A week before Thanksgiving last year I cheated on my beloved Malibu with one named Ognarud. This was purely my fault. I was reckless, I was distracted, I was naive, I am still pawing around for a sufficient excuse. Ever since my indiscretion with Ognarud I could not get my experience with her to leave my mind. It seemed that the further away I got from it, the more it filled my mind. Eventually my desire for Ognarud filled my entire being. This is when I knew my relationship with Malibu was over.
This is when the difficulty truly began. The relationship I was having with Malibu was the first serious one I had ever had. I barely had the skills to enter into this relationship, much less leave. I continued to stay in my relationship with Malibu after I knew it was over, for a far longer period of time than I really should have. I reached out to others for some help with my extraction, no one reached back to help me. That is until last week. Someone who had helped me in the past offered to help me again. This help came from my old friend Wells.
Wells did this not by telling me how to get out of my relationship with Malibu, but by telling me where I could find Ognarud. Wells told me of a friend of his, Hertz, who knew exactly where Ognarud was and how to get in contact with her. I blazed a trail up to see Hertz, but when I got there, she was gone. The one that I desired had just slipped out of my grasp. Ognarud was with another.
I was crushed to say the least. I recognize that Ognarud has the right to be happy and be with who she wants, I just wish that person was me. Recognizing my moment of grief, Hertz offered to introduce me to another. This was not Ognarud, this was better. Hertz introduced me to Mercury. I took Mercury for a spin and was drawn in. Mercury's size and effortless power seduced me as her more intimate places, soft as they were warm, comforted me and took my cares away. The further along I got with Mercury the further away Ognarud was from my mind. I desired Mercury and I decided that I must have her.
It was at this moment that I began to receive resistance from Wells. I don't know if it was where Mercury was from, how she came to be there, or her luxurious black interior, but Wells refused to help enable me to be one with Mercury. Thankfully, at that moment, someone stepped in to help. It was quick, effortless, and before I knew it, it was done. All I heard from this person was "CU in August to start the process of paying your debt."
Now Mercury and I are one and it delights me to no end to be able to say that. Now for the process of giving her a cute pet name to refer to her when we are alone. Because of my limited knowledge of Greek gods, nothing instantly sprang to mind. Then inspiration hit as Mercury and I were driving home from Hertz's. The first album we listened to together was Crossing the Rubicon from The Sounds, and one of the songs we really got into a groove with was Beatbox. You could even say it's our song. At that moment I knew Rubicon was the perfect pet name for Mercury. Red and Rubicon, what a fit. So, here's to you my beloved Rubicon.
Sigmund Freud Strikes Again!
Last week it was announced that Zenimax Media, parent company of Bethesda, had acquired id. This move came as a shock and instantly people started speculating about the possible cross franchise mashup possibilities. However this story may not be all that it appears.
When this story broke I reached out to the PR department at Zenimax Media for a comment on their acquisition of the video game studio id. Their response was to question the validity of my story. I then sent them a link to the article that broke the story. There message back to me was, "No, this is what we acquired," followed by this link.
Id, ego, and super-ego
What this means is that Zenimax did not acquire id, the video game studio, they acquired id, as in id, ego, and super ego. According to Wikipedia, "The Id comprises the unorganized part of the personality structure that contains the basic drives. The id acts as a pleasure principle: if not compelled by reality it seeks immediate enjoyment. It is focused on selfishness and instant self-gratification. Personality, as Freud saw it, was produced by the conflict between biological impulses and social restraints that were internalized. The Id is unconscious by definition."
It is unknown what kinds of games can come from this acquisition, as it is unclear how many people at Zenimax understand what id is. Hell, I barely understand what id is. All I know is I want a Coke, and I want it now!
In Other News...
On June 25th 2009, Michael Jackson died after suffering a heart attack at his Neverland Ranch. In the days that followed, news outlets worldwide ran stories about Michael Jackson, his life, his music, his family, and his affairs non-stop. The following is a list of some of the events that have gone unreported since the death of the King of Pop.
Reaction by the viewers after a screening of Transformers 2: Rise of the Fallen caused a riot among nerds in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. Cars were flipped over, fires were set, and action figures were recklessly removed form their packaging. This nerd riot raged on until the Philadelphia Police Department dispatched a special police squad to the scene. What made this police squad special is that it was filled exclusively with women. The nerd riot in Philadelphia ended with all of the rioters on the ground bowing as if worshiping some geek deity.
The second coming of Jesus Christ happened. Jesus's first words were, "Hello! Over here! Son of God returning."
Lex Luthor stole all the water from Lake Erie. The only response to this was from a little known gay porn star.
China declared war on Delaware. Their reason for doing so, "Because we can."
Finally South Caroline Governor Mark Sanford admitted to more extra marital encounters with his Argentinean mistress. This includes Governor Sanford fucking his mistress in his office, telling his staffers that he was exercising, loudly.
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