The Motto Of The Bush Administration

White House Press Secretary Dana Perino has been taking a number of personal days lately. She's not seriously ill and doesn't have any business or housing dealings to deal with, so rumors are spreading about what Miss Perino is doing with her free time. These rumors began to flourish after she was spotted with some condoms, a bottle of spermicidal lubricant, and a young college student pictured here.


When Dana takes one of these personal days, the Daily White House Press Conferences are usually handled by White House Assistant Press Secretary Ellen McLain. Ellen is a relatively young and inexperienced so the statements she has made on behalf of the Bush Administration have been embarrassing for her and her employer. A clear example of this occurred on Friday.

When pressed by reporters about the recent government bailouts and President Bush's previous statements on the matter, Miss McLain launched into a furious rant about many various topics. One of her more significant quotes is "Do you even know the secret motto of the Bush White House? Well I do because it's been drilled into my head by the Office of the Vice President since I started here. That motto is "Bush White House: We do what we must because we can, for the good of all of us, except the ones who are dead"" Miss McLain also said, "The Bush White House doesn't care about poor people. They only see you as puppets to be used, manipulated, soiled, then tossed into the rubbish heap!" Finally, Ellen said, "The Bush White House is a collection of rich, old, fat, white men who only serve to make stacks of sweaty cash for other rich, old, fat, white men."

On Saturday, Ellen McLain resigned from her position as White House Assistant Press Secretary. In a statement, Miss McLain said that she wanted to spend more time with her family. Miss McLain's family consists of a cat named Mr. Witz, and a vibrator she calls Tony.