Kickstarting Central Air Number 37

I <3 Central Air

On Sunday I was over at my parent's house.  This is the Sunday dinner tradition that my mother started trying to do.  A wrench was thrown into this tradition when the work schedule where my Dad works started getting changed around.  After some dinner and light conversation, I start to leave.  Before I left, I notice something.

There was water flowing out of the medicine cabinet in the bathroom I was going to use.  My boyfriend-in-law had been working on the swamp cooler, and the line going to the swamp cooler sprung a leak.  This leak was leaking on the ceiling above my parent's bedroom and into the bathroom on the other side of the wall.

My boyfriend-in-law was called back to stop the leak.  He stopped the water, then left to get something to patch the hole in the line, all the while ignoring the water continuing to drip from the ceiling in my parent's bedroom.  Slowly the sheetrock started to sag and separate.

My Mom called my aunt and uncle.  My uncle is significantly more useful than my boyfriend-in-law.  As my uncle was inspecting the sheetrock above my parent's bedroom...

 

One panel sheetrock gave way, as did the insulation that was lying on top of it.

Eventually me and my uncle, not me and my boyfriend-in-law, got the dripping to stop and did clean up most of the insulation that fell.  I am still concerned that another sheetrock panel will give and I will have to clean up more insulation.  All this makes me thankful for something.

I have central air.  At the vast Hunter Red palatial estate and sexatorium, there is central air.  This means that there is not a swamp cooler sitting on the room of my place waiting to leak water, do damage, and cause things to fall down on top of my head.

AGR Kickstarter

A couple of weeks ago, I mocked Kickstarter.  Now, I am proud to say that I actually support somebody's campaign on Kickstarter.

All Games Radio needs capital to become the juggernaut of internet radio broadcasting that I know it can be.  It can get this capital from donations from people like you.  You don't have to give much.  How about $10?  Come on, I know you have $10.

Please, give to the All Games Radio Kickstarter.  If you don't, I will kill this puppy.

37...37...37!...37!!!

A strange incident happened on Wednesday.  During a Los Angeles Angels game in Oakland on Wednesday, relief pitcher Scott Downs was assaulted in the bullpen by a fan who rushed him from the stands.

The man is identified as twenty-eight year old Bill Brennan.  When questioned by police, Mr. Brennan was only found to be saying, "Thirty-seven.  Thirty-seven.  That number haunts me.  It haunts me like a curse!  Thirty-seven.  Thirty-seven!  I must eliminate thirty-seven!  Thirty-seven.  Thirty-seven."

When a search of Bill Brennan's apartment was executed, among the items found were a TV, a computer, a refrigerator full of beer, a small collection of porn, and a copy of Diablo III.

It Begins

There is a story.  A story of pain, a story of loss, a story of unspeakable horrors, a story that has not been given it's proper attention.  Some are ignoring this story.  Some are unaware of this story.  Some know of this story but are complicit in it's darkness.  This is a story that must be told.  Told so that the good can stop it and the bad can feel shame for it.  This is Volume 11

The new book by Hunter Red, Volume 11.  Available now on Kindle, Nook, and in a physical form.  Donate to the All Games Radio Kickstarter, then see if you have some money for Volume 11.  If you don't, I will kill this puppy.

The Red's Dinner With A Deviant Animal Fondler

Dinner With The Reds

A couple of months ago, the matriarch of the Red family, Allison, pictured above, tried to start a tradition of having her entire family over for Sunday dinner.  This tradition didn't last long as her only son, Hunter, pictured above, spent several weeks in rehab and afterward just didn't want to do it.  In addition to that, the patriarch of the Red family, Keith, pictured above, also chose to take additional shifts at work in order to pay for something, money he later spent on beer.  Undeterred by failure, Allison tried once again to get the Sunday family dinner tradition started.  Our story begins when Hunter enters the Red family home.

Hunter Red-  Hello.

Hunter is in the front room of the Red family home.  Keith is in the family room, where he will stay throughout this entire scene.

Keith Red-  Keep it down, Pawn Stars is on.

Allison comes into the front room to greet her son.

Allison Red-  Hunter.  It's good that you're here, I need your help in the kitchen.

Hunter Red-  Why isn't Dad helping you?

Keith Red-  You're never going to be able to get a thousand dollars for that hunk of tin.

Allison Red-  He's busy.  Come here and help me with this.

Hunter and Allison enter the kitchen of the Red family home.

Allison Red-  Will you get that down for me?

Allison points to a George Forman Grill that sits on top of the refrigerator.  Hunter easily gets the grill down from what is a high and unreachable place for Allison.

Hunter Red-  What are you going to make with this.

Allison Red-  Oh, I don't cook with this anymore.

Hunter Red-  Who does?

Allison Red-  I just wanted it down so I could clean it.  That thing has been collecting dust for weeks and it's been bugging me for about that long.

Hunter Red-  Don't you have a step stool?

Allison Red-  Yes, but why do I need that when you're around?

Hunter Red-  Because I'm not always around.

Keith Red-  That jersey ain't going to be worth shit because it's a Yankees jersey.

Allison Red-  So, what are you doing on Tuesday?

Hunter Red-  Work.

Allison Red-  What about after work?

Hunter rolls his eyes at his mother's questions.

Hunter Red-  What do you need me to do?

Allison Red-  What's with that tone?

Keith Red-  Damn, that's a sweet hot rod.

Hunter Red-  Whenever you ask me what my schedule is or what I'm doing on certain days, you always need me to do something.  It's a way to see if I have nothing planned before you ask me to do something so that I have no way to get out of it.

Allison is offended by this statement.

Allison Red-  Hunter, you act like I'm some sort of a burden.  You act like whenever I ask you a question that there's always an motive behind it.

Hunter Red-  Because there is.  Last summer you asked me if I was planning to take a vacation, which I wasn't planning to, then you asked me if I could help you put in the garden that you don't attend to anymore.  In the spring, you asked me what I was doing on Saturdays in March, when I said nothing much, you asked me to help you put in that display case in the front room.  Even when I was in rehab, when you knew where I was and what I was doing, you were texting me about wanting help getting at the photo albums.

Keith Red-  I told you that was a worthless pile of tin!

Allison Red-  Is it so wrong to ask my son for help?

Hunter Red-  No, it's not, but the way you ask for help aggravates me.  It makes me think that any conversation with you can be turned into a request for help.  Just be more direct about it.  Don't ask me if I'm doing anything on Tuesday, say to me "I'm doing something on Tuesday, can you help with it?"

Allison Red-  And you'll help with it?

Hunter Red-  Yes, assuming I don't have work or an appointment with my psychologist, I will gladly help you with whatever you are doing.

Allison is relieved to hear this.

Allison Red-  Okay.  I want to start finishing the basement on Saturday.  Can you help with that?

Hunter Red-  Yes, I can.  When do you need me to be here?

Allison Red-  I was thinking ten.

Hunter Red-  I'll be here.

Mother and son hug.  There is no good reason for this other than it fits the moment.

Allison Red-  Okay.  Now, go downstairs and see how your father is.

Keith Red-  What do you mean the hotrod is rusting from the inside?

Hunter Red-  Actually, I think I have an appointment with Dr. Anderson.

Allison is slightly amused by this.

END SCENE

First Impressions- Little Deviants (Vita)

First of all...

I GOT A VITA AND YOU DON'T!  NYA NYA NYA NYA NYA NYA!  :P

Included in the first edition bundle of the Sony PS Vita, which I have and you don't, is a game called Little Deviants.  When I first saw this game I was delighted.  Deviancy is something that I strive for as I feel conformity is something to be avoided at all costs.  So the thought of playing a game where I played as a deviant filled me with joy.  Then I played the game.

Little Deviants is more or less a proof of concept for two of the most highly touted features of the Vita.  The game utilizes the camera as well as the touchscreen on the back of the Vita in gameplay settings.  In practice this has mixed results.  The levels that utilize the camera are interesting, possibly more interesting if you are in an interesting place.  However, moving your Vita back and forth while sitting in a location may cause people to think that you are undergoing some sort of psychotic episode.  Seriously, my supervisors at work wanted to talk to me after seeing me play one of the camera utilizing levels in the breakroom at work.  They thought I was miming throttling someone.  Really.

The levels that utilize the back touchscreen also have mixed results.  I have often complained about playing games on my iPad because, in order to manipulate the game experience, I have to put my fingers in the way of what I'm playing.  Putting a touchpad on the back of the Vita is a way or going around this problem.  Now you can manipulate the game experience with your fingers without your fingers getting in the way of what you are playing.  However, this also brings up an additional problem.  When playing the levels of the game that utilized the back touchscreen, I had a hard time figuring out where my fingers were and where I should put them.  Sure when I put my fingers on the back touchscreen it became clear to me where my fingers were, but I prefer to know what I will do in a game environment before I do it.  As I played the game more I became more familiar with the placement of my fingers on the back touchscreen, but the problem of not seeing my fingers still came up sometimes while playing the game.

Overall, Little Deviants is a great game to start out playing the Vita with.  It allows you to come into contact with some of the new features of the PS Vita in a way that delights you in your very core.  It's not perfect, as the controls do take some getting used to, but Little Deviants is a good start.  I look forward to playing this game more in the future.

Hunter Red Submits His Name To Be A Judge

Hot on the heels of their lawsuit against SeaWorld, arguing that whales should get the same protections as humans, the activist group People For The Ethical Treatment Of Animals has filed a lawsuit against the organizers of the Westminster Dog Show.

PETA alleges that the group responsible for the annual high class event, The Westminster Kennel Club, engages in unethical conduct when judging the various canine contestants.  This judging includes a manual inspection of the dog's ears, teeth, neck, legs, paws, torso, tail, and genitals.  PETA's lawsuit centers on the genital inspection portion of the judging.  The lawsuit asserts that dogs should receive the same rights as humans under the law, and as such should receive protection from sexual assault by the people judging the competition.  The lawsuit calls that for the genital inspection portion of the canine judging be removed and that the judges who served at this year's Westminster Dog Show be brought up on rape charges.

The Westminster Kennel Club did try to keep this legal action quiet by attempting to settle this lawsuit out of court.  One of the offers that the WKC put on the table was an agreement that was also approved by The Trump Organization, owners of the Miss USA pageant.  In this agreement, genital inspection would not be removed from the judging portion of the Westminster Dog Show.  Rather, genital inspection would be added to the Miss USA pageant.  It is unclear as to where and when these inspections would take place, but Mr. Trump is said to be in talks with Pay Per View providers about some sort of "High Class Judge Show".

The lawsuit is expected to go to court in June.  This publication will keep you up to date on any developments in this case.

A The Redertainment Corporation Of America Special Report

Over the past couple of weeks, our reporter, Julia Diana Bobbi, has been researching a story about pornography on the internet.  While pornography on the internet is nothing new, Miss Bobbi has found a shocking uptick in the prevalence of one particular kind of pornographic content: Animal Child Porn.

While child pornography is reprehensible on it's own, and animal porn is in some circles equally sick, the combination of animal porn and child porn is something that is rarely seen.  However, according to the reporting of Miss Bobbi, this particular kind of pornography is being uploaded at a faster rate than ever before.  For this report, Julia Diana Bobbi prepared seventeen links that are examples of Animal Child Pornography.  We warn you, the pics that are at the links provided are disturbing.

1- This is a picture of a child, no more than six, with a dog, no more than three.

2- This is a young child with an equally young cat.

3- This is a picture of a baby engaged in some sort of food play with multiple dogs.

4- This is a child engaged in some sort of chocking game with a cat in the process of exhibiting his ears.

5- This is a picture of a large cat being taunted with a small child.

6- This is multiple young dogs "playing" with a very young child.

7- This picture is being touted as reminicent of donkey shows.

8- I don't want to describe where the mouth of this horse is.

9- This picture contains several animals "interacting" with several yound girls.

10- This is what is known as "glass play".

11- Sometimes adults are protrayed as going along on a "safari" with multiple children.

12- There are even movies available that protray this deviant behavior.

13- The display of long necks serve as a kind of sick turn on.

14- Occasionally costumes will be involved.

15- Not all of the pictures are happy. Some make an effort to display sadness.

16- Others revel in their depiction of happiness.

17- There are also animated versions available, serving two kind of fetishes.

Source

Hunky Dory Track #1

Hunter Fucking Red

For I long time, I was without an identity. I was listless, rudderless, without a direction or purpose. Then I found my identity. I found my true self. I found my inner adult. The personality that I found was so different from the one I had before, I felt it necessary to give myself a new name. This name served as a permanent break from my previous personality, a personality exemplified by weakness, cowardice, and fear. I am Hunter Red, and I plan to stay that way for as long as I live.

I am now contemplating a name change. Suggestions?



Housework With Allison Red

Hunter Red drives up to his parent's house in his big fucking SUV and goes right inside the house.

Hunter- Mom. I'm here.

Allison Red talks to Hunter from upstairs.

Allison- Hang on, I'll be right down.

Allison Red comes down to the front room of the house.

Allison- Oh, so you received my text message.
Hunter- Yeah, now that I have my new Droid X I can actually receive text messages, although my reception at work still sucks. Seriously, who's bright idea was it to build the entire Redertainment offices out of concrete.
Allison- Your grandmother's.

There is an awkward silence, due to the fact that the grandmother Allison just referred to is dead.

Allison- Just kidding, it was the dumbass who built the building before your Grandpa bought it.
Hunter- Yeah, well, I guess they never thought of making it so that people can actually make cell phone calls in that building.
Allison- It was built in 1968, so probably not. So, you ready to help me hang hats?
Hunter- Sure, where's the ladder?
Allison- Aren't you tall enough to hang the hats on the walls just by standing on the floor?
Hunter- Was I tall enough the last time?
Allison- True. It's out in the garage.

Hunter leaves the front room to go get the ladder from the garage.

Allison- So, Hunter.
Hunter-(Still in the garage) Yes.
Allison- That thing you posted on Facebook about changing your name again, were you serious about that?
Hunter- No. I was just blowing off some steam after seeing John Cena in his new gear.
Allison- What was so bad about it.
Hunter- It was red.
Allison- Again, what was so bad about it.
Hunter- John Cena, wrestling's biggest wuss, was wearing red, and it wasn't even a good shade of red.
Allison- Was shade was it?
Hunter- That shade of red that clowns usually wear.
Allison- Oh.

Hunter enters the front room carrying the ladder.

Allison- Well then, let's get to work.

Hunter and Allison go upstairs to the master bedroom. On the bed in the middle of the master bedroom is a pile of baseball caps of many different sizes, shapes, and kinds. On the walls of the master bedroom is are hooks, each evenly spaced, lining each of the walls. In the corner of the bedroom, in a big oversized chair, is Keith Red.

Keith is watching TV, oblivious to what is going on around him.

Hunter- Hey Dad.

Keith does not respond.

Allison- Keith, is there a particular way you want these hats arranged.

Keith does not respond.

Hunter- Are you going to help up hand all of these hats.

Keith does not respond.

Allison- I'm going to take off my top.
Keith- Not in front of the kid. Roman, leave.
Hunter- Dad, my name is Hunter. I changed it when my personality changed back in college.
Keith- Hey, my name changed just after high school.
Hunter- Really? What did it change to?
Keith- Dad.
Hunter- Oh.
Allison- Well, lets' get to work.

Hunter and Allison get to work, hanging all of the baseball caps lying on the bed on all the hooks on all of the walls in the master bedroom. Once it's done, the room looks like something out of a suspense film, with all of the hats looking like something out of The Birds. Throughout this process, Keith Red stays sitting in his chair, watching TV, occasionally barking out orders, but otherwise not helping out at all.



Drunken Disobedience

Like many states, the state of Utah has told all of it's state agencies to trim some of their fat so that they can be more fiscally responsible. Among the Utah state agencies that was instructed to trim it's was the Department Of Alcohol Beverage Control. The DABC controls how much alcohol can be imported into the state of Utah, where it can be sold, who can sell it, and how much it can be sold for. To conform to the wishes of the Utah State Legislature, the DABC sought to trim $2.2 Million by scaling back hours at the state controlled liquor stores and closing nine stores.

There was a great response to this move among liberals, business owners, rednecks, and others who like to drink alcohol or make money off alcohol. Among the arguments made by people who opposed these moves was based on fiscal discipline. Their argument was that if one really wants to trim a lot of fat in the DABC, why not do away with the State Liquor Store system? Why not allow the alcohol sold in the state run liquor stores, mainly wines, hard liquor, and some types of beer, to be sold in grocery stores like they are in other states? This argument was met with the following response:


EXCLUSIVE: A ban on selling beer at Utah convenience stores?
Reported by: Chris Vanocur

SALT LAKE CITY (ABC 4 News) - First, the state of Utah said it was going to shut down liquor stores and now it may be setting its sights on where Utahns can buy beer.

ABC 4 News has learned that a prominent DABC commissioner may soon propose a ban on selling all beer at Utah convenience stores.

The first hint that DABC Commissioner Gordon Strachan might be up to something came two weeks ago when he made this comment,

“I think we should eliminate the sale of beer at gas stations."

At that March 24th DABC meeting, Strachan made very clear how he feels about beer being sold at gas stations and convenience stores.

He told an overflow crowd,

"Arriving here today, everyone of us came right by the gas station that advertises the lowest price of beer in the state. There's just something wrong to have beer sold at gas stations."

Since then, ABC 4 is being told that Strachan has quietly and actively been working on a beer ban at convenience stores.

Because he may only have a few months left as a DABC commissioner, sources say that Strachan could bring up this ban at the DABC's April 28th hearing.

Judging by his comments at that March DABC meeting, Strachan apparently feels that it's simply too easy to buy a big, cold beer and then simply drive away,

"I have long been an advocate of the fact that beer should not be sold at gas stations."

However, Commissioner Strachan faces some obstacles.

Not only is there opposition to his ban, but there are also questions about how much authority DABC has in this matter.

But his efforts now seem similar to the successful drive to remove “alcopops” from Utah grocery stores.

As for Gordon Strachan, his office told us that the commissioner had no comment.


When I heard this story, I was outraged, more so than I was at the proposed DABC cuts. Not only is this an outrageous overreach of government power, the logic this guy uses is seriously flawed. If this commissioner's outage was inspired by advertisement for alcohol, then this guy's problem should be with advertising, not alcohol. My outrage about this logical flaw caused me to want to commit an act of civil disobedience.

In Utah, it is illegal to travel outside the state of Utah, buy alcohol, and travel back to the state of Utah with the alcohol you bought. On Sunday, April 10, 2011, I traveled to Evanston, Wyoming.

I bought a twelve pack of Heineken from this Cowboy Joe's Liquor Barn.

I placed the beer I bought in my car.

I traveled with the beer that I bought in Evanston, Wyoming back to a location in West Valley City, Utah. I won't tell the address of the location I traveled to in West Valley City, Utah as revealing my home address on the internet is stupid.

I drank the beer I bought in Evanston, Wyoming in my home in West Valley City, Utah while watching coverage of The Masters. So there you have it, my act of civil disobedience. I don't have a really good end for this piece, so here's a kitty.

Really Offensive Recasting

Really

Hello, I'm J. Peterman. Really. It brings me pride to tell you today about my company. The J. Peterman Company, a real company that really exists.

At The J. Peterman Company, really, we specialize in fine hand crafted overcoats and boots. The J. Peterman Company's line of apparel is ideal for going out to see a play, conversing with friends at a wine tasting, or any number of occasions where an outward expression of style and class is a must. The J. Peterman Company, however, does not deal in puffy shirts, male brassieres, or any other product connected with the television comedy Seinfeld. So stop asking.

We here at The J. Peterman Company are proud to unveil our latest product. The J. Peterman Company's Fine Organic Maintenance Oil. This oil is ideal for keeping your leather boots, jackets, and gloves soft to the touch, even under the most extreme of conditions. This oil also adds a musk to your leather attire. This odor is subtle without being in any way overpowering. This oil has been found to work best on leather. We have no idea if our Fine Organic Maintenance Oil will prevent or stop your car from smelling like butt. So stop asking.

The J. Peterman Company. A real company that really exists. Really.



John Lennon Is Still Dead

I learned about One Laptop Per Child when they were profiled on 60 Minutes. One Laptop Per Child is a charity that seeks to give good, cheap laptop computers to disaffected children in Africa. I found their efforts to be inspiring, and wanted to contribute to their cause. However, like most things on 60 Minutes, my thoughts about this story was soon replaced by how much I dislike Andy Rooney. I mean come on, Bob Schieffer gives better, more relevant commentary on life, and he looks to be way younger than Andy.

Recently, One Laptop Per Child came to my mind again, but this time I was offended by what I saw. Before you watch this video, know this: John Lennon is dead and has been since 1980.





Two and a Half Spin City

Hello, I am Leslie Moonves, President Of CBS Broadcasting. Recently, the star of one of our highest rated shows, Charlie Sheen, was checked into rehab. He did this because we threatened him with firing him, which would result in the cutting off of his cocaine and hooker supply.

Many people have speculated that, in his absence, his show, Two And A Half Men, would be put on hiatus, but that will not happen. We here at CBS do not want to see any of our great programming go off the air. We are committed to fine programming such as CSI: Miami, Mike And Molly, and Undercover Boss. Our commitment to Two And A Half Men has driven us to temporarily recast the role filled by Charlie Sheen.

There are several actors we look at for this role. First we tried Charlie's father, Martin Sheen. Then we realized that he's too old to fill the role, despite the fact that Martin Sheen looks to be younger than his son. Next we thought to fill Charlie's role with the person he replaced on his last show, Michael J. Fox. Once we met him we realized how shaky of a move that is. Finally, we thought outside the box and found the perfect person to fill the role played by Charlie Sheen. This person is well known, revered in the industry, and, most importantly, is not working right now.

It is my pleasure to present to you, this new episode of Two And A Half Men. Enjoy.


The show opens with Alan and Jake entering Charlie's house. They are arguing.

Alan- I don't understand why you have detention, again.
Jake- It's not my fault.
Alan- You spread dish soap on the floor of your cafeteria and filmed people fall down while other people laughed.
Jake- It was a bet.

From out of the kitchen, a woman emerged holding a plate with an omelet on it. The woman is Heather Locklear.

Heather Locklear- Hey guys.

Alan is struck with how attractive this woman is.

Alan- Hello.

Jake is oblivious to this woman.

Jake- Hey.
Alan- Are you new to the neighborhood?
Heather Locklear- Alan, don't mess with me like that.
Alan- What do you mean?
Heather Locklear- Look man, you're my brother, but I will kick you out of my house if you keep on messing around with me like that.

Alan is perplexed by this.

Alan- Who are you?
Heather Locklear- I'm Charlie.

The audience laughs.

Alan- You're Charlie.
Heather Locklear- Yes.
Jake- My uncle, Charlie?
Heather Locklear- Yes.
Alan- When did you start drinking?

Just then a Random Whore appears at the stairs that lead to Charlie's bedroom.

Random Whore- Charlie, are you coming back to bed, honey?
Heather Locklear- Did you find that "thing" we lost earlier?
Random Whore- No, and I searched all over with my soft delicate hands for it.
Heather Locklear- Hmm. I'll have to help you.

Heather Locklear makes his way from the kitchen up the stairs with the Random Whore. Alan and Jake watch all this with amazement.

Alan- Did that just happen?
Jake- Does Charlie still have that camera set up?
Alan- If not, it's about to be.

The audience laughs.


END SCENE



Copy, Paste, Edit

The Denver Post reported on Thursday that a twenty-six year old woman had her six children taken away from her because she neglected them after becoming addicted to video games.

The Kansas City Star reported on Tuesday that a twenty-six year old woman had her six children taken away from her because she neglected them after becoming addicted to knitting.

The Fresno Bee reported on Friday that a twenty-six year old woman had her six children taken away from her because she neglected them after becoming addicted to building hot rods.

The Birmingham News reported on Monday that a twenty-six year old woman had her six children taken away from her because she neglected them after becoming addicted to participating in Civil War reenactments.

The Chicago Sun-Times reported on Wednesday that a twenty-six year old woman had her six children taken away from her because she neglected them after becoming addicted to beer league softball.

The Boston Globe reported on Saturday that a twenty-six year old woman had her six children taken away from her because she neglected them after becoming addicted to Twilight.

The Seattle Times reported on Sunday that a twenty-six year old woman had her six children taken away from her because she neglected them after becoming addicted to podcasting.



Red Review: Dead Space 2




As a part of it's advertising campaign for Dead Space 2, Electronic Arts released the ad embedded above. The ad states that my mother would hate this game, implying that I should buy this game because my mom would not like it. I decided to test out this claim. I bought Dead Space 2 and gave it to my mother, Allison Red, to review.

I have no idea why my son gave me this game. I don't have time to play video games, I'm too busy with Farmville. Maybe his father, Keith, will enjoy this.

Wait, you mean I can use this Playstation 3 my son bought us to play video games? I've only used that thing to watch movies. By the way, Moon was fucking awesome. I think I'll leave it here for my useless boyfriend-in-law to play.

Dead Space 2!?! Wow! I heard this game was really fucked up. Hey, you know what would be really fucked up?

When I came home from school, my Daddy let me play a video game. I don't like the name of the game because dead things make me sad, but I do like the two because two is my favorite number. This game is scary. There's monsters all over the place who jump out and attack you and scare you and make you dead. Death is scary and scary things make me sad. Hey look, Mom's home! Mommy, guess what Daddy let me play.

What the fuck are you fucking thinking fucking letting my daughter fucking play that fucking game you fucking fucking FUCKING idiot!!!!!!!!!!

What are you yelling at me for? I didn't let Hope play Dead Space 2, Sam did. And why the fuck did you destroy my game? How am I supposed to trade this in now?

Dead Space 2: A



Other Options

After seeing the Super Bowl XLV halftime show, and seeing the overwhelmingly negative response to it on Twitter, I thought I'd list off several bands that would have made for a better show. This is my opinion and my opinion only, so if you disagree, you suck.

Metallica. Seriously, how have they not done a halftime performance yet? The NFL is okay with Metallica being played over the PA system but not during halftime?




The Raconteurs, The Dead Weather, or anything Jack White is participating in. Watch It Might Get Loud if you want proof of Jack White's awesomeness.




Jack Johnson. Don't look at me like that, Jack Johnson is awesome. He's like peacefullness wrapped in bliss wrapped and happy happy pot smoke.




Jay-Z. Jay-Z makes for an awesome show in general, in front of a worldwide stage it would be awesome. I'd love to see him live just once.




Green Day performing at the Super Bowl would serve as great advertisement for their Broadway show. Also, people could participate in the show via Green Day Rock Band.




Super Bowl XLVI will take place at Lucas Oil Stadium in Indianapolis, Indiana. A popular band from Indiana would be great for this halftime show. Let's see if there's anybody who'd be good to fill this role.

Looks up rock bands from Indiana on Wikipedia. Finds nothing.

Oh. Never mind.

My last suggestion, The Strokes. There was a time that I listened to The Stokes's Room On Fire CD everyday. That is also the time that I wore fingerless gloves and styled my hair like Ric Ocasek.