Costume?

Today is Halloween, a day on which many adults wear scary costumes to work that fall in line with their workplace's dress code guidelines.  Like many adults, I to have a job where I can wear a costume on this festive day.  So, what costume am I wearing to work today?

Dude, the Red Sox won the World Series last night.  I'm wearing my David Ortiz jersey to work today.

Happy Boston Red Sox Winning The World Series

Moving In Slow Motion: 56.4% Complete

So another payday is here, and, due to rent and other obligations, I have a limited amount of money for me to not spend on myself in pursuit of Project Buy A House.  Okay, let's do the calculations.

$371.72, which is a bit more than I was expecting.

Over the past week or so, I been writing a lot of poetry.  Writing poetry means only one thing for me...

I'm not happy.  Rather than find true solutions, or overdose on writing poetry so I can be done with my feelings, I want to put distance between my conscious mind and my feelings.  This can be done with the application of one thing...

ALCOHOL!
So, let's see what kind of hooch $371.72 will buy me.

You know, I've never had a good bottle of champagne.  I've never had an occasion to drink a good bottle of champagne.  I don't have a good occasion to drink champagne now, but the price of this Krug Brut Rose Champagne is just right, and champagne does have alcohol in it, and alcoholic is the beverage I want right now.  The Utah Department of Alcoholic Beverage Control is currently selling a 750ml bottle of Krug Brut Rose Champagne for $367.89.  This would be just the right price for me to spend on something to console myself with if I was spending money on things to console myself with.  So, that leaves me with $3.83 for me to not spend on myself.

Halloween is coming up, and it's time for me to think about music for that party that I'm not hosting because parties cost money.  Also, no one wants to party at my place.  It's not that my place is bad, the location is bad because I live adjacent to the bad part of town.  If I was buying music for the party I'm not holding, I could buy Halloween Party Music by The Ghost Doctors.  You know that this is party music for Halloween because it is named Halloween Party Music.  Halloween Party Music by The Ghost Doctors is currently selling for $2.60.  This leaves me with $1.23 for me to not spend on myself.

I remember watching Homeward Bound as a kid.  Okay, to be true, I remember my sister subjecting me to this movie and me being forced to watch it because I had picked the last time and I couldn't convince my sister to watch Demolition Man again.  Currently a VHS copy of  Homeward Bound is being sold for $1.10.  This leaves me with $0.13 for me to not spend on myself.  Surely I should stop here because there is no way I can find something being sold online for thirteen cents!

And yet I did, and it's not crap!  Currently, somehow, Suzanne Collins's book The Hunger Games is selling for $0.12.  This leaves me with $0.01 for me to not spend on myself, and here I should stop, because there's no way I can find something worth buying for one cent!...... and I didn't, but man that was fun.  Almost as much fun as I bet drinking that entire bottle of champagne is.  Join me in two weeks as I torture myself once again with things that I cannot buy as a pursue Project Buy A House.  Who knows, one day this list might actually feature a house!

****- Red Swears At Kids! YAY!!!

Sony Chooses PS3 Motion Controller Manufacturer

Ever since it’s unveiling at the Electronic Entertainment Expo, rumors have been swirling about what the Playstation 3 Motion Controller will actually be, what it will look like, and how it will be utilized in upcoming games. To this point none of these questions have been answered but one critical question has been answered: Who will manufacture the Playstation 3 Motion Controllers for Sony? The answer to that question is Dillco. This spurns another question: Who in the world is Dillco?

Dillco is a Sacramento, California based company with its corporate offices located in this building located at 105 Jeremy Plaza. Before winning the contract to manufacture the PS3 Motion Controller, Dillco’s best selling product line was a series of molded latex sexual activity assistants, more commonly referred to as dilldos. Dillco’s “Discrete Pleasure” line includes big dilldos, small dilldos, dilldos that climb on rocks, fat dilldos, skinny dilldos, even dilldos with chicken pox.

When reached for a comment, Dillco president Jeremy Longphun said, “We are as surprised as about this choice as you are. Honestly we put in out bid as a joke, we never thought Sony would ever choose us. It’s going to be a challenge to make a product whose primary use is not insertion into an intimate location. We know that will be the product’s secondary use but clearly not the first.”

When told of the previous history of Dillco, Sony of America chief Jack Tretton said, “Really? Oh shit. Bye,” then bolted from the room.

No one can say just how the Playstation 3 Motion Controller will be used with its big, black, burly, shiny mate, and, if we truly aspire to be a dignified society, perhaps we should not say. Besides, the details of that nature will just make the lonely suicidal.



WWE Smackdown Vs Raw 2010 Review

Remember my review for Prototype and how I spent most of the review complaining about the in-game ads? Well, after much searching, I have discovered a magical elixir to calm my rage. What is this elixir? Fanta.

Fanta is a glorious orange-flavored beverage brought to you by the fine people at Coca-Cola. Fanta is a beverage that quenches my thirst while filling my body with its sugary orange goodness. I take Fanta with me wherever I do. I drink Fanta at work, in the car, in the shower, at the sexatorium, everywhere! I especially drink Fanta while I’m playing video games. The unparalleled joy I experience while consuming Fanta is the only thing that distracts me form the rage I feel when I see in-game advertisements. One of the sources of such rage is WWE Smackdown Vs Raw 2010. Here is an example of some of the ads contained in WWE Smackdown Vs Raw 2010.

Mobil 1? What use do I have for that? The last time I used Mobil 1 Brand Motor Oil was when I visited that reservoir.

Twix. Two for me, FUCK YOU!

Why the fuck do I need overpriced merchandise that appeals mainly to- Oh my god! Look at this Triple H T-Shirt!

Other than the in-game ads, I have no real complaints about this game. I thoroughly enjoy dropkicking John Cena, bludgeoning John Cena, throwing John Cena off the top of Hell In A Cell, and performing other various violent acts against John Cena.

Some may consider WWE Smackdown Vs Raw 2010 just a roster update and condemn it for that reason. Under that logic we can condemn Madden NFL, NBA Live, NBA 2K, Tiger Woods PGA, Fifa soccer, and any other sports or sports related video game that comes out on an annual basis. If that is that complaint you make about these games you probably weren’t going to pick it up anyway. The critical question should be is WWE Smackdown Vs. Raw 2010 better than WWE Smackdown Vs Raw 2009. The answer is yes. The gameplay tweeks enhance the game experience while maintaining the difficulty, the tutorial is easier to navigate through and makes the game more approachable, and the graphics, while not lifelike, are among the best seen in a fighting game involving real people. In this tight economic time, WWE Smackdown Vs Raw 2010 is easily worth the $60 you will spend on it.

WWE Smackdown Vs Raw 2010: B+



Halloween Night

A group of kids walk up to Hunter Red’s house on Halloween. The porch light at Hunter Red’s house is not on. They ring the doorbell. Hunter opens the door.
Kids- Trick or treat!
Hunter- I don’t have any candy.
Kid- Why not?
Hunter- I live alone and I don’t want to encourage kids to ring the doorbell on strange guy’s houses.
Hunter closes the door. A couple of minutes later one of the kid’s mother rings Hunter’s doorbell. Hunter opens the door.
Mother- (In a shrill, grating tone of voice) Why did you tell my kids you don’t have any candy?
Hunter- Because I don’t.
M- It’s Halloween. You’re supposed to have candy!
H- But I don’t. That’s why I don’t have my porch light on.
M- What does that mean?
H- Well, when I was a kid my parents told me to only go to the houses that had their porch light on because they were the houses with candy. I thought everyone followed that system.
M- That’s not the system WE are operating on.
H- Okay, what is the system?
M- You’re supposed to have candy!
H- Yeah, I’m going to close the door now. If you want to keep on ranting, just try to keep it down or I’ll have to turn up my German Orchestral Death Metal.
Hunter closes the door. Hunter then goes to his home office, gets a piece of printer paper and a black marker, and makes a sign that reads “SORRY KIDS, NO CANDY, HAPPY HALLOWEEN”. Hunter takes this sign, tapes it on his front door, and turns the porch light on. About half an hour later a group of kids ring Hunter’s doorbell. Hunter opens the door.
Kids- Trick or treat!
Hunter- I don’t have any candy.
Kids- Aw!
Hunter- Didn’t you kids read my sign?
Kids- No.
Hunter- Why not?
Kid- We go to public school, we can’t read.
Hunter- Ah. Well. I’d offer you kids alcohol but that would be really wrong, so, bye.
Hunter closes the door.
END SCENE




Happy Halloween to the kids,

and to my neighbors I sincerely apologize... that you people suck!

By the way, only 63 days left until the Second Annual Four Star Gaming Awards! Submit your nominations today or any day before December 15th. Also, only 54 days until Christmas. Steal your gifts early!