Not An Admission Of ANYTHING!!!
In the annual tradition, this summer a number of wildfires have broken out in the forests, fields, and general open spaces across the Western United States. Many of these fires have broken out in places where people usually go on vacation.
I am a person who does, on occasion, go on vacation. I have also been traveling a lot lately. This is due to me having a laptop, internet, a writing job, and a general aversion to the office environment. I am also a Ginger. Like many Gingers, when I walk around outside for an extended period of time, usually between an hour and fifteen minutes,
I burst into flames. My skin will spontaneously combust, resulting in flames covering all of the exposed parts of my body. I don't carry a lighter with me, I just stick my hand out the window, and voila, flamefinger.
I am not saying that I am to blame for any of the fires currently burning in the wilderness of the majestic land. I am not saying that I am not to blame for several of the fires currently burning in the wilderness of this majestic land. All I am saying is...
Under The Cover Of E3
During the week of E3, THQ tried to use the major focus given to that trade show to close down one of their studios without anybody noticing. They failed. As evidenced by this news story, people did notice THQ doing this. However, there is something much bigger that happened during the week of E3 that no one, in the gaming press or the traditional press, has taken notice of.
Recently, the Blizzard offices were subject to a raid by the Korean Federal Trade Commission. This raid came on the heels of consumer complaints about the Error 37 problems experienced by players of Diablo III. At first it appeared as if Blizzard, and their parent company The Great Empire Of Activison, was going to let these complaints and raid play themselves out in the Korean legal process. However, on June 6th, the day of the heavily watched Nintendo E3 Press Conference, The Great Empire Of Activison executed a leveraged buyout of South Korea.
You read that correct. For the paltry sum of USD141 Billion, The Great Empire Of Activision did what few people have thought to be plausible for a corporation to accomplish. The Great Empire Of Activision bought an entire nation. This is not unprecedented. In 2009, with the profits from their phenomenally successful Madden franchise, Electronic Arts merged with UK to form EAUK. This partnership has been of limited success, with the Queen of England having threatened Peter Moore with hanging on several occasions.
The President of The Great Empire Of Activison, Robert Kotick, released the following statement:
BEHOLD! Look forth on the might and majestry of The Great Empire Of Activison! We have done what few have thought of, much less accomplished. We have silenced those would would seek to tear us down. We have silenced those that have questioned us. We have bought South Korea!
Know this all those who would seek to inquire about our practices. You can not see what we do to our enemies. We do not silence them with guns, bombs, blades, or threats of violence. We silence our critics with the most powerful thing in the world MONEY!!!
And North Korea, don't fuck with us. We could end you with just the amount of money I could find in my couch cushions!
Quote the Kotick, nevermore.
It is unclear as to what changes The Great Empire Of Activison plans to make with the country of South Korea. However, this much is clear: Do not question the Kotick. If you question the Kotick, he will bury you under a pile of money. By the way...
Are you sure that shirt goes with those pants?
You are a scourge, and we are here to cleanse this world of you.
THQ is a company in peril. Between the closing of studios, the selloff of the UFC license, and a change in leadership, the future of THQ is in serious question. THQ's troubles continued this week.
THQ's new President Jason Rubin recently did an interview where it appears at first glance that he was avoiding questions about the previous THQ President Danny Bilson. This is a statement given by Jason Rubin in an interview on Wednesday:
"If I look to Bilson's past, I don't know what went wrong because I wasn't here, but I can tell you some things went right. Where we go in the future will be my responsibility."
While that statement does not contain any revelatory material, the next statement Rubin made does.
"I hope Bilson all the best in Bilson's new project, Hart Of Dixie."
That statement brings up more questions about Jason Rubin's than any other statement he's made during his time in the gaming industry.
In that statement, Jason Rubin refers, not to any project Danny Bilson is currently involved in, but to Hart Of Dixie. Hart Of Dixie is a currently running dramatic series that airs on The CW. Hart Of Dixie stars Rachel Bilson.
Rachel Bilson is not Danny Bilson. Rachel Bilson has no current connections to the gaming industry. It is not even known IF Rachel Bilson plays games. She is currently dating Hayden Christensen, but that seems to be the only connection that Rachel Bilson has to anything having to do with Geek Culture.
Jason Rubin's reference to Rachel Bilson, instead of his predecessor Danny Bilson, brings up the following questions: What the fuck is this guy thinking? Does this guy have the correct mental makeup to lead THQ out of the quandary it currently finds itself in? Does this guy have the ability to lead any company in a positive direction? And finally, why did this guy make a reference to a series on the CW that is universally panned by critics?
We will find you. We found your brother. We found your father. We found your mother. We found them and we killed them, just like we will do to you.
The Official The Redertainment Corporation Of America Electronic Entertainment Expo Blogwrapupthing!!!
The 18th Annual Electronic Entertainment Expo was held in Los Angeles, California, USA, this past week. Not being a big shot video game guy, I did not to go Los Angeles, California, USA, to attend The 18th Annual Electronic Entertainment Expo. Instead of going to The 18th Annual Electronic Entertainment Expo, I stayed at home and followed the coverage from The Official Offices of The Redertainment Corporation Of America. At least that is what I intended to do. However, some complications arose that impacted my intent.
The Official Carpets in The Official Offices of The Redertainment Corporation Of America are currently being cleaned. Rather than being cleaned with a traditional carpet cleaning machine, The President of The Redertainment Corporation Of America, Rodger Red, felt it was necessary to clean The Official Carpets in The Official Offices of The Redertainment Corporation Of America with a chemical compound that is incredibly noxious and not really made for human interaction. Rodger claims that he is using this method cleaning to ensure that The Official Carpets in The Official Offices of The Redertainment Corporation Of America are cleaned properly. I think he's doing this because this method is the more expensive method and Rodger Red wants to waste money.
By the way, the whole bit before where I was repeating in full the title of the carpets that are in the offices was only done because Rodger Red mandated it to be so. Any time we refer to the offices of RCOA, the building that RCOA is in, or any of the equipment that RCOA uses, that product, place, person, thing, etc., must be referred to in a way that become very very annoying upon repetition. I can not think of a good reason why Rodger Red wants this to be done, but he is very insistent that it is done in the way that he wants. I'm sure that I will get a thorough tongue lashing after Rodger reads this paragraph. Of course, that would require him to actually come into the offices, which is something he hasn't done in several months.
Instead of going to the office to work, I worked from home. That is, I attempted to work from home. Come, join me on my journey as I attempt to keep up with all the news that came out during E3.
On Sunday, Nintendo held a Pre-E3 press conference. I found out about this on Twitter the night it was held. I did not see the Nintendo Pre-E3 press conference. I did not even attempt to watch it. I was busy with other projects. That project: Project Get Wicked Hammered On Locally Produced Microbrew Beer.
On Monday, I attempted to watch the Microsoft E3 Press Briefing online. Again, I attempted to do this. Apparently even though I pay out the nose for it, my at home internet connection is not of a sufficient speed to allow me to watch live streaming video. Also, the damn connection kept on disconnecting. Sure, I could have watched the press conference on Spike TV, in fact I should have watched the press conference on Spike. However, when I get angry I get very belligerent and closed minded. The following is a series of notes I made while the press conference was going on:
I'm trying to watch the press conference online.
I should be able to watch the press conference online.
Why isn't it working?
After the Microsoft E3 Press Briefing was a press briefing held by Electronic Arts. While I was attempting to watch this press briefing, I found out about the Microsoft Press Briefing airing on Spike. The following is a series of notes I made while the Electronic Arts press briefing was going on:
FUCK IT ALL TO HELL!
What the fuck do I pay CenturyLink for?
What the fuck don't these fucking people understand about I want to watch video online without it disconnecting, buffering, or pulling some other kind of bullshit!
I could have watched the Microsoft thing on Spike? WHO THE FUCK WAS SUPPOSTED TO TELL ME!!!
Fucking spellcheck, it's supposted!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
After I calmed down by once again accomplishing Project Get Wicked Hammered On Locally Produced Microbrew Beer, I attempted to watch the Nintendo E3 Press Conference on Tuesday. Once again, attempted. The following is a series of notes which I hope will not be used to prove I'm insane:
Okay, let's try this again. Let's hope that CenturyLink finally has it's shit together.
Okay, it's starting.
Hey, it works!
I can see the press conference.
Hey, look! There's Miya-
WHAT THE FUCKING HELL!!!
Why is it bullshitting on me now!
SHIT ON A BICYCLE!
I'm about ready to tempt inhaling noxious fumes at the office to use their not-bullshit connection to actually watch this.
I did not even attempt to watch the Ubisoft E3 Press Conference that was held after the Nintendo Press Conference on Tuesday. I'm told there were boobs. I would have liked to see those boobs. However, I have CenturyLink DSL, and CenturyLink DSL is fucking bullshit.
During The 18th Annual Electronic Entertainment Expo, many things were learned by many people about many products that they are excited to purchase. What did I learn?
I'm getting Comcast Xfinity cable internet this week. Seriously, fuck CenturyLink.
We have tolerated you. We have endured you. Now, we will end you.
Another Ridiculous Diablo III Story
On Monday, the Korean Federal Trade Commission raided the offices of Blizzard in Seoul. The Korean FTC conducted this raid in response to consumers complaints about Blizzard's game Diablo III and those consumer's requests for refunds, which were rejected. There are some who would argue that this raid is a step to far, reminiscent of gamers filing complaints with the Better Business Bureau over the ending of Mass Effect 3. However, an action taken on Thursday is unquestionably too far.
On Thursday, the FBI, in conjunction with the Korean Federal Trade Commission, conducted a raid on the Los Angeles home of Angels relief pitcher Scott Downs. Mr. Downs, who last week was assaulted by a fan who was trying to eliminate the number 37, was dumbfounded by this move. Mr. Downs released the following statement about the matter:
"What the hell! First a fan assaults me over this Diablo III bullshit, now the government thinks that I have something to do with it? Come the fuck on! I am not in any way to blame for the problems people are dealing with when playing Diablo III. I'm a fucking relief pitcher!"
When asked for a comment about the raid, FBI spokesman Robert Edwards punched me in the face. When asked for a comment about the assault, Mr. Edwards said, "Don't fucking question me! I work for the motherfucking FBI! Bitch."
Anti-Flag: Anatomy of Your Enemy
Just a reminder. Remember, these tactics may be being used now.
We see situations go on in other places and think, "It can't happen here. It won't happen here." This is how it can happen here.
Serialization of Volume 11 to begin August 7th, and continuing every Tuesday and Thursday at Redertainment.com.