Man, I am borderline broke. Between paying for rehab, fixing my car, and trying to promote my book, I am really running low on funds. I guess I can't take a vacation this year. Too bad though. I was really looking forward to spending the weekend of my birthday up at one of the ski resorts. My birthday is during the summer, so the rates up there are cheap, even for a four star resort. There's great restaurants, beautiful scenery, clean mountain air, all the things any person needs to feel reinvigorated. Oh well, maybe next year.
Person speaking above receives a message via Facebook.
Oh, it's a message about my high school reunion.
Opens the message.
Wow. My high school reunion is scheduled for the weekend of my birthday. There's going to be a family friendly picnic, a service project, and a general party with all the people I knew in high school to be held at the high school I graduated from.
Person thinks for a second.
You know, I really need to take a vacation. If not for my sanity, to inject some money back into our dire economy.
The 2011 State Of The Union Address
The 2011 Utah State Of The State Address
For some time, I have wondered what it would take for a politician in Utah to get national attention. I thought that Chris Buttar's yearly reaffirming of his empty headed bigotry would get attention by now. I thought Sheldon Kilpack's DUI arrest and subsequent defense of his DWI arrest, a defense that may have some merit, would have gotten national attention. I thought that Kevin Garn admitting to a nude hottub encounter on a floor of the Utah State Legislature, a nude hottub encounter when he was twenty-eight and the girl was sixteen, would have gotten national attention. I thought Kevin Garn receiving a standing ovation from his fellow legislatures after admitting to his nude hottub encounter would have received national attention. But nothing. Nothing. Seemingly nothing that happens in the state of Utah can even come close to superseding a golden throated homeless man. Perhaps this can change things. Perhaps what Gov. Gary Herbert said during his 2011 State Of The State address will finally get national attention. I mean, what this address amounts to is a twenty-seven minute long rant about state's rights, rights that the federal government is NOT encroaching on. I have my doubts that this will happen though. I just know that Gov. Herbert's address will be overshadowed by the east coast receiving an amount of snow that amounts to a dusting out here. Either that or Curtis Oda's ferrel animals proposal, or the proposal to appoint a state gun. Ugh.
The Naming Of The Device
A group of people gather around a long table in a conference room in a high rise office building somewhere in America. There are many different kinds of people, all of them dressed in well tailored suits. The man at the end of the table, Derrick Balconi, stands to address the gathered.
Derrick Balconi- Ladies, gentlemen, and people from management-
The people gathered laugh at that joke.
Derrick Balconi- we have come here because another company has asked for our help again. Last year, Microsoft wanted a name for their motion gaming deceive, and we delivered. The name Kinect is now in the lips of every video game aficionado and has become a worldwide phenomena. Now another company has come to us looking for a name. That company is Microsoft's direct competitor in the video game market, Sony.
The people gathered gasp and start to murmur like people do when a monumental thing is said.
Derrick Balconi- People, we need to deliver a name that is catchy, non-offensive, and, most importantly, not currently trademarked. I think we need to consult the bag.
The people gathered murmur again.
Derrick Balconi- Delany, bring in the bag.
A woman, also dressed in a well tailored suit, enters the conference room carrying a velvet bag. The other people in the room look at Delany with much adoration and envy. Delany places the bag in front of Derrick, then leaves the room.
Derrick Balconi- Thank you Delany. My employees, this is where we will get the name for Sony's newest consumer device, but first we need to know how long this name should be. Delany, the die.
Delany reenters the conference room carrying a large twenty sided die. The other people in the room look at Delany with much adoration and envy. Delany places the die in Derrick's hand, then leaves the room.
Derrick Balconi- Thank you Delany.
Derrick rolls the die out on the conference table. It comes to a rest in front of one of the people at the table. Derrick dramatically points that this employee and says-
Derrick Balconi- You! What does the die say?
The employee looks at the die and says-
Employee- Three.
Derrick Balconi- Good, I like three. I hear it's a magic number. Now, to decide the name.
Derrick opens the velvet bag Delany placed in front of him. He digs around in this bag and pulls out three tiles. Tiles that look very much like this.
Derrick places the tiles on the table. Derrick looks at the tiles and says-
Derrick Balconi- Behold! The name that we have come up with for Sony's new consumer device. NPG.
The employee who spoke earlier speaks again.
Employee- But sir, what does that mean?
Derrick Balconi- That is not our concern. We do not attach meanings to things, we only name them. Meaning are for the client to decide.
The people in the conference room disperse, satisfied that they had just done what they have been gathered there to do.
END SCENE
Salt Lake City, Utah
Hunter Red is sitting in his office listening to his iPod. There's a TV on in his office tuned to CNN. They are covering the riots in Cairo, Egypt. Hunter looks at the TV, without taking off his iPod, and says-
Hunter- Huh. Looks like somebody won something. Probably soccer since it's not America.
Crawford, Texas
George W. Bush is sitting in his office at his ranch in Crawford, Texas. There's a TV in his office tuned to CNN. They are covering the riots in Cairo, Egypt. George looks at the TV and says-
W- You're welcome.
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