Making The Handicapped Feel Bad While Stealthly Swearing

The Red Interview- Tony Hayward

Hunter Red and Tony Hayward are sitting in chairs on a stage in front of a live audience.

Good evening and welcome to The Red Interview. I am your host Hunter Red. With me tonight is Tony Hayward. Mr. Hayward is the current CEO of BP and was the public face of his company immediately after Deep Water Horizon explosion and the subsequent oil disaster. Mr Hayward-

The audience immediately erupts in loud boos. Hunter tries to speak over the audience.

Mister Hayward, it is very nice to-

The boos from the audience gets louder. The audience even starts to throw small trash and coins onto the stage. Hunter, again, tries to speak over the audience.

Mister Hayward-

The boos get even louder. Tony Hayward gets up out of his chair, looks at the audience, and says-

Will you gutter swine shut the fuck up!

The audience is shocked into silence. For a moment. When the audience begins to boo again, the begin to throw larger pieces of trash and even more coins, nailing Mr. Hayward squarely in the head. Over the din of the audience, Hunter tries to finish the show.

Well, that's all for The Red Interview tonight. I'm getting the fuck out of here.



Splinter Cell: Conviction Review

Among the games that I have played in the current generation of video games,two of favorites are Metal Gear Solid 4 and Assassin's Creed 2. These are two games that can be categorized as among the elites in the stealth action genre.

Among my favorite things about Metal Gear Solid 4 is the fact that you really don't have to kill anyone. You can spend the entire game crawling along, slowly and methodically tackling every level, boss, and enemy without killing a single person. It's very hard to do so, but accomplishing this is a true testament of your skill.

My favorite part of Assassin's Creed 2 is the free running elements. You can climb, swing, run, stalk, jump, and perch on nearly every part of every building in that game. I found it truly liberating to be able to put Enzio on nearly part of a game level if I just put the effort into it.

The ability to not kill anyone and the ability to go anywhere is something I hoped would be recreated in Splinter Cell: Conviction. It wasn't. Not at all. Throughout most of Splinter Cell: Conviction I had to kill at least one person to progress in a level, and in some cases I had to kill everyone. It's not that I hate violence, I hate unnecessary violence. The level design was even more disappointing. Being able to take cover is nice, if only I could take cover on top of a building. Being able to see all my enemies with sonar is nice, being able to see them all with my naked eye is better.

Splinter Cell: Conviction is a good enough game, the best that I've played of the series, but I was expecting something more. I wanted a stealth game with action undertones. What I got was an action game with stealth undertones.

Splinter Cell: Conviction: C+



Dance Masters First Impressions

Robin Anderson is sitting at Hunter Red's desk in his office watching Hunter play a new video game. It's Dance Masters, a game utilizing Microsoft's Kinect that forces gamers to get up off the couch and perform dance moves to advance in the game. Hunter is playing the game, performing the prerequisite dance moves, when the level he's playing ends and he takes a rest. Robin starts applauding and says-

Robin- Very nice my good man.
Hunter- (Nearly out of breath) You think so?
Robin- Absolutely. What woman doesn't like to see her man bust a move on a totally not real dance floor?
Hunter- (Slightly less out of breath) Well, it's good to know I impress you. Plus, I've lost like thirty pounds playing this game, so there's a double benefit.
Robin- You know who'd probably like this game? My intern Eric. (Out to the general office area) Eric! Come in here and play this game with us.
After a while Eric enters Hunter's office. Eric is in a wheelchair.
Eric- What game is it?
Robin- It's Dance Masters, an upcoming dance game by Konami.
Eric- A dance game?
Robin- Yep.
Eric- Will I have to move my legs to play this game?
Robin- Probably.
Hunter- Robin, Eric is in a wheelchair.
Robin- I know that.
Hunter- How is Eric going to play a game that requires him to move his legs when he can't move his legs?
Robin is puzzled by this question, as is Hunter and Eric. The three go into a state of contemplation, trying to come up with an answer to that question.



MC Lars- Twenty-Three




The Black Robin Christmas Carol

The Black Robin Christmas Carol is coming November 1st. Did you know cigarette lighters were invented before matches?

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