Spotlight On The Sale Of Occupy Valve

Are You Just Making Up Stuff?

At a TechNW panel, Gabe Newell has explained the string of pricing experiments that resulted in the recognition of something Mr. Newell calls "time-shifting revenue". Newell explained that these experiments were conducted by Steam first lowering prices on certain games without telling people about it. Then, Steam lowered prices on certain games, told people about it, then saw better results. In summation, Steam lowered prices without telling people about it, then lowered prices while telling people about it, and claim that the resulting increased results is due to "time-shifting revenue".

I beg to differ. What Gabe Newell just demonstrated is the power of advertising. If you don't tell people that a price is lower, a low amount of people are going to know the price is lower, thereby stunting how many people will take advantage of the lower price. However, if you lower prices then tell people about it, more people are going to know about it, enabling more people to take advantage of the lower price. The difference in the two situations is that YOU TOLD PEOPLE ABOUT IT. YOU ENGAGED IN ADVERTISING!!!

As Judge Judith Sheindlin says, "Don't pee on my leg and tell me it's raining." Valve, don't make up impressive sounding terms to try to make yourself sound better than you actually are. Doing so just insults the public that you are trying to sell games to, and people do not like being insulted. Also, get to work on Half-Life 3. If I release Project Journal before a real teaser trailer for Half-Life 3 is released, I call on gamers to #OccupyValve.

The Redertainment Corporation Of America Employee Spotlight: Liz

Job Title:
General Executive Secretary for The Redertainment Corporation Of America

What was your favorite TV show as a child?

The Monkees

Have you ever met a famous person? Who?

I met Bono in Ireland before he was famous. At least I think it was Bono. At the very least, I met an pompous Irish asshole in a pub while I was on vacation.

If you were alone on a island with one CD, who's would it be?

The audio version of How To Craft A Boat To Get Yourself Off A Desert Island.

Where do you wish to retire?

Somewhere where I could be with my grandkids.

What is your favorite novel or author?

I tend to read a lot of romance novels. I base my purchase on the hunkiness of the guy on the cover and not person who wrote it.

If you could go anywhere in the world where would you go?

Where my grandkids are right now.

What would you do with a million dollars?

Retire and spend my days sleeping and playing with my grandchildren and sleeping.

Please add one fun fact about yourself.

I have a tattoo that only my husband has seen.


In recognition of the birth of television icon Kelly Osbourne, we here at The Redertainment Corporation Of America are proud to announce our Forty-sixth Annual Time-shifting Revenue Sale! Yes, come celebrate the birthday of fashion opinionist and rumored lap-band surgery recipient Kelly Osbourne and take advantage of deals on all the products offered for sale by The Redertainment Corporation Of America.

Were you contemplating buying Hunter Red's The Black Robin Christmas Carol on Kindle, but were too much of a cheapskate to buy it when it was only $3? Well, now you can stop being such a damn cheapskate, because The Black Robin Christmas Carole on Kindle is now only $1. That's right, one dollar, in the only currency that matters, American currency.

In fact, all of Hunter Red's book currently available on Kindle, and the way lesser known and highly irrelevant Nook, have been reduced to $1. You can get The Hawk, The Hawk: Consequences Of Mayorust, and The Black Robin Christmas Carol now for only a dollar a piece. That's 66% off the previous price!

Now, what if you are an old fart that insists on sticking to physical media. Well, fear not you old, old, old, OLD person. You too can get in on the savings!

The physical versions of Hunter Red's works currently up for sale on have been reduced from $7 to only $5.40. That just over 22% off the already low prices!

So buy all of the products currently available from The Redertainment Corporation Of America during our Forty-sixth Annual Time-shifting Revenue Sale. These deals won't last long, unless Mr. Red doesn't bother to raise the prices back to the previous level. And remember, if you don't take advantage of these deals, Kelly Osbourne will hate you.

Spotlight On The Fact That I'm Awesome

Kids, Google Andy Rooney

On October 2, 2011, commentator Andy Rooney delivered his final commentary at the end of 60 Minutes, capping a thirty-three career in television. In his final commentary, Mr. Rooney stated that he does not plan to retire, for writers never really retire. Instead, Mr. Rooney will continue to write commentaries on everyday life. What follows is the first commentary Mr. Rooney wrote in his post-60 Minutes career.

Over the past couple of months, in preparation for my exit from 60 Minutes, I've been thinking over my career and the many things I have done. A certain sense of awe sets in when I think of all the people, in all the parts of the word, that have heard my words. Not many writers can claim to have had such influence over people for such a long period of time. Whether they agree or disagree with me, they at least heard me, and they heard me for a long time.

If I allow myself to set aside any sense of humility, when I think of the broad scope of my career, I can only come to one conclusion. I, Andy Rooney, am awesome. I am one of the most awesome writers living today. I'm pretty sure that, even if I never write another word again, my intense awesomeness is something not many people can top.

I'm certainly more awesome than most of the young writers of today. Most of those writers are too concerned with commercial success or the "artistic pursuit" to even come close to my grand awesomeness. Many of the young writers are too concerned with peppering their work with swear words to be concerned with being awesome, like I clearly am. I worked for years without swearing, making my awesomeness even larger. There are writers out there who's work is awash in swearing and explicit content. One such author that stick out in my mind is Nicholson Baker, prick.

As I age, some would argue that my awesomeness has diminished, but I don't feel that to be so. The fact is that my awesomeness is just as large and prevalent as it has ever been, and will continue to be so. However, with my departure from 60 Minutes, my awesomeness is transitioning to another form. Perhaps my awesomeness will become even larger as a gain a presence online. That is, if I ever figure out how to turn my computer on.

The Redertainment Corporation Of America Employee Spotlight: Julia Diana Bobbi

Job Title:
Host/Interviewer for The Redertainment Corporation Of America

What was your favorite TV show as a child?

Chip and Dale Rescue Rangers and Winnie the Pooh

Have you ever met a famous person? Who?

I met President Thomas S. Monson once. He was nice.

If you were alone on a island with one CD, who's would it be?

The Sounds. I just love all their stuff. It's bouncy and happy and filled with fun!

Where do you wish to retire?

The only plans I have for retirement is to serve a mission with my future husband.

What is your favorite novel or author?

Chris Heimerdinger. Either him or Nephi.

If you could go anywhere in the world where would you go?

The Temple. I can see it from my office everyday and want desperately to stroll around inside it.

What would you do with a million dollars?

I'd launch my own Mormon themed podcast. Sure there are a ton of those out there, but there's always room for more.

Please add one fun fact about yourself.

I have read the Book Of Mormon once a year, every year, since I was nine.

Red Review: Hotel Dusk

Red Review: Hotel Dusk

In a bar in Salt Lake City, just down the street from The Official Offices of The Redertainment Corporation Of America, Hunter Red is trying to chat up a girl at a bar, named Bridgette Pan.

Hunter Red- ...but the pacing in that film was so cool, especially in the first sequence.
Bridgette Pan- Which part was that?
Hunter Red- The first part where Ryan Gossling's character is the getaway driver trying to get away from the cops. In most car movies recently, that sequence would have been all action, all adrenaline, all fast fast fast fast.
Bridgette Pan- Yeah.
Hunter Red- But in Drive, that scene is paced in a way that result in this thick, rich tension being developed over time, and I truly enjoy that.
Bridgette Pan- I see.

Bridgette Pan is clearly not impressed by Hunter Red, but Hunter Red doesn't realize it.

Hunter Red- So, can I call you sometime? Perhaps get some coffee?
Bridgette Pan- Well, I don't drink coffee, but yeah, I'll give you my number.

Bridgette Pan gets out a piece of paper, writes down a number, and gives it to Hunter Red.

Bridgette Pan- There you go.
Hunter Red- Allright, I'll call you.
Bridgette Pan- Yeah, sure.

Bridgette Pan gets up off her barstool and walks away. As Hunter Red watches her leave, a guy sits down next to Hunter Red.

Unknown Guy- Crash and burn.

Hunter Red turns to talk to this guy.

Hunter Red- Excuse me?
Unknown Guy- You just blew your chance. That girl is never going to talk to you again.
Hunter Red- What makes you think you know anything about-
Unknown Guy- Call the number she just gave you.
Hunter Red- Won't calling her so soon make me seem-
Unknown Guy- Just call it.

Hunter Red takes out his cellphone and calls the number Bridgette Pan gave him. After a few moments, Hunter Red hangs up his phone and has a dejected look on his face.

Unknown Guy- Was it the girl you were just chatting up?
Hunter Red- No.
Unknown Guy- Who was it?
Hunter Red- The Department Of Sewage Treatment.
Unknown Guy- Ouch! That is a major slam.

Hunter Red gets a really dejected look on his face.

Unknown Guy- Hey, cheer up guy. I can help you out.
Hunter Red- Who are you?
Unknown Guy- Martin Summer. You might have heard of me.
Hunter Red- No, I can't say I have.
Martin Summer- Really? You must not read much. I'm kind of a big deal in the writing world.
Hunter Red- What do you, run a publishing house or something?

Martin Summer gets this offended look on his face.

Martin Summer- No, I'm a writer.
Hunter Red- Really? So am I.
Martin Summer- Pfft. I doubt it. If you were a writer, I'd have heard of you.
Hunter Red- I haven't heard of you. Also, I don't want myself to be famous, I want my work to be famous.
Martin Summer- Pfft. That's child's play. All good writers want to be a famous big deal, like I am.
Hunter Red- Sure you are.
Martin Summer- You don't believe me?
Hunter Red- No, I do not believe you.
Martin Summer- Check this out.

Martin Summer turns to a woman sitting on the barstool next to him, heretofore referred to as Nicole.

Martin Summer- Hello miss.
Nicole- Hi.
Martin Summer- I'm Martin Summer. Perhaps you've heard of me?
Nicole- Oh yeah.

Clearly, Nicole has not heard of Martin Summer nor is really listening to him. Not recognizing this, Martin Summer persists.

Martin Summer- So, perhaps we can meet up later. I can talk to you about writing theory, the creative process, and general deep philosophical concepts.
Nicole- Oh yeah, sure. (To someone away from the bar.) Hey, Angela!

Nicole gets up and walks away from the bar. Hunter Red takes note of this.

Hunter Red- That seemed to work well.

Martin Summer takes out his smartphone and points it at Nicole. After a couple of moments, he says-

Martin Summer- Yep, lesbian. I had no shot, my phone confirms that.
Hunter Red- Sure it does.
Martin Summer- Yeah, lines like that work all the time if the girl in question is receptive to it.

Hunter Red finishes his drink then speaks to Martin Summer again.

Hunter Red- Sure. Hey, I'm going to go over there, but I'll be right back to learn your technique.
Martin Summer- I'm looking forward to teaching you the technique that removed the panties off ladies nationwide.
Hunter Red-(Sarcastically) Sure it did.

Hunter Red walks away from the bar, wholly intending not to return. Martin Summer gets the attention of the bartender.

Martin Summer- Bartender, get me the manliest drink you have, which is, of course, a Stella Artois. The beer so manly Adrien Body does ads for it.


Written on my iPad while listening to my iPod Touch while drinking my iSoda. Thank you Mr. Jobs.

Romantically Mining Screaming Politicians

By Hunter Red

I see the two of you sitting across the way.
I see you
Taking, laughing, connecting,
Generally being engrossed with eachother,
Loving eachother,
Reveling in the closeless you two share.

I see the two of you,
I watch you,
I am jealous of you,
I am envious of you,
I see that you have what I do not,
What the world has denied me,
I see you and I hate you

I decide as I am sitting there,
As I am watching you,
And I make a decision.
I will use my influence,
I will use my position,
I will use my power,
And I will make you miserable,
As miserable as I am.

I will bring a mighty weight down upon you,
A weight that, even thought you will surely try,
Is inescapable.
A weight that is weilded by me, people like me,
And, most importantly, not you,
You unworthy scum.

I will use this weight to prevent you from having
What I want,
But has been denied to me.
You will be cast aside,
Cast down,
Through the actions of many,
And in the mind of you
Because of what I do
To you

You will not have what I desire
Because of me,
Because of my hatred for you.
And even if you try to attain
What I fervently wish I had,
Because of me,
Because of me!
You will not enjoy it.

Overlooked Ruby

If you venture into a mine, long since abandoned by it's owner, you can often find little gems in the less traveled sections of the mine. Often these are gems that have been overlooked by those who were digging the mine. Sometimes these gems are ones that were discarded, either because the gem was not what the mine owner was looking for, or the gem was not of an attractive market value. If you venture into these abandoned mines and find these abandoned gems, they can often sparkle in your eyes and, in a soft subtle way, speak to the holder. The holder can hear the gem say things to them that they find to be sweet, alluring, and just what they needed to hear at the moment. Sometimes, on a very rare occasion, that gem can say to the holder, "Hello. My name is Hunter."

We Want Answers!

Hunter Red is sitting in his office reading, shockingly enough, the newspaper. Specifically, Hunter is reading the Salt Lake Tribune. While Hunter is reading the newspaper, he comes across a story that, while reading it, causes his face to contort in distressing ways. Eventually Hunter angrily throws down his newspaper, storms out of his office, and begins to pound on the office door of his boss, Rodger Red.

Hunter Red- Rodger! RODGER! I just read something in the newspaper. Rodger! (Pound Pound Pound) RODGER! There's a news story that says that The Redertainment Corporation Of America might run out of money come winter. Rodger! (Pound Pound Pound Pound Pound) RODGER! Are you going to say anything about this? Are you going to refute this? Is this story false? Were you going to tell Julia, Liz, 5toz, or me about this? Rodger! RODGER! (More Vigorous Pound Pound Pound) Damn it, I know you're in there! Get out here and answer these questions. Rodger RODGER! RODGER!!! (Continued Pounding Untill The Scene Fades To Black)