The Red's Dinner With A Deviant Animal Fondler

Dinner With The Reds

A couple of months ago, the matriarch of the Red family, Allison, pictured above, tried to start a tradition of having her entire family over for Sunday dinner.  This tradition didn't last long as her only son, Hunter, pictured above, spent several weeks in rehab and afterward just didn't want to do it.  In addition to that, the patriarch of the Red family, Keith, pictured above, also chose to take additional shifts at work in order to pay for something, money he later spent on beer.  Undeterred by failure, Allison tried once again to get the Sunday family dinner tradition started.  Our story begins when Hunter enters the Red family home.

Hunter Red-  Hello.

Hunter is in the front room of the Red family home.  Keith is in the family room, where he will stay throughout this entire scene.

Keith Red-  Keep it down, Pawn Stars is on.

Allison comes into the front room to greet her son.

Allison Red-  Hunter.  It's good that you're here, I need your help in the kitchen.
Hunter Red-  Why isn't Dad helping you?
Keith Red-  You're never going to be able to get a thousand dollars for that hunk of tin.
Allison Red-  He's busy.  Come here and help me with this.

Hunter and Allison enter the kitchen of the Red family home.

Allison Red-  Will you get that down for me?

Allison points to a George Forman Grill that sits on top of the refrigerator.  Hunter easily gets the grill down from what is a high and unreachable place for Allison.

Hunter Red-  What are you going to make with this.
Allison Red-  Oh, I don't cook with this anymore.
Hunter Red-  Who does?
Allison Red-  I just wanted it down so I could clean it.  That thing has been collecting dust for weeks and it's been bugging me for about that long.
Hunter Red-  Don't you have a step stool?
Allison Red-  Yes, but why do I need that when you're around?
Hunter Red-  Because I'm not always around.
Keith Red-  That jersey ain't going to be worth shit because it's a Yankees jersey.
Allison Red-  So, what are you doing on Tuesday?
Hunter Red-  Work.
Allison Red-  What about after work?

Hunter rolls his eyes at his mother's questions.

Hunter Red-  What do you need me to do?
Allison Red-  What's with that tone?
Keith Red-  Damn, that's a sweet hot rod.
Hunter Red-  Whenever you ask me what my schedule is or what I'm doing on certain days, you always need me to do something.  It's a way to see if I have nothing planned before you ask me to do something so that I have no way to get out of it.

Allison is offended by this statement.

Allison Red-  Hunter, you act like I'm some sort of a burden.  You act like whenever I ask you a question that there's always an motive behind it.
Hunter Red-  Because there is.  Last summer you asked me if I was planning to take a vacation, which I wasn't planning to, then you asked me if I could help you put in the garden that you don't attend to anymore.  In the spring, you asked me what I was doing on Saturdays in March, when I said nothing much, you asked me to help you put in that display case in the front room.  Even when I was in rehab, when you knew where I was and what I was doing, you were texting me about wanting help getting at the photo albums.
Keith Red-  I told you that was a worthless pile of tin!
Allison Red-  Is it so wrong to ask my son for help?
Hunter Red-  No, it's not, but the way you ask for help aggravates me.  It makes me think that any conversation with you can be turned into a request for help.  Just be more direct about it.  Don't ask me if I'm doing anything on Tuesday, say to me "I'm doing something on Tuesday, can you help with it?"
Allison Red-  And you'll help with it?
Hunter Red-  Yes, assuming I don't have work or an appointment with my psychologist, I will gladly help you with whatever you are doing.

Allison is relieved to hear this.

Allison Red-  Okay.  I want to start finishing the basement on Saturday.  Can you help with that?
Hunter Red-  Yes, I can.  When do you need me to be here?
Allison Red-  I was thinking ten.
Hunter Red-  I'll be here.

Mother and son hug.  There is no good reason for this other than it fits the moment.

Allison Red-  Okay.  Now, go downstairs and see how your father is.
Keith Red-  What do you mean the hotrod is rusting from the inside?
Hunter Red-  Actually, I think I have an appointment with Dr. Anderson.

Allison is slightly amused by this.


First Impressions- Little Deviants (Vita)
First of all...
Included in the first edition bundle of the Sony PS Vita, which I have and you don't, is a game called Little Deviants.  When I first saw this game I was delighted.  Deviancy is something that I strive for as I feel conformity is something to be avoided at all costs.  So the thought of playing a game where I played as a deviant filled me with joy.  Then I played the game.
Little Deviants is more or less a proof of concept for two of the most highly touted features of the Vita.  The game utilizes the camera as well as the touchscreen on the back of the Vita in gameplay settings.  In practice this has mixed results.  The levels that utilize the camera are interesting, possibly more interesting if you are in an interesting place.  However, moving your Vita back and forth while sitting in a location may cause people to think that you are undergoing some sort of psychotic episode.  Seriously, my supervisors at work wanted to talk to me after seeing me play one of the camera utilizing levels in the breakroom at work.  They thought I was miming throttling someone.  Really.
The levels that utilize the back touchscreen also have mixed results.  I have often complained about playing games on my iPad because, in order to manipulate the game experience, I have to put my fingers in the way of what I'm playing.  Putting a touchpad on the back of the Vita is a way or going around this problem.  Now you can manipulate the game experience with your fingers without your fingers getting in the way of what you are playing.  However, this also brings up an additional problem.  When playing the levels of the game that utilized the back touchscreen, I had a hard time figuring out where my fingers were and where I should put them.  Sure when I put my fingers on the back touchscreen it became clear to me where my fingers were, but I prefer to know what I will do in a game environment before I do it.  As I played the game more I became more familiar with the placement of my fingers on the back touchscreen, but the problem of not seeing my fingers still came up sometimes while playing the game.
Overall, Little Deviants is a great game to start out playing the Vita with.  It allows you to come into contact with some of the new features of the PS Vita in a way that delights you in your very core.  It's not perfect, as the controls do take some getting used to, but Little Deviants is a good start.  I look forward to playing this game more in the future.

Hunter Red Submits His Name To Be A Judge
Hot on the heels of their lawsuit against SeaWorld, arguing that whales should get the same protections as humans, the activist group People For The Ethical Treatment Of Animals has filed a lawsuit against the organizers of the Westminster Dog Show.
PETA alleges that the group responsible for the annual high class event, The Westminster Kennel Club, engages in unethical conduct when judging the various canine contestants.  This judging includes a manual inspection of the dog's ears, teeth, neck, legs, paws, torso, tail, and genitals.  PETA's lawsuit centers on the genital inspection portion of the judging.  The lawsuit asserts that dogs should receive the same rights as humans under the law, and as such should receive protection from sexual assault by the people judging the competition.  The lawsuit calls that for the genital inspection portion of the canine judging be removed and that the judges who served at this year's Westminster Dog Show be brought up on rape charges.
The Westminster Kennel Club did try to keep this legal action quiet by attempting to settle this lawsuit out of court.  One of the offers that the WKC put on the table was an agreement that was also approved by The Trump Organization, owners of the Miss USA pageant.  In this agreement, genital inspection would not be removed from the judging portion of the Westminster Dog Show.  Rather, genital inspection would be added to the Miss USA pageant.  It is unclear as to where and when these inspections would take place, but Mr. Trump is said to be in talks with Pay Per View providers about some sort of "High Class Judge Show".
The lawsuit is expected to go to court in June.  This publication will keep you up to date on any developments in this case.

A The Redertainment Corporation Of America Special Report
Over the past couple of weeks, our reporter, Julia Diana Bobbi, has been researching a story about pornography on the internet.  While pornography on the internet is nothing new, Miss Bobbi has found a shocking uptick in the prevalence of one particular kind of pornographic content: Animal Child Porn.

While child pornography is reprehensible on it's own, and animal porn is in some circles equally sick, the combination of animal porn and child porn is something that is rarely seen.  However, according to the reporting of Miss Bobbi, this particular kind of pornography is being uploaded at a faster rate than ever before.  For this report, Julia Diana Bobbi prepared seventeen links that are examples of Animal Child Pornography.  We warn you, the pics that are at the links provided are disturbing.

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