Recently a new trailer all but confirmed all of the villains that will appear in the hotly anticipated Batman: Arkham Asylum. However, like many other games, some late changes have been made to this game's villain lineup. None of the previously seen villains have been cut, but rather one has been added. This is a villain that has not appeared in any Batman related project to this point, but is a character based on events in the semi-real world.
Recently former relevant person Mischa Barton was checked into the psychiatric ward at Cedar Sinai Medical Center against her will. This had led to rampant and hurtful speculation as to what drove her there. This includes one unapologetic jackass who said she was there because she suffers from the delusion that the OC was a relevant and good television program.
Inspired by this tragic yet funny event, Rocksteady Studios, the developer behind Batman: Arkham Asylum, decided to add a new villain based a certain person who used to contribute positively to society. This new villain, named Vapid Wayste, is a costumed female who in her past was once a threat to all of humanity, especially the smart people. Recently Vapid Wayste has been doing nothing but smoking cigarettes and consuming prescription pills like most kids consume M&M's.
Saul Silver, a designer for Rocksteady Studios, released the following statement about this new villain. "One day we were high and we had an idea we thought was totally fucking awesome at the time. Upon reflection, we were totally fucking wrong about that. We're going to go forward with it anyway. After all, if people didn't go forward with ideas they knew were totally wrong for everyone, the OC would have never existed."
Batman: Arkham Asylum is set for release on August 25th. Mischa Barton is expected to be formally committed as soon as they can remove all the cigarettes from her house. Projected date for this is March 19th 2017.
Commodities. Yay! (Sarcasm Emoticon)
Now is the time when we here at the Redertainment Corporation Of America take a minute to look at the commodities market.
Today the price of a barrel of crude oil set for delivery in September rose $.35 to a six week high of $65.97. This rise is attributed to continuing tensions in the middle east, particularly in Iraq and Iran. This rise was stifled by the recent announcement of increased drilling off the coast of California.
The price of heating oil fell $1.16 to a five year low of $10.16 today. This decline was driven by projections of above average temperatures for the winter months caused by global climate change. This drop was made worse by the weakening of the US dollay against the Euro and the Yen.
Also today the price of natural gas rose by $.15 to a price of $67.24. This is in line with a trend in the price of natural gas, having increased $25.97 since the beginning of fiscal year 2006. The increase in the price of natural gas is attributed by increased consumption by municipal transit systems, particularly in areas where the price of gasoline is relatively high. This trend is expected to continue until automobiles with higher gas mileages become more prevalent in the market.
In a shocking turn of events, the value of Brent Crude rose by $.64 to a value of $66.64. This breaks the deflationary trend in the value of Brent Crude that had persisted unabated since March of 2001. When asked to comment on this sudden change, Mr. Crude said, "This week I put down a pre-order for the Prestige Edition of Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2. Those night vision goggles are so bad ass." This uptick in Brent Crude's value is being attributed to the future possibility that Mr. Crude will have an increased opposite gender desirability quotient, possibly because of his future possession of night vision goggles. This increase in Mr. Crude's opposite gender desirability quotient is expected to be especially strong among females who are intoxicated, have a less than average personal value perception, or are otherwise easier to engage in human sexual intercourse with. The increase in the value of Brent Crude is not expected to last long as Mr. Crude's current domestic residence is his maternal life giver's basement.
That does it for the Redertaiment Corporation Of America's look at the current standings of the commodities market. We now return you to your regularly scheduled dick joke.
ORLY 2.0?
The picture shown above is the one of the many images containing the ORLY Owl. This is a popular internet meme among people who spend too much time online. Recently a new entry in the ORLY universe has surfaced. Ladies, gentleman, and everyone else, I present to you the ORLY Racist Nutbag.
| The Daily Show With Jon Stewart | Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c | |||
| The Born Identity | ||||
| ||||
Red Eats Out (Insert Sex Joke Here)
Hunter Red, pictured above, goes out on a Sunday morning to eat at a local restaurant. Hunter is seated, receives his meal, and begins to eat. While Hunter is eating, the restaurant's manager comes over to speak to him.
Manager- Hello sir.
Hunter finishes chewing what he's eating, swallows, then speaks.
Hunter- Hi.
M- Are you enjoying your meal this morning sir?
H- Yes I am.
M- Is everything to your satisfaction?
H- Yes, it is.
M- Very good. Just one final question for you sir, do you have a blog?
Hunter looks at the Manager with this bewildered look on his face.
H- Do I have a blog?
M- That was my question sir.
H- Yes, I do. I dare say everyone and their bog has a blog.
M- Where can I find this blog?
H- Redertainment.com, it's called The Four Stars Blog.
The Manager fishes an iPhone out of his pocket and goes through the process of pulling up Hunter's blog. As the Manager does this, Hunter resumes eating.
M- Ah, yes sir, I've pulled up your blog here sir, and it looks like a very nice blog sir. Can I ask you to do one more thing sir?
Again, Hunter finishes chewing what he's eating, swallows, then speaks.
H- What is it?
M- Can you not post a review of your experience here today until next Monday?
H- What?
M- It's just that I know that blogs are very popular nowadays, and I'm sure your blog is very popular as well-
H- Not really. Redertainment.com only gets about thirteen visitors a week.
M- Well anyway, we value our reputation, and although you wouldn't do anything malicious toward us, we'd appreciate it if you'd hold off on posting a review on us until next Monday.
H- Um, sure. I'm probably not going to write a review about this place, but if I did it would probably be favorable.
M- So you're enjoying your experience here today?
H- Yeah, that's like the first question you asked me.
M- Oh, well then feel free to post a review on your blog as soon as you are able to do so.
H- What?
M- If you're going to post a favorable review of us, then please feel free to ignore our Monday embargo date and post that review as soon as you feel comfortable.
Hunter looks at the Manager again with this look of bewilderment.
H- Okay.
M- In fact, if you want, feel free to work on your review here in our restaurant. you can use all the time that you want. I'd even let you use my iPhone.
H- No thanks, that won't be necessary.
M- Well, you just keep on enjoying your experience here with us, and let me know if you need anything at all. I'll even send one of my waitresses over to keep you company, if you catch my drift.
The Manager walks away from the tale. Hunter still has this weird look on his face as he digs back into his meal. Then a waitress passes by. Hunter takes a good long look at her and says-
H- Oh manager.
Posts
No comments:
Post a Comment