R.C.O.A.: The Four Stars Blog: Four Star Gaming Awards

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The Third Annual The Four Star Gaming Awards

Hunter Red is sitting in his office at The Redertainment Corporation Of America.

Hunter- Well, nominations for The Four Star Gaming Awards have been open for about a month now, let's see who's submitted.

Hunter Red checks his email.

Hunter- Huh. No one. No one has submitted their nominations for this years The Four Star Gaming Awards. Huh. So, I guess this year's awards will reflect only my feelings about the best video games of the year. Then again, some would argue that's always been the case. Okay, let's get this started.

The Third Annual The Four Star Gaming Awards

Wii Game of the Year-
Nominees- Epic Mickey, Kirby's Epic Yarn, Metroid: Other M, NBA Jam, Super Mario Galaxy 2

Of all the games released for the Wii this year, two games in particular stood out. These were games that brought classic, iconic characters to new audiences in ways that no one had imagined. These games revolutionized these characters, updated them for the modern day, and, most importantly, brought a whole new level of fun to the gaming public. To say that one game was better than the other is simply disingenuous. Both of these games are award caliber efforts. That is why, the winner of The Four Star Gaming Award for Wii Game of the Year is

Epic Mickey and Kirby's Epic Yarn

Xbox 360 Game of the Year-
Nominees- Battlefield Bad Company 2, Bioshock 2, Fable 3, Mass Effect 2, Red Dead Redemption

In recent years, we've seen a resurgence in the western genre. Movies like 3:10 To Yuma, No Country For Old Men, and True Grit, have brought good, serious, traditional western films back to the forefront. Rockstar Games is known for bringing a cinematic flair to their video games. Grand Theft Auto: Vice City is reminiscent of Scarface, the upcoming LA Noir is reminiscent of the film noir of the Twenties and Thirties, and Red Dead Redemption reminds the connoisseur of television series like Gunsmoke, Maverick, and Deadwood. Red Dead Redemption is a game that gripped audiences from the first railcar scene to the final showdown. That is why The Four Star Gaming Award for Xbox 360 Game of the Year goes to

Red Dead Redemption

Playstation 3 Game of the Year-
Nominees- Assassin's Creed: Brotherhood, Final Fantasy XIII, God of War 3, Heavy Rain, RUSE

In a year where motion gaming was touted as the next big thing, a game came out that may actually signal where video games are going in the future. This is a game with no heads up displays, driven purely by contextual clues, and is a different experience for every gamer. Some people dismissed Heavy Rain as not really a game but more an interactive movie. This is a comment that can be made about a lot of games. So, to dismiss a great game Heavy Rain for that reason is simply ignorant. Besides, what other game gave us the internet meme "Press X To Jason".

The Four Star Gaming Award for Playstaion 3 Game of the Year is Heavy Rain

Downloadable Game of the Year-
Nominees- Dead Rising 2: Patient Zero, Death Spank, Limbo, Sonic 4, You Will Die

This year was really weak for downloadable games. There wasn't a game the caliber of Shadow Complex, 'Splosion Man, or Flower. Gaming online was more defined by games like Battlefield: Bad Company 2, the Blur Beta, and World of Warcraft: Cataclysm. The best thing I can say about this year's winner of The Four Star Gaming Award for Downloadable Game of the Year is this: It's the kind of emo love story that would make Ian Curtis proud.

The Four Star Gaming Award for Downloadable Game of the Year is Limbo

Best Original IP of the Year-
Nominees- Alan Wake, Bayoneta, Blur, Epic Mickey, Heavy Rain, Limbo

This year was filled with sequels. Seven of the ten games nominated for The Four Star Gaming Awards Game of the Year are sequels. So, I felt it necessary to shine a light on a new game, a new property, a new thing in the realm of video games. The winner of this award not only represent a new intellectual property, it represents a new way to play survival horror games. The idea of attacking someone with light is something that is only seen as a threat to people who suffer from albinism or are made of water. However, the way that this game mechanic is pulled off in Alan Wake amazingly well. Alan Wake is a game that captivated audiences long after the blatant plugs for Energizer left their TV screens.

The Four Star Gaming Award for Best Original IP of the Year is Alan Wake

Gaming Disappointment of the Year-
Nominees- Fallout: New Vegas being mad buggy, Final Fantasy XIII being a B grade game instead of an A grade game, Gran Turismo 5 being delayed AGAIN (Chinese Democracy), Ubisoft E3 Press Conference

Fallout 3 was, for many people, a stunning breakout game of 2008. Upon announcement, Fallout: New Vegas was a hotly anticipated game. The gaming public was expecting somethings that, like Fallout 3, would blow them away. What they got was a game that blows. Fallout: New Vegas is a game so riddled with bugs it's now included in many entomological text books. Even the massive update, released slightly before Christmas, could not cover up the memory that is only reinforced by YouTube videos like this:

The Four Star Gaming Award for Gaming Disappointment of the Year is Fallout: New Vegas being mad buggy

Non-Gaming Thing Most Deserving of an Award-
Nominees- Broken Bells- Broken Bells, Conan O'Brien, The Dead Weather- Sea Of Cowards, Elizabeth Edwards, Inception, Mad Men, The Social Network, Toy Story 3, The Walking Dead, Wikileaks

Danger Mouse came to prominence in 2004 when he released The Grey Album, which combined acapellas from Jay-Z's The Black Album with instrumentals from The Beatles' The White Album. While still dealing with the legal fallout from The Grey Album, Danger Mouse formed Gnarls Barkley with Cee-Lo Green and produced their albums St. Elsewhere and The Odd Couple. He produced the second Gorillaz album, 2005's Demon Days, as well as Beck's 2008 record, Modern Guilt. In 2009 he collaborated with James Mercer of the indie rock band The Shins to form Broken Bells. James Mercer's musical influences include The Smiths, The Cure, Echo & the Bunnymen, The Beach Boys and The Jesus and Mary Chain. These influences are on full display on Broken Bell's self titled first album, released on March 9, 2010. This acclaimed but often overlooked album is the winner of The Four Star Gaming Awards Non-Gaming Thing Most Deserving of an Award.

Game of the Year-
Nominees- Assassin's Creed: Brotherhood, Battlefield Bad Company 2, Epic Mickey, God of War 3, Heavy Rain, Kirby's Epic Yarn, Limbo, Mass Effect 2, Red Dead Redemption, Super Mario Galaxy 2

All of the games listed above have received acclaim, from gamers and critics alike, throughout the year. However, one must be chosen to be game of the year. Unlike the other awards, this is one that cannot be shared. There is one game that, upon it's release, stuck out in my mind as something truly special. This is a game that changed the way I thought storytelling can by conveyed in video games. This is a game that changed how I felt characters con be portrayed in video games. This is a game, the only game, that I played through in it's entirety twice. The Four Star Gaming Award for Game of the Year goes to

Heavy Rain

So, there you have it, the third annual The Four Star Gaming Awards. By the way, I added the extra "the" to sound arrogant. How will Heavy Rain figure into next week's Best of the Decade awards? Find out next week on The Four Stars Blog. Or don't. Whatever. You'll all probably care about as much about the Best of the Decade awards as you did about The Black Robin Christmas Carol, which sold all of one copy. Sigh.

(This is a picture of Ian Curtis. If you don't know who Ian Curtis is, go fuck off.)

BLOW ME!!!

lololololololololololololololololololololololololol!

See more funny videos and Entertainment at Todays Big Thing.

The Red Interview: Mitch McConnell

A fade in results in the camera seeing two persons sitting in chairs on a soundstage. The two people are pictured above and will be introduced below.

Julia Diana Bobbi- Good evening. Welcome to The Red Interview. I am your host Julia Diana Bobbi. My guest this evening is Mitch McConnell. Mr. McConnell is the senior senator from the state of Kentucky. Senator McConnell lives there with his wife, Elaine, and his three kids. Senator, it's a pleasure to have you here.
Mitch McConnell- Please, the pleasure is all mine.
JDB- Senator, in the last general elections, held in November, the Republican Party took control of the House of Representatives from the Democratic Party. During the run up to this election, your party said that they represent the will of the people-
Mitch McConnell- That isn't exactly what our message was. However, we do feel the election, and the polls that lead up to and have followed the election, reflected the desire of the people for a change. A change away from the decisively left agenda that the Obama Administration took America in, an agenda that has had, as anyone can tell, disastrous effects on our country.
JDB- Yes, but now that the Republican Party has taken control of the House, and continue to wield great influence in the Senate by use of the filibuster, I'm curious as to what, exactly, the Republican Party intends to do with the power they now have?
Mitch McConnell- Well, I can't go into exact details. What I can say is that, unlike the Obama Administration and the Democrats in Washington, we are listening to what the American people want.

Julia is listening to an earpiece. The earpiece is feeding her questions. As she listens to the questions the earpiece is giving her, Julia winces.

JDB- What is that?
Mitch McConnell- The American people want this country to start heading in the right direction. A direction away from the agenda brought to pass by the Obama Administration, and back toward traditional American values.

Julia winces again.

JDB- Can you tell me what you think that is?
Mitch McConnell- The American people want fiscal discipline brought back to Washington.

Julia winces again.

JDB- How do you plan to do that when the Republican Party is insistent that millionaires and billionaires receive, what amounts to, a seven hundred Billion dollar tax credit.
Mitch McConnell- First of all, it is not a tax credit. The current tax rates-
JDB(Wincing)- Put in place by President Bush.
Mitch McConnell- The current tax rates have been in effect for ten years. Businesses can't make plans for the future unless they know what the tax rates are going to be going forward, and it is counterproductive to raise taxes just as we are coming out of this recession. A recession that the policies of the Obama Administration put us in.

Julia listens to her earpiece again. She continues to listen to it for some time.

JDB- Senator McConnell, can you excuse me for a second.
Mitch McConnell- Certainly.

Julia turns toward the camera and says-

JDB- Hunter Red. I know you are watching this from the back. I also know that you are feeding me question via this earpiece I'm wearing. Hunter, I need you to stop swearing. I am not going to ask Senator McConnell those questions in the way that you are phrasing them. Also, stop telling me to tell Senator McConnell that he can blow me. That comment makes no sense coming from a woman.

Julia turns away from the camera and back toward Mitch McConnell.

JDB- My apologies.
Mitch McConnell- No problem, I have to deal with unreasonable liberals all the time.

Just then Hunter Red emerges from the back onto the stage. He gets right into Mitch McConnell's face and says-

Hunter Red- FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK! YOU!!!

Hunter Red then leaves the stage and returns to the back. Julia is left flabbergasted.

JDB- Well. Um- Well.
Mitch McConnell- I also have to deal with unreasonable liberal activists as well.

Hunter Red comes back on stage, this time carrying his iPhone.

Hunter Red- FUCK YOU! If you don't stop fucking lying to these fucking people, I'll- I'll-
Mitch McConnell- You'll what?
Hunter Red- I'll shove this iPhone so far up your ass, you'll be able to play Angry Birds with your small intestine!
Mitch McConnell- Secret Service! This man just threatened.

Five men in black suits enter the stage and physically remove Hunter Red. While this is happening, Hunter Red is continuing to swear and make insinuations that Mitch McConnell is impotent. Julia doesn't quite know what to make of this.

JDB- Well. I bet you wish you could do that with Julian Assange.
Mitch McConnell- Actually, I with I could blow the fuck out of that traitorous Swede.

Julia doesn't quite know what to make of this.

JDB- Well, that's all the time we have here on The Red Interview. I'm Julia Diana Bobbi, reminding you that the internet is not free. You must pay in one way or another. Good night peoples.

END SCENE

Red Theorizes

Theories have been swirling around about the origin of the rape charges levied against Julian Assange. Some people blame the CIA, some people blame the NSA, some people blame MI-6, others see the charges as legitimate. I have another theory.

I first heard of Wikileaks after they posted online several secret Mormon documents(Link to story). These are documents that are given to Bishops in the LDS Church, detailing how many Mormon religious practices are done, that are meant for Bishop's eyes only. These religious practices include baptism for the dead, temple marriage, and the excommunication of members of the church.

After these documents were made public, the LDS Church made a big fuss about it, particularly among media outlets in the Salt Lake area. However, after a while, the controversy over the release of these documents died down. Why would this happen? Why would the LDS Church not pursue the removal of these documents from Wikileaks, and the punishment of the people responsible for the posting? Perhaps they pursued another method to get what they want.

What proof do I have to levy these allegations against the LDS Church? None. What am I basing this on? Rumors and speculation. Do I have any hard evidence to claim what I am claiming? No. So why am I putting this out into the ether? To prove a point. No evidence currently exists to tie the CIA, NSA, or MI-6 to the rape charges currently pending against Julian Assange. Yet, speculation as to their involvement continues swirl around the internet and in the general media. The only reason these rumors continue to exist is the same reason that people generally think that these organizations have nefarious intentions. So, these organizations become the scapegoat for nearly anything that happens. I'm surprised there aren't people saying that the NSA was responsible for the Montreal Screwjob.

The Third Annual Four Star Gaming Awards: Nomination Special

The nomination process is now open for The Third Annual Four Star Gaming Awards, and you the reader can participate! Simply submit your winner in any, or all, of the catagories listed below. You can even submit the reason why you think your choice should win. Nominations for The Third Annual Four Star Gaming Awards will close on Monday, December 20th, with the award ceremony scheduled for Monday, December 27th. You can submit your winner to the following places:

Twitter: @Redertainment
Facebook: Send a message to Hunter Red
Email: redertainment@live.com
Or submit a comment or reply wherever you are reading this.

Award Categories
Game Of The Year
Xbox 360 Game Of The Year
Playstation 3 Game Of The Year
Nintendo Wii Game Of The Year
Downloadable Game Of The Year
Biggest Gaming Disappointment Of The Year
Best New IP Of The Year
Non-Gaming Thing Most Deserving Of An Award

So, this book is for sale. Yay. It's only $7. Yay. The Black Robin Christmas Carol is also on Kindle. It's $3. Yay. Total sales to this point: 0. Boo.

Red Returns

Red Returns

It is Monday, and Hunter Red is making his return to the offices of The Redertainment Corporation Of America. As he enters the building, he runs into the security officer of The Official Offices of The Redertainment Corporation Of America, a man named 5toz Orgy.

5toz- Hunter!
Hunter- Toz, my man.

The two share a friendly hug.

5toz- How ya doing my man.
Hunter- Not bad, you?
5toz- Can't complain, can't complain.
Hunter- Yeah. What about this snow man?
5toz- I know. My kids and I had a blast making snow forts and snow angels yesterday.

Just then, a woman, pictured above, enters The Official Offices and approaches 5toz and Hunter and says-

Woman- Excuse me, I wondering if you can help me. I'm looking for The Redertainment Corporation Of America.
5toz- You found it.
Woman- Oh good. I've been wandering around, lost in this wind and cold, looking for this place.
Hunter- Yeah, this building is rather hard to find, unless you're told exactly where it is. Even then it's a crap shoot.
Woman- Are you Rodger Red? I'm supposed to be meeting with him right now.
Hunter- No, I'm Hunter. Rodger is upstairs.
Woman- Oh thank you. I'm Julia.
Hunter- Nice to meet you.
5toz- Well, I'm going to let you two go.
Hunter- Yeah, have fun today man.
5toz- You too.

Hunter and Julia make their way to the elevator. Upon entering the elevator, they are met with muzak. Julia gets a weird look on her face upon hearing it.

Julia- What is this?
Hunter- It's muzak.
Julia- Yeah, but this muzak sound funny.
Hunter- It's Dethklok muzak.
Julia- What's Dethklok?
Hunter- It's this metal band that totally brutal, unabashedly kick ass, and totally fake.
Julia- Fake?
Hunter- Yeah. Have you never heard of Dethklok?
Julia- No, I usually stick to more mellow music, like Dido and Kylie Minogue.
Hunter- Oh.

The elevator opens to the work offices of The Redertainment Corporation Of America.

Hunter- Okay, just check in with the receptionist, Liz, over there. If you have a meeting with Rodger, she should be expecting you.

Hunter and Julia part ways as Hunter goes into his office. Hunter turns on the lights of his office, looks around for a bit, then says-

Hunter- Where's my computer?
Rodger(In the work office area)- Hunter, Anthony, come out here, I want to introduce someone to you.

Hunter steps out of his office and is met by Anthony, pictured above.

Hunter- Anthony.
Anthony- Hunter.
Hunter- Do you know what happened to my computer?
Anthony- I assumed you weren't coming back, so I took it out of your office.
Hunter- What made you think I wasn't coming back?
Anthony- You were gone for three weeks.
Hunter- Yeah but I was still working. Also, if I wasn't coming back, why would I leave all my video game figurines here?

Rodger, pictured above, grabs Hunter and Anthony's attention.

Rodger- Excuse me. I thought I'd call you out here to introduce to you the newest employee at The Redertainment Corporation Of America, Julua Diana Bobbi.
Julia- Hello.
Anthony- Hey, that's great. Is she going to be my secretary?
Rodger- No, she's a writer and a television host.
Anthony- And I'm sure she can make a great cup of coffee.

Rodger is visibly annoyed by this comment from Anthony.

Rodger- I was going to do this privately, but since you're insistent on disrespecting our new employee, I have another announcement.
Anthony- What's that?
Rodger(To Anthony)- You're fired.

Anthony is visibly shocked by this.

Anthony- I'm fired?
Rodger- Yes.
Anthony- Me?
Rodger- Yes, you Anthony Severe.
Anthony- But- but- but-
Hunter- Does this mean I can walk right into Anthony's office and take back my computer?
Rodger- Yes, but it's no longer Anthony's office, it's Julia's.
Julia- Wow, I get my own office?
Hunter- Everyone gets their own office. Even Liz has an office for- Wait, what do you do in your office, Liz?
Liz- Nothing much. My office mostly houses my shrine to Don Draper.
Anthony(Getting audibly angry)- Wait a damn minute! If you're going to fire me in this public setting, then I am going to demand to know why, in this public setting, why I am getting fired.
Rodger- Theft of office supplies.

Anthony is confused by this.

Anthony- Because I took Hunter's computer out of his office?
Rodger- No, because when I was over at your house for that wine tasting the other night, I saw a box of Official Redertainment Corporation Of America branded pens on the desk in your office.
Anthony- What were you doing in my office?
Rodger- I was looking for a pen. Anyway, what was twenty minutes is now fifteen. Get to getting out, Anthony.

Anthony storms off angrily while Rodger goes back into his office.

Julia(To Hunter)- So should I wait untill Anthony clears out before I go in his office?
Hunter- Probably. He might start indiscriminately tearing shit up, so it might take a couple of days to clean up.
Julia- Okay. By the way, could you not swear around me. I'm conservative and a Mormon.

Julia walks into Rodger's office to discuss her employment. Hunter gets a weird look on his face.

Hunter- This should be fun.

END SCENE

The Third Annual Four Star Gaming Awards: Nomination Special

The nomination process is now open for The Third Annual Four Star Gaming Awards, and you the reader can participate! Simply submit your winner in any, or all, of the catagories listed below. You can even submit the reason why you think your choice should win. Nominations for The Third Annual Four Star Gaming Awards will close on Monday, December 20th, with the award ceremony scheduled for Monday, December 27th. You can submit your winner to the following places:

Twitter: @Redertainment
Facebook: Send a message to Hunter Red
Email: redertainment@live.com
Or submit a comment or reply wherever you are reading this.

Award Categories
Game Of The Year
Xbox 360 Game Of The Year
Playstation 3 Game Of The Year
Nintendo Wii Game Of The Year
Downloadable Game Of The Year
Biggest Gaming Disappointment Of The Year
Best New IP Of The Year
Non-Gaming Thing Most Deserving Of An Award

Notes From Rehab 3: Glorious Junk

Red Appearances

I recently bought Marcus- The Hand That Feeds at one of Marcus' shows. I went to the taping of this comedy special in March. Marcus, who was running concessions for himself, told me that I make an appearance in one of the crowd shots on this DVD. This excited me. So I watched this very fine comedy special and documented my various appearances. I do this because I am completely vain.

At 0:56:12, there is a camera pan of the crowd. In the upper part, between a guy in a baseball cap and a guy in a white shirt, there's a guy in a white shirt with red sleeves. That's me in my Dead Pixel Live shirt. If you can recognize me, you get a cookie.

At 1:12:53, I appear laughing at Marcus' joke about him not knowing about the latest social network thing. Then I stroke my goatee. I am baffled as to why I stroked my goatee. If you can explain to me why I stroked my goatee at that moment, you get a cookie.

At 1:21:20, a slow zoom out of the crowd begins, first focusing on two guys wearing hats, and, as it pulls out, moving slowly right. At 1:21:23, I come into frame. Again, red sleeves, Dead Pixel Live T-Shirt, this time you can see the watch I wear on my right hand. No goatee stroking this time.

At 1:48:44, right near the end, there's a pan of the audience. I'm close to the middle of the beginning of this shot. No goatee stroking, just big hair.

That is all. By the way, go see Marcus because he is very much good. Also, buy his stuff because it is very much good. Finally, eat some Brussel sprouts, because they are very much good.

Fun With Government Debt!

I found out about this on Monday and started playing around with it. It's quite interesting. I challenge you to balance the deficit without raising taxes. It's quite difficult.

Budget Puzzle: You Fix the Budget

24 Hours?

I started thinking about this when the whole Daily Show/MSNBC/False Equivalency thing started being tossed around. This came up when, at the Rally To Restore Sanity And/Or Fear, Jon Stewart equated Fox News to MSNBC. The people at MSNBC, most prominently Keith Olbermann and Rachel Maddow, didn't like this comparison.

This discussion caused me to ask the following question: Do we have twenty-four hour news stations any more? The answer is no. What we have is stations that run opinion based entertainment programs during the time designated as "prime time", then run filler for the rest of the day.

For a long time we did. It wasn't MSNBC, or Fox News, or CNN that filled this role, it was Headline News. However, a couple of years ago, even Headline News started airing shows like Glenn Beck and Nancy Grace. Whether it's The Rachel Maddow Show, Hannity, or Parker/Spitzer, every station that touts itself as a twenty-four hour news station has opinion based entertainment programs.

There's a part of me that mourns the loss of the true twenty-four hour news station. I used to be able to turn on Headline News if I wanted to get a sense of what was going on right now. If I had heard a snippet of a national news story and wanted to get more info, I could go to MSNBC and get that info. Hell, I could even go to CNN to get the score from last night's Atlanta Braves game. Now, if I want that information, I have to go online. Perhaps that is the reason why the twenty-four hour news station has gone away. If I can quickly, and easily, get up to the second news on my laptop, iPad, cellphone, or any other web enabled device, why should I wait for the update from the TV news outlet that may be hours old? Perhaps the former twenty-four hour news stations are evolving to meet the current desires of it's audience. If only newspapers could evolve in such a manner. Then we could get a weekly column from Glenn Beck entitled "The Liberal Menace!"

Explicit Colours!

Among the games released alongside the launch of the Xbox 360 Kinect was Kinect Joyride. In this game, you can choose the colour of the car you drive. The way this is done is the Kinect camera looks at it's field of vision and asks the player to choose an object in that field of vision to base the colour off of. Based on statistics gathered by the Neilson Ratings Group, here is the top five colours chosen by the players of Kinect Joyride.

#5- Back Of An iPod Silver
#4- Notebook Paper White
#3- Outside Of The PS3 Black
#2- Mountain Dew Green
And the number one colour-
#1- Penis Pink

Glorious Junk!

Hello, I am Anthony Severe. Recently a big deal was made of the new guidelines put in place by the Transportation Security Administration. Namely all these panty wasted liberals are complaining about the full body scanners and the enhanced pat downs that are currently being implemented by TSA officials.

I personally don't have a problem with these new security guidelines. This is because I have glorious junk. I have the kind of junk that women want to experience and men want to have attached to them. You know all those emails you get offering you pills to increase your size? You are attempting to obtain the glory that I as graced by God to have.

I don't even mind the full body pat downs that involve men running their hands up my leg and brushing against my private area. This is because I know that once this guy touches my glorious junk, that man will become jealous of my glorious junk. They will recoil in fear of my glorious junk and not be drawn to it in the manner that many, MANY, women are drawn to my glorious junk.

Because I am a true conservative with glorious junk, I know the true reason why people are making a big deal of the new TSA security guidelines. The reason is that they are filthy stinking liberals who shouldn't be allowed in decent society, and that they have teeny, tiny, micro penises. They feel inadequate because of their teeny, tiny, micro penises and therefore feel the need to ruin the party for all of us with glorious junk. Again, I HAVE GLORIOUS JUNK!

The Third Annual Four Star Gaming Awards: Nomination Special

Hello! Anthony Severe here, picking up the slack for Hunter Red, who is still in a rehabilitation facility in Park City, Utah. The time has come for the process to start for The Third Annual Four Star Gaming Awards. The nomination process is now open, and you the reader can participate! Simply submit your winner in any, or all, of the catagories listed below. You can even submit the reason why you think your choice should win. Nominations for The Third Annual Four Star Gaming Awards will close on Monday, December 20th, with the award ceremony scheduled for Monday, December 27th. You can submit your winner to the following places:

Twitter: @Redertainment
Facebook: Send a message to Hunter Red
Email: redertainment@live.com
Or submit a comment or reply wherever you are reading this.

Award Categories
Game Of The Year
Xbox 360 Game Of The Year
Playstation 3 Game Of The Year
Nintendo Wii Game Of The Year
Downloadable Game Of The Year
Biggest Gaming Disappointment Of The Year
Best New IP Of The Year
Non-Gaming Thing Most Deserving Of An Award

Notes From Rehab 2

Another Liberal Suspended

In response to reports on salon.com of his remnant alcohol use and frequent in-office plant urination, The Redertainment Corporation Of America has announced the indefinate suspension of liberal satirist and general loudmouth Hunter Red.

Rodger Red, President of The Redertainment Corporation Of America, released the following statement:
"When the reports of Mr. Red's flagrant rule braking hit the internet, we knew we had to take action. We hold our employees to the highest of standards, and if we find anyone has broken that standard, we act swiftly to bring that employee back in line.

It is unknown how long Hunter Red's suspension will last. It may last days, it may last weeks, it may even be permeant.

Only Imagine

I can imagine being in love.
I can imagine meeting someone,
Dating someone,
Developing a relationship with someone,
Becoming intimate, on many levels with someone,
Giving my heart to someone,
In turn, receiving the heart of someone,
Living for someone,
Having my day revolve around someone,
Becoming a more complete person, more than I could have become alone, thanks to that someone.
I can imagine being in love.
I can imagine.
I can only imagine.
Only imagine.

2 Business Days Later

The Redertainment Corporation Of America is proud to announce the end of the suspension of Hunter Red, and his return to work starting Tuesday. When reached for comment about his, Mr. Red said:
"What? What suspension? I'm in fucking rehab, you god damn moron! Now, go away! I'm trying to balance my motherfucking chi."

Exactly!

Noxee

On Thursday I received my Boxee Box. The Boxee Box is supposed to be a device that pulls TV shows from many different websites (Hulu, Fox, CBS, ABC, Netflix, etc.) and put it on my TV. I bought because I find the concept of putting internet television on my HDTV.

Setting up the Boxee Box is really easy. Plug the power plug in, connect via a HDMI cable, connect to your wireless network, and you're ready to go. I went through my current Hulu subscriptions, found those programs on Boxee (most of them), and put episodes from those shows in my Boxee queue. I also found episodes of South Park and How I Met Your Mother on Boxee.

I tried watching South Park, the last of the three part Mysterion episodes, and it worked well, but I couldn't reverse or fast forward very well. Then I tried watching the Family Guy Halloween episode, and it didn't work. I tried watching an episode of House, and Terriers, and Fringe, and Skins, and The Inbetweeners, and How I Met Your Mother with no success. In summation, the only show I was able to watch somewhat effectively is South Park.

I thought that maybe this was the Boxee service as it currently is, not the service I played around with when it was first in beta. So I launched the Boxee program that is on my laptop. I found that you can play programming from Fox's online service, and USA's online service. So there is probably a difference between what is allowed to be on the Boxee Box and the Boxee service on PC.

I paid $200 for the Boxee Box. I paid extra for one day shipping. I was eagerly anticipating receiving my Boxee Box and experiencing the glory that is internet television on the glory that is my HDTV. I am now questioning why I bought this thing. It does not currently work as advertised. I am told that the people behind Boxee are working on workarounds to allow more content to be viewable on the Boxee Box, however I find that unacceptable. If my Xbox 360 didn't work as advertised when I took it out of the box, I would have seen it as a waste of my hard earned money. Therefore, the Boxee Box is currently a waste of my hard earned money. I want this to not be the case, and I look forward to utilizing my Boxee Box more like how it was advertised, after all, I PAID $200 FOR THIS THING!

Starting on December 3rd, and following every Friday untill Christmas Eve, staves of The Black Robin Christmas Carol will be posted as regular blog posts on redertainment.com. That is all.

The Third Annual Four Star Gaming Awards: Nomination Special

Notes From Rehab

Skylight

Much effort was made
to put in the mechanism
to allow natural light in.
Natural light quickly overrun
by the artificial.
It makes you wonder
why they put in the effort.
Effort quickly put to waste
by that which was already there
and is preferred by most.
I don't even like the natural light.
Mostly because I can't distinguish it from the rest.

Deal With It

Don't think I don't notice you.
Don't think I don't know you are there.
Don't think I don't know what you are doing.
Don't think I don't feel that.
Don't think I don't notice the various debris that you throw at me.
Don't think I don't know that you are aiming at my head, but mostly missing.
Don't think I don't know that you are aiming at my head, and occasionally connecting.
Don't think I don't notice you, I just choose to ignore you.
I know you want me to move.
I know you want to be rid of me.
I know you want me, in my despair, to leave this situation that you are making even more hostile to me.
I know you want me gone, if not from this world, at least this place.
I know all of this, but I refuse.
I refuse to move from this place.
I refuse to put myself is a situation more hospitable to me.
I refuse to put myself in a place where I can be happy.
I refuse, for I know that if I relent, you win.
I refuse to allow that to happen.
I know what you want, don't think I don't, I refuse.
I will always refuse, deal with it.

Grandpa Buys A Building

Hi. I'm Roger Red, President and CEO of The Redertainment Corporation Of America. I've been around this great country of ours, and I've noticed something in my travels. From the ivy covered universities of the northeast to the waterlogged colleges of Louisiana, every great institution of higher learning has a program dedicated to scientific endeavors. Every institution except for the college I graduated from, The College Of Utah. You see, The College Of Utah strives for a higher purpose, a more nobel ideal. And, as a upstanding Mormon, I am glad to give my name and my money to the pursuit of that ideal.

Ladies and gentlemen and liberals, I present to you The Rodger Wallace Red Institute For Creationsitic Endeavors. At this institute, world class creationists are breaking boundaries and making new discoveries in the world of creationism. Unlike other creationistic institutions, we at The Rodger Wallace Red Institute For Creationistic Endeavors do not just blindly follow The Bible. We also follow the vast wealth of knowledge in the Book Of Mormon, the Doctrine and Covenants, and the vastly influential Pear Of Great Price.

As science is quickly losing relevance in our overwhelmingly conservative world, creationism and creationists are filling the void. Whereas before the truth was a constantly changing thing, not the truth is set in stone. Creationism stone.

I Don't Belong In This World

I don't belong in this world
I hear them talking
I hear the bigotry
the anti-intellectualism
the anti-thinking
the tearing down of bridges
the widening of rifts
the insistence that we drive out the outsider
the non-conformist
the weird
the insistence that peace can only come from purity
I don't belong in this world
Good.

Inappropriate Music Choices

Hello, and welcome to this, The 37th Annual The Redertainment Corporation Of America Charitable Gala, Auction, and Go-Kart Tournament. I'm your emcee Anthony Severe. Before we get to the dancing and the go-karting, let's get the auction underway. Mr. Red has been gracious enough to provide music for each of the items up for bid. He didn't provide any items for the auction, but he's an uncaring liberal.

The first item up for bid is a one hundred dollar gift certificate to Takashi in downtown Salt Lake City. Takashi is regularly recognized as the finest Japanese cuisine restaurant in Salt Lake City by man publications, as well as the communist newspaper. Takashi.

The second item is an invitation to a preview of Salt Lake's first authentic German restaurant, Rosenrot. Rosenrot finally brings authentic German dishes, alcohol, and atmosphere to a population that has been craving it. Rosenrot.

The third item is a cricket bat, supplied to us by Queen's Select. Queen's Select has been Salt Lake's British import leader since 1952. Featuring authentic English candy, clothing, and novelties, Queen's Select is a must stop place for any Anglophile. Queen's Select.

Our final item up for bid is a Fortune Teller set from The Muted Assistant. This set includes a crystal ball, tarot cards, and a headscarf that is in no way connected to Muslims. The Muted Assistant, at the corner of East Temple and Redwood Road, is the premier location for hobbyist, professionals, or anyone who wants to astound the inebriated. The Muted Assistant.

That's all the items up for auction, put in your bids because these items are hot. We'll get the Go-Kart Tournament started in a minute, but first, a song to get the Gala started.

Coming Soon, Writing Mama!

Cooking Mama Limited's Cooking Mama franchise, starting from the humble beginnings of teaching nerds how to cook, has quickly expanded into a multi-genre, multi-platform, multi-million dollar juggernaut. In the process, the protagonist of this series, Mama, has participated in a number of domestic orientated activities, from cooking and baking, to horticulture, babysitting, and craftwork. Now Cooking Mama Limited is set to take Mama on a journey that will take their domestic moneymaker far beyond the confines of the home. However, as with all attempts to take women out of the home, conservatives have slammed Cooking Mama Limited for this endeavor. Is the Right correct in their criticism? Let's take a look at the game and see.

Cooking Mama Limited's recently announced Directing Mama game takes the protagonist, Mama, into the world of filmmaking for the first time. Players can take Mama through the path of making small home made films, gritty indie flicks, low budget hollywood releases, to, if you play the game well enough, big budget blockbusters. It seems it's the gritty indie flicks portion of the game that has gotten the conservative's ire.

The spokesman for the Family Video Game Advisory Corporation, Ned Flanders, Ned Flanders said of Directing Mama, "The gritty indie flicks portion of this game has the player creating movies that contain scenes that amount to softcore pornography. I am not being overly dramatic when I say that. I have watched thousands of hours of many different forms of pornography, for research purposes only, and I can conclusively say that the scenes depicted in Directing Mama fall right between sweaty fully-clothed dry humping and half-naked intercourse with flashes of penetration, right where softcore pornography is nestled."

The conservative outrage over Directing Mama is expected to last for some time, mostly because there is no Grand Theft Auto game on the horizon. Many loyal followers of the Cooking Mama series have already pre-ordered this new installment of the series, and are eagerly anticipating directing Mama in their own interpretation of White Chocolate Pudding.

Elite Movie

Many animation aficionados are aware of the work of Dawny and Murray. The 70s era series of animated shorts, a parody of musicians Donnie and Marie Osmond, hold a very loyal following among the people who have been fortunate enough to see it. These fans were, needless to say, thrilled with the announcement of the production of new Dawny and Murray shorts. These shorts were scheduled to be released along with Elite Movie, the latest in the series of movies from the people who brought you the Scary Movie movies.

Now the release of the new Dawny and Murray shorts have been put in jeopardy after announcement of the cancellation of Elite Movie. Elite Movie, which was to be a parody of the 24 hour news cycle, was cancelled after the realization that the 24 news industry is a parody of itself. Proof of this comes in the continued employment of Nancy Grace, Glen Beck, and Ed Schultz. It is unknown what will be done with the footage already shot for this movie, but that is not the focus of the attention at this point.

Fans of Dawny and Murray have organized an internet petition campaign to urge the studio set to release the new animated shorts, Entertainment Arts, either in the theaters or as a direct to DVD release. E.A. President of Animated Development, Trevor Griffin, said of a possible release, "We at Entertainment Arts are proud of the new Dawny and Murray shorts we have produced, and we do intend on making these animated works available to the public. However, let me be clear, we sunk a lot of money into Elite Movie. We spent 45 Million dollars on fake vomit alone. If we don't make some money, in some way, from this project, my ass is grass."

Trevor Griffin's words have not been received well by fans of Dawny and Murray fans. Many are prepared to pay up to $60 to view these shorts, but are not happy about it.

Why?

I can see her.
I can see her lying, sleeping, there.
I can see her gently rising and falling bosom.
I can see her long, slender, strong, legs.
I can see her gently sloping curves.
I can see her ivory skin, reflecting the light of morning.
I can see her hair, once controlled, now flowing beautifully free.
I can see her, basked in the serenity that comes with slumber.
I can see her there, I am certain that I can.
However, I know that she is not there.
I know that she was never there.
So why can I see her?
Why does she haunt my life so?
Why?
Why?
Why?

Red Review- Columbine by Dave Cullen

For many of my generation, the terrorist attacks that occurred on September 11th, 2001 is the most significant event in our lives. The 9/11 Commission Report sought to explain that event. The 9/11 Commission Report lays out the events of that day in start detail. It delves into the persons responsible for those terrorist acts, their background, their motives, and their methods. It delves into the people who were supposed to stop those terrorist acts, what they missed, how they missed it, and why. The 9/11 Commission Report tells what happened before, during, and after those terrorist attacks. The 9/11 Commission Report is the most comprehensive, least biased, and definitive account of the events of September 11th, 2001. In his book, Dave Cullen, a freelance reporter in Denver, sought to create the definitive account of an event he covered.

Columbine by Dave Cullen is about the events that took place at Columbine High School on April 20th, 1999. This book details why committed these acts, the victims of these acts, the families of the victims and the perpetrators, the police, the media, nearly everyone who was directly impacted by the events of April 20th, 1999. The detail that Dave Cullen goes into about actions, reactions, mental statuses, and nearly everything having to do with the events are, at times, riveting, revelatory, and uncomfortable to read. Columbine doesn't convey a perfect understanding of the tragic events of April 20th, 1999, as a perfect understanding does not exist, but it does convey the best understanding that exists today. Through his hard work and diligence, Dave Cullen has compiled what is, in my opinion, the definitive account of that is, again my opinion, the most significant event of my generation.

Columbine by Dave Cullen: A+, Highly Recommended

The Third Annual Four Star Gaming Awards: Nomination Special