****- A Talk With Wayne

A Talk With Wayne

Hunter Red is walking through his house when he sees a door in his house that is open. Hunter peers in then opens the door fully.
Hunter- What the hell?
Hunter steps into a room that is decorated like a single room library. It includes bookshelves, a globe, and chairs for sitting in. Think Dad’s study from Moral Orel.
Hunter- What the hell is all this? This isn’t mine. Robin! Robin do you know who did this.
One of the chairs begins to slowly turn so that the occupant faces Hunter. The occupant is an older man with white hair and bad teeth. Hunter sees this Guy and says-
Hunter- Ah!
Guy- Hello son.
H- Who the fuck are you?
Guy continues on as if Hunter has not said anything.
G- Why don’t you sit down here, it’s time we had a talk son.
H- Not until you tell me who you are and what you’re doing in my house. And why the fuck are you calling me son?
G- Son, everything that is good in this world comes from the family unit.
H- That’s not true, and where’s my god damn sexatorium?
G- Everything. This home that I built with my hard work, came from the family unit.
H- This is my house old man. And where the fuck is Robin?
G- The security that we enjoy as a country, came from the family unit.
H- You’ve got her bound and gagged in one of my closets, don’t you?
G- The artistic works created by the likes of Paul Newman, Jack Nicholson, and Leonardo da Vinci, came from the family unit.
H- Paul and Jack are flagrant bachelors and I’ve heard that da Vinci was gay. Are you even listening to me?
G- Son, if you want to do anything that is in anyway valuable in this world, you need to get married and have children.
Hunter fishes into his pocket for his cell phone and pulls it out in view of Guy.
H- I don’t know who you are but I’ve had enough of your shit. You have to the count of five to get your withered and ancient ass out of my house or I will call the cops.
G- But don’t you remember who I am?
H- Now you can hear me?
G- I am your father.
There is a short pause.
H- Fuck you. My father looks like me with black hair and eighty extra pounds.
G- Okay, I’m not your father, but I’m something better.
H- What’s that?
G- Wayne Niederhauser, your representative in the Utah State Senate.
H- How is that any better?
G- Well obviously your father is deficient. Why else would you be swearing at me?
H- You’re a strange man who broke into my house. You’re lucky you haven’t been shot.
G- Young man, I am a public official duly elected to the office of State Senate. You should take my advice and follow it dutifully.
H- The role of government is not to be my father.
G- Well, I disagree.
There is a short pause.
H- Wayne, you are an intruder in my house, that is an indisputable fact. You can leave now or be taken out.
G- I will not be taken out, I have god on my side.
H- Well, I have cops on my side, and I’m going to get them now.
Hunter leaves to go call the cops on a hard phone line. Wayne looks around the single room library and says-
G- How can that man not appreciate the work I’m doing for him?



My Message To The Utah State Legislature

There is a perception that I
hate the Utah State Legislature. I’m not sure where
everyone gets that impression. I need to make it clear to
you people the amount of respect I have for the
conservative members of the Utah State Legislature.
An interview with the State Senate President is a
necessary step to quell there is any negative perception there is.
Beginning in
late nineteen-ninety-nine
overtures were made to Mike
Waddoups. Gifts, praise, and slowly cured
meats were sent to him in hopes of
entering his office for an interview. We have been unsuccessful to this point.

Take the first letter in the first word of each of the above lines to learn my true message to the Utah State Legislature.