****- Red Returns

Project Seifer Revealed (AT LAST!!!)

Everybody wonders what it is that makes them who they are. The Hawk thought that question was securely answered. However a meeting with a boy in a hospital causes him to question everything. Why he is, who he is, what he is, and even if he is. The Hawk: Consequences Of Mayorust. The end is truly the beginning. Today at Redertainment.com, or at these links.

Paul & Steph Plus $1,000,000,000

First of all, thanks to http://www.obsessedwithwrestling.com/profiles/m/ministry.php for the help with this.

February 22, 1999 – RAW - In the Main Event: The Undertaker defeated Kane in an Inferno match after Kane's leg was lit on fire! Paul Bearer delivered a teddy bear to Vince McMahon at ringside which belonged to his daughter Stephanie McMahon. After the match, The Undertaker approached Vince McMahon and set the teddy bear on fire, bringing Vince to his knees!

March 15, 1999 - RAW: The Ministry showed up at The McMahon Mansion waiting for Stephanie and set a Symbol on fire on the lawn!

March 29, 1999 - RAW: The Ministry abducted Stephanie McMahon and held her hostage until Ken Shamrock found her.

April 5, 1999 - RAW: The Ministry ambushed and abducted Ken Shamrock to punish him for ruining their plan last week. The Ministry threatened to sacrifice Stephanie, but Vince kept her by his side all night with an army of security. The Ministry brought out Ken's sister Ryan Shamrock to the stage and strapped her to the symbol and sacrificed her! Backstage, Vince McMahon screamed violently into the camera for Undertaker to stay away from Stephanie!!!

April 25, 1999 - Backlash: The Undertaker defeated Ken Shamrock with help from Bradshaw and a baseball bat. The Ministry (Mideon/Bradshaw/Farooq) defeated The Brood (Gangrel/Edge/Christian) with help from Viscera. As the show ended, The Undertaker abducted Stephanie McMahon and drove off in the limousine!!!

April 26, 1999 - RAW: The Undertaker had an "Unholy Wedding" to Stephanie McMahon, who was strapped to the Symbol. Stephanie McMahon screamed in terror as Paul Bearer hosted the ceremony with the Ministry standing by. Ken Shamrock and The Big Show tried to stop the ceremony but they were both taken out by the Ministry. Finally Stone Cold Steve Austin showed up as the unlikely hero and rescued Stephanie McMahon from the on. Stephanie McMahon embraced Steve Austin until Vince McMahon showed his appreciation to his mortal enemy for helping.

May 31, 1999 - RAW: Vince McMahon defeated The Undertaker by DQ | Steve Austin defeated Undertaker by DQ. At the end of this match, "The Higher Power" made his appearance covered in a black robe and hood.

June 7, 1999 - RAW: Vince McMahon revealed himself as the Higher Power joining the Corporate Ministry.

November 29, 1999 - RAW: Triple H interrupted the wedding of Stephanie McMahon and Test. Triple H revealed that he had drugged and married Stephanie the night before in Las Vegas.

December 12, 1999 - Armageddon: Triple H defeated Vince McMahon when Stephanie turned on her father and joined Triple H! Stephanie did this as revenge for her father orchestrating the Ministry of Darkness abductions and the attempted dark wedding.

This was the Ministry of Darkness storyline in the WWF, considered by many to be the best storyline they’ve ever done. This storyline was done by real people doing things that affect their real lives in full view of a real international audience. So why is it the major celebrity obsessed gossip rags weren’t closely following these series of events? Because wrestling is generally accepted to be fake. The dramatic elements that are presented serve to enhance the confrontations that will inevitably happen at the bigger events that occur throughout the year. This begs the question: What has changed between December 1999 and now?

My Avatar Pic
So I downloaded the NNXE on the day of general release and look, I got a snazzy new hat. Poking around in the marketplace I found many interesting items, the purple pompoms being the most interesting of them all.

There is a lot of potential in this marketplace for companies to make a lot of items for gamers to blow their hard earned spacebucks on. NFL jerseys, Gucci handbags, road cones as headwear, adamantium claws, Birkenstocks, the potential for profit is endless. Personally I’d like the BBC to put out a package that can make your avatar look like Captain Jack Harkness from Torchwood.



Wait a minute. You’re telling me that if you take a moderately attractive woman out to a semi-high class restaurant and have almost gratifying sexual relations with this moderately attractive woman in the nearly clean bathroom of this semi-high class restaurant while the faux deaf bathroom attendant is attentively listening bad things will happen in your life because of it? What kind of world do we live in? Next thing you’ll be telling me is that there’s a guy in a vomit and vodka stained Santa costume having boisterous unlubricated butt sex with a wholly unattractive woman in the clean only because of Lysol changing rooms of the trendy, overpriced, and nearly vacant department store.

My Climax Had Been Squashed!

I was sitting at work thinking about nothing the other day when I realized something: The prequel movies ruined Star Wars. Now, this isn’t some fanboy screed about how much the prequel movies sucked, what I mean is that there are two main climax points that now are mostly squashed. These climax points come in the Empire Strikes Back and Return Of The Jedi. Note: This is taken from the perspective of watching the films, not in the order of release, but rather in chronological order, meaning Episode 1, 2, 3, Star Wars, Empire, then Jedi.

At the end of Episode 3, Anakin Skywalker is put into the suit that transforms him into the dark menacing force that is Darth Vader. Also at the end of Episode 3, two children are born who are biologically Anakin’s. The male child is sent to live with Anakin’s family on Tatooine. So, if you know that Anakin Skywalker is Darth Vader and that the male child is living on Tatooine with the Skywalker family, you will piece together that Luke is the son of Darth Vader before Vader tells him at the end of Empire Strikes Back. Also, if you’re trying to hide a child from his horrifically vengeful father, why give the kid the same last name as his father?

Furthermore, at the end of Episode 3, the female child of Anakin Skywalker is given to Bail Organa, the character played by Jimmy Smits, to be raised by him and him family. Organa is a part of the royalty of Alderan, meaning the child he agreed to raise would have been raised as the princess of Alderan, which we find out early on in Star Wars that Princess Leia is. At that point you can piece together that Leia is the daughter of Vader, and later on realize that she is the sister to Luke. This kills the impact of the “Leia is my sister” scene of Return of the Jedi and makes the Luke/Leia makeout scene in Empire Strikes Back all the creepier for the attentive viewer.

So what is the point of this? Hey look, a kittie!

Prototype Review

As I’m sitting here in my IKEA Tullsta chair writing with my Pilot EasyTouch black ballpoint pen on my Ream college rule paper that I pulled from my black Mead Five Star four pocket folder that I bought at my neighborhood Wallgreen’s, I’m thinking about how utterly disgusted I am at current product placement practices. I continue to process this thought as I listen to Coldplay’s Viva La Vida CD which I downloaded off the iTunes Music Store and put on my Apple iPod Touch 32 GB with the all new 3.0 firmware update. It just seems disingenuous to promote your project as edge, independent, and rebellious while filling your product with products such as the all new 14 oz Coca-Cola Classic, available at your neighborhood 7-11. It’s also distracting to be watching a movie and see a bright, shiny, and clean vending machine filled with many of the fine products put out by the Pepsi Corporation, or a 27” Dell flat screen computer monitor, available now at Best Buy, or one of the fine Blu-Ray movie players put out by the brilliant people at Sony, including the all new PS3 Slim coming soon to your neighborhood Game Stop.

Product placement is about the only problem I have with Prototype. I know that this game takes place in New York City and most major metropolitan areas are filled with ads, but come on. I’m seeing bright, vivid, eye catching, and wholly indestructible ads for Gold’s Gym, Game Crazy, The Final Destination, and Walmart, at least that’s what I believe is going on with this building.

Other than that this game is great. I get to fly around like I have a hang glider bolted to my ass, I get to haul ass up the side of many various skyscrapers, and just brutally and indiscriminately tear shit up. Awesome!

Prototype: A-

Introducing Patricia Summer R3d

January 18- Hunter Red and Gwen Scarlet are in their apartment. Gwen is playing Fallout 3 while Hunter is getting ready to leave.
Hunter- Gwen.
Gwen- Yeah.
Hunter- I’m going to the grocery store, you wanna come along?
Gwen- No, I’m really getting into Fallout 3.
Hunter- Okay, I’m just going to go over the list with you before I head out.
Gwen- Allright.
Hunter- I’ve got bagels, eggs, butter, bread, luncheon meat, ramen, ice cream, milk, shampoo, conditioner, and chips. Can you think of anything else we need?
Gwen- Can’t really think of anything.
Hunter- What about tampons, cause I’ve got that iPhone app that helps me figure out when your time of the month is and it says it should be that time sometime this week.
Gwen- No, I don’t need any. Besides, I know it’s embarrassing for you to buy tampons for me.
Hunter- I don’t really care what people think of me. I’d even be really blatant about buying you tampons just to be a jackass.
Gwen- Yes, and that’s what I love about you. That and your hair.
Hunter- Damn, I just remembered, we have that thing with my parents this week and I need to get drunk just to stand them. I’ll have to add Heineken to the list, do you want me to pick you up some PBR?
Gwen- No, I’ll be fine.
Hunter- Have you finally learned how to deal with my parents, unlike me who hasn’t?
Gwen- No, I just don’t feel like drinking.
Hunter- Okay, if you change your mind text me.
Gwen- Okay.
Hunter gives Gwen a quick peck as he makes his way out the apartment door.

March 7th- Gwen is in the apartment with her mother, her sisters, her aunts, several female cousins, and a couple of her female friends. The apartment is decorated in such a way that it is fairly obvious that a baby shower is being held. Hunter walks in and is bewildered by this, more so than men usually are at the sight of a baby shower.
Hunter- Hello?
All The Women Except Gwen- Hello.
Hunter- What’s going on?
Gwen’s Aunt- We’re just having a little party that you have a little role in making possible.
Hunter- Why, because you’re drinking my champagne?
All of the women, except Gwen, hoist their champagne glasses in the air and say in unison-
All The Women Except Gwen- Saloo!
Gwen- Honey, if you want to leave in terror, you’re more than welcome to.
Hunter- You don’t have to tell me twice.
Hunter begins to leave when he notices an invitation sitting on the table. Hunter picks up the invitation and reads it. It says “Congratulations Gweneth”. Hunter is bewildered further by this.
Hunter- Gwen, what is this?
Gwen- Oh, that’s a misprint.
Hunter- Do all of them look like this?
Gwen- Yeah, unfortunately they all are misprinted.
Hunter- Did you get your money back?
Gwen- No, I didn’t want to be a bother.
Hunter- Oh. Well, you should at least get your money back for the banner.
Hunter motions to the banner hanging overhead as he leaves the apartment. The banner reads “Congratulations On The Baby Gweneth”.

May 13th- The camera is focused on the bathroom door. Hunter is passing by the door when he hears Gwen vomiting. Hunter stops.
Hunter- Gwen?
Gwen- Yeah.
Hunter- Are you okay?
Gwen vomits again.
Gwen- Yes, I feel just fine.
Hunter- Really, because people rarely vomit when they feel good.
Gwen- I just are some food from McDonald’s.
Hunter- Ah, that explains it.
Hunter steps away from the bathroom door. As he does so, Gwen vomits again. Hunter walks into the TV Room and sits down on the couch. He sees an unlabeled DVD on the coffee table and is puzzled as he’s never seen it before. Hunter puts the DVD in his Xbox 360 and begins to play it. The DVD contains video of a prenatal ultrasound. Hunter is puzzled by this as he’s never seen it before.
Hunter- Gwen?
Gwen emerges from the bathroom and joins Hunter in the TV Room.
Gwen- Yes dear?
Hunter- What is this?
Gwen sees what Hunter is watching and believes the secret has been revealed. She searches to find something to say. Gwen begins to speak but has no confidence in what she’s saying.
Gwen- Oh, that’s not mine.
Hunter- I know it’s not.
Hunter still has no clue about what might be going on. (Dumbass)
Gwen- Yeah, that video is form a different developer- I mean womam.
Hunter sees another thing on the table and picks it up. The picture is a still from the ultrasound labeled “Gwen and Hunter’s Child- 5 Month Ultrasound”. Hunter is again puzzled by this but he’s not quite caught on.
Hunter- I take it this isn’t yours either.
Gwen- Nope, that is absolutely not mine. Scout’s honor.
Gwen puts up the Scout hand sign in a manner that should signify that she’s lying. Anyone would have caught on to her rouse.
Hunter- So this is mislabeled?
Anyone but Hunter.
Gwen- Yes, this is the ultrasound from my cousin, Xerces.
Hunter- Ah, then I should run it over to her then.
Gwen- No, you’ve been up all night, I’ll do it.
Hunter- But you’ve been up all night vomiting.
Gwen- Yeah but I don’t think Xerces like you. Doesn’t she have something like a 54% failure rate with you?
Hunter- Yeah but-
Gwen- So, I’ll take Xerces ultrasound while you stay here and play Fallout 3.
Gwen takes the DVD and the photo and walks out of the apartment. Hunter is stuck in this state of bewilderment and says-
Hunter- I think something might be going on here.

August 18th- Hunter walks into the apartment with mail in his hand having just checked the mail. Among the mailpieces is an envelope addressed to Hunter and Gwen from Gwen’s parents. Hunter opens the envelope, pulls the letter out of it, and sits on the couch to read it.
Hunter- Gwen, could you come in here please.
Gwen enters the room and sits in one of the chairs. Gwen’s physical appearance clearly conveys that she is pregnant.
Gwen- This chair is so comfortable. It relieves all the pressure in my back, the swelling of my ankles, and the recent increase in my breast size.
Hunter- I’m glad you’re comfortable. By the way, we received a letter from your parents.
Gwen- I thought you taught them how to use email?
Hunter- I can teach them all day long, if they don’t use what they’ve been taught it’s completely worthless. Anyway, let me read what they wrote. “We were elated today when we learned of your great gift. We look forward to the little bundle of joy that will soon enter your lives. Have you given it a name?”
Now Gwen knows for a certainty that she’s been had.
Hunter- Gwen, my love, I know your father. I know that your father is substantially different from my father. My father would write a letter like this just to joke with me. Your father wouldn’t. Your father doesn’t have a funny bone in his body. There is only one reason your father would send us a letter congratulating us in this manner. Gwen, are you pregnant?
Gwen takes a deep breath and says-
Gwen- Yes.
Hunter- When are we due?
Gwen- September 1st.
Hunter- Why didn’t you tell me sooner?
Gwen- I didn’t know how you would react.
Hunter- Gwen, I love you absolutely. Hell, I’m practically a Gwen fanboy. If you had told me of this when our gift first started developing I would have been positively elated. The fact that you kept this from me, in a quite incompetent fashion, hurts me deeply. It says to me that you have little to no faith in me.
Gwen- I’m sorry. I was just anxious. The generation that I’m in charge of has been bad for our family.
Hunter- Gwen, come here.
Gwen gingerly gets up, walks over to Hunter, who accepts her in a loving embrace.
Hunter- I’ve been looking forward to this release for a long time and I look forward to fully integrating this gift into our lives.
Gwen- I look forward to sharing it with you.
Gwen and Hunter kiss and begin to snuggle as this idyllic romantic scene ends.

September 1st- Patricia Summer R3d is set to be born. Hunter is in the delivery room with Gwen as she gives birth to Patricia. Hunter takes one look at Patricia and says-
Hunter- Wait, she’s all shiny and black. What the hell!

Anouncement Delayed

Dear people who read my blog,

I fully intended to use this post to publically announce exactly what Project Seifer is and when it would be made available to the public. I held off on this announcement untill Project Seifer was complete and in a state where it was ready to be made available to the public. As of last Sunday both of those requirements were met and I started hyping the announcement. However, things changed on Thursday.
On Wednesday I noticed that my anti-virus software was telling me that someone was invading my laptop. On Thursday morning I started running a virus scan on my laptop. I also triggered another virus scan from another anti-virus software I have and ran Spybot as well. About half an hour in I wanted to balance my checkbook and check my email, so I started to open those programs as well. I had five huge programs running at once, I was asking for my laptop to fail. My laptop did in fact break in a manner which I did not know how to fix, requiring me to have to get it repaired by the manufacturer.

This is what caused the change in the status of Project Seifer. My laptop is the only place where I had a final version of Project Seifer (DUMBASS!). For this reason Project Seifer is currently in a state where it is complete but not in a state where it is ready to be released to the public. This means that the release of Project Seifer, as well as the announcement of what Project Seifer is, must be unfortunately delayed. This delay is purely caused by dumb mistakes on my part. The first being not having another copy of Project Seifer on another device than my laptop, the second being taxing my laptop in a way that would cause it to break (DUMBASS!).

I hope this delay will not last long. The laptop I have is a PC Laptop, a local Utah company, and came with a free lifetime parts and service warantee. This means that I was able to drop off my laptop to be repaired at the store I bought it from the day it broke and that the repair should cost me nothing. I even recieved a voicemail message at work today from the person repairing it asking me to call him on Monday. I hope this message brings me good news.

As it stands I am without my laptop, stressing over the status of my Money, iTunes, and Project Seifer files, typing this post up on my parent's POS HP computer, drinking a bottle of Heineken, and eating some Panda Express. I hope at least some of this changes come Monday. I am mentally prepared for the worst which I hope does not come.
Stay Care
Hunter Red
(Insert additional alises here)

****- (500) Days Of Orgs

(500) Days Of Summer

Have you ever felt like you were alone? Completely and utterly alone? There’s absolutely no one around you at all. You can hear every footstep, every breath, every utterance echo like you were in a great cavern. Have you ever felt like you were alone?

I have experienced this on several occasions. Afterward, I always dwell on why I feel this overwhelming sense of aloneness. I now believe I know why: I go to movies at 10:30 AM on Sunday morning. It’s not that I feel alone when I catch the Sunday matinee, I literally am alone. It surprises me that the theater continues to play movies that this time, they’ve got to be losing money when they play a movie to only one person.

The most recent encounter I had with aloneness came when I went to see (500) Days Of
Summer. It’s really a shame that I saw this movie alone because it is really quite good. It’s sweet, romantic, tragic, funny, and most importantly real. This isn’t some saccharin infused unrealistic vision of a romantic relationship, Zoey Deschenel and Joseph Gordon-Leavitt feel like real people in a real relationship, one which I hope to engage in someday.

(500) Days Of Summer: B+

Moore Vs. Cruise: It’s On!

Have any of you heard any news come out of French Guiana recently? Have any of you heard anything come out of French Guiana recently? No, you haven’t. The last little blurb to come out about French Guiana was speculation that it was going to be the location of the next Home Alone movie, Home Alone 5: Another French Mistake

Why is this the case? Why has this country on the northern edge of South America seemingly fallen off the map? After exhaustively researching I have come across the reason why French Guiana has fallen silent. In 2003 French Guiana underwent a military coup. This coup was done, not by a force inside French Guiana nor a foreign power, by a private military force controlled by a major American corporation. This American corporation transformed French Guiana into a secret military base, with an arsenal bigger than Fort Dix, Camp Lejeune, and Blackwater Securities combined. Who is this American corporation? Electronic Arts.

Why does Electronic Arts have a private military force? Two reasons. One, they have to do something with the money they make off of Madden. Two, to combat another secretive organization’s even more secretive private military force. Electronic Arts is based in Los Angeles, California. Los Angeles is also the location of the Church of Scientology’s International Center. The Church of Scientology’s International Center maintains a group called “Sea Org”.

The Sea Org is described as “an association of Scientologists established in 1968 by L. Ron Hubbard, the science fiction writer and founder of Scientology. Its members are found in the central management organizations of the Church of Scientology as well as in individual churches.” The public face of Sea Org appears to be peaceful but delve deeper and you will find something interesting. The Sea Org owns a fleet of Russian manufactured nuclear submarines. Where are these submarines now? Contrary to recent media reports, the Russian submarines patrolling the American Atlantic seaboard are not Russian military, but are in fact staffed and owned by the Sea Org.

What proof do we have that these subs are owned by the Church of Scientology? Eye witness reports from two credible non-inebriated sources. The first is from Celeste, a college student from North Carolina.
“I was at the beach with my boyfriend, Ian, when I saw a black object far out in the water. I found a pair of binoculars and looked at the thing and was shocked to see a real life submarine. I continued to look at it, completely ignoring my dreamy boyfriend, when I saw the hatch open and three heads pop out of it. I couldn’t identify these people at first, but after a second I realized who they were: Tom Cruise, the musician Beck, and Will Smith. When I realized this, I was like, “Huh, that’s weird.””

A second eye witness account comes from Derrick, an IT specialist from Virginia.
“I was hanging out with some female co-workers near the opening of the Chesapeake Bay when this huge black submarine surfaced. My co-workers asked me to go over and see if the submarine was hostile because, apparently, the only time they see me as a man is when they need to protect them. I walked along the beach and got as close to the sub as I can. Then I noticed a man in a wetsuit walking along the top of the submarine. The man jumped off the submarine into the water and began swimming toward me. When the man reached me he asked if I wanted to have my phaetons tested. I respectfully declined but directed the man over to my co-worker because they’ve annoyed me for years, here’s an opportunity for payback.”

The EA Army has yet to respond to this action by the Sea Org. However, people in military uniforms with EA logos on them have been seen walking around near Tom Cruise’s house. Mr. Cruise responded by jumping on his couch and daring people to shoot him. Katie Holmes gave her usual response to this, none.


Behold! The Cavalcade Of Suck!

Coming live to the E Center of West Valley City, two formerly relevant whiny rock bands converge to see if they can create a musical black hole!

Creed, reunited with the “religious” Scott Stapp, and Staind, featuring the guy whose 5 O’clock shadow covers his entire head, are coming to attempt to rock the house. They’ll fail, but at least they’re trying.

The “We Have Kids To Support” Tour is coming to the E Center on October 2nd. Tickets are on sale now at Ticketmaster, Walmart, Hot Topic, and other places that unapologetically suck. Hope to see you there… before we get compressed into a singularity.

The Long Awaited Project Seifer Update!

So Project Seifer is coming along nicely, still on track to be completed in August or September. You know what I like? Cheesecake.

One of the things I look forward to at Thanksgiving and Christmas is going to my grandmother’s house for Cheery Cheesecake. Cheesecake is an integral part of my celebration of several holidays. Fourth of July, Labor Day, my birthday, Thursday, whatever, all is celebrated with cheesecake. Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, cheesecake.

Now for a Sealab 2021 reminiscent punch out ending. Look a kittie!