Brassica Oleracea

NO! Updated

Recently, discussions held in the United States Congress has devolved in a way that many people find disturbing. The need for a two thirds vote to end discussion on any subject, whether it's something large like future tax rates or the extension of health benefits to 9/11 responders, is something many pundits, bloggers, and other opinonists have decried. Some have already compared this debate to the debate over the oral consumption of Brassica Oleracea. Here is a short transcript of that debate.

John- Timmy, are you feeling okay?
Timmy- Yes.
John- Okay. Are you done with dinner?
Timmy- Yes, can I have dessert now, please?
John- Have you finished your brussel sprouts?
Timmy- No.
John- Well then you haven’t finished your dinner and so can’t have dessert.
Timmy- But I want dessert.
John- Then finish your brussel sprouts.
Timmy- No.
John- Then you can’t have dessert.
Timmy- No.
John- Timothy, that is the rule. If you don’t finish your dinner-
Timmy- No.
John- -then you can’t have any dessert.
Timmy- No.
John- That’s the rule and if you don’t follow the rule, you can go to your room young man. Look, I'll even make a compromise with you. You see the five brussel sprouts you have on your plate?
Timmy- No.
John- Well, you have five brussel sprouts on your plate. Now, you don't have to eat all of them. Here-

John eats a brussel sprout from Timmy's plate.

John- There, now you have four brussel sprouts on your plate. Can you eat those?
Timmy- No.
John- Okay, I'll compromise further.

John eats a brussel sprout from Timmy's plate.

John- There, now you have three brussel sprouts on your plate. Can you eat those?
Timmy- No.
John- Okay, I'll compromise further.

John eats a brussel sprout from Timmy's plate.

John- There, now you have two brussel sprouts on your plate. Can you eat those?
Timmy- No.
John- Okay, I'll compromise further.

John eats a brussel sprout from Timmy's plate.

John- There, now you have one brussel sprout on your plate. Can you eat those?
Timmy- No.
John- Well, I'm sorry, if you can't eat even one brussel sprout, then you can not have dessert.
Timmy- You’re a fascist.
John- Timothy, that is a very hurtful thing to say to someone, and is, in all likelihood not true. Now, you can either finish your brussel sprouts-
Timmy- No.
John- -and then have dessert or not finish your brussel sprouts and go to bed.
Timmy- No.
John- Those are the choices you have.
Timmy- No!

Timmy then launches into a loud, furious, and violent temper tantrum. This goes on for several hours while John sits at the table, impotent to stop him. Neither Timmy nor John had dessert that night.



Hobbies, Hobbies, And Additional Hobbies!


Heather- Man, video games are a complete waste of time.
David- You know, I don't insult your hobby, don't insult mine.

Bryan- Man, scrapbooking is a complete waste of time.
Morgan- You know, I don't insult your hobby, don't insult mine.

Nate- Man, button collecting is a complete waste of time.
Chester- You know, I don't insult your hobby, don't insult mine.

Ronald- Man, taxidermy is a complete waste of time.
Anna- You know, I don't insult your hobby, don't insult mine.

Sally- Man, collecting Grateful Dead memorabilia is a complete waste of time.
Walter- You know, I don't insult your hobby, don't insult mine.

Joan- Man, dressing like characters in Mad Men is a complete waste of time.
Don- You know, I don't insult your hobby, don't insult mine.

Clarissa- Man, stalking Melissa Joan Hart is a complete waste of time.
Bruce- You know, I don't insult your hobby, don't insult mine.

Julia- Man, collecting, cataloguing, and maintaing a pornography archive is a complete waste of time.
Hunter- You know, I don't insult your hobby, don't insult mine.



Conan: Age of the Masturbating Bear

On Thursday, it was revealed that Paradox Entertainment and Digital Development Management are currently developing a new game based on Conan O'Brien. This game is believed to be a followup to the failed MMORPG launched during the final year of Late Night with Conan O'Brien, before the comedian's move to The Tonight Show, and later his move to Twitter. Included in the story about this game is this picture:

It is unknown what connection this picture has to Mr. O'Brien, but it does imply that the Evil Puppy will be making an appearance in this game.