I Know They're Watching, And I Like It

Top-Secret Document Reveals NSA Spied On Porn Habits As Part Of Plan To Discredit 'Radicalizers'

According to an article on The Huffington Post, the NSA is gathering information about the porn habits of so called "radicalizers", and, given the tactics the NSA is reported to use, it can be safely assumed that the NSA is gathering information about the porn habits of everybody.  So the NSA knows the porn habits of everybody, including me.  So the NSA knows what porn I am watching.

I have mixed emotions about this.  While I feel that this is an invasion of my privacy and that my porn habits are of no one's business unless I am doing something illegal, I also feel a little bit of a kinky twinge.  Someone is looking at me when no one is supposed to be looking at me.  I am doing dirty things while someone is surreptitiously watching me.  That's like exhibitionism taken to a whole new level.

So, thank you NSA for giving me another source of sexual thrill.  Now, kindly, get the fuck out of my business.  Call me when you actually find out information that can help people, like where a missing person is or who the fuck moved my goddamn cheese.

Xbox: Play Pornography

Recently Microsoft released a list of the commands that users can utilize while using their new Xbox One Kinect.  When they released this list, two questions came to the minds of many gamers.  One: Why isn't this list included on a card with the Xbox One so that you can know what you can and cannot command your Xbox One to do?  Two: Where are the porn commands?

Where is the list of commands that allow users to watch an unlimited supply of pornography with their Xbox One?  Where is it?  Do I have to reference a specific cable channel that I receive that may or may not have pornography on it, depending on the time of day?  Do I have to say the title of a specific video that is in my collection in order for my Xbox One to play it?  Does Xbox One recognize the names of the videos that I have in my collection, and does that mean that I should have a variance in the names of the pornographic videos in my collection, as opposed to "Brunette1", "Brunette2", "BlondeBigTits", etc.?  Sure I already can watch pornography on my couch by using my iPad, iPhone, iPod Touch, Xbox 360, PS4, PS3, PS2, Xbox, Media PC, Laptop, and other various devices that I currently own, but I also want to use my Xbox One to watch pornography.  I mean, they call it the XBONE for a reason, right?

XBONE: Because the internet is for porn.

Rick Reilley Puts It Better Than I Can

Guilty Pleasure

After watching the video linked above, I am having second thoughts about my fandom for the UFC.

Different Activities For John Carmack

On Friday, IGN reported on John Carmack's departure from id Software.  While acknowledging his role as Chief Technology Officer with Oculus, IGN did not report that Mr. Carmack would be going full-time with this job.  This is despite Electronic Gaming Monthly, Rock Paper Shotgun, Gamesbeat, Ars Technica, and Games Industry International reporting exactly that.  So, if you follow only IGN, John Carmack now has a lot of free time on his hands with nothing to do.  Here are some things John Carmack could do with his newly discovered free time.

Construct a large Christmas light display at his house

Write a book

Delicately making a small sculpture

Cleaning his house

Organizing his important documents


And, possibly, defeating the video game Rage.

Cool 'Till It Happens To You

There are things in this world that look cool from the outside but are far from cool when it is happening to you.  The video below is one of those things.

Reportedly, Brian Gillespie is fine after this crash.


Over the past couple of months, I have been independently learning how to write code.  I have been working to gain a proficiency in HTML and C++, as well as dabbling in Java and Visual Basic.  There is one reason why I am pursuing this goal.

I want to hack the Xbox One Kinect so that I can remotely spy on people.  I'm not doing this because I want to show how it can be done so that a security hole can be patched up, as many white hat security professionals do.  In fact, it was my intention to keep this little project of mine quiet so that I could spy on people without anyone noticing.

I won't go into detail as to who I would be spying on and to what end I would be wanting to spy on them, but I believe the picture provided above says more that I care to type.  Yes, my motives were base and craven, but my motives to do everything are base and craven.  Hell, I write books in the hopes that people might find me more attractive.  It hasn't worked yet, but still I'm trying.

On Wednesday my hopes were dashed.  In an article posted on IGN, a Microsoft representative is quoted as saying, "There is no tech magic going on here and Kinect cannot see through clothing."  Phooey.  Now how am I going to use the internet to watch women get naked?

Project Buy A House With Lots Of Doorknobs

My pursuit of Project Buy A House has been set back a bit by my wisdom tooth surgery yesterday, but I am still looking forward to accomplishing my long held goal.  As I continue to pursue this goal, I am thinking about what kind of place I want to buy, and there's one thing that keeps coming to mind.

I want doorknobs.  Lots and lots of doorknobs.

I want many doorknobs of different designs in place throughout my entire house.  Only doorknobs will be allowed in my house, no other kind of door opening device will be tolerated!

I know that I will have to search high and low for the doorknobs that I want, and I am willing to do that.  If I have to install all of the doorknobs in my house myself, I am willing to do that.

I want doorknobs.  Nothing else will do.  Doorknobs, doorknobs, DOORKNOBS!

Vancouver’s ban on the humble doorknob likely to be a trendsetter

Okay, so I guess I'm not moving to Vancouver.  Darn.

Unfortunately Stuart Reid

In an opinion piece written for the Deseret News on Wednesday, Utah State Senator Stuart Reid criticized Senator Orrin Hatch for his support of the Employee Non-Discrimination Act.  As a part of his criticism, Stuart Reid wrote this:

"Explaining his vote, Hatch declared, “Discrimination is wrong!” As a matter-of-fact, it is not wrong when public policy is intended to uphold moral standards for society that by their very nature discriminate. Every public policy passed into law discriminates against someone or something. The intended discrimination usually reflects the values of society."

To me, this is another example of why marriage equality will not happen in Utah soon.  Stuart Reid is one of many politicians in Utah who see laws that discriminate against homosexuals as discriminatory, discrimination that helps to create what they see as a good and healthy civilization.  Untill such time as mindsets like this are rebuked by the people in positions of power, laws that seek to create a fair and equitable environment for homosexuals, or any laws that can be construed as creating such an environment, will not be passed in the state of Utah.  Furthermore, if any judicial authority attempts to overrule any law that is discriminatory toward homosexuals, the politicians in the Utah State Legislature will simply find a way to pass that overturned law again, even if the new legislation runs afoul of the judiciary.  I'd like to say that this is not the case but unfortunately it is.  Unfortunately.

Bricked Through A Window

Reports have been trickling out about consumers receiving their Playstation 4 consoles and not being able to play them.  This is a problem often referred to by geek consumers as "bricking".  For help with this problem, I sought out an expert in bricking.

When asked about the problem with bricking, local masonry worker Tyson Gabriel said, "What are you asking me for?  I deal with bricks not electronics."  When asked further about the problem, Mr. Gabriel promptly called for the foreman on the jobsite, who promptly called for security, who promptly removed me from the general vicinity of the jobsite.

Some Artists...

Some artists get notoriety by being controversial.

Some artists get notoriety by being unabashedly sexy.

Some artists get notoriety by ripping off other artists.

Some artists get notoriety by being awesome.

Which do you prefer?

BU Archaeologists Baffled By "Smith Haven Mall"

Archaeologists are always searching for relics of past civilizations.  They pursue such things so that they can better understand the past, as well as understand why we live the way we do in the current day.  Recently the Archaeology Department at Boston University found something that is truly fascinating.  This group of students and researchers unearthed something that they are baffled to explain or find an equivalent in the modern world.

In a location, which denizens of the area referred to as "Smith Haven Mall", archaeologists have discovered a large vacant building filled with many objects that lack explanation.  These objects were housed, not in one centralized location, but in many different segmented locations spread throughout the many levels of this building.  These segmented locations, or "stores" as they were called, vary in size and vary in the kinds and amounts of objects that they held.  Some of the segmented locations held objects such as clothing, food and candy, wall decorations, small shiny minerals, and other things that archaeologists have yet to discover the purpose of.

Parts of the so called "Smith Haven Mall" appear to be adorned for some sort of festival.  This festival includes many displays expressing an adoration for a deity, identified only as "Jesus".  There are also displays that are more grand in scale and prevalence expressing an adoration for the deity "Santa".  Professor Andrea M. Berlin, the James R. Wiseman Chair in Classical Archaeology, theorizes that these deities were rivals, and that the followers of their faiths were in a constant struggle against oneanother for supremecy in the so called "Smith Haven Mall".   James R. Wiseman's theory is currently being contested due to lack of evidence and a lack of an equivalent in the modern world.

As archaeologists continue to dig into the so called "Smith Haven Mall" more and more things are being discovered.  Much like the dig site at Pompeii, Italy, students may be digging at this site for many years to come.  Meanwhile, researchers are continuing to attempt to piece all of the parts of the so called "Smith Haven Mall" together and attempt to explain what all of the things in this large building are and what they have to do with eachother and the world in which they existed.  However, there may never be an explanation for this:

Things I Am And Am Not Comfortable With

ABC says Elizabeth Vargas is in alcohol rehab

I'm not exactly okay with this being a news story.  People undergoing treatment for drug abuse should be able to do without having random people who don't have their best interest at heart knowing about it.  Yes, Elizabeth Vargas is a well known person, but don't we all have a right to privacy, especially when we are undergoing the most troubling times in our lives?

Breasts Age Faster Than Faces! 5 Tit Tips To Help Stem Sag

I am, however, completely okay with this being a news story.

John "White" Swallow

Swallow categorically denies deleting emails, computer files

Generally I don't believe the people who claim to represent me and my lack of faith in them has been rewarded with example after example of complete and utterly unapologetic incompetence, but I especially don't believe John Swallow.  Remember that part in Whatever Beacons The Hawk where I say the following about a public official

"The vibe that guy gave off made him seem as greasy and deplorable as a duck covered in oil."

You don't?  You don't remember that part of the book that I released for free earlier this year?  Damn.  Well, in that passage I was talking about John Swallow.  I just don't believe a word that comes out of that guy's mouth, and I never have.  For years I have referred to this guy as John "White" Swallow, the "White" part referring to an obscene sex act.  This is a totally unfair name to give him but I continue to use it and I will continue to use it untill such time as John "White" Swallow fades from my memory.  That or a cease to find that joke funny anymore.

Whatever Beacons The Hawk: Pennzoil Edition

Earlier this year I released Whatever Beacons The Hawk, the followup to The Hawk and The Hawk: Consequences Of Mayorust.  This release was met with a tepid response.  Due to this, I have arranged for a special edition of Whatever Beacons The Hawk to be released in time for the Holiday season.  The special edition of Whatever Beacons The Hawk won't be a simple repackaging but will include all new content and a special treat for my fans.  Whatever Beacon The Hawk: Holiday Edition will include something never before seen in publishing.  WBTH:HE will include a quart of motor oil.

That's right, a quart of motor oil.  Also included in Whatever Beacons The Hawk: Holiday Edition is instructions to use the oil to "spread the darkness".  The interpretation of those instructions is up whoever receives it.

Whatever Beacons The Hawk: Holiday Editon: Destroy the world better than Katy Perry can.

Project Build An AWESOME Bridge

Okay, I'm moving to China.  This bridge that is proposed to be build it so AWESOME!  We simply don't have things like this in America, and we certainly don't have things like this is the cultural wasteland that I am currently mired in.  I want to see more things like this and I want to live in a place where things like this are being actively built.  I can't think of a single reason why living in China would be a bad idea.

That doesn't qualify as a bad idea for that is AWESOME!

Again, this is awesome and not a reason to not move there.

Okay, as long as I avoid tanks I'll be fine.

Okay, I'm stay here.  I might not have awesome architectural marvels where I live, but I do have a legitimate excuse to wear a t-shirt that reads SL,UT, and, really, isn't that what every guy wants?

What do you mean no!?!

Project Buy An AWESOME House!

The more I learn about the current real estate situation in China, the more concerned I get about my pursuit of Project Buy A House.  I am thinking more about whether or not pursuing this goal is a good idea, and if, when I finish my pursuit, I will attain something good in the end.  Will I eventually buy a house that is a great place for me to live, or will I buy a house that I will regret buying for many decades to come?  As of now I don't have an answer to that question, but I do know one thing:

I WANT THIS!  This looks so awesome!!!  Where can I buy it?  Gimmie gimmie gimmie gimmie gimmie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!