So I spent the last week being tried/sick/depressed. Because of this, I wrote only one thing that was good, but that thing was based on a joke that everyone made immediately after it happened. So I decided to recap all the major press conferences that occurred at this year's Electronic Entertainment Expo. Enjoy!
On Sunday, Microsoft held an event to celebrate Kinetic, the new motion control device for the Xbox 360 that was named by choosing random letters out of a bag. This celebration included a performance from Circ de Soile. As this was the regular Circ de Soile show and not Zumanity, I knew that no epic pole dancing would be involved, so I was not motivated to care. Then I found out about the spaceponchos. That's right, spaceponchos. I think I've found my Halloween costume for this year.
On Monday, Microsoft held their formal E3 Press Conference. At the end of this particularly overblown stage production, Don Mattrick unveiled the slightly smaller, slightly blacker, and slightly better ventilated Xbox 360 Slim. After it's unveiling, Mattrick announced that everyone in the audience at the Microsoft E3 Press Conference would be receiving an Xbox 360 Slim for free. This caused the internet to be flooded with comparisons to Oprah, and me to throw away the piece I had been working on. So, thanks jerkass!
The next fucking event that happened was the fucking Electronic Arts fucking E3 2010 fucking Press Conference. During this fucking show, Epic fucking Games upcoming first person fucking shooter Bulletstorm was fucking presented. In this fucking presentation, several fucking swear words were fucking used, something that is fucking unusual for an Efucking3 presentation. Also, the trailer for the console release of The Sims 3 was unveiled. Included in this trailer was a montage of sims engaging in various activities, including two sims making whoopie.
Joel McHale is a comedian who utilizes a ironic/sarcastic style in his act. When paired with a situation or a reality show clip that is in any way absurd, this comedic style can create pure gold. However, when this comedic style is paired with crap, it only serves to point out exactly what the material is. Crap. One of the games that was shown was Your Shape: Fitness Evolved, a game that received a better exhibition during Microsoft's E3 Press Conference earlier that day. Another game that was presented was Battle Tag. This is a game that is promised to bring an experience to home consoles that has never been had before The ability to simulate shooting your friends without harming your friends. That is something that has truly never been done before. Really. (Halo, Call of Duty, Battlefield: Bad Company, Team Fortress, Unreal Tournament, Counter-Strike, and so on, and so on, and so on...)
Where is the Vitality Sensor that I was so looking forward to sticking my penis into?
Robin is very much looking forward to Playstation Move. She won't tell me why.
Finally, the Redertainment Corporation Of America held a press conference on Wednesday. There is was announced that The Black Robin Christmas Carol, the next book by Hunter Red, would be made available for free at Redertainment.com on Monday, November 1st. As is typical with the work of Hunter Red, no one cared. Tear.
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