(Title That May Only Be Funny To The Writer)

(Insert Title Here)

 

On Tuesday, Congressional hearing were held looking into a scandal involving the General Services Administration.  This hearing involved several senators making statements about the controversy, as well as the head of the GSA, Jeff Neely, pleading the fifth when asked any question by anybody during the hearing.  Among the statement given during this hearing was one given by Representative Mike Kelly.

In the hearing, Mike Kelly, Representative representing Pennsylvania's 3rd district, gave a statement that was seen by many as peculiar.  After some investigating, it appears that this statement was written by Representative Kelly's office.  However, Representative Kelly's staffers appears to have failed to fill in the blanks in the statement they wrote, and gave Kelly an incomplete speech.  The following is the statement Representative Kelly gave on Tuesday:

When I first started hearing about this story on (Date), I was (Emotion).  I find it very peculiar that such an oversight like this could happen in the (Organization).  The conduct displayed by the (Negative Buzzword) bureaucrats in the (Organization) is (Emotion Conveying Disgust).

In all of my (Year Amount) here in (Congress/Washington/Capital Hill), this is the most outrageous thing I have ever seen.  I am (Emotion Accompanied With A Light Slamming Of The Hand).  I am (Stronger Emotion Said Sternly Accompanied By A Slightly Harder Slamming Of The Hand).  I am (Strongest Emotion Said Loudly Accompanied By A Hard Slamming Of The Hand).  This is something that should not be tolerated.

(Raising Of My Hands Accompanied By A Bombastic Comment That People Will Only Take Seriously Because I'm A Politician Who People Think Knows Things)

The conduct displayed by (Organization) is so typical of the behavior that has infiltrated the (Black Guy I Blame For Everything) Administration.  We see stories like this everyday in (Prominent Newspaper), the (Tabloid Newspaper), as well as on Fox News.  The people can not be ignorant to the behavior that is tolerated by the (Black Guy I Blame For Everything) Administration.  (Black Guy I Blame For Everything) needs to clean house, and put in (String Of Adjectives That Implicitly Conveys That I Want Conservatives And Only Conservatives To Be Put In Charge).  If such an effort is not made by (Black Guy I Blame For Everything, This Time Using His Full Name While Emphasizing His Middle Name), we may be forced to (Statement That Implies That I Want To Impeach The President Without Using The Word Impeach).  Thank you, and God Bless America.

When asked later about his speech, Representative Kelly said, "I just went out there and spoke for the people of this country, people who are outraged by the actions of the Black Guy I Blame For Everything Administration."  When asked if he thought his statement was in any way peculiar, Rep. Kelly called me an Insert Liberal Insult Here, then walked away.

When asked about his colleague's comments, Representative Peter King punched me in the face and called me a Muslim.

I Have No Good Reason To Repost This, I Just Find It Amusing