, strings, percussion, and vocals is at times beautiful, tragic, grand, romantic, and obscene. There are very few musicians that evoke an emotional response from me, Amanda Palmer has done just that.

Who Killed Amanda Palmer is a great CD by a great artist who really should be more popular than she is. Everybody within the sound of my keyboard should at least give Miss Palmer a chance to enter their musical consciousness, and maybe their heart.

The Motto Of The Bush Administration

White House Press Secretary Dana Perino has been taking a number of personal days lately. She's not seriously ill and doesn't have any business or housing dealings to deal with, so rumors are spreading about what Miss Perino is doing with her free time. These rumors began to flourish after she was spotted with some condoms, a bottle of spermicidal lubricant, and a young college student pictured here.

When Dana takes one of these personal days, the Daily White House Press Conferences are usually handled by White House Assistant Press Secretary Ellen McLain. Ellen is a relatively young and inexperienced so the statements she has made on behalf of the Bush Administration have been embarrassing for her and her employer. A clear example of this occurred on Friday.

When pressed by reporters about the recent government bailouts and President Bush's previous statements on the matter, Miss McLain launched into a furious rant about many various topics. One of her more significant quotes is "Do you even know the secret motto of the Bush White House? Well I do because it's been drilled into my head by the Office of the Vice President since I started here. That motto is "Bush White House: We do what we must because we can, for the good of all of us, except the ones who are dead"" Miss McLain also said, "The Bush White House doesn't care about poor people. They only see you as puppets to be used, manipulated, soiled, then tossed into the rubbish heap!" Finally, Ellen said, "The Bush White House is a collection of rich, old, fat, white men who only serve to make stacks of sweaty cash for other rich, old, fat, white men."

On Saturday, Ellen McLain resigned from her position as White House Assistant Press Secretary. In a statement, Miss McLain said that she wanted to spend more time with her family. Miss McLain's family consists of a cat named Mr. Witz, and a vibrator she calls Tony.

Sony Executives Unite To Admit Failure

TOKYO --Sony pulled the plug on its Playstation 3 game machine today, saying that it would suffer a record loss by ending production of the console in March in a dramatic refocusing by the company.

Promising to shift its focus to content development, the company immediately announced plans to make games for the Palm Pilot.

The world's third-biggest maker of game hardware said the end of Playstation 3 will generate 80 billion yen ($689 million) in extraordinary losses, leading to a consolidated net loss of 58.3 billion yen for the fiscal year ending on March 31.

That exceeded analysts' forecasts for a 50 billion yen special loss to abandon Playstation 3, the world's first Blu-ray video game machine when it was launched in 2006.

Sony’s dream of dominating the market with the world's first Blu-ray console wired for online gaming quickly became a nightmare as the machine floundered against smoother, faster rivals from Microsoft and Nintendo.

"We will rapidly shift our focus to the content business," Sony said in a statement today. He promised new Sony games for Palm Inc.'s handheld computers would be out by the end of the year.

"Once we start applying our development effort to bring characters like Kratos to a Palm, I think you will see the business model open up immediately," SCEA president Kazuo Hirai told Reuters.

U.S. sales of personal digital assistants, such as the popular Palm Pilot, more than doubled in 2000, according to industry data, in sharp contrast to slack growth in the personal computer market.

Palm dominated with a market share of 78 percent in 1999, according to research firm NPD Intelect. Hirai said Palm users will increasingly seek out compelling games for the handheld devices.

"The ability to get quality games moving forward in either premium pay-for-play or a subscription-based model is becoming more relevant to that consumer," he said.

An 85 billion yen fund injection by Sony chairman Sir Howard Stringer will help staunch the red ink, and most analysts applauded Playstation’s end as a key step towards returning to profitability. Sony is facing four straight years of losses.

"This is positive in a sense that bleeding is finally going to be staunched," said Hajime Yagi, senior portfolio manager at Meiji Dresdner Asset Management. "Sony would be able to make the better use of its strong team of software creators by letting them make games for more widely used consoles, rather than Playstation 3."

Sony said it will now focus on returning to the black by providing game software content and entertainment titles to other video-game makers, including Nintendo and Microsoft.

"Up until now, our business model was to sell a variety of software for a single affordable game machine ... but maintaining the balance between our hardware and software enterprises while securing profits has become extremely difficult," Sony said.

Analysts said Sony’s tough decision to exit what it considered its core business was encouraging and would push the company back into the black in the next business year.

Sony said it will continue making games for existing Playstation machines, but analysts said it would be better off it concentrated on making games for machines like Nintendo’s Wii system, the world's top-selling next generation video-game machine.

"In a best case scenario under which Sony completely stops developing games for the Playstation, the shares would have the potential to rise to 2,500 yen," said Daiwa Institute of Research analyst Eiji Maeda said.

The move came as no surprise to the industry and investors after Sony said last week it was considering such a move, although it would continue to focus on its software business and to support the machine with software.

Sales of the Playstation 3 have struggled since its launch just under two years ago in the face of strong competition from Microsoft’s Xbox consoles, including the new Internet-enabled and DVD (digital versatile disc) video-playing Xbox 360.

Sony slipped deep into the red, managing to sell 14.41 million Playstation 3 machines worldwide by the end of June 2008, compared to the 29.62 million Wiis shipped by Nintendo at the end of June.

Not surprisingly, its new rival in the game software market, Electronics Arts, said that Sony will face a tough struggle to provide software for other platforms. Sony will be handicapped by its unfamiliarity with the programming requirements of rival consoles and the long development cycle for video games.

"They're starting from scratch," said John Riccitiello, CEO of EA, which is the top game vendor for Microsoft’s Xbox 360 in the United States.

"It's not quite as though this is GM saying we'll make BMWs, but it's the same kind of proposition," Riccitiello said. "They may look like BMWs, but I doubt if they'll drive like BMWs."

For the full effect of this article, please click on the two links at the top of this document.

Nine Inch Nails 9/3/2008

On May 10th, I purchased tickets for a concert to be held at the E Center on Wednesday, September 3rd. On August 10th I found a way to do more than simply enjoy myself at that concert. For my first essay as a part of this assignment, I went to see Nine Inch Nails.

The tickets said the concert started at eight o’clock, and for a rock concert it started amazingly promptly, at 8:05. The opener for the night was Deerhunter. Their sound can be best described as similar to Angels in Airwaves with some Nirvana and The Clash influences. I could not identify any of the songs Deerhunter played because this was the first time I had ever heard them, but I thought they were pretty good. There wasn’t a discernable hit song in their set, but Deerhunter looked to be fairly young so maybe they just need to develop more. Deerhunter served as a pretty good appetizer for the main course that the audience was more than eager to consume.

Forty minutes after Deerhunter’s thirty-five minute set, the headlining act began. At that point the crowd on the floor started to compact, and I was right in the front of it. For the first part of the headliners set, I was desperately trying to stay upright in a crushing mass of hot sweaty humanity. My vision was obstructed, I was stepped on, elbowed, and nearly had my ribs cracked. After about forty-five minutes, I extricated myself from the front, got a drink of water, and spent the rest of the headliners two hour performance near the back, where the situation was considerably better.

The headlining act for the concert was Nine Inch Nails. Nine Inch Nails is a much beloved band that is credited as one of the acts that defined the Industrial music genre. The members of this band utilize vocals, guitars, basses, drums, synthesizers, and pianos to create a sound that is a collection of contradictions. They are loud and delicate, chaotic and controlled, obscene and glorious. Nine Inch Nails’ frontman Trent Reznor’s use of melody, countermelody, and multiple climaxes had earned his praise from his peers, his fans, and music critics.

At the concert I attended, Nine Inch Nails performed songs from their entire career, with focus on work from their last two albums, The Slip and Year Zero. These songs include Ecoplex, Hurt, Survivalism, and Terrible Lie. In addition to music, Nine Inch Nails employs on impressive light display for their concerts. This includes a drop down LED video display that, from the right vantage point, is reminiscent of stage displays used by one of Nine Inch Nails’ greatest influences, Pink Floyd.

Overall, I thought this concert was quite excellent, except for the forty-five minutes I spent with my health endangered. It’s not the best concert I’ve been to this year, but it is the best rock show. My compliments go out to Mr. Trent Reznor and the rest on Nine Inch Nails for a great night.