Not An
Admission Of ANYTHING!!!
In the
annual tradition, this summer a number of wildfires have broken out in the
forests, fields, and general open spaces across the Western United States. Many of these fires have broken out in places
where people usually go on vacation.
I am a
person who does, on occasion, go on vacation.
I have also been traveling a lot lately.
This is due to me having a laptop, internet, a writing job, and a
general aversion to the office environment. I am also a Ginger. Like many Gingers, when I walk around outside
for an extended period of time, usually between an hour and fifteen minutes,
I burst
into flames. My skin will spontaneously
combust, resulting in flames covering all of the exposed parts of my body. I don't carry a lighter with me, I just stick
my hand out the window, and voila, flamefinger.
I am not
saying that I am to blame for any of the fires currently burning in the wilderness
of the majestic land. I am not saying
that I am not to blame for several of the fires currently burning in the
wilderness of this majestic land. All I
am saying is...
Under The
Cover Of E3
During
the week of E3, THQ tried to use the major focus given to that trade show to
close down one of their studios without anybody noticing. They failed.
As evidenced by this news story, people did notice THQ
doing this. However, there is something much
bigger that happened during the week of E3 that no one, in the gaming press or
the traditional press, has taken notice of.
Recently,
the Blizzard offices were subject to a raid by the Korean Federal Trade Commission. This raid
came on the heels of consumer complaints about the Error 37 problems
experienced by players of Diablo III. At
first it appeared as if Blizzard, and their parent company The Great Empire Of
Activison, was going to let these complaints and raid play themselves out in
the Korean legal process. However, on
June 6th, the day of the heavily watched Nintendo E3 Press Conference, The
Great Empire Of Activison executed a leveraged buyout of South Korea.
You read
that correct. For the paltry sum of
USD141 Billion, The Great Empire Of Activision did what few people have thought
to be plausible for a corporation to accomplish. The Great Empire Of Activision bought an
entire nation. This is not
unprecedented. In 2009, with the profits
from their phenomenally successful Madden franchise, Electronic Arts merged
with UK to form EAUK. This
partnership has been of limited success, with the Queen of England having
threatened Peter Moore with hanging on several occasions.
The
President of The Great Empire Of Activison, Robert Kotick, released the
following statement:
BEHOLD! Look forth on the might and majestry of The
Great Empire Of Activison! We have done
what few have thought of, much less accomplished. We have silenced those would would seek to
tear us down. We have silenced those
that have questioned us. We have bought
South Korea!
Know this
all those who would seek to inquire about our practices. You can not see what we do to our
enemies. We do not silence them with
guns, bombs, blades, or threats of violence.
We silence our critics with the most powerful thing in the world MONEY!!!
And North
Korea, don't fuck with us. We could end
you with just the amount of money I could find in my couch cushions!
Quote the
Kotick, nevermore.
It is
unclear as to what changes The Great Empire Of Activison plans to make with the
country of South Korea. However, this
much is clear: Do not question the Kotick.
If you question the Kotick, he will bury you under a pile of money. By the way...
Are you
sure that shirt goes with those pants?
You are a
scourge, and we are here to cleanse this world of you.
Volume 11
by Hunter Red. Physical copies start at $10.43. Digital copies are $1.
Serialization, for free, starting August 7th at Redertainment.com.
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